how do you deal with having a crush on someone you can never get?

[likeke34]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

repped for the answer...


but yea i have little self esteem,a nd i am terrbile around people. i jsut don't know what to talk about and how to approach girls.

I've tried, but after talking about things like exams and such i just blank ahve no idea what else to say.

seriously, i've known guys like that and although it may seem cheesy, learn a bit of cocky funny... it works...

here's some tips... http://www.themodernman.com/cocky_and_funny.html

i don't buy into the whole PUA thing, but i started being more cocky funny to girls w/simple words and you'll be surprised at the difference it makes... you need to learn to think that they are the ones who're fighting for your company, not the other way around... girls don't want a wuss or a too nice guy (no matter how much they say it)... you can still be nice/genuine and cocky/funny

[WesMantooth]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

repped for the answer...


but yea i have little self esteem,a nd i am terrbile around people. i jsut don't know what to talk about and how to approach girls.

I've tried, but after talking about things like exams and such i just blank ahve no idea what else to say.

I feel for you because I honestly used to feel the exact same way. When I look back at myself then I realize that I used to think of every interaction as a life and death situation. I would be like "omg there is this cute girl in class, I really want to say something but it's sooo scary ahhhhh" Now I've come to the realization talking to someone in class is not something to be feared at all. People don't think you're weird when you talk to them. They think you're weird when you don't talk.

Also the only way to get better at conversation is to practice it so you need to start talking to people. It will be weird at first but after awhile you get used to it and it will come naturally. I used to think I was hopeless too but I got over it.

[MatadorPride34]

WTH ?! noone said PIITB ?! lol eh anyway what i do is talk to her.. blah blah blah makes me feel better and makes me feel like i have a chance but if things go bad eh at least i tried and at least i wont have eh " " feeling about her anymore

[FunkDaddy]

Just imagine the girl has a hoof for one of her feet. That'll bring her down off the pedestal.

[bbos]

just talk to her man, I was like you in high school and the girls I had crushes on later I found out like me back, but it was all too late and sometimes I still regret not acting on what could have been doing.

[WIP]

you miss 100% of the shots you dont take.....stop puttin the pussy on a pedestal. if she isnt into you, there are TONS of other girls out there....she's just another person, her **** stinks too, so dont worry about what she thinks of you or w/e....and the good thing i've learned is that after so many times of being rejected, you will be above it eventually....every time it happens you get stronger and it bothers you less and less. me, i'm at the point i could care less if i get rejected...her loss...i'm a positive person and i dont need negative ppl in my life. the important thing is just to take the chance though. you arent accomplishing anything if you dont, and you dont benefit from doing nothing.

[TransformMJ]

Okay man you need to decide what makes you like her so much and in what way you like her. A crush could take the form of a pure physical attraction, a pure emotional attraction, or a mixture. Since its most probably a mixture from how you described the girl, you need to clarify exactly which side of this spectrum your case is more heavily weighted in. If its mostly a physical thing, then you should follow the advice given by other responses here snd either man up and go for her, or shift your focus to other girls. If the case is that you really like her for her, ie: her personality, appearance etc (the whole package), you have a difficult decision to make. I have recently had to deal with a similar situation where i met what is literally the "girl of my dreams". I LOVE this girl and everything she is about, but seeing as though she feels the same way for her boyfriend, i had to decide whether i could handle accepting just being her friend, or drop her out of my life completely. I chose the friend route, and although it might sound like a wussy thing to say, i am very glad i did it. We are now the best of friends imaginable and i am truly happy in this situation.

Be warned that this can be a very difficult approah to take if you cant really accept friendship, because there will be instances where you will be with her and guys she dates together, which can be tough, but i have found that it can be worth it.

[aenz1879]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

Ever had a crush on someone really attractive and sweet, that's probably out of your league and that you see everyday?

I'm goign through this right now with a girl in my class.. I have no game what-so-ever, and relatively poor social skills and low confidence, so i'd never be able to succesfully ask her out. Normally, not being good with ladies doesn't bother me at all. But having to see her everyday fora couple of hours at least, basically reminds me of what i can never get and thus really frustrates me.

For those who can relate, how do you guys deal with this?

It's just not the right time. Just go for other girls for now and you'll see, a month from now she will come to you.

[brendanm]

if talking to her is out of the question, you just gotta forget about her. try fcking a bunch of girls that are in your league, that should help. do things that you like to do.

[dog20]

change your mindset

[kay_kakes]

Make a move. You dont want to wonder "what if".

[Ex-Terminator]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

Ever had a crush on someone really attractive and sweet, that's probably out of your league and that you see everyday?

I'm goign through this right now with a girl in my class.. I have no game what-so-ever, and relatively poor social skills and low confidence, so i'd never be able to succesfully ask her out. Normally, not being good with ladies doesn't bother me at all. But having to see her everyday fora couple of hours at least, basically reminds me of what i can never get and thus really frustrates me.

For those who can relate, how do you guys deal with this?

Be sure to never talk to her. If you do, she'll probably pull out a .44 Magnum and blow your brains out. Then she'll piss on your grave and go after your family.



But seriously.... I've been there and done that. It's when you can just sense that she's "too good" for you and it makes you afraid. The best thing is to talk to her and/or ask her out. That way, if she rejects you, it'll help to put it out of your mind.

But be warned about something here. If you're shy, which it sounds like, it's easy to wrap your mind and heart up in a girl that you know won't go for you because it's "safe." It's similar to having a crush on a famous actress or singer or whatnot. You can fantasize, knowing that it's not going to happen.

At some point, you have to rejoin reality.

[AccountantGuy]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

Ever had a crush on someone really attractive and sweet, that's probably out of your league and that you see everyday?

