Kim's Jumpin' Again!

[teechur20]

Hello Friends! I totally let my journal go once school started, but over the past few weeks I've realized I have totally lost touch with myself, if that makes sense. I need a place to come to where there are other women like me fighting the daily fight. I also need a place to come to where I have total freedom to vent.

This journal is going to start out much more honestly than my previous journal. For over 20 years I have struggled with compulsive overeating and bulimia. There, I've said it. For years I have played the game where I have told myself and my husband that I can handle it all myself. Well, I lied. I cannot do this alone and, quite frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of the lying, hiding, pretending it's OK, ignoring it, all the tricks I've used in order not to deal with it. I am finally getting help and I want to be successful. The hardest part of this will be the cognitive therapy--changing my thought processes that have been a part of my daily life for well over 20 years. I know now no matter how clean I eat, how hard I exercise, that if I don't change my thoughts and reactions to them, I will continue running in circles with this. I have never fought hard enough...I've always let my thought processes destroy everything I've worked for. This is why I need this journal again so badly. I need a place to come to when my thoughts are driving me crazy and when those old habits want to take over my life again.

I'm not going to log food and numbers and percentages. Rather, I want to keep track of binge-free days and exercise. I have had a clean diet set up for me and will keep track of that in a different log. I'm excited about a new start!

It sure feels good to be back.
Kim

[catbaloous]

Hey, Kim!

I am proud of you for your honesty. That is the one of the hardest parts. I am excited for you. Just know that we are here to support you. You can do this, I can tell you want to. But you are right, it all starts inside of you. Within the core of your being, which is flexible and willing to change. Most of us are creatures of habit, you just have to break the cycle of your thought patterns. Good Luck to you!

[vanessa40]

Kim,
Welcome back...i've missed you...i'm glad you are getting help and are being honest with yourself..good luck..i know you will do great..

Vanessa

[StlBarbie]

Kim,
Welcome back...i've missed you...i'm glad you are getting help and are being honest with yourself..good luck..i know you will do great..

Vanessa

Bump to this Kim ... glad that you are back with us ... and as you well know .. the support off this board is priceless!!! :)

[KiwiNovice]

Welcome back Kim!!!

[Briar]

welcome back hunny, and congrats on your honesty it will do you wonders to get things like that off your chest and out in the open!! Its the first step to recovery and we will be here for you if you need us every step of the way! :) take care

[teechur20]

Thanks ladies! I know I can count on all sorts of support here. I've missed it, that's for sure! Now that I'm getting down, dirty, and honest with myself this will be a whole new adventure.

Speaking of adventures and new starts...today I registered for a full marathon! It's not until June, but I definitely need the time to build my base mileage up. I realized that was something else I was missing--serious running and training. I was going to do a half marathon next weekend, but my principal is sending myself and a coworker to the National Middle School Association's national conference which is the same weekend. Now I'm on the lookout for a half marathon for Jan/Feb. There is one half that I always do in April...so plenty of other race opportunities to prepare for a full marathon. My husband is going to flip when I tell him, but for now I'm going to delight in this little secret myself!

[teechur20]

Yesterday was the first day in several that I made it though, sticking to my clean diet, and no bingeing. I have been working with a new book about bulimia and am about to get into the workbook section. I am looking forward to working through issues, but there is a part of me that is a bit sad about it...like I know I'm letting go of a friend, a partner, a comfort. I guess it is a bit like breaking up--as weird as that may seem. For over 20 years I have used bingeing and purging as a way to deal with so many things. I guess I'm feeling a little scared--like how do I deal now? That's what I need to learn. Scary stuff ahead!

Exercise today:
10 minutes HIIT for warmup
5 mile run: 46:20

I need to build up to a long run of 10 miles, then start a marathon training program I've learned about in Runner's World. There are only three days of running. One day of speed work, one day of a tempo run, and one day of a long run. The long run starts at 10 miles, though, so I need to build a bit. It's exciting to feel like I'm training again! It's been a while!

