Need some mature men feedback - Page 3

fatjoe · 03-18-2007, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chancho

So I thought I would not call and just go back to work on Wednsday and have a sit down with this chick.

What is there to talk about if you have done nothing yet? She may just be doing what she thinks is innocent flirting with a man who she thinks would never cheat on his wife and is not really interested in you as you think.

Oregonian · 03-18-2007, 09:46 AM

You're obviously getting a lot of varied advice here, mostly saying 'follow your vows and your commitments'. It's up to you to decide what is right for you. I respect you asking for and getting opinions anonymously but everyone has their own mirror to face in the morning. Some can handle guilt (or lack thereof) easily and some let it consume them. Morally we should all take the high road (and not fight, not look at porn, not cheat on taxes/wifes/games, etc.) but come on, be real people.

What's interesting is this is happening after 'only' 4+ years of marriage. Most guys don't hit your point till after kids/life/time passes and they realize they still have the same sex drive they did in their 20's and their wife has little to no interest in it. This happens. Fact. Counseling may work but I'm not a believer myself.

Interesting the comments about 'you made a commitment, stick to it' but at the same time, don't you think a wife has made somewhat of a commitment to satisfy her man? Am I all wet here (OK, bad analogy)? Marriage is a series of compromises on both parts and in many areas. Not every partner meets the other halfway. Not all can.

To be honest, I know a few friends who have had multiple affairs over the years of their marriage and it may have, not necessarily saved them (because that's pretty strong) but kept their sanity. Fortunately they were never found out or that sanity would have been long gone.

Tough subject. Temptation will always be out there. It's what you do that matters.

One last editorial - what is wrong with society that men get Viagra and there is no 'solution' for women? ;-)

Defiant1 · 03-18-2007, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlondeAmazon

typical of all men defiant

I resent that BreastsAmazon....I mean BlondeAmazon....

disclaimer: parodynotmeanttobetakenseriouslyIinnowayadvocatevi ewingwomenassexobjectsandinfactamactuallyplayingal ongwithBlondeAmazonwhoisafriendofmine.

Chuck L Head · 03-18-2007, 11:22 AM

I'm sorry I've lowered myself to reading, much less responding to, this thread. This is laughable. 41 years old. Married 4 years. A loving wife. A who-knows-how-real flirtatious co-worker. "Ooooh. Please. Help me figure out what to do." Get real and grow up, for C---- sake. Are your 41 or 14? You made an adult commitment, now live with it or undo it. Yeah, that's right. Get the divorce then pursue any "hottie" your d--- points to. Great way to live a life, pal. Why did you not get married until 36 / 37? Is it your first marriage or second? I don't think you've got the cajones to handle a real relationship, so you look for reasons not to have a long-term, committed, monogamous, healthy relationship with your wife. Do her a favor and get a divorce. She's wasting her time on you. And I'm sure she'd be thrilled that you're sharing information about your relationship with complete strangers but don't have the back-bone to talk with her about it.

To Oregonian, what cave did you crawl out of? "don't you think a wife has made somewhat of a commitment to satisfy her man?" What!??! Don't know what vows you've taken, but "satisfy" was never in any wedding ceremony I've attended. Love. Honor. Be true. Sure, those are pretty common. "Do you, Mary, promise to satisfy Bob, 'til death do you part?" Please, get out of the stone age.

To answer your question, "what is wrong with society that men get Viagra and there is no 'solution' for women?" Obviously, it's because men are in charge of the pharmaceuticals, that direct millions of dollars to the research and marketing of ED meds, and the HMO's / PPO's, that cover these optional (lifestyle) meds, as if they are a necessity.

chancho · 03-18-2007, 12:56 PM

damn! Chuck L Head you're one tough cat, but I dig it. bro, obvouisly there's some maturing that needs to eb done from my part. No arguement here. I can admit though that I have more experience in screwing things up than making them better or acting "mature". I healthy, honest, loving relationship, my goal? absolutely , but can I attain or live up to that standard.........? a sad but true NO is my response. I mean , what do I base my wanting to live an honerable relationship on? my experience? my parents experience? No bro, can't say Ive witnessed the ideal outside from the "idiot box". I do however can look you in the eye and say that I long to reach that platue where I can be assured it is no lie when my wife says in absence, " he is a good man."

Besides go easy on bro, I do a thoroughly good job of beating myself up with no help from you....................

=M= · 03-18-2007, 04:09 PM

From another female point of view, you really need to talk to your wife. Problems in the bedroom are not the fault of only one person; there are two people involved in your marriage, aren't there?

Communication is essential, and it doesn't appear that you are doing any. This needs to change if you have any hope of saving your marriage. If you don't want to save it, then you at least owe her an explanation, and the opportunity to get on with her own life.

claycat · 03-19-2007, 07:45 AM

Why do most people cheat?
The newness
The challange
The lust
The chase
The fantasy of what it will be like (the grass is always greener on the other side).

