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losing my wife...
so i've been in Afghanistan for the past 5 1/2 months and my marriage is going to ****. i've been married for 2 1/2 years and up until now everything has been great, my wife has been really understanding about the Corps and my scheduleing and deployment, and anything else about it. in the past month though everything has really gone to **** and she brought up the topic of divorce if we cant figure things out, which is weird because i didnt think anything was wrong. she just doesnt seem interested in me anymore. she stopped sending me packages and letters and is always busy when i try to call. it sucks but looking forward to the next time i talk to her is the only thing keeping me going. just wanted to vent a little.
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[QUOTE=stuckhere500000;25060591]so i've been in Afghanistan for the past 5 1/2 months and my marriage is going to ****. i've been married for 2 1/2 years and up until now everything has been great, my wife has been really understanding about the Corps and my scheduleing and deployment, and anything else about it. in the past month though everything has really gone to **** and she brought up the topic of divorce if we cant figure things out. she just doesnt seem interested in me anymore. she stopped sending me packages and letters and is always busy when i try to call. it sucks but looking forward to the next time i talk to her is the only thing keeping me going. just wanted to vent a little.[/QUOTE]
:(
Yea, military marriages are rough, especially when you are so young. How old is your wife?
I saw a lot of the problems you describe while I was in the Army. Its definitely not something unique, but, I also saw a lot of marriages that made it through just fine, people that were really devoted to each other and while it wasn't easy, they made sacrifices to get through tough times. Hopefully you and your wife can do the same, and if for some reason, she just can't get through it, well, then you deserve much better.
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Damn man that sucks. Maybe she's going thru some tough times herself and is having like a mini break down or something. How much longer you gonna be there for?
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Sorry to hear that bro. I think that's always difficult when people are far away form each other.
I don't know if it makes sense, but in French we have asentence : "Far from eyes, far from heart"....
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Part of the problem maybe that you got married too young. I am guessing 18 by the details given and your age uner your user name. Mayube she grew up a bit and changed what she wanted.
Just so you know, this was not meant to be an attack or sarcastic at all.
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Your only 20 years old and you've been married for 2.5 years?!?!?
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[QUOTE=Enote;25061031]Damn man that sucks. Maybe she's going thru some tough times herself and is having like a mini break down or something. How much longer you gonna be there for?[/QUOTE]
she kind of went through one back in october when i first got here but then some of her friends started helping her a lot more. it just sucks though because i cant stand most of her friends, there all really friggen annoying and immature.
i've got 18 days left in afghanistan then however long it takes me to get from kuwait to home. i just hope things work themseves out when i get home, cuz as i said before i didnt see any problems.
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I to am sorry to hear about your issues, keep your head up. I think a lot has to due to the fact that you are not around, and I am sure that she is doing her best to cope with out you and she doesnt want to see how much she is hurting without you, I am sure that she only wants to be the best support system that you have, especially with you standing by our country. Women can be so needy and she is backing away cause it hurts cause she cant spend all the time she wants with her husband. Some people might say that you are to young to be married, but it just depends on the people. I think it is more that you are away and she cant be with you.
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[QUOTE=kalagan;25061071]Sorry to hear that bro. I think that's always difficult when people are far away form each other.
I don't know if it makes sense, but in French we have asentence : "Far from eyes, far from heart"....[/QUOTE]
In other words, distance relationships suck, especially if you're not able to talk everyday. Its not an easy thing to get through.
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Stay cool when you get home bro - she very well may have found someone else and is cheating on you. That's generally what happens when one partner loses interest in another. If that's the case you have to just let it go and do not do a damn thing to him or her. I know that sucks and it's wrong but if you so much as hit either of them it can go badly for you.
Keep your head up, your emotions down and your brain functioning. Good luck Marine.
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[QUOTE=Geno;25062831]Stay cool when you get home bro - she very well may have found someone else and is cheating on you. That's generally what happens when one partner loses interest in another. If that's the case you have to just let it go and do not do a damn thing to him or her. I know that sucks and it's wrong but if you so much as hit either of them it can go badly for you.
Keep your head up, your emotions down and your brain functioning. Good luck Marine.[/QUOTE]
Exactly what I was going to say.