Happy Halloween everyone! Still not sure what I"m going to do about the candy floating around all day tomorrow. Have to talk it through with hubby. I just don't know if I should have some 'just because it's Halloween' or try to abstain from it all day. I'm so all or nothing. Need to figure it out before my students start bringing me stuff all day tomorrow!

[Miranda]

hallo kim - good to have you back! i missed your journaling.

[sherdi]

Great to have you back! Welcome Back! :)

[Watch Me!]

Glad to see you back! :)

[vanessa40]

Wow...i'm impressed...a full marathon..i can't wait to see your progress..good luck..

Vanessa

[teechur20]

Few things going on for me. #1--I made it through most of the day yesterday without sneaking candy, but eventually the Halloween candy got to me. The compuslive thoughts started and there was nothing I could do to quiet them--that is a skill I need to learn, how to combat the repetitive thoughts. The secrecy of bingeing is something I am for the first time admitting to my husband. Last night while he watched TV, I read a magazine while secretly eating candy--one piece after another. He had no clue. My instant reaction to my bingeing is to hide it. When we went to bed though, I broke down and told him what I had been doing. While it was painful to do, it really was a good step for me. I've never ratted myself out before. I also had him read a section of a book I'm working with--advice to loved ones dealing with bulimia. I don't think he quite understood the secret world I've been living with--the secrecy and the shame.

I'm feeling a little pissy today about Halloween. I have decided it's not worth having any candy today and told hubby that I didn't want to eat any candy or cookies given to me. At lunch I took over all the 'goods' to his classroom (a huge benefit--his classroom is directly across the hall from mine!) but I was pissed about it. I have that 'woe is me' attitude--everyone else and their dog can have candy today, but not me. It's so unfair. Blah blah blah. What I'm trying to tell myself is that I'm treating myself better by not having it--that knowing the outcome (a sure binge for the rest of the day) I'm making a good choice that will help me, not hurt me. Ok, I just need to go with that thought for the rest of the day.

I am going to get referrals of some therapists so I can set up an appointment for next week. I think I need the additional help. I'm going to begin a three week plan as outlined in a book I've been working--I will start that today. Positive steps, positive steps.

Exercise
Bench 4X8
BB rows 4X8
DB press 3X10
Lat pulldown 3X10
Incline DB hammer curls 3X10

HIIT: 26 minutes

[StlBarbie]

Do you find there are certain foods that just make control that much more difficult??? For me, I have to avoid peanut butter ... and movie popcorn and a few other odds and ends because really once I get them in my system .. there is just no stopping at sensible quantities!!!!

[teechur20]

Ok, finally over a big hump. I just got back from the National Middle School Association's four day conference in Philadelphia. I knew that even though I 'restarted' my program, it would stall for the four days in Philly and it did. I had no time to workout, plus our hotel had no fitness room. Our hotel was actually in New Jersey and since I didn't know the layout of the area I didn't feel comfortable running outside in the wee early dark hours of the morning. Needless to say I am excited to workout tomorrow morning and get this dog and pony show back on the road!

My coworker and I took the bus to New York City yesterday and spent the day wandering around. We took the subway to Ground Zero--wow...that was really moving. In all it was a great trip, but as always, I was very happy to get home to my girls and husband and our quiet little town!

This week's goal is to make an appointment with a therapist and to restart my work with the workbook I picked up last week.

Oh Powells, yes, yes and yes...basically anything with sugar, any empty carb food, and yes, peanut butter as well can really get me going. I'm thinking sugar has got to go. It was tough going through Halloween, but I'm sugared out...I have to go through detox (again! Stuff is like crack!)

Off to bed! Kim

[teechur20]

Finally!!! One complete day down with a pretty decent workout and a totally clean eating day. I probably should have eaten more, but just couldn't. I was still on a junkfood hangover and just didn't fee like eating much. Ugh...one thing I hated was hopping on the treadmill to run and because of my lack of exercise and crappy diet the last week, everything was bouncng and jiggling everywhere. I felt so uncoordinated! But, after a few good eating days and exercise things will tighten up again, but ewww until then!


