Is it a big deal for women to change their last names after getting married?

[Propulsion]

Thoughts?

[FiT.n.FliRtY]

I've always stuck to the belief that because names are very much a part of your identity and heritage, the decision to retain your birth name or not is a major one.

It is very common for a woman to keep her maiden name professionally, and to use her married name socially.

There are many options when deciding;

* Both Use Your Husband's Family Name
* Both Retain Your Birth Names
* Both of You Use Wife's Family Name
* Wife Uses Maiden Name as Mid. Name Along With Husband's Family Name
* Hyphenate Your Two Names
* Both Use Each Other's Names as Middle Names
* Pick a New Name

This is really something that both partners in a relationship should talk about and also factor in whether or not the parents will be offended etc.. but ultimately if you just got married or are planning to get married, you are marrying that person because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, and that shouldn't be conditional to a last name. So talk it over and decide what is best for you both!

Hope this helps ;)

[Propulsion]

Thanks for the explanation. Reason I ask is because a lady friend of mine told me that she doesn't want to change her last name. Instead, she wants her husband to change his last name to hers. I told her good luck finding someone then because I don't think there are guys out there that would be willing to do that.

[Eileen]

I didn't change my name, mostly because I like my name and didn't like his surname much. We discussed what to do about the children's surnames, and if it would cause difficulty. They took his surname but I picked the first names, and no-one blinks at mother and child with different surnames.

One reason that I didn't change my name was that to all the people who had known me before I got married, I would always be Eileen Gormley. Using a different surname would just complicate things.

It also makes it very easy to know if I'm getting junk mail or phone calls.

[FiT.n.FliRtY]

Again, I really don't think there is a right or wrong way of going about it. It just depends on the couple, and what they are comfortable with. Are you willing to change you name for the right person?

[guest89]

I'd probably be highly disappointed if my fiancee wouldn't take my name.


The only acceptable circumstances is if she'd be a celebrity or extremely successful business woman and it'd affect her career, even then I'd be highly annoyed. Any other reasons and it'd probably be a deal breaker for me.


With billions of people in the world why would anyone settle for someone they aren't compatible with?



I don't necessarily look down on any females who won't take their husbands name, however, its not for me.

[-_-]

my wife is definitely taking my last name. i learned this habit of identifying my stuff in 5th grade when i lost my calculator.

[FiT.n.FliRtY]

I think I will take my husbands name when I get married. I like the idea of tradition.

Where do y'all stand on pre-nups?

[Propulsion]

I think I will take my husbands name when I get married. I like the idea of tradition.

Where do y'all stand on pre-nups?

I personally think, being a man, that changing your last name to the one of your wife's will lower the amount of respect your receive from other people.

About pre-nups - I think everyone should do it. It's not about loving one another - it's about protecting yourself and possibly your extended family. You never know what will happen in the future.

[BrianBear]

It wouldn't bother me much if I was getting married and my fianc?e didn't want to take my name. Marriage doesn't count for much anymore anyhow, it's more of telling the government that you are dating then a true commitment.

[bttrthnb4]

I am a traditionalist, for the most part.

I love my husband, I am proud to be his wife, I gladly took his last name. Besides...with five uncles on my dad's side, each averaging about 3 kids, half of them male, I'm sure my family's name will be around for a while, LOL.

[gfundaro]

My bf has a really cool last name.."Banks". How cool is that! It sounds ritzy hehe :D It's way cooler than mine, so I don't mind taking it.

[lopaw]

What passes as "tradition" is often just subjugation.

Marriage & its ceremonies are notorious for that - everything from a male figure "giving away" the bride, to changing a woman's last name, to "I now pronounce you MAN & WIFE (which thankfully has been changed to "husband & wife").

I'll have NONE of it, thank-you-very-much.

[goddessamazon]

What passes as "tradition" is often just subjugation.

Marriage & its ceremonies are notorious for that - everything from a male figure "giving away" the bride, to changing a woman's last name, to "I now pronounce you MAN & WIFE (which thankfully has been changed to "husband & wife").

I'll have NONE of it, thank-you-very-much.

x 100

I feel the same way. When I was engaged I let it be known that I was keeping my last name. I am no one's property. Men don't take women's last name so why should women take their last name? Oh I know why? So that the woman can be identified as HIS!