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[QUOTE=stuckhere500000;25061851]she kind of went through one back in october when i first got here but then some of her friends started helping her a lot more. it just sucks though because i cant stand most of her friends, there all really friggen annoying and immature.
i've got 18 days left in afghanistan then however long it takes me to get from kuwait to home. i just hope things work themseves out when i get home, cuz as i said before i didnt see any problems.[/QUOTE]
just be patient mate.....marriages have ups and downs especially in your situation....i know it's hard but the best advice i can give is PATIENCE....be patient in no time you'll be back home, when you're there you'll have the time to face her and all the problems that she might have regarding your marriage....have faith my friend, she once fell in love for you....once you get in touch with her she can once again be....she's just lonely, and with bad company as you said, that's a bad combination....but nothing beyond repair, i once lived what you are going through, me and the wifey had a rough going wich lasted almost a year....almost ruined my marriage....but i took initiative, at first she didn't want to try anymore...but at the end she came through and followed my lead.....fastforward we are now better than ever, DON'T LOSE FAITH, AND YOU ARE A WARRIOR IN YOUR HEART... FIGHT FOR IT.
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I'm sorry to hear about that bro. You're 20 years old. What are doing getting married? You should be out there enjoying life rather than staying tied down to one woman. If she brought up divorce, it looks like she wants it. If she doesn't want to stay with you, it's time to say adios. Be safe, get back safe and you can get all the women you want. Cheers!
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good luck brotha... sucks you serve your country and lose your 'life' at home.. best to you
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[QUOTE=Geno;25062831]Stay cool when you get home bro - she very well may have found someone else and is cheating on you. That's generally what happens when one partner loses interest in another. If that's the case you have to just let it go and do not do a damn thing to him or her. I know that sucks and it's wrong but if you so much as hit either of them it can go badly for you.
Keep your head up, your emotions down and your brain functioning. Good luck Marine.[/QUOTE]
Definitely listen to Geno's advice! I had a long distance relationship that ended up with her cheating on me with 3 different guys. It was hard to keep my cool but I did it.
I also know a guy that came back from over there. He was in the Army. He found out his wife had been cheating on him. He didn't keep his cool. He took his survival knife and cut the guys carotid artery in a Wal-Mart parking lot. He obviously is in a world of trouble right now. Don't let that happen to you!
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Well there's no denying that she's being really selfish riht now, but she's a woman and us women get emotional and like to be spoiled once in a while. Maybe you could be the bigger person and do something to make her feel loved---maybe go online and have flowers send to her (proflowers.com?). You could buy her some cool gift online (somethign romantic--there are a lot of sites with that kind of stuff) and send it to your home address with her name on it...tell her that she should be expecting something in teh mail from you:). you could also write her a poem and mail that.
Chances are she is feeling lonely and misses having you there to hold her and talk with her and do the sweet things you guys did when you dated. If she's sent you a bunch of packages in the past, maybe you could send her a package and make her feel loved too.
And then there is always open communication. Talk to her and tell her that you love her and that you need her because she's the only thing getting you through this.
I believe almost any marriage can be saved, so it really depends on how hard you want to fight for her.
If it makes you feel any better, my parents got married when they were 20 and they are still married and love eachother 31 years later.
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Maybe things will work out, or maybe like the others have said, she might already be over it by now. In either case, just stay cool bro. If it works out, great, if not, it takes two to make it work, so there is only so much you can do. Just keep your chin up, I'm sure you've been thru much worse.
Peace,
E.
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[QUOTE=stuckhere500000;25061851]she kind of went through one back in october when i first got here but then some of her friends started helping her a lot more. it just sucks though because i cant stand most of her friends, there all really friggen annoying and immature.
i've got 18 days left in afghanistan then however long it takes me to get from kuwait to home. i just hope things work themseves out when i get home, cuz as i said before i didnt see any problems.[/QUOTE]
Well, maybe in those 18 days you have left you can take your aggression out on the Taliban?
I can just see the headline now "Jilted husband single-handledly breaks the back of the resurgence!" Followed by a picture of 20 Taliban fighters running away from you and only you.
Seriously though, it sucks that you have to think about this now while you're still deployed.
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Well think of it this way theres nothing you can do about it now, when you get back stateside and you see your wife you can work things out, you'll be home soon and Im sure she'll be happy to see you when you get home, and you know how women are always listening to their girlfriends and always doing erratic things.