Exercise
Bench 4X8
BB rows 4X8
DB press 3X10
Lat pulldown 3X10
Incline DB hammer curls 3X10

HIIT: 20 minutes

I think I'll start a Clean Day Count...Day 1!

[teechur20]

Aaah...another fine day in Clean Eating Land! It feels good--my body is getting back into synch so that feels good, but as usual, it's difficult now to not say 'if only I wouldn't have fallen off the wagon I'd be down X amount' blah blah blah. A lot of my problem is changing those same negative thoughts that have dominated my brain over the last 20 years. That is the real challenge!

Exercise: leg workout (ugh!)
Squats 4 X 6
Romanian Deadlifts 4 X 6
Bulgarian Squats 3 X 10
Standing Leg Curls 3 X 10
Calf Raises 3 X 15

Clean Day Count: 2

[imperfectly_lou]

Welcome back :)

[teechur20]

Thanks Lou! It's so good to be back!

[teechur20]

How does one know when one's chicken is bad?! Ugh, I just grilled 6 chicken breasts and I thought they looked a little funny right off the bat. They were frozen chicken breasts and I don't think the package was sealed correctly and they don't look any better now that they're grilled. Grrrr...I hate spending time preparing food and then have it be for nothing. Thank goodness for those precooked chicken strips.

Anyways...another great day! I haven't been grocery shopping for several days, I just couldn't trust myself yet--not to pick up junk food for a secret stash, one of my favorite old tricks. I did go to the store today, however hubby and I and the kids all went, so there wasn't that temptation. One funny thing that happened is that Sydney (our 6 yr old) asked if we could get ice cream and root beer for floats, something she and I would eat a lot together while Jerome was out of town for football. I said 'no, but why don't we get some really good fruit instead?' and she was thrilled with that option. It really made me realize how I used the girls as an excuse to have the crap food when it's really me that wants it. I did have a few moments when we went through the holiday aisle and I saw all that candy--it's just like a drug to me! I see it, I want it. I just have to stay focused and continue helping myself.

Exercise:
Hill workout on TM--45 minutes

Clean Day Count: 3

[imperfectly_lou]

You're doing great Kim! :)

Off-chicken (or even chicken heading that way!) will usually have a slight odour and may even be a little funny coloured, kinda "glossy"... I would toss it. Food poisoning is no fun!

[teechur20]

Thanks for the chicken tips, Lou...I am obviously not any kind of domestic goddess! :-)

Well, hit a bump today, but it is a bump only, not a roadblock. I have to figure out a better way to deal with the impromptu dinner suggestions. I have a good friend who happens to be very heavy and despite warnings from her doctor is not doing anything to lose weight. Anyway, long story short, Thursdays we always get together to watch Survivor. She calls to say she's bringing pizza. Now, I should have said 'no, that's OK...' and made up some reason not to have pizza--already ate, etc. However, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and maybe I'm just a wuss myself, and just said, 'Ok, sounds great.' Needless to say, had pizza which threw me for a loop because it was an unplanned cheat meal. I had extra things then on top of the pizza because I bought right into the 'well, I've already screwed up, might as well keep going.' Unfortunately this all led to a purging incident. I still have to tell my husband. The upside I guess is that I haven't purged for over two weeks, so that is progress. I will have to think about ways to handle those impromptu food issues, especially with the holidays coming.

Something I'm starting to research is the effect of Dexedrine on eating disorders. I have narcolepsy and so I have been using Dexedrine (a pretty strong amphetamine) over the last four months I could really feel a difference in my personality--irritability, moodiness, depression, and a really bad flare up of eating disorder symptoms. I wonder if there is a link? I quit the Dexedrine last week and switched to a lighter over the counter stimulant and day by day my moods seem to improve.

Exercise: Upper body
Standing military press 4X8
Lat pulldown 4X8
Decline DB chest presss 3X10
Incline DB rows 3X10
Tricep extensions 3X10

HIIT: 25 min

I'll have a six mile run this weekend, can't wait!
Kim

[imperfectly_lou]

Don't stress too much about last night Kim... what's done is done.