Take all that and channel it to your wife. Put that spark back into your marriage and more than likely she will reciprocate.

All women want is to be is loved and wanted.

Marriage is a job, you have to work at it. You get out of life what you put into it.

nolefan · 03-19-2007, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chancho

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her. Now that thats out of the way; met some chick at the job who has the hots for me. I like her too ( she's hot ). Anyway, I find myself obsessing over this chick then finding myself feeling guilty for having done so. Of course I want to break it off..........I go over and over it in mind, but IT doesn't get done.

If youve experienced this, you know there's more to it than that. I want to hear from you then we can communicate more on the matter. BTW her husband is doing 10 years in jail...................

please respond with some thing more than, ' get yours.........."

My brother was married for 10 months and then fell for another woman. He basically left his wife for her, his thinking was he was going to leave her any way. Know they are married. It was just one of those things that happened.

I have been happily married for 13 years. As a man I have had the hots for other woman but having a one-time thing (cheating) is not worth it. I could loss A LOT.

Thomasusan · 03-19-2007, 11:18 AM

Steer clear, very clear. All the moral, ethical and marital questions aside, others have done very well at stating them. Not only are you risking your marriage, but depending on where you work, you're risking your livelihood too. I have seen many workplace romances end disastrously for all involved.

Take it as a nice ego booster, smile and walk away.

silentassasin · 03-19-2007, 01:22 PM

advice is what you ask for....when you already know the answer

sleeper123 · 03-19-2007, 02:31 PM

I had the same problem but it got out of control. My and my wifes sex life is far from the greatest. I have 2 teenage children from a previous marriage that don't care much for my wife. Things got to the point that I wanted my marriage over. I started flirting with a girl at the local Safeway and one thing led to another and we slept together. We had sex a few times and she got pregnant. I was on Testosterone at the time and didn't think it would happen. I went home one day and sat down thinking about things and when my wife came home from work, I broke down and started crying and told her everything. The baby was born in January and I have never seen it or spoken to the girl about it. My wife wants me to never have anything to do with this child and is not sure our relationship will work if i do. I just have a hard time not being in the life of a child that is mine. I am in a dilemma that I am still struggling with. I hurt my wife and hurt the girl I slept with and am currently hurting the child I had with her. This tears me up everday but I cannot tell my wife what I am feeling about this because it will possibly ruin my marriage.

Whatever you do, don't give in to the temptation to sleep with another woman no matter how your sex life is at home. I am currently going to marriage counseling and it has helped alot but I am still struggling everyday with things that stand a good chance of ending my marriage if I speak to my wife about them. Don't let yourself get to this point.
Sleeper123

abovetheapex · 03-20-2007, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emmie

This has NOTHING to do with your dick, and EVERYTHING to do with your brain.

What a succinct, accurate comment! You could not be more right.

rsheele · 03-20-2007, 06:43 AM

Check out this site. It has a ton of information that may help you figure out why you are so attracted to this other woman and what you can do about it.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

Good luck.

greyhair · 03-20-2007, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chancho

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her. Now that thats out of the way; met some chick at the job who has the hots for me. I like her too ( she's hot ). Anyway, I find myself obsessing over this chick then finding myself feeling guilty for having done so. Of course I want to break it off..........I go over and over it in mind, but IT doesn't get done.

If youve experienced this, you know there's more to it than that. I want to hear from you then we can communicate more on the matter. BTW her husband is doing 10 years in jail...................

please respond with some thing more than, ' get yours.........."

Chancho,

Let me re-enforce some advice already given.
You love your wife which means that you can't engage in any physical or emotional intamicies. with another woman.
In many ways the emotional intamicies are much more tricky to manage.
You can tell right away where the physical boundries are, but the emotional boundries are much tougher.
I've probably been married longer than you've been alive and over that time, I've had to pull back several times because I was unwittingly establishing emotional connections. You just have to redirect all conversations with any woman back to neutral ground and minimize your contact with this woman.
Its the only way.

Take it from me, as long as your both working in the same place, your mind will wonder. You have to work at being on guard.
If you don't your going to create a problem for your self and your wife.

Sean Casey · 03-20-2007, 09:33 AM

So, any word on what you've decided to do?

All I can really say is that it's just not worth it if you have a good wife. If you add kids to the equation then you have way to much to lose and nothing to gain.

Ultimately your cheating yourself out of being a decent human being.

Several things will occur after you've cheated:
1)You will instantly feel guilty for what you've done.
2)You'll not only be a cheater, but you'll become a liar to cover it up.
3)Your self-worth and self-esteem will be lowered.