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I would be pissed, your over in a hostel environment serving your country, putting your life on the line and you wife decides she is losing interest! If she is so selfish she can't stick out the hard times when you are serving your country she should be tossed to the side with the rest of the selfish trash.
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[QUOTE=sleukem;25068221]Definitely listen to Geno's advice! I had a long distance relationship that ended up with her cheating on me with 3 different guys. It was hard to keep my cool but I did it.
I also know a guy that came back from over there. He was in the Army. He found out his wife had been cheating on him. He didn't keep his cool. He took his survival knife and cut the guys carotid artery in a Wal-Mart parking lot. He obviously is in a world of trouble right now. Don't let that happen to you![/QUOTE]
Wow strong Rambo...
Dude, these guys are right...for now, who knows if she's cheating, or if she's just trying to cope with being without you, but it's really this simple - if she loves you, then nothing, ESPECIALLY you being deployed, should make her stop wanting to be with you. If a girl truly loves her military husband, then there should be nothing but the most complete RESPECT for what he's doing, and the only thing she should be thinking is "God, please bring the love of my life home safely."
On that note, even if she doesn't have that respect for what you're doing over there, I think I speak for a lot of people here when I say that we do. Thanks, Marine.
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a marriage is work at any age. factor in being married as a teenager, and the problems are even more prevelant. factor in a long distance relationship, and the problems become exponential. I understand that getting married young is a part of military culture, but the fact is at this age you could be having the same problems wether you were home or not. I hope it all works out for you and thanks for the service!
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i am married with a guy who was in iraq too i thing is just how much she love u or how strong is the love ,,, iam sorry if my english no is to good. but what i mean is talk with her waht is going on? maybe u no are able to call her a lot i know how is that but he used to write me a lot of letters no just for e mail i diferent get letter in your hands ,,. well really i hope everything work better but the most importa u can do is talk to her .. telling how u fell.. ask her to be honest with u and depend what she said ... you have to make a decision,,.. the life to end there if no is with her u can found somebody else who really apreacciate everything you are...
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I'm sorry to hear that man. It's hard enough trying to deal with stuff like that at home, let alone being on the other side of the world. Hang in there. If there are no children involved I would keep it that way untill you guys are on solid footing. Good-luck.
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Sorry to hear that bro...
I know how hard these deployments and seperations can be.. Don't worry, you've only got a few days, once you jare back together you guys will be fine...
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[QUOTE=Geno;25062831]Stay cool when you get home bro - she very well may have found someone else and is cheating on you. That's generally what happens when one partner loses interest in another. If that's the case you have to just let it go and do not do a damn thing to him or her. I know that sucks and it's wrong but if you so much as hit either of them it can go badly for you.
Keep your head up, your emotions down and your brain functioning. Good luck Marine.[/QUOTE]
Took the words out of my mouth.
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Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
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Well "Roca" negged me because he diagrees with my post about this (and he didn't even make a post)...but I stand by my statement. I don't think you should throw away your marriage because she mentioned the "D" word. Women sometimes say stupid things and we let our emotions get the best of us. It's true that a lot of military men get cheated on when they are overseas and a lot of their wives get cheated on when their men are overseas too. My ex was a Marine and I delt with him being deployed 6 months at a time and it is hard on both people. Your wife is going through a tough time not having you as well---and that's why I said she's being a bit selfish, because she needs to be strong for you. I'm NOT making excuses for her, but I am saying that this bump in the road doesn't mean it's the end of the road for your marriage. How is that bad advice?
I also dont' see why it's so bad that you take some initiative to show her you still love her by sending her something. I think by doing that, you will be putting a spart back intot eh relationship. She misses you, and she does love you. More than likely she is mentioning devorce becaus this is really painful for her to be away from you----yes this is selfish but I bet that's what she's thinking. You guys can get through it, just dont give up.
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dude,your wife IS cheating, its a fact.............you were too young to marry anyways and what do u expect?you are never there dude!she has found someone else..........move on........and i dont care if i get negged for telling the truth!so dump her or be a pu$$y and forgive her like a lil sissy girl,i dont care
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[QUOTE=mchenrycruiser;25136041]dude,your wife IS cheating, its a fact.............[/QUOTE]
Really can you show me the scientific review, I am curious? I assume there must be some scientific backing??!?