In the future, I suggest you tell your friend in advance that you don't want to have pizza tomorrow night or whatever. You are trying to eat healthier. You could even make homemade pizzas if you want. I do it quite a bit... you can use low carb tortillas as the base, add on lots of veggies, some grilled chicken and then use LF cheese or ricotta as the topping.

[Miranda]

if your GF wants to stay unhealthy it's her right to do so. but you don't have to suffer because of it. bulimia has a lot to do with feeling out of control so an unplanned (forced) cheat isn't going to help it. there's a thin line between wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle and being a spoilsport at parties.

[teechur20]

Lou and Miranda...you are so right. I think I get stuck in people pleaser mode and worry too much about other people's feelings, last night a perfect example. I thought 'well, I don't want Chris to feel bad about eating pizza even though she knows she shouldn't and if I say no, she'll feel even worse about wanting it herself' blah blah blah. But in the end she goes home and I'm left feeling crappy because I caved in. I guess part of this healthy lifestyle is taking control of my choices and who the hell cares if other people want to continue on with eating crap. That's THEIR choice.

I talked to hubby this morning about last night. We had a good talk. I promised him honesty so I'm glad followed through. He was at our other house prepping it for painting today. I should have called him, but that's the hardest thing, reaching out when I'm in that mode. Anyway, it's done and over and I'm moving on!

We are painting inside our new house today--so excited. We're moving from a 1400 sq foot house to a 3200 sq foot house. I can't wait for all the room! We have two girls, and the girly stuff is taking over our small house! I'm packing my healthy lunch along so if anyone suggests 'running to McDonald's' I can say no thanks! I already have lunch! How's that for taking control of my life!

Tonight I plan to visit some other journals...I have been loving the input I'm getting, time to share the love!

[teechur20]

Well, day one of painting down! Sheesh it's a lot of work. It looks great though, love the colors we've picked. We are painting our kitchen red and have the primer on...I'm a little scared because the primer is so so bright. We'll see how the paint looks once we get it on tomorrow.

Planning on an early morning 7 mile run tomorrow before we go paint again. Hope the weather is decent so I don't have to do it on the treadmill.

Week 1
Clean days:4
Not so much days: 1

[vanessa40]

Hi...
Wanted to check in and see how your run went...i love your signature line..it's so true..

Vanessa :)

[teechur20]

Wow! Long weekend for us with painting the new house. Man, that Ty Pennington can knock out a house in 60 minutes...we've painted a total of 30 hours and are nowhere near done! Ha! I guess I need a huge crew and an editing crew. BUT, I'm happy to report that the colors I picked are looking marvelous.

I did OK eating-wise. Again, I ran into what I've come to call the 'give in syndrome'. I am realizing I give away all my power to choose what I put in my body w/out even thinking about it. A friend shows up with a plate of cookies one of the days we were painting, offers one to me and before I can say 'not on my diet plan!' I'm like, great! Thanks! That one cookie turned into about 6 plus fast food later on in the day (I already screwed up by eating the cookies, why not!) So, my husband suggested I just get mad and take back my power. It's my decision what I eat and the hell with everyone else. Just say no!

I did not make it out for my long run this weekend...booo. I woke up Sunday morning stiff, sore, tired, and sick from the 14+hours a day of painting. I will hit my long run this weekend for sure. I have to find a bit of balance w/all the house stuff and still get my sleep. I'm worthless without my good night's sleep!

I will be starting my new narcolespy meds tomorrow. I've been on this new drug before and it totally killed my appetite. It'll be interesting to see if that happens again. I'm so glad to be off the Dexedrine, though. It was changing my delightful personality way too much! :-)

Exercise: Upper and Cardio
Bench 4X8
DB Rows 4X8
Front Lat DB raises 3X10
Lat Pulldowns 3X10
Standing BB bicep curls 3X10

TM-Tempo run 25 min

Clean Count To Turkey Day...1 of 10

[teechur20]

Holy cow...hard to believe we are halfway through Nov. already. Anyhow...
had a very good lift this morning. Worked a little harder than usual--eeked out a few more reps than I anticipated I would. Leg days are so hard, but feel so good once they are over. I seriously just feel spent between sets. It's a good thing, but at the time it is so hard!