Ah! Now it all makes sense. LOL

[Tyrbolift]

x 100

I feel the same way. When I was engaged I let it be known that I was keeping my last name. I am no one's property. Men don't take women's last name so why should women take their last name? Oh I know why? So that the woman can be identified as HIS!

Ah! Now it all makes sense. LOLMeh. Women's maiden names are their DAD'S name anyway. What's so identifying and feminist about that? Why not go with your mother's maiden name, or her mothers?

[goddessamazon]

Meh. Women's maiden names are their DAD'S name anyway. What's so identifying and feminist about that? Why not go with your mother's maiden name, or her mothers?

Yeah, just because I refused to take on a male's last name makes me a feminist? How penis of you to say that.

Oh and for your information I legally changed my entire name at the age of 21 when my father told me as a teenager that he named me after a stripper he had a huge crush on during his navy years.

So I have a name that I gave myself and have no intentions in changing it for anyone.

[Julie5150]

*shrug*
Never bothered me - I've never really thought of it as anything more than taking on a new family name...No big deal.
Less confusing, if you ask me, to have all the same last name and well - personally - I don't like being pinned to the reputation of my maiden name...but that's just me...my marriage brought around a thankfull name change to something more respectful and proper.

[freebirdmac]

The fact that the "tradition" was based on property and ownership was always enough to have me set on keeping my name. Until I got married. Then I knew my hubby would hold that against me during every fight and argument. So I changed it. I should have instead taken that as yet another sign that he was not the right person. He died a year after we were married, so I changed it back. My daughter was born shortly before he died. I changed her name too. So now my daughter and I both have my maiden name. And yes it was my father's but all names come from males so taking my mother's maiden name would have been useless. I stuck with the name I grew up with.

Fortunately I am seeing more and more men realize the stupidity of the name change deal upon marriage. They realize that they wouldn't want to change their names so why should the wives. Kudos to those guys who do change their names. That takes strength.

[IronIc]

What passes as "tradition" is often just subjugation.

Marriage & its ceremonies are notorious for that - everything from a male figure "giving away" the bride, to changing a woman's last name, to "I now pronounce you MAN & WIFE (which thankfully has been changed to "husband & wife").

I'll have NONE of it, thank-you-very-much.


x 100

I feel the same way. When I was engaged I let it be known that I was keeping my last name. I am no one's property. Men don't take women's last name so why should women take their last name? Oh I know why? So that the woman can be identified as HIS!

Ah! Now it all makes sense. LOL


X2

I do have an issue with the last-name deal. Equals do not tag their name on each other - the person who loses his or her name is the "inferior." Slaves always take the name of their masters - is it any different in marriage? (Or at least, when the tradition started - why did it start?)

Traditions may seem innocent but they are often based on the horrible way people used to be treated. Also catch phrases - "Rule of thumb" was actually a British statute stating how a man could not beat his wife with a stick any thicker than his thumb :mad: I refuse to use that statement since I found out what it means.

Grrrr, my stomach was in knots the entire time I typed that last sentence :mad:

[NotTooLate]

I hated my maiden name so I was glad to get rid of it. If I had liked it I would have kept it. It was all a matter of aesthetics to me.

[Tyrbolift]

Yeah, just because I refused to take on a male's last name makes me a feminist? How penis of you to say that.

Oh and for your information I legally changed my entire name at the age of 21 when my father told me as a teenager that he named me after a stripper he had a huge crush on during his navy years.

So I have a name that I gave myself and have no intentions in changing it for anyone.I could go for the way where husband and wife both take on a hyphenated version, and when the daughter marries, she changes the male half and when the son marries he changes the female half.

[guest89]

I could go for the way where husband and wife both take on a hyphenated version, and when the daughter marries, she changes the male half and when the son marries he changes the female half.

I read about a country where names are something like that. Its kinda confusing IMO. (It was a Norse country, can't remember which one though).


My name isn't a common one, from what I know everyone in this city/state with the same last name is all distantly related. While our family might be big, everyone with my last name is related.




As for prenup I think it shouldn't be necessary, but with modern society I think its probably wise. In older generations it wasn't needed because when they said something they meant it. They stuck with each other for thick and thin, nowadays if someone doesn't "feel" like they wanna be married anymore they'll get a divorce.

