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View Full Version : O/T: husband got egged



Eileen
01-31-2008, 09:31 AM
Nothing to do with bodybuilding, but I'm appreciate some input from objective people.

My 52 year old husband got eggs thown at his car as he arrived home last night. He rang me, and I came out and saw a gang of teenagers down the road. I went after them and they ran away. They went over to the shops and I lost them in the crowd of teenagers with hoodies.

Trouble is that Tony is taking it very personally and very hard. He came home from work at lunchtime today and went straight to bed.

A few years ago, there was a big problem where he was targetted by trouble makers which ended up with him being beaten up. The guy who did it came round a week later to apologise. Since then, things have been pretty quiet.

In the evening, I went round to the mothers of the two leading trouble makers, who both swore that their sons had nothing to do with it.

Where we live, there are a lot of teenagers who are too young for part-time jobs, and want to act tough. I just take it for granted there will be a bit of messing, and generally ignore them. Tony is taking it very personally, and I'm worried for him.

I honestly think that his reaction is out of proportion to what happened, but when I tried to tactfully suggest this, he took that as a sign that I'm not supporting him.

Any thoughts?

4evernatural
01-31-2008, 09:41 AM
I sorry to hear about your problem.

Those kids need a serious ass-whooping if you ask me!

Eventually, what goes around comes around.

GnomusMaximus
01-31-2008, 09:42 AM
How bad did he get "beat up" before?

phikappa
01-31-2008, 09:58 AM
A few years ago, there was a big problem where he was targetted by trouble makers which ended up with him being beaten up. The guy who did it came round a week later to apologise. Since then, things have been pretty quiet.


You didn't prosecutue him!?


1) Set up a video camera.
2) Take the film to the police.

Oncebitten
01-31-2008, 10:03 AM
Plan to do something fun this weekend to brighten his mood. Go see a funny movie or go to his favorite place to eat. Maybe tear his clothes off the minute he walks in the door. Anything to get him thinking happy thoughts.

Fred

bodyhard
01-31-2008, 10:18 AM
Nothing to do with bodybuilding, but I'm appreciate some input from objective people.

My 52 year old husband got eggs thown at his car as he arrived home last night. He rang me, and I came out and saw a gang of teenagers down the road. I went after them and they ran away. They went over to the shops and I lost them in the crowd of teenagers with hoodies.

Trouble is that Tony is taking it very personally and very hard. He came home from work at lunchtime today and went straight to bed.

A few years ago, there was a big problem where he was targetted by trouble makers which ended up with him being beaten up. The guy who did it came round a week later to apologise. Since then, things have been pretty quiet.

In the evening, I went round to the mothers of the two leading trouble makers, who both swore that their sons had nothing to do with it.

Where we live, there are a lot of teenagers who are too young for part-time jobs, and want to act tough. I just take it for granted there will be a bit of messing, and generally ignore them. Tony is taking it very personally, and I'm worried for him.

I honestly think that his reaction is out of proportion to what happened, but when I tried to tactfully suggest this, he took that as a sign that I'm not supporting him.

Any thoughts?

I am having trouble with the two bold fonts I quoted you on. Why did your husband ring you? And why did YOU chase them?

Is your husband sickly or something?

fitnessman
01-31-2008, 10:24 AM
I am having trouble with the two bold fonts I quoted you on. Why did your husband ring you? And why did YOU chase them?

Yes, that struck me as odd as well.

I def would of went BH on them...

Just sayin.....

IR45N
01-31-2008, 10:33 AM
I don't get why you're doing all the investigating and your husband goes to bed!?

They threw eggs at the car and moved on. I'd be far more pissed if the tires were slashed or windows broken.

Not sure what response you're looking for and lots of details are being left out.

bodyhard
01-31-2008, 10:42 AM
Yes, that struck me as odd as well.

I def would of went BH on them...

Just sayin.....

Word,... I am just saying..... throw eggs at MY car?? I wont be calling my wife that is for sure.........you know the rest Fitty,......