Started my new narco meds today and so far so good. Not as jittery as the other stuff and I don't feel like I'm functioning at warp speed.

Exercise: Leg Day
Squats 4X6
Romanian Deadlifts 4X8
Bulgarian Squats 3X10 (anyone else HATE these?!)
Standing Leg Curl 3X12
Calf Raisers 2X15

Clean Count To Turkey Day 2 of 10

[teechur20]

Oh my gosh, my new meds are making such a great difference already. My moods seem to be improving everyday since I quit the Dexedrine. I really wonder if there is a link between such a strong amphetamine and eating disorders, or at the very least the compulsive thoughts that accompany an eating disorder. I'll have to research that.

Well, I counted backwards and I have 28.5 weeks until the marathon! How's that for a long term goal? I'm looking into a training program that calls for three basic key runs during the week along with two easy running days or cross training. Only problem is during the week I workout at 4:30am so almost all my running is on the treadmill (except for long runs on Sundays). I think that might be too much treamill running. I might have to purchase a stationary bike, which I've wanted to do anyway. I'm not sure what else I could do for cross training without any other kind of equipment at 4:30 in the morning! Have to think on that.

Exercise: 45 min hill training

Clean Count To Turkey Day 3 of 10

[vanessa40]

Hi,
I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better..wow 28 weeks till your marathon..i'll be cheering you on.. :) :)

Vanessa

[teechur20]

Thanks Vanessa!

Well, I am proud of myself. Today my friend that is always wanting to go out to eat once again suggested we go to a favorite Mexican restaurant (sooo yummy, but authentic meaning tons o' lard) for dinner tonight. I just about said 'yeah, sure' as I almost always do. (Hmmm..perhaps she's come to depend on me to be her out to eat friend?) BUT...I stopped myself and said, 'well, I just bought a bunch of chicken and was going to make chicken chili. Plus, I'm trying not to go out to eat so much anymore." (what backbone! What take charge-ness!) She got a little pouty (which I knew she would which is why I always caved) and just sort of said, 'Ok, fine then.' and sullenly walked away. Yay for me! I don't like feeling like she's mad at me, but sheesh, pretty dumb reason to get mad at someone! One little battle down!

[vanessa40]

Good for you...:) When i first started eating clean my friends kind of acted the same way...they get use to it after awhile..you stick to your guns..

Vanessa :)

[teechur20]

Today I get some unexpected time alone with my husband! It's funny, even though we live together and teach right across the hall from each other, we rarely get time alone together for any length of time. Anyway, he was going in to Salt Lake City (90 min drive) today after school to pick up all the flooring and trim for our new house and wanted to have someone go along. We were talking about who might want to ride along and then it hit us, 'duh!' So we rounded up a sitter and now we get to have a date to Home Depot! We needed to look at cabinets together, anyhow, so it'll be just a fine way to spend time together (until we start arguing about the cabinets! Ha!)

I'm so proud of one of my dear friends. She has lost 30 pounds over the last 8 months or so by walking daily and Weight Watchers. When I told her I was running the Salt Lake City Marathon I suggested she train to walk the half marathon. Now, this was a gal who barely moved off her couch a year ago. She is IN! I'm so excited! In about 10 weeks I'm going to set up a little training plan for her and her walking partner. I just can't believe she's going to do it!

My body is starting to rebound from those few crappy weeks. I can feel places starting to tighten up again--always a good feeling!

Exercise: Lift and Run

Standing Military BB Press 4X8
Mid Pull Row 4X8
DB Chest flyes 3X10
Incline DB Row 3X10
BB Tricep Ext 3X10
Vups 3X10

TM: 27 minutes HIIT

[sherdi]

Glad to see things are going well for you! :D

[vanessa40]

It's great that your friend has lost so much weight and is going to do the half marathon..it always helps to have something to work toward..hope you and your hubby had a nice date at Home Depot..i think thats sweet.. :)

Vanessa

[teechur20]

The last few days have been so busy! We've been painting and installing the new hardwood floors in the new house and also packing up some things in our house now. Still have so much to do! The painting has been fun, but tedious. I'm loving the colors I've picked out, some are a little bolder than I thought, but it's all good. I can't wait for it to all come together.

