sweet things guys do for girls

[Kion]

Didn't expect to find myself in this part of the forums but here I am. To the OP, move on. From what I can gather, you are really too good of a person for some one for someone like your current wife. Don't change what you are doing, take the high road and if it leads you on a different path then your wife, don't look back. It isn't worth falling off and getting hurt. If you can, try to take your daughter. She's at an age that she needs to see responsibility, and true love, not love from desperation or resentment. A person who feels guilty about something is clearly doing something wrong, either in their mind or someone else's. It's a bit cold, but sometimes you need to turn down the heat to appreciate the warmth.

[importrev]

Originally Posted by nicoledominique

You are trying to hold things together for the sake of your daughter, but in the long run that will only hurt her more.

Tell your wife that she can go to hell, take your daughter, and provide a stable home for her. Your wife is basically telling you she wants no part in being a wife or mother, so stop letting her drag you and your daughter down.

Both of you deserve better than that.

Did the wife consider this whole social/partying thing BEFORE getting married and is now backing out???

[catsonfire]

Unfortunately you married an idiot, your wife sounds like she has the maturity of a fifteen year old girl in her early life crisis. She clearly did not take marriage seriously, as its supposed to be a sworn vow to stick by each other for life, and now shes quitting after 6 months, what a joke of an individual (no offense).

It's time for you to have some self-pride. Tell her she can go to hell and take your daughter and leave. You don't deserve that **** and I don't know how it doesn't depress the hell out of you.

This is all coming from a 16 year old.

[Al Faz]

She is having an affair and has met someone else who has swept her off her feet. Most likely, this person is exciting. lives life to the full,, does not obsesse about bodbuilding, wants to party and do fun thngs.

Yes Sir, it looks like you got boring and too predictable.

And you trying to be sweet would only driver her further away. I dont think she wants sweet..she wants a walk on the wild side.

Hint ' she said shes missed out'

[goddessamazon]

I know you posted this thread over a month ago but what's the status between you and your wife now?

[BigD#23]

Originally Posted by goddessamazon

I know you posted this thread over a month ago but what's the status between you and your wife now?

nothing has changed. she is currently looking for an appartment so she can move out. she has stressed that she enjoys hanging out, going to dinner and having me around but is does not have that physical attraction to me anymore and doesn't think she ever will. She feels we are better off as friends and thats it.

she has been working a ton and really doesn't go out with her friends much at all. and has even said that once she is on her own she will have to stop going out as she will have our daughter most nights. and will work on the nights that I have her. I don't understand her rationial at all. I had thought I had found a wonderful lady and wife. I understand some stuff was done that made her think she wasn't appreciated but nothing to condone this. At least that was what I thought. I want nothing more then for us to be a family and if it's ment to me maybe it will turn out that way but I cannot just wait for that to maybe happen. I don't know if I'll be able to just step back and hang out with her as friends as our feelings towards each other are no were near the same. I have let her know that I want to be married and have a family and if she doesn't want that then i'll go out and see if I can find that with someone else. these are obviously some of the most difficult things anyone could ever go through and I wish this stuff on nobody....

I never thought at 28 I would have to enter the dating scene again i'm not even sure how to go about it now.

[BigD#23]

Originally Posted by MesoGal

HOW about try to work it out a bit ? fight back if you think the two of you has still have feelings. date her like your first meeting like before. spend time the two of you. give her flowers,eat out. make a surprise like buy some of her favorite things. do you cuddle and says i love's you with her ?

it might the reason she feels cold about you because the two of you has no time to set aside and are stress out and no more sparkling.

you might try to ask her what is lacking in the marriage that you did not gave her and made her loveless.

tell her how lucky she is to have a husband like you and she cannot find a man/husband just like you and she might regret it to let you go.





i don't know if this helps but it's not make you hurt trying.

i hope your marriage still will work out.

thanks for the advice but we are well beyond that. I still do kind/nice things for her. me being close to hear makes her feel uncomfortable so she says. she only really started working this much once she decided to leave. before she was a stay at home mom workin at most 20 hrs a week.