SYNBAD
01-31-2008, 10:48 AM
They would of had a serious problem out running my car speeding down the sidewalk after their punk asses!

If they keep it up just as mentioned earlier video cameras will many court cases now adays.

Braindrop
01-31-2008, 10:51 AM
If it was just "some kids threw eggs" I'd be inclined to laugh and ignore it unless I knew the parents of any of them. It sounds like there's some significant backstory to it, though. There's a big difference between "kids threw eggs at a car" and "kids waited for *your* car to throw eggs". Determine which it is, and act accordingly.

IronIc
01-31-2008, 10:51 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this, Eileen :( Geez, don't kids have anything better to do than cause trouble?

I agree they need an azz-kickin'! :mad: By their parents, that is.

ntrllftr
01-31-2008, 11:14 AM
He rang me, and I came out and saw a gang of teenagers down the road. I went after them and they ran away. They went over to the shops and I lost them in the crowd of teenagers with hoodies.


Carlman Confused :confused:

Ingersoll
01-31-2008, 11:58 AM
What an odd story.

namtrag
01-31-2008, 12:14 PM
Steven King short story, chapter 1

1972girl
01-31-2008, 12:22 PM
Why is he being targetted?Are the trouble makers doing this to other people? If they are doing this to other people also everyone should get together and put an end to it one way or another.

farsscf
01-31-2008, 12:23 PM
Uhh, there may be reasons why, but I too am confused on the part where he called you and you chased them? He also thinks you aren't supporting him and you chased after them?

fitnessman
01-31-2008, 12:26 PM
BTW folks: Eileen has always been a good member here.

farsscf
01-31-2008, 12:28 PM
BTW folks: Eileen has always been a good member here.

Sorry if that was offensive, I am just confused. Maybe things are different in Ireland?

fitnessman
01-31-2008, 12:30 PM
Sorry if that was offensive, I am just confused. Maybe things are different in Ireland?

It wasn't!

Just FYI! :)

Odin1970
01-31-2008, 12:39 PM
Any thoughts?

yes

1.Based on the egg throwing incident it sounds random, he just got the luck of the draw. Chances are other people in your area have a similar issue. Contact them, there is strength in groups as evidenced by the pack of teens behavior.

2. Remove yourself from the position of point person. You claim your husband is taking it hard, well let him take it hard then. He will calm down eventually and determine what he has to do as a person to make himself at ease. You chasing kids, visting moms dosent seem like its going to help him.

3. Go to the police. Have him ask to file a formal complaint outlining the incident. Will the cops do anything? Probably not, but the groundwork is laid should the **** continue. Not only that, see Item 1., he might not be the 1st to go down there.

4. Intimidation through isolation: Disclaimer I dont advocate people committing crimes like assault, stalking or harrasment however there are times when each one is warranted IMHO. Kids who operate in packs often have to walk alone, you claim to know who the led trouble makers are right? A direct and open confrentation one on one might be merritted given your husbands history, but again this might lead to a very negative outcome.

5.Survellience: as mentioned cameras but if you know who the problem kids are, chances are you know where they hang and conduct thier activities. Are any of them illegal? (drugs, booze, vandalizing) cathing them in the act, or recording the act is a great way to inform the police who the future criminals are, or a great device to ensure the "moms" get thier kids act together (with the understanding you will take the info to the cops if they dont).

1-3 are strong reccomendations. 4-5 are more death wish charles bronson ish, but I bet it would make your husband feel better.

Minotaur
01-31-2008, 12:44 PM
Mm... I can relate to his reaction. There have been things that set me off , sent me into a depressive or pissed off funk, saw me crawling into bed for 12-14 hours, and then only grudgingly getting up. I know my reason, though I don't know his. All I'm saying is that I can relate. Out of proportion reactons? Definitely, though sometimes you just can't help it.

Eileen
01-31-2008, 02:28 PM
Little background: in our estate, there aren't too many resident fathers (or breastfeeding mothers either) never mind ones who are actively involved with their children. That makes him an oddity to start with.