[freebirdmac]

As for prenup I think it shouldn't be necessary, but with modern society I think its probably wise. In older generations it wasn't needed because when they said something they meant it. They stuck with each other for thick and thin, nowadays if someone doesn't "feel" like they wanna be married anymore they'll get a divorce.

That's a fallacy. In the past, divorce was scandalous. You could be totally ostracized for a divorce. In addition, women couldn't even get credit cards in their names until the 1970's. A divorce to a woman brought up to be a homemaker (as most were, education was off limits or highly restricted) meant destitution. People who would have gotten a divorce really couldn't risk it. Women needed men for finances, and men needed women to do the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. And men could go off and have affairs without much worry. They knew their wives had to keep quiet.

There are exceptions, relationships that worked, but you can bet the bank the divorce rate was not lower due to couples meaning it more then than they do now.

[Tu-160]

My gf says when we get married she wants to keep her surname and add mine, so basically have it hyphenated. And I always had this idea in my head that my wife and our kids will have my surname and that's what I want... We still argue about this sometimes))

[FiT.n.FliRtY]

If that is really important to you I'm sure she will understand. ;)

[Beklet]

I'm not getting married but if I did, I'd keep my own name. I quite like his surname, might hyphenate it but I wouldn't change mine. Not to keep the family name on, because I'm not, but because it's MY name.

As for pre-nups. Legally, they don't have to be enforced in the UK. The courts can take them into account but they're not worth the paper they're written on, so they're pretty pointless, as far as I can tell.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

I changed my name when I got married, simply because his name was much nicer than mine. I was glad to get rid of my maiden name. And even though we've now been divorced for six years, I still use my married name, and will continue to do so. Unless I get married again, in which case I'd no doubt change it again.

[goddessamazon]

X2

I do have an issue with the last-name deal. Equals do not tag their name on each other - the person who loses his or her name is the "inferior." Slaves always take the name of their masters - is it any different in marriage? (Or at least, when the tradition started - why did it start?)

Traditions may seem innocent but they are often based on the horrible way people used to be treated. Also catch phrases - "Rule of thumb" was actually a British statute stating how a man could not beat his wife with a stick any thicker than his thumb :mad: I refuse to use that statement since I found out what it means.

Grrrr, my stomach was in knots the entire time I typed that last sentence :mad:



LOL!!!!!!

YOU GO GIRL!

Let me get a towel and pat your forehead dry after getting all worked up!

Love it! :)



I could go for the way where husband and wife both take on a hyphenated version, and when the daughter marries, she changes the male half and when the son marries he changes the female half.

Yes I agree with that and I don't see anything wrong with it but most men wouldn't consider doing that.

If woman has a lame or crazy last name then I see nothing wrong with accepting her husband's last name but to change it simply because he expects you to or because it's tradition is not my thing.

Like Penney said........slaves use to take on the last name of their masters. I'm not changing my name just because it pleases him or because it's tradition.

[stewaat]

I think I will take my husbands name when I get married. I like the idea of tradition.

Where do y'all stand on pre-nups?

I'm having my future wife have my last name and we are having a pre-nup.

I'm protecting what I have..just in case

Nothing is guaranteed.

[dvsness]

I don't care about names. My only concern is that if I have children, I want everyone to have the same name. Whether that name is Adams (mine), my husband's name, or a completely different name we have chosen to use, I don't care. I just want us all to have the same name.

[limniade]

The argument that it's "not a big deal" for a woman to change her name, but a man changing HIS name IS a big deal or makes him a pussy, really bugs the **** out of me. Changing your name is not a trivial matter. You have to change your Social Security number, your bank accounts, all your credit accounts, tie your credit reports to your new name, change your passport and driver's license, and everything from your work email address to the name on your magazine subscriptions.

If it doesn't seem like a big deal for HER to do it, then it shouldn't be a big deal for HIM to do it either. And the last time this argument came up in the Misc, I looked it up--the woman taking the man's last name is a recent, and mostly Western European, tradition. Surnames have been passed down from the father, from the mother, from whichever family had the highest rank, from your hometown, and even from your profession, which is why we have so many people named Baker, Miller, Smith, Wright, etc. It might be "tradition" to take his last name, but it would be equally traditional for me to change my name to Jessica Webmaster, or Jessica Roseville.