You brought up the fact that your sex life with your wife is not that great. So, whats not great about it? Was it great in the beginning? Did you have sex before marriage or did you get married and then find out the sex was bad?

Good sex boils down to chemistry and communication with another person, you either have it or you dont. If your really connected with another person, then how can the sex be bad? Either she's a dead fish in bed, or your a two second man, or a combination of both. It takes two people to have good sex, and if the sex life sucks, then you need to take some responsibility for the problem in the bedroom. You need to give us more information as to why the sex is bad, or take it to a counselor.

chancho · 03-20-2007, 04:23 PM

Should I post here what I have decided to do thus far or create a new thread?

But anything though please let me express some gratitude for the imput from all who have decided to join in on the feedback. My wife got back from her buissness trip w/ that time of month so she's been extera sensitive so Ive been catering to her and her needs..............................more guilt!

Rugger7 · 03-20-2007, 07:08 PM

yes tell us what you decided to do. this is the only soap I've ever followed and i wanna know the damned ending.

oysterman · 02-25-2008, 11:58 AM

So what ever happened with the hot co-worker?

UKMong · 02-25-2008, 12:30 PM

In my experience, the grass is always greener, up until you hop over the fence, then its just the same old grass.

Is your marriage worth this woman?

LordHalbert3 · 02-25-2008, 12:34 PM

My advice is to tap that ass.

You only live once.

markymark69 · 02-25-2008, 12:37 PM

I'll put it bluntly...

You are a piece of sh!t if you cheat on your wife. Plain and simple. No if's, and's or but's.

In my full time job I work with young, goodlooking college grads. In my part time job I photograph half naked fitness competitors...

Do I look? Of course I do...would I ever have an affair with one of those girls? Even if I didnt love my wife, the sex sucked, etc...I still wouldn't...why? Because I RESPECT her.

Cheating on your wife is no different then walking up to her and slapping the sh!t out of her and calling her a c*nt...in front of your kids....
Would you ever disrespect her that way?
Then why would you contemplate cheating on your wife?

markymark69 · 02-25-2008, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordHalbert3

SMOKE SOME CRACK

You only live once.

....

911medic · 02-25-2008, 12:43 PM

Man, been there. It's just not worth it. Once you break the trust in your relationship you're screwed. If you love your wife and value your relationship for the long haul, a random piece just isn't worth the risk. There is way too much at stake IMHO.

CapitalJay · 02-25-2008, 01:07 PM

Hey guys, this post is from March of last year and the OP hasn't logged on since August of last year.

RIP

67fastback · 02-25-2008, 01:09 PM

Didn't realize it was an old post

Capnwilliam · 02-25-2008, 01:12 PM

What is it you feel guilty about? Feeling a sense of attraction to another woman? That just makes you a normal man! It's what we DO, what we act on, that matters.

When you marry, you make a vow, a commitment, to that one particular woman. I have never cheated on my wife, and never will. That doesn't mean I don't look at other women. Good Lord, what man WOULDN'T be attracted to these gorgeous specimens on our Forum! :-)

But a vow's a vow, a commitment's a commitment, marriage is exclusive. And, starting a relationship with one woman while being married to another...how could the second one ever trust you, knowing how the two of you got started?

Jim

StudHammer · 02-25-2008, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocketman44

Echoing Dear Abby, it would be a good idea for the two of you to discuss the bedroom problem and consult a therapist if need be.

Exactly. For all you know chancho your wife is thinking the exact same thing about your sex life as you.

It's nice to see some very mature people in this forum that actually believe in commitment, vows, and staying in a marriage even when the going gets rough. I've been on other boards where the young guys are saying "go for it" with absolutely no regard for the fallout, and there will be some. So many people have already voiced what I'm thinking, and that's: a night of pleasure is not worth it. If you think it will be, get divorced first.

kodlawnman · 02-25-2008, 02:17 PM

how would you like it if your wife was doing what u r ?????????????

anti-bonk · 02-26-2008, 07:29 AM

Wow! Look at the grass over there!

It's one thing to admire your neighbors grass. Climbing the fence and going over into his yard, taking your shoes off, and rolling around in it are a little different. IMHO

SYNBAD · 02-26-2008, 07:55 AM

The real question you should ask yourself is why is the bedroom activity low in your house?

How is the communication between the 2 of you?

My wife and I had our troubles (so to say) in the bedroom area until we started to communicate our true feelings.

We also set aside days that we get time just for us. Also thursday night is our humpday. It may sound funny having to set aside special days to celebrate humpday but when you have kids you need to take time and even if that means you schedule it so it does happen. Now we might have more than one day a week to celebrate humpday but if it is only once we never miss a thursday.

Once again the key is communication.

Good luck

p.s. We are going on 17 years of marriage.