My eating has been OK, not the best. I don't think I'm preplanning like I should. I'm still a work in progress there, I think. But, I need to get it together. I haven't purged, but I've had little mini binges, more like unplanned snacks, etc. I really think I need to plan out my meals, even though I'm struggling against doing that.

Did a 6 mile run today, felt wonderful.

Exercise: 6 mile run @ 56:00

[vanessa40]

Your run time looks great...keep up the good work..:)

Vanessa

[teechur20]

Thanks for the kudos, Vanessa!

Had a pretty decent day today, for a Monday! After school I did some more painting in the new house. That's my life these days...kids, school, paint!

Good workout this morning, however I was a little slow getting going. Imagine that at 4:30am!

Exercise: Upper and cardio

Bench 4X8
DB Rows 4X8
Front Lat DB raises 3X10
Lat Pulldowns 3X10
Standing BB bicep curls 3X10

TM-Easy run 20 min

[vanessa40]

OOOHHH....4:30 am..now thats dedication...i'm impressed.. :)

Vanessa

[teechur20]

Another busy day done! I was able to get some more painting done...I am so tired of painting and have so many more rooms to go! I feel like a one woman painting machine!

Heading into this long Thanksgiving weekend I am thankful for a long weekend! It's funny though, how much I think I can get done and the reality of what actually gets done! We're staying put for Thanksgiving, getting together with the same teachers we always have--it's become quite the tradition. The rest of the weekend will be spent working in the new house. Will it ever end!?

I have started my pre-marathon training training! I'm following a plan that calls for three key runs per week with two easy running days or two cross training days. For now I have to work with easy running days but I'm going to buy a spinning bike so I have an option besides running. 5-6 days running on the treadmill is just too much. But, the two key runs during the week are best done on the treadmill because they deal heavily with pacing.

Exercise: cardio
Key Run #1 40 minutes

[Boots]

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Kim :)

[teechur20]

Happy holdiday weekend everyone! It's been so busy around my house I haven't had much of a chance to update my journal.

Thanksgiving was fun, but I did the typical and overindulged on way too much of everything. I woke up Friday morning feeling sick physically, but strong mentally. I have found a support system called FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) that believes in the 12 step process similar to AA. Now, some people may believe that food addiction is baloney, but I believe for me, it is true. Sugar, flour, and wheat products absolutely have some sort of addictive quality that once I eat them, my body craves them. I have one day of abstinence down (no sugar, flour or wheat) and plan to continue with this food plan. I refuse to look at the 'forever-ness' of this plan, but rather living it day by day. Really, it is just living and eating clean--without the cheat days. For me cheat meals, days will never work. The cheats send me into a sprial of bingeing that usually take days to get out of. Anyhow, I feel like I have found something that rings true for me and plan to embrace abstinence and work this program.

Today is off from exercise. Tomorrow is a 7 mile run. Although I like running in cool temps, I do not like running in cool temps when it's windy! The one thing we do get in the desert in the winter is wind! So, I will hope for no wind tomorrow.

Hope all is going well!

[teechur20]

Well, it was windy and cold this morning, so I had to settle for running on the treadmill. My home gym is actually in the garage, so it was still pretty chilly running--had on tights and a long sleeved shirt w/mittens! When we move into the new house in a few weeks I'll have my very own gym in the basement--a whole room to myself, my weights and my treadmill..and soon a bike as well. I can't wait for that. I'm painting the walls yellow I've decided. Nice and bright. Anyhow, ran for 72 minutes. Not too bad. I'm currently watching season 1 of Lost on DVD...but I'm on my last disc, so I'll need to find a new show to order up!

I have had three days now of what I'm calling abstinence. No sugar, no flour, no wheat. I am extremely proud of myself for making it through a weekend. For several Sundays in a row I've gone to bed feeling bloated and gross because of eating crap all weekend long...not tonight! First time in four Sundays that I will go to bed feeling clean.