I'm goign through this right now with a girl in my class.. I have no game what-so-ever, and relatively poor social skills and low confidence, so i'd never be able to succesfully ask her out. Normally, not being good with ladies doesn't bother me at all. But having to see her everyday fora couple of hours at least, basically reminds me of what i can never get and thus really frustrates me.

For those who can relate, how do you guys deal with this?

You can get her. Part of the reason you don't have her is you believe that you cannot and you therefore lack confidence, the biggest turn on factor to women. Read the Sauce-Head stuff and fastseduction101.com stuff and you will be banging hotter chicks than her in 6 months.

[Walnut]

She probably has AIDs don't talk to her.

[Shaun1990]

The question doesn't apply to me because I can never have a crush on someone that I don't/haven't speak/spoken to. Further still, that girl has to appear at least a little interested, be at least a tad flirty and not be a total bitch that I couldn't ever ask out. And if she's like that, then I have every confidence that I could successfully ask her out.

I just can't get any feeling other than a "damn I'd shag her!" towards a girl that I've never even talked to. But maybe that's just me.

However, at the OP: I also fail to believe all this bull**** about the whole 'leagues' thing. The only league that exists is the one which you exclude yourself from. That's right, the one you exclude yourself one. You believe that all these girls are too good for, or too hot for you, or too popular for you. Well, if that's how you are going to think, you can never get them. With that defeatist, glass-half-full, pessimistic attitude you certainly won't get them.

You need to have confidence (how much times is this said? but it's the single most important thing you can have; it triumphs over looks and money) that you can do it. Without that you never can nor will. Do you honestly think that the guys who get laid by the hottest girls all the time are all handsome 6'2 200lbs cut guys? No, they're not. As Kaptn shows in his thread, an average looking guy with a plain skinny body (no offence, Kaptn) can get lots of poontang. He just had enough confidence to do it.

[user23960508710788]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

How? Workout? i a;lready do that. DO well in school? i already do that.

I can't change my face or my personality (ps i'm not ugly, but i'm not attractive).

You CAN change your personality... not completely but you can improve it. You're not going to go from an introvert to an extrovert, but you can definitely make yourself feel comfortable talking to people and become a good medium. Go to some toastmasters meetings in your area if you want to become good at speaking in public, they've got a great success record. They hold meetings at many colleges and universities. You can't change your features but you CAN improve your wardrobe, your hairstyle etc.

It doesn't matter if you are not attractive.... girls like guys that look like Brad Pitt.... most of us don't look like that, if only guys that looked like Brad Pitt got laid, we would have a world population of about 45 people.

[smallasian721]

Make a move, if it doesn't work, then there's not much you can do.

Honestly, I'd use her as motivation for other things in life.... But that's just me.

[Malodrax]

thanks for the great responses... over time, i'll be repping everyone who posted a serious response.

I'll try to take some of the advice posted, and i'll try to work on my personality a bit.

Thanks guys

[tmac4real]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

thanks for the great responses... over time, i'll be repping everyone who posted a serious response.

I'll try to take some of the advice posted, and i'll try to work on my personality a bit.

Thanks guys

i think it'd help the OP and me too lol, on how to "improve" your personality?

How do you go about doing such a thing lol.

[dammit]

For me, that kind of thinkin "i'm not good enough", etc etc, it's just bs from envy people getting into your head...

You may not be getting this girl, but it would be because you made a mistake, didn't play it correctly. Big deal, you have what it takes, you just didn't develop that skill yet. BB is the same, everybody has muscles, but not everybody really uses/trains them...

Just go, do what seems right to do, and, if it fails, you'll have learned that it was the wrong way to do it...

[dog20]

i just make up some bull**** in my head. "we don't have much in common."

"our personalities wouldn't match."

"she's not the girl for me."

lol

[WesMantooth]

Originally Posted by tmac4real

i think it'd help the OP and me too lol, on how to "improve" your personality?

How do you go about doing such a thing lol.

I think everyone has a good personality. It's just a matter of bringing it out and having the right mindset. Also the confidence to display your true personality because if you have been going through life hiding yourself it can be scary to put yourself out there.

You really have to work on how you think about yourself. Don't think "I suck at making conversation" or whatever your issue is. Think "I enjoy making conversation and finding out interesting things about people" And you have to convince yourself that your interactions make people have a better day and feel better about themselves.

Cause when it comes down to it a charismatic person is just a person who makes people feel a little better after interacting with them. You know that person who when they see you come up to you like they've known you forever and remember stuff about you and ask you about it and just make you feel good. It's not that hard to become a person like that. Just takes a little effort. Once you've accomplished that throw some pua on top of it for your interactions with girls and your good to go.

Obviously this doesn't just happen. It takes practice so get out there and start interacting and remember to have the right mindset.

[dumac]

if i really really want it i go for it no matter what my chances are. that way i won't be kicking myself in the ass for not trying

[Poofy Nesbit]

Originally Posted by Malodrax

Ever had a crush on someone really attractive and sweet, that's probably out of your league and that you see everyday?

I'm goign through this right now with a girl in my class.. I have no game what-so-ever, and relatively poor social skills and low confidence, so i'd never be able to succesfully ask her out. Normally, not being good with ladies doesn't bother me at all. But having to see her everyday fora couple of hours at least, basically reminds me of what i can never get and thus really frustrates me.

For those who can relate, how do you guys deal with this?

Suicide.

[Poofy Nesbit]

Originally Posted by mofugger

rape

I agree. Chloroform her ass first for maximal effect. Use lots of peanut oil.

[Hubbard]

It's so much easier to get other girls when you're like that