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[QUOTE=88shane04;25142751]Really can you show me the scientific review, I am curious? I assume there must be some scientific backing??!?[/QUOTE]cuz of how shes acting,she DOESNT want to be with him anymore, he can cry like a bitch all he wants but its over
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[QUOTE=mchenrycruiser;25143311]cuz of how shes acting,she DOESNT want to be with him anymore, he can cry like a bitch all he wants but its over[/QUOTE]
F*ck off.. You clearly know shyt... Her reaction is a perfectly normal reaction for Military spouses.. They start to feel lonely and go through this... It happens to most relationships.. Doesn't mean she's cheating.. It means she's lonely and misses her husband and doesn't know how to react to it all.. She's overwhelmed..
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[QUOTE=Lifting_Taurus;25152151]F*ck off.. You clearly know shyt... Her reaction is a perfectly normal reaction for Military spouses.. They start to feel lonely and go through this... It happens to most relationships.. Doesn't mean she's cheating.. It means she's lonely and misses her husband and doesn't know how to react to it all.. She's overwhelmed..[/QUOTE]
Exactly..I agree 100%.
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[QUOTE=Lifting_Taurus;25152151]F*ck off.. You clearly know shyt... Her reaction is a perfectly normal reaction for Military spouses.. They start to feel lonely and go through this... It happens to most relationships.. Doesn't mean she's cheating.. It means she's lonely and misses her husband and doesn't know how to react to it all.. She's overwhelmed..[/QUOTE]
But the thread starter wrote that they are talking about divorce, she doesn't want to take his calls, and so forth.
But besides that, the guy is in the military and it still has to be all about her. Heaven forbid he worry about himself and the incredibly important work he is doing over there.
I find it annoying that while he is risking his life, she has the gall to put this bs on him. Like he doesn't have enough to worry about? I'm sure he would love to come home and cuddle, but the man has bigger issues at hand.
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[QUOTE=Jean-Paul4447;25153721]But the thread starter wrote that they are talking about divorce, she doesn't want to take his calls, and so forth.
But besides that, the guy is in the military and it still has to be all about her. Heaven forbid he worry about himself and the incredibly important work he is doing over there.
I find it annoying that while he is risking his life, she has the gall to put this bs on him. Like he doesn't have enough to worry about? I'm sure he would love to come home and cuddle, but the man has bigger issues at hand.[/QUOTE]
I'm pretty sure no one is defending her actions, becasue she's clearly not being very supportive and quite selfish--but that doesn't mean she's cheating on him. If a woman talks about divorce, it doesn't mean she's cheating--it is probably more of a threat, saying that she's frustrated and at the end of her rope. The fact that she doesn't take his calls or sends him packages might be a number of things but not necessarily that she's interested in another guy. She might actually be busy, or maybe she's mad and shows it in an immature way like that. Not sending packages anymore might be her getting a bit lazy...but it doesn't mean she doesn't love him or care about him anymore. let me also remind you guys that she's still very young with that comes immaturity. Plus, this is a lot on her plate right now too. Being a military wife is not easy either and I think a lot of people forget about that.
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[QUOTE=hugs;25156741]I'm pretty sure no one is defending her actions, becasue she's clearly not being very supportive and quite selfish--but that doesn't mean she's cheating on him. If a woman talks about divorce, it doesn't mean she's cheating--it is probably more of a threat, saying that she's frustrated and at the end of her rope. The fact that she doesn't take his calls or sends him packages might be a number of things but not necessarily that she's interested in another guy. She might actually be busy, or maybe she's mad and shows it in an immature way like that. Not sending packages anymore might be her getting a bit lazy...but it doesn't mean she doesn't love him or care about him anymore. let me also remind you guys that she's still very young with that comes immaturity. Plus, this is a lot on her plate right now too. Being a military wife is not easy either and I think a lot of people forget about that.[/QUOTE]
It doesn't really matter. His mission is more important than she is, and she sucks for trying to make it all about her when he is risking his life every single day.
All the other stuff you wrote could be true or not-true, but irrelevant to the fact that her behavior sucks right now.