Excercise: 72 minutes on treadmill

[sherdi]

Congrats on finding out what triggers you! You can do this! I know myself that I feel so much better when I am not eating sugar and flour and I do believe that it is addictive! Whenever, you feel as though you crave them why not transfer that to something healthy? Just a thought!

[vanessa40]

Hi,
Congradulations on 3 days of abstinence...and running for 72 mins on a treadmill ...now thats good..after about 30 mins i go crazy...keep up the good work.. :)

Vanessa

[GyMgrrrL]

Hi teechur20! I just dropped in on your journal, been following the boards for quite some time, but thought I'd hit up the journaling section. I just want to say WOW! 72 minutes of running. I just started running about a month ago and I'm up to 31 minutes straight, and I thought that was a pretty good accomplishment, so 72 minutes, wow! Great job, and keep up the good work and away from that sugar, that's one of my goals as well :)

[teechur20]

Hi GyMgrrrL--thanks for stopping by! Be careful with the running! It's addictive! :-) I had really slowed down on running, but decided it's time to look at another marathon (I've run two, the last about 4 years ago) so I'm back in training. This too could be you! And the sugar thing...wow--such a huge difference to get it out of the system.

So, here's a realization o' the day...my toughest time trying not to munch is between 3:30pm-5:00pm. Usually I lose the battle and start munching on something, picking at this or that, and then get crabby with the girls because I'm pissed that once again I've 'failed'. Today, got home, got down on the floor and wrestled and read and danced and played and before I knew it, it was 5pm. Now, not that I don't ever do those things, but usually I'm preoccupied with thoughts of food and I'm not really tuned in with what I'm doing with the girls. Today it was just that--good honest playing and laughing with no junk calling me to get off the floor and come eat. That is progress. That is worth giving up sugar.

Exercise
Bench 4X8
DB Rows 4X8
Front Lat DB raises 3X10
Lat Pulldowns 3X10
Standing BB bicep curls 3X10

TM-Easy run 25 min

[GyMgrrrL]

I'd much rather become addicted to running than other things... like my sugar as of now... I really do hope to cut back on my sugar intake. I know I feel much better when I dont eat it, but I just need to do it slowly this time. Last time I tried to go cold-turkey and man, about 4 days later... massive sugar binge!


As far as the snacking thing.. I have the same problem! I find that I am just about starving (not really, but in my head its like, "food! I need food!" when I really dont NEED it) from the time I get home from work (about 4:15pm) until dinner at about 6-6:30pm, even if I have a healthy snack around 3. Once I see my kitchen, its like BAM, I need food... sweets especially. I try to keep myself occupied as much as possible, but sometimes its just unavoidable for me. Thats when ALL my binging occurs too. Then by the time my fiance gets home for dinner I have to say, "my stomach hurts".. which it really does, but I never tell him the reason behind it was I just ate the entire kitchen, so then I end up skipping a healthy dinner and late night snack. Its a horrible thing! I feel your pain!

[teechur20]

Last day of November--holy cow, can't believe how fast the year is going. Good workouts the last few days!

Tuesday: Key Run 1 (35 minutes interval training)

Wednesday:
Exercise: Leg Day
Squats 4X6
Romanian Deadlifts 4X8
Bulgarian Squats 3X10 (anyone else HATE these?!)
Standing Leg Curl 3X10
Calf Raisers 2X15

This is 6 days of abstinence and I have to say it just feels so good. It's not a diet, it's not me restricting myself, it's simply me making the CHOICE to live each day without sugar or flour. Aaaaaahhh...my mind is clear of battles for the first time in months. It's a good day!

[sherdi]

You can do it Kim! :)

[GyMgrrrL]

Yay for sugar abstinence! You're doing great, keep it up :)

[teechur20]

Thanks ladies!