[BigD#23]

been awhile so I thought I'd update the situation. my ex found an apartment and has moved most of her stuff. doesn't seem to be in any hurry to get the rest of her stuff even though she has had days off so during this break i've boxed it all up and put it in the garage. I'm going to start looking for a roommate or 2 after the new years. To help pay bills and stuff. and lots of friends seem to have the idea that they are going to try and hook me with acquintances of theres.

[c0ldhart]

You mentioned in an earlier post that you don't think that you two could be friends, etc... your feelings are still too involved. Remember that you don't have to be friends, you only have to be good parents to your daughter.

Give it time. Establish your boundaries. Give it time. Reinforce your boundaries. Give it time.

It will be easier on your daughter later on if you establish your boundaries and maintain at least a realm of boundary defined respect between you and your ex. You won't get on each others nerves as much, etc...hurt feelings over little things that the other person didn't notice, etc...

plus, remember, you're only 28...not 70. You've got plenty of time to find someone else and maybe taking this time to do 'your own thing' is exactly what you need after such a hard year.

Either way, I hope you're doing better and it will get better.

Happy Holidays!!!

[Karsk]

x2 for c0ldhart's post.

The distance might even help you. I don't think the saying 'out of sight out of mind' could be applied to a better situation. With her out, you can concentrate on stuff you want to do, rather than going out of your way to do 'nice things' for your ex.

In time, she might realise she's thrown away something good... but don't hold a candle for her.

Also, feel free to tell your friends that you're not ready to be 'set up' just yet. Nothing more irksome than friends playing 'matchmaker'. Especially when you don't feel you're ready for it.

[Karate Chop Kayla]

Originally Posted by nicoledominique

You are trying to hold things together for the sake of your daughter, but in the long run that will only hurt her more.

Tell your wife that she can go to hell, take your daughter, and provide a stable home for her. Your wife is basically telling you she wants no part in being a wife or mother, so stop letting her drag you and your daughter down.

Both of you deserve better than that.

My thoughts exactly.

[potatoe]

To be frank, your wife sounds like an immature, self centered, tard. Just let her go. You're too good to be fighting over someone like her.

[Big_fuzzy]

Originally Posted by batteryrequired

Been there...done that. Unless you can talk her into going to counseling together as a couple...plan on raising that young girl on your own and make her your first priority. I did with my girls when they were 2 and 4 years old for several years. They are 14 and 16 now and they are doing great!

Hehe, I am the bane of every single father with teenage daughters existence... the teenage boy.

[foxrider1]

Originally Posted by BigD#23

I'll keep you all update as things change... I was told tonight that maybe in a few years she'd be ready to be married again but in the mean time we can be friends and she doesn't want to be tied down. know I don't know about everyone else but stepping back to friends may be a bit difficult. i've added a pic of me and my daughter to my bodyspace page.

your 28 i beleive? im 15 lol..only a kid..buh you deserve better, shes actually the one holding you back if shes wanting you to wait yrs to get married, im sure you want someone to have a good long life with??

[MsFitFern]

My boyfriend calls me randomly and says things like, " I was just watching the news and do you know what they said?"...I say "no" and he says "Steve like Fern"...hahaaaaa. he has also gotten me with saying a plane with a banner flew overhead, a guy stopped him at a gas station, etc......then he hangs up without saying bye............its cute and funny.

[adoniscomplex]

op
i just went through this my self
younger female , we were buying a house , had 2 dogs lived together for 3 years

after seeing this (young girl feeling she didnt get to live life before she settled down) happen to myself and a few friends
i honestly feel no one should settle down with a girl under 22

i have seen a ton of friends get left during engagments when i girl turned 21 and wanted to party

good luck man
stay strong
and since you are here on bb.com
get in great shape and make her jealous when you see her years down the road

[SlamDunkSam]

Originally Posted by KarateChopKayla

My thoughts exactly.

X2

I am sorry hear things arent going so smooth. However you will heal over time and find someone new who may end up being a better match for you. Everything happens for a reason. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.

[CableRow Rachel]

My x use to always bring me a single rose. it was never for any specific reason. oh and a lot of time he would bring me cherry coke with it. i love cherry coke!!!