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[QUOTE=hugs;25070521]Well there's no denying that she's being really selfish riht now, but she's a woman and us women get emotional and like to be spoiled once in a while. Maybe you could be the bigger person and do something to make her feel loved---maybe go online and have flowers send to her (proflowers.com?). You could buy her some cool gift online (somethign romantic--there are a lot of sites with that kind of stuff) and send it to your home address with her name on it...tell her that she should be expecting something in teh mail from you:). you could also write her a poem and mail that.
Chances are she is feeling lonely and misses having you there to hold her and talk with her and do the sweet things you guys did when you dated. If she's sent you a bunch of packages in the past, maybe you could send her a package and make her feel loved too.
And then there is always open communication. Talk to her and tell her that you love her and that you need her because she's the only thing getting you through this.
I believe almost any marriage can be saved, so it really depends on how hard you want to fight for her.
If it makes you feel any better, my parents got married when they were 20 and they are still married and love eachother 31 years later.[/QUOTE]
...or she can stop being completely selfish and realize that her husband is in the middle of a f-cking warzone...
A woman's menality "me me me" all f-cking day. :rolleyes:
When I find a deaf, blind mute with a massive rack and a cute smile, G-d knows I'll have found my match.
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Thats what happens when you get married so young. Youre still young so you have plenty of time. Good luck
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The fuk you doin gettin married at 18???? This is what happens when you young bucks are stubborn and think your grown and you know it all and dont listen. Oh but I forgot, YOUR situation is different. YOUR gonna be one of the exceptions. Please. I feel bad for what is happening, but thats the way the ball bounces when you make dumb decisions. Learn from this experience and move on. Your wife is cheating on you period. Id just cut off all contact and fuk some military hoes.
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[QUOTE=Jean-Paul4447;25153721]But the thread starter wrote that they are talking about divorce, she doesn't want to take his calls, and so forth.
But besides that, the guy is in the military and it still has to be all about her. Heaven forbid he worry about himself and the incredibly important work he is doing over there.
I find it annoying that while he is risking his life, she has the gall to put this bs on him. Like he doesn't have enough to worry about? I'm sure he would love to come home and cuddle, but the man has bigger issues at hand.[/QUOTE]
No he said she mentioned divorce... Not talking about it...
Anyway, this happens to alot of couples during deployments and hardship tours.. Some couples are strong enough to get through it.. some aren't.. But it's a normal response to her stress levels right now... She is handling alot at home..
If you haven't been deployed and left a spouse at home, then you wouldn't understand...
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[QUOTE=Lifting_Taurus;25161181]No he said she mentioned divorce... Not talking about it...
Anyway, this happens to alot of couples during deployments and hardship tours.. Some couples are strong enough to get through it.. some aren't.. But it's a normal response to her stress levels right now... She is handling alot at home..
If you haven't been deployed and left a spouse at home, then you wouldn't understand...[/QUOTE]
Taurus is right, it's hard to understand unless you've been through it.
Being deployed was hard on my wife and I but we're older and had been together for quite some time.
I saw alot of the young couples go through some serious hardships(financial and otherwise) during deployments. A good majority of those ended up with one or the other cheating and ultimately divorce.
To the OP, I hope it works out for you.
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dude i hate to break it to you like this but shes probably banging some other dude.
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[QUOTE=badbart;25082161]I would be pissed, your over in a hostel environment serving your country, putting your life on the line and you wife decides she is losing interest! If she is so selfish she can't stick out the hard times when you are serving your country she should be tossed to the side with the rest of the selfish trash.[/QUOTE]
Exactly, wtf is wrong with you wife? No offense to her, but she sounds incredibly immature and selfish. She's probably young liek you so it's not a surprise. Still, that's ridiculous, how can she be upset? Is she that needy and selfish? She should really think about your needs. Also, why would she even mention divorce whie you're away?
You obviosly can't do anythign about being far away, why would she make things worse by freaking out at you and making you stressed? You're the one that's livign a tough life, not her. She needs to grow up and realize she isn't the center of the universe.
I understand it's probably hard for her, but do you rewally want to be married at 20 years old to a selfish women like that?
I hope everything turns out okay and she apoligzes... if not, and things don't work out, keep your head up and GL in the future. You'll be fine regardless of what happens, just give it some time. Either the relationsihp will heal or your heart will heal after the relationship breaks, you'll be okay.