A few years ago, a description of our children's photo albums got turned into a tale of "pictures of naked babies" and the gang accused him of being a paedophile. This resulted in two guys from outside the area getting drunk and beating him up. He needed an ambulance, and spent the night in hospital. The cops were called, and had to check our photo albums before they dealt with the assault.

Tony announced that if he didn't get a personal apology, he'd press charges (unlikely to actually result in anyone going to jail), and a week later, one of the drunks arrived and apologised, saying it was all a misunderstanding.

We talked to lots of parents, and it all died down, but one of the local bullies lost a lot of face over it. We think he stirs up trouble whenever he gets a chance.

Now, I am not convinced that the eggs were personal, and think that eggs are not the worst that can happen. In a nearby estate, the kids entertain themselves by breaking the power lines! But ever since the beating, Tony has been nervous and reluctant to be on his own with a gang of teenagers. He's 52, and not that fit. I lift weights regularly and feel confident of my ability to be very unpleasant if necessary.

We've been to the police, but without names, they can do nothing. One kid in a hoodie looks remarkably like another kid in a hoodie.

farsscf
01-31-2008, 02:37 PM
Sorry to hear about all that. That explains a little of his reluctance to deal with them. Damn teenagers!

namtrag
01-31-2008, 02:51 PM
Please accept my apologies for making light of your situation. I was an idiot for doing so.

bodyhard
01-31-2008, 02:57 PM
Little background: in our estate, there aren't too many resident fathers (or breastfeeding mothers either) never mind ones who are actively involved with their children. That makes him an oddity to start with.

A few years ago, a description of our children's photo albums got turned into a tale of "pictures of naked babies" and the gang accused him of being a paedophile. This resulted in two guys from outside the area getting drunk and beating him up. He needed an ambulance, and spent the night in hospital. The cops were called, and had to check our photo albums before they dealt with the assault.

Tony announced that if he didn't get a personal apology, he'd press charges (unlikely to actually result in anyone going to jail), and a week later, one of the drunks arrived and apologised, saying it was all a misunderstanding.

We talked to lots of parents, and it all died down, but one of the local bullies lost a lot of face over it. We think he stirs up trouble whenever he gets a chance.

Now, I am not convinced that the eggs were personal, and think that eggs are not the worst that can happen. In a nearby estate, the kids entertain themselves by breaking the power lines! But ever since the beating, Tony has been nervous and reluctant to be on his own with a gang of teenagers. He's 52, and not that fit. I lift weights regularly and feel confident of my ability to be very unpleasant if necessary.

We've been to the police, but without names, they can do nothing. One kid in a hoodie looks remarkably like another kid in a hoodie.

Wow sorry to hear that, still I don't think you should be the one chasing teenagers (or anyone for that matter), you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

As for you husband, doesn't he have any friends who can deal with a situation like this?

Eileen
01-31-2008, 03:08 PM
Trouble is, you need someone on the spot. By the time you phone friends, and they come over, everyone has disappeared. Our general plan is to try to identify the brats, and go to the parents, and keep complaining until they deal with it.

Hibiscus09
01-31-2008, 03:11 PM
It does sound like his reaction is a result of what happened to him in the past, Eileen.

My son's car was egged in the past year and he saw the three kids as they were doing it. They were in their early teens. He was down the road a bit at the pond. He chased them into the woods, but they got away. They took his wallet and cell phone. Then, I called his cell phone and the silly kids answered. I told them my husband was out looking for them -- that he was friends with the police (ha,ha) -- and they had better bring the stuff back RIGHT NOW or they were going to be in big time trouble. I used my evil voice. :) They hung up and then about five minutes later, the little dummies called me back and said they were leaving the stuff in the driveway next door and hung up. We went over there, and sure enough -- they had left it. Kids!

Were the troublemakers that beat your husband up before teenagers? If so, I wouldn't deal with them as if they were children. Call the police as it happens so they'll show up. Maybe just seeing the police car out there and y'all filing a report will scare them a bit.