[Propulsion]

^^ hmm never thought about it that way. In my culture, it is tradition to do so. However, I always wondered how Western women felt about this. My buddy's about to get married and he had a long discussion with his fiance about this subject. I guess there is a lot that goes into the process than just merely changing one's last name.

[Beklet]

^^ hmm never thought about it that way. In my culture, it is tradition to do so. However, I always wondered how Western women felt about this. My buddy's about to get married and he had a long discussion with his fiance about this subject. I guess there is a lot that goes into the process than just merely changing one's last name.

Add to that the insult that changing your name on your passport and driving licence costs money!

[limniade]

Mainly, it's the two attitudes that simultaneously occur as follows: The kind of man who says, "Well, God, why WOULDN'T you change your name?" followed by various insulting implications ranging from being a feminazi to caring more about yourself than about the value of the marriage. In the same breath, this kind of man ALSO talks about how much a man's name means to him and how dishonorable and emasculating it would be to change it.

It's like, is it really so hard to comprehend that a WOMAN might feel strongly about her identity, her family's history and sense of tradition that goes along with HER name? But no, some men act like it's completely offensive that we might consider our own last name to merit equal consideration to theirs, much less take a priority.

So yeah, that bites my ass. Especially since my name dies out with my family. Anyway, I would consider changing it if a) the family into which I was marrying had a strong sense of history and b) it wasn't a clunky name. There's no way I would change my last name to something super-complicated like Kjerciskewiz, or something dorky-sounding like Dinkleton. If I did take his name in any fashion, I would probably do a Hillary and be Jessica Mylastname Hislastname.

[bttrthnb4]

Mainly, it's the two attitudes that simultaneously occur as follows: The kind of man who says, "Well, God, why WOULDN'T you change your name?" followed by various insulting implications ranging from being a feminazi to caring more about yourself than about the value of the marriage. In the same breath, this kind of man ALSO talks about how much a man's name means to him and how dishonorable and emasculating it would be to change it.

It's like, is it really so hard to comprehend that a WOMAN might feel strongly about her identity, her family's history and sense of tradition that goes along with HER name? But no, some men act like it's completely offensive that we might consider our own last name to merit equal consideration to theirs, much less take a priority.

So yeah, that bites my ass. Especially since my name dies out with my family. Anyway, I would consider changing it if a) the family into which I was marrying had a strong sense of history and b) it wasn't a clunky name. There's no way I would change my last name to something super-complicated like Kjerciskewiz, or something dorky-sounding like Dinkleton. If I did take his name in any fashion, I would probably do a Hillary and be Jessica Mylastname Hislastname.

yeah...If I were my cousin I would have stuck with my maiden name. Her Watkins vs. his Lumpkins. My godchildren are Lumpkins. Lump. kins.

Fuzzy Lumpkins is a cartoon character from the Power Puff Girls....Lumpkins.

[Tyrbolift]

yeah...If I were my cousin I would have stuck with my maiden name. Her Watkins vs. his Lumpkins. My godchildren are Lumpkins. Lump. kins.

Fuzzy Lumpkins is a cartoon character from the Power Puff Girls....Lumpkins.yeah, I knew a woman who was named Potts, and married a Salazar. When she got divorced from him, she said she'd keep the Salazar because she hated Potts.

[Donica]

Interesting question... When I got married, I fully intended changing my last name to my husband's name, but after about two or three years I realized it wasn't going to happen--at least, not as our lives were at that point. So I just called myself his name in public but kept my maiden name on all of my legal forms and etc. But when we moved out of state and had to change all of our info anyway, I thought, "Okay, I can change it now if I want." But I ended up bringing the wrong marriage certificate to the DMV when we went to get all of our auto stuff done (they'll hyphenate it on your license if you have your certificate--but I brought the "display" copy and not the stamped original by mistake), and so my license is still in my maiden name, ha-ha, although I was sneaky and signed my name hyphenated with his.

So now I still get all of my legal material in my maiden name; and when I write to people I hyphenate my name on all of my letters; and in public people call me by his name. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? ;) But I think I rather like this ending the best of all my other options.

[Emoore]

I married at 19 and took his last name and kept my maiden name as my middle name-- Emily Mylastname Hislastname. I'm 26 now and if I had it to do over again I wouldn't have changed it at all, but it would be a huge amount of trouble to change back.