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[QUOTE=hugs;25156741]I'm pretty sure no one is defending her actions, becasue she's clearly not being very supportive and quite selfish--but that doesn't mean she's cheating on him. If a woman talks about divorce, it doesn't mean she's cheating--it is probably more of a threat, saying that she's frustrated and at the end of her rope. The fact that she doesn't take his calls or sends him packages might be a number of things but not necessarily that she's interested in another guy. She might actually be busy, or maybe she's mad and shows it in an immature way like that. Not sending packages anymore might be her getting a bit lazy...but it doesn't mean she doesn't love him or care about him anymore. let me also remind you guys that she's still very young with that comes immaturity. Plus, this is a lot on her plate right now too. Being a military wife is not easy either and I think a lot of people forget about that.[/QUOTE]
Wow, it's not easy? Big effin' deal. Like being the guy in the military is any easier... just because it's not easy for them doesn't mean they need to go whining to their husband and threatening divorce, that's selfish and immature and there is no excuse for that.
I mean why is it that the guy has to always be the bigger man and the girl can do whatever she wants and it ends being okay because she's a girl? It's BS.
[QUOTE=NuggzTheNinja;25159701]...or she can stop being completely selfish and realize that her husband is in the middle of a f-cking warzone...
A woman's menality "me me me" all f-cking day. :rolleyes:
When I find a deaf, blind mute with a massive rack and a cute smile, G-d knows I'll have found my match.[/QUOTE]
And I agree with you... although I don't want someone deaf, blind and mute, lol. Just want a girl who is more independent and doesn't whine 24/7 and be super needy. Hell, I want a girl that is super hot and acts a bit more like a man, I can't stand whining. It's obnoxioua and girls need to understand they aren't the center of the universe and they don't deserve to be treated like such.
I'm done ranting now.
Again to the OP, GL and sorry if any of my words offended you, wasn't intentional.
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shes cheating,yes she is,you all who disagree are blind,wishful thinking morons.....and he deserves to get cheated on,he left ,he is never there .......hes the selfish one,he wants his cake and to eat it too,f%ck him,f?&ckin sissy
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[QUOTE=mchenrycruiser;25183651]shes cheating,yes she is,you all who disagree are blind,wishful thinking morons.....and he deserves to get cheated on,he left ,he is never there .......hes the selfish one,he wants his cake and to eat it too,f%ck him,f?&ckin sissy[/QUOTE]
How the f*ck is he being selfish if he is risking his life for his country you dumb f*ck, and i'd like to see you call a marine a sissy to his face.
To the OP, I hope all goes well.
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[QUOTE=corn_dog;25184891]How the f*ck is he being selfish if he is risking his life for his country you dumb f*ck, and i'd like to see you call a marine a sissy to his face.[/QUOTE]he made his choice and picked the military over her and now he is bitching about getting cheated on,f$ck him,hes never there@!!thats like goni to the gym and layin a towel down on a flat bench but then goin to do some squats instead then gettin mad when someone uses the bench.........well he wasnt usin the fn bench so f%ck him ,now someone else is
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[QUOTE=kalagan;25061071]Sorry to hear that bro. I think that's always difficult when people are far away form each other.
I don't know if it makes sense, but in French we have asentence : "Far from eyes, far from heart"....[/QUOTE]
even kalagan's chiming in
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[QUOTE=mchenrycruiser;25183651]shes cheating,yes she is,you all who disagree are blind,wishful thinking morons.....and he deserves to get cheated on,he left ,he is never there[/QUOTE]
yeah, i strongly agree!
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[QUOTE=mchenrycruiser;25186081]he made his choice and picked the military over her and now he is bitching about getting cheated on,f$ck him,hes never there@!!thats like goni to the gym and layin a towel down on a flat bench but then goin to do some squats instead then gettin mad when someone uses the bench.........well he wasnt usin the fn bench so f%ck him ,now someone else is[/QUOTE]
He's defending your freedom dude, your opinions your welcome to suggest but that wife should take pride in her husband doing that not threaten divorce so in reality F her because she is the one who made an agreement till death do us part and now because he is off defending her freedom she want's out? She sounds like a bitch so **** you dude and **** her.