[BigD#23]

just an update for all the ladies that gave me advice. well the ex has her own place and we are preparing the divorce papers. the Ex still wants me to come over and hang out with her, have dinner watch movies go out to the mall etc. with her. doesn't make a lot of sense to me, her want to be such good friends but to not be married. She seems to think once I do find someone else that the new Misses in my life would be alright with me hanging out with my ex and being her good friend. anyway thanks for all the advice. I'm moving forward and will hang out with the ex for our daughter's sake but at some time I know that will come to a stop.

[Cardio_bunni]

Originally Posted by BigD#23

just wanted some input on what are some sweet/ nice things a guy has done for you or you'd consider sweet.

my wife of 4 years has decided she no longer wants to be married. so i'm just trying to be as nice to her as I can to show her what she'll be missing by living the single life. any suggestions or ideas would be appreciated...

I suppose that she's one of those "You never know what you have until it's gone," kind of girls. Marrying young and skipping out on a single life has got to be tough. She feels like she missed out on something, when in reality, she probably lucked-out! If she doesn't realize what she has in you soon... Leave her. Sad, but true.

[BigD#23]

fast forward 15 months.... the wife moved back in said she wanted to make the marriage work and didn't see why we could be together forever... even talked about having another kid together last fall. come this spring she started hanging out with friends again that work with her. About 3 weeks ago she informed me that this marriage isn't going to work out. We get along fine and don't argue about anything. I pretty much pay all the bills, and do most of the house work and let her do pretty much what ever she wants with her free time. She says she no longer has the physical attraction feelings toward me that she needs to stay married. She hopes to have her own place in the next few weeks. I'm not sure how she plans to support herself or our 3 year old daughter.

I just don't understand it. If I was in her situation I would be so grateful I would never dream of leaving my spouce.

[norinicole]

Originally Posted by BigD#23

just an update for all the ladies that gave me advice. well the ex has her own place and we are preparing the divorce papers. the Ex still wants me to come over and hang out with her, have dinner watch movies go out to the mall etc. with her. doesn't make a lot of sense to me, her want to be such good friends but to not be married. She seems to think once I do find someone else that the new Misses in my life would be alright with me hanging out with my ex and being her good friend. anyway thanks for all the advice. I'm moving forward and will hang out with the ex for our daughter's sake but at some time I know that will come to a stop.

Originally Posted by BigD#23

fast forward 15 months.... the wife moved back in said she wanted to make the marriage work and didn't see why we could be together forever... even talked about having another kid together last fall. come this spring she started hanging out with friends again that work with her. About 3 weeks ago she informed me that this marriage isn't going to work out. We get along fine and don't argue about anything. I pretty much pay all the bills, and do most of the house work and let her do pretty much what ever she wants with her free time. She says she no longer has the physical attraction feelings toward me that she needs to stay married. She hopes to have her own place in the next few weeks. I'm not sure how she plans to support herself or our 3 year old daughter.

I just don't understand it. If I was in her situation I would be so grateful I would never dream of leaving my spouce.

How many times does this bitch have to crush your heart before you realize she's a no-good piece of ****?!

Seriously!!

No hanging out. No movies. Kick her ass out now! Or even better, you leave and have her discover what it's like to actually be a responsible parent.

This is phucked up. What's even worse, is that you are dangerously close to raising a daughter that will think that she is entitled to EVERYTHING and that a man doesn't count for ****. Get your balls out of your phucking shoe and get out of this relationship.

[BigD#23]

Originally Posted by norinicole

How many times does this bitch have to crush your heart before you realize she's a no-good piece of ****?!

Seriously!!

No hanging out. No movies. Kick her ass out now! Or even better, you leave and have her discover what it's like to actually be a responsible parent.

This is phucked up. What's even worse, is that you are dangerously close to raising a daughter that will think that she is entitled to EVERYTHING and that a man doesn't count for ****. Get your balls out of your phucking shoe and get out of this relationship.

well at the time I thought what was best for our daughter and our relationship was to give her a chance to make it work. I am the kind of person that doesn't think divorce is ever the best solustion and can make any situation work out. She seemed very geniune about coming back and I had thought she may have realized what she was missing out on by moving out. everything seemed to be going great for about a year... Anyway she will not get that opportunity again as i'm not going to let her move in and out as her feels change every 6 months. Anyway she'll be out of the house shortly and i'll only have to talk to her to arrange pickup times for our daughter..

