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imo as long as your diet is clean bulk and you are lifting to exhaustion with the 20kg dumbbells, then you go heavy the one or two times a week that you go the gym, the combination should work out....

I can totally relate to you, I used to be extremely fat and I was self conscious about it. I got really skinny then gained weight again, now I'm losing again and I can see where the fear comes from....

you can gain mass on a pullup bar, and a 20 kg is like 45 lbs, so I think you could bulk with that. I think that's when TUTs and all that stuff come into play.

It was from reading this forum that I realized it can be done. You can try some apartment gyms, if you have a friend in one, you can get in there with him/her. They may not have all the equipment,...