Interesting the guy came around and apologized. Was it a bad beating? Did your husband report it to the police?

My husband would be crazy enough to chase them down the minute they egged his car. I don't think he would beat them up or anything, but he would try to intimidate them, find their parents, etc. I don't think it is the wisest choice of action to go chasing them all over the place. You never know who has a weapon these days.

It's rather crazy of the kids to do that sort of thing these days. They could be shot or beaten up by someone who is a little more aggressive than your husband. Apparently, crazy things happen following some car eggings:

http://www.examiner.com/a-1176869~Teens_say_egg_throwing_led_to_drive_by_mur der.html

http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2007/11/child_shot_after_egging_a_car.html

bodyhard
01-31-2008, 03:14 PM
Trouble is, you need someone on the spot. By the time you phone friends, and they come over, everyone has disappeared. Our general plan is to try to identify the brats, and go to the parents, and keep complaining until they deal with it.

OK I need to ask, how old are we talking about here?

Eileen
01-31-2008, 03:22 PM
The guys who beat him up were from outside the area, but had obviously been told about the "pervert who molested small children" so felt it was their duty to deal with him. Once they were told the truth, they apologised. They were older than the teenagers who started the whole thing in the first place.

Yes, the beating was bad, one eye was injured enough that he couldn't see with it for a week, and he's had occasional ringing in his ears ever since. We called an ambulance and the police who were very disappointed it wasn't someone local they had their eye on.

While there are more knives in the street now, there are very few weapons being carried by teenagers in Ireland.

Eileen
01-31-2008, 03:23 PM
OK I need to ask, how old are we talking about here?

Mid-teens. Old enough to be out with their friends in the evening, but not old enough for a job or college.

Hibiscus09
01-31-2008, 03:25 PM
The guys who beat him up were from outside the area, but had obviously been told about the "pervert who molested small children" so felt it was their duty to deal with him. Once they were told the truth, they apologised. They were older than the teenagers who started the whole thing in the first place.

Yes, the beating was bad, one eye was injured enough that he couldn't see with it for a week, and he's had occasional ringing in his ears ever since. We called an ambulance and the police who were very disappointed it wasn't someone local they had their eye on.

While there are more knives in the street now, there are very few weapons being carried by teenagers in Ireland.

Sorry -- just saw your other post describing the previous incident. That's a little rougher than regular teenage prank type stuff.

Maybe your husband needs some counseling for what happened to him before. That type of thing can cause some lasting emotional damage.

Eileen
01-31-2008, 03:30 PM
Sorry -- just saw your other post describing the previous incident. That's a little rougher than regular teenage prank type stuff.

Maybe your husband needs some counseling for what happened to him before. That type of thing can cause some lasting emotional damage.

Yes, I'm inclined to think that too, but he feels that counseling is implying there is something wrong with him, and he doesn't think there is.

During the previous incident, I bored every member of the local Mother's Mafia with the details of what was happening and enlisted them all in dealing with it. He doesn't have that sort of support system.

TANK25
01-31-2008, 03:34 PM
I think your husband might need some psychological help.Having people thinking he was a child molester must be wearing on his mind and causing him to act like this.

Eileen
01-31-2008, 03:53 PM
I think your husband might need some psychological help.Having people thinking he was a child molester must be wearing on his mind and causing him to act like this.

The child molester thing only lasted for about a week, and didn't spread more than a street or two away.

I would feel happier if he got some professional help, but he's not totally against the idea.

GreenWave1
01-31-2008, 04:01 PM
Maybe he should start hitting the gym. If he looks like a potential victim and acts like a potential victim, he'll be victimized. These are teens. Not that hard to intimidate them. If they fear you, they'll move on to someone else.

bodyhard
01-31-2008, 04:31 PM
Mid-teens. Old enough to be out with their friends in the evening, but not old enough for a job or college.

I don't know what "mid-teen" means but if they are over 18, to me you are a man and will be handled like a man.