I have been told i'm to nice a guy.... and i've started to realize people are right as most guys would of never put up with this kind of behavior this long.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Originally Posted by BigD#23

fast forward 15 months.... the wife moved back in said she wanted to make the marriage work and didn't see why we could be together forever... even talked about having another kid together last fall. come this spring she started hanging out with friends again that work with her. About 3 weeks ago she informed me that this marriage isn't going to work out. We get along fine and don't argue about anything. I pretty much pay all the bills, and do most of the house work and let her do pretty much what ever she wants with her free time. She says she no longer has the physical attraction feelings toward me that she needs to stay married. She hopes to have her own place in the next few weeks. I'm not sure how she plans to support herself or our 3 year old daughter.

I just don't understand it. If I was in her situation I would be so grateful I would never dream of leaving my spouce.

No offense, but this was comming a long time ago. I am unfamiliar with this thread, and just read the whole thing. Why would you let her back in? Why would you do everything and let her do nothing? IMHO you brought it back on yourself. If you want to be happy kick the bitch to the curb, and move on.

[JAWS22]

I sang a song to a girl. *Wont say her real name* I called it the Meghan song. And I sang it to her on a web cam to make her feel better. Then she stripped for my friend later that night.

[wantfirmcurves]

Dude, there's being 'a nice guy' and there's being a doormat. YYou've been playing the part of her safety net that she can keep coming back to. She can't have it both ways...and so far, you've allowed her to have her cake and eat it too!
Your top priority here should be your child and she needs a strong figures in her life and stability. Having this chick fly in and out of the nest whenever she feels like it is BALLS!! Staying together, toughing out a crap relationship or compromising yourself (which is what you're doing) 'for the sake of the kids' is one of the lamest excuses unhappy couples make.

Kids are observant and take in a lot more than most give them credit for. Witnessing awful or unhealthy 'couple' dynamics is damaging to a child who WILL do better to have separated, but strong, healthy, HAPPY parents!
You can be every bit involved in your child's life and make sure she's provided for WITHOUT being a part of the mother's 'life'. Be there for YOUR KID ONLY and cut this chick off!!

[guest89]

No offense man but this girl really does not sound like a good person. She is only using you, and because of your good nature your allowing her to use her. Because of your good nature I feel compelled to tell you things you may not have thought of. (Long post but you should read it)



My advice, take custody of your daughter and divorce her. I really really really would get advice from a lawyer before you inform her you intend to take the child. One reason why I think you should take your daughter away from her is YOU DON'T WANT HER GROWING UP TO BE LIKE HER MOTHER!


But more importantly, more immediately, if she is wanting to go out at nights who's going to be taking care of your daughter? If she has no stable source of income (Except what she milks from you) how will your daughter be adequately cared for? What happens if she brings strange men at home for the night? (This WILL happen if she's a floozy).

You need to think about if you really want your daughter to grow up in that environment, and the strong possibility that your child will grow up to be just like her mother.




Now, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I'd do in that situation. First I'd get help from a lawyer and possibly private investigator, ASAP! Secondly I'd start to build my case against her. I would want both want custody of my daughter and I wouldn't want her getting half of all of my possessions and a paycheck. It sounds mean but she really does not deserve it.



I know you are probably thinking this is the woman you love, but trust me, this is not the woman you fell in love with. It's time to take drastic action, for your daughter if for no one else. I know it sounds mean to take a child away from her mother, but it's much better then her growing up to be just like mom. (and I've seen it happen).

[B-Neva]

Originally Posted by JAWS22

I sang a song to a girl. *Wont say her real name* I called it the Meghan song. And I sang it to her on a web cam to make her feel better. Then she stripped for my friend later that night.

oh man.............LOL

I find it hard to believe that you are doing everything right and the woman keeps bailing. Like to hear her side of things.

[javyn]

Dude...your wife is selfish as hell. You being nice is what got you into this mess, why don't you be a little selfish for a change.

Just make sure you get custody of your daughter. She seems like the type if she gets custody, she'll take the money and spend it on herself rather than the child. Women love doing that.

edit: Also, being a man and single is a very wonderful thing. Divorce her and find your freedom again, you will regain your happiness.