Sorry that your husband has to go through this, I wont give my advice as my advice will be bad advice in many eyes

Odin1970
01-31-2008, 05:59 PM
Sorry that your husband has to go through this, I wont give my advice as my advice will be bad advice in many eyes

For the record, I think any advice is good advice. Just because yours is aggressive dosent make it bad.

GnomusMaximus
01-31-2008, 06:43 PM
Sorry that your husband has to go through this, I wont give my advice as my advice will be bad advice in many eyes

I might be a Psychologist, but I'm not a pacifist. In many ways I'll bet we're thinking alike.

I can't really give specific advice because it's outside of my scope of practice, I don't know this situation well, and I'm on another continent, but do you, your husband, and your family a favor and go get him some help. You all went through a tough time, there is nothing "wrong with" getting help. I don't know your health system well (I'm assuming you're in the Republic) but staying in bed while your wife goes off looking for the trouble makers is probably not the way any man wants to be. So do what you guys need to do to get back to the lives you deserve. Good luck and Pm me if I can help any way.

Minotaur
01-31-2008, 07:28 PM
For the record, I think any advice is good advice. Just because yours is aggressive dosent make it bad.

x2.

gctaylor
01-31-2008, 07:45 PM
Since you're asking for opinions I'll speak up here. Could it be that his pride and ego was also slightly bruised? May be he's feeling less like a man because he just wasn't up to dealing with this at the time. I agree the psychological help is good. It might also help if you two spent some intimate time together and he rung your bell. :) Even if you have to exaggerate a little.

Obviously he has other positive attributes you could focus on to help bring him out of his funk.

Best wishes.

Jordo1
01-31-2008, 08:25 PM
Do you have any neighborhood watch programs in Ireland? If so, maybe you and you're husband could get one started in your neighborhood. At a minimum, it would show those kids' parents their kids are getting out of hand enough to force residents to start standing watch over their own neighborhood.

Luke Whippo
02-01-2008, 05:46 AM
I don't know what "mid-teen" means but if they are over 18, to me you are a man and will be handled like a man.

Sorry that your husband has to go through this, I wont give my advice as my advice will be bad advice in many eyes









yup
IMO Eileen's husbands beating is proof to me that your "street justice" doesn't work, her husbands freinds in this are video and police.

be a stoolly!!!

IR45N
02-01-2008, 06:07 AM
Eileen, thank you for the added info and sorry what your husband and you have had to go through.

I can only imagine your husband is/has felt like both a victim and criminal what with the beating and having the police (doing their job) go through your photo albums to verify there were no pedophile acts involved.

Still, this is an area where I can't imagine anything worse; being truly innocent and yet having some public opinion think otherwise.

Hoping the egging was random but you get more surveilance in your area and also hope your husband can some how professionally get this talked out and put to rest.

Stevebaby
02-01-2008, 07:37 AM
From the original incident involving a beating, I believe your husband perhaps never got over this. I think far wose than the hitting was the shame he felt. The concept of shame (I think) is one of the most distructive things to the human spirit. The incidents are no longer seperate but collective in his mind.

Clearly these young people are out of control and I would report it to the authorities. Even if they don't do anything you are doing something and staying within the bounds of the law. It is very difficult to seperate yourself and see the action as not personal...and frankly it could have been.

I do think counseling is in order. It does not mean he is weak. He needs other options to explore healing that he has not thought about. You seek options here that you have not thought about. But seeing the need for help is better than being in a rut....on going.

Why I don't believe in running from a problem. It is possible you both need a clean slate and move from your area.

I read this thread last night and was glad to find it again this morning. It was really on my mind. I wish you both well. Your husband needs to feel good about himself or I fear for his health.

Whatever you do you both must get to a place and feel better and that things are resolved. These kids are not going to understand the long term effects...but you do. Whether you move, consult a doctor, exercise...maybe all of the above...take a step together. You need to also talk to your husband so he understands this is something you are both going through...both suffering...both in pain. Taking the lead as the female does not under value his place as a male. You are partners and partners help each other...lean on each other. My best to you. I hope you have this resolved and find peace very soon.