Another mini battle won...first let me say I love both of my daughters to death--Sydney age 6 and Olivia age 19 months. When Sydney was Olivia's age she was a gentle summer breeze. Miss Olivia is a friggin' tornado and today was a tough day...that girl is a force of nature. Anyhow, many times the stress of dealing with Olivia will drive me to overeat--I would use food to stuff down the stress to cope, which of course never really helped because I'd then get pissed about overeating, etc...we all know the cycle. But today...I could feel that stress rising as Olivia left a wake of destruction throughout the house, continually climbed on the kitchen table with her little purple high heeled dress up shoes (yes, I'm serious!) and carried the cat around the house by the neck. I was calm, I kept my cool, and just breathed through the stress and let it roll away. That old urge was right below the surface to grab food...but I didn't. I didn't! That is progress.

[teechur20]

Another clean as can be day down! My first big challenge will be the weekend, my usual slide pattern where I loosen up a bit with food. That always sends me on a slippery slope until I end up feeling sick and bloated by Sunday night. Not this weekend! I will continue to keep my food log and treat Saturday and Sunday the same and stick to my plan. It's just feeling better every day.

Exercise
Standing BB Military Press 4X8
Mid Pulley Row 4X8
DB Chest Flye 3X10
Incline DB Row 3X10
Skull crushers 3X10

15 minutes on treadmill

Tomorrow will be a tough workout...Key Run #2 and also leg workout...better get to bed!

[teechur20]

Yay! The weekend! Day 8 of abstinence and feeling groovy! I know I will make it through the weekend just fine. I'll have to adjust a few things over the weekend to make sure I stay on track, but I know it's what I need to do. Tonight, after the girls are in bed, I plan to make a big ol' mug of sugar free hot chocolate, pop some popcorn, and watch mindless TV for at least an hour and call it my free treat...sounds so relaxing to me right now!

Exercise
Key Run #2 30 minutes tempo
Deadlifts 3X8
Squats 3X8
Step Ups 3X10
Reverse Lunges 2X15

Tomorrow is a day off from exercise, but I'll be painting at the new house all day...uggh! when will it end...?! Sunday is an 8 mile run. I'm praying the weather holds. Cold I can handle. Cold, windy, and snowing I cannot!

[teechur20]

Well, a pretty good weekend in all I must say. Hubby and I got a ton of painting done in the new house. Our bedroom is done, finally! We painted it a gorgeous chocolate brown and wow does it look nice. We should be ordering our new carpet this week and start moving furniture over this coming weekend and into next week. It's getting closer! We still have so much to do! Today was a so-so day. I planned on a long run, but lounged around in bed too long, then had some unexpected errands to run, blah blah...long story short I never got my run in. I was feeling bad about that (all or nothing thinking, of course--didn't run, might as well screw the whole day) and I ended up snacking all day rather than having my set meals. Good news is that I still am sugar/flour/wheat free. I didn't turn to any of that, but I did overdo the almonds and rice cakes. I need to remember it's prgress, not perfection, that I'm after. The fact that I didn't hit the usual binge foods is a good thing. I guess this week I just work a little harder!

[sherdi]

I think you are really getting into the groove and having a healthy balance! Great job on the weekend. You are doing great at this! :)

[catbaloous]

Congrats Kim! You are doing great, atleast you aren't hitting your normal binge foods. You are right, it's progress not perfection. Keep it up!

[vanessa40]

Hi Kim,
Don't feel bad about not getting your run in...you sound very busy...i'm sure that you burned a lot of calories... :)

Vanessa

[teechur20]

Ack! I feel like I'm getting swallowed up by the hectic holiday season...I'm sure I'm not the only one, though!

Good workouts the last two days--I'm just too tired to type them out right now! The big news is my eating remains on track and the freedom that has brought into my life is amazing. I haven't weighed myself for about two weeks, and the truth is, I'm not even interested at this point. I'm just so proud of myself and the deliberate choices I am making everyday to feed myself properly. One day at a time is serving me well! Off to bed!

[GyMgrrrL]

I know how you feel about the holiday season... and it's approaching so quickly this year it seems!

Good job with the diet! I like your "one day at a time" attitude :)

[teechur20]

TGIF! This week definitely was a blur. We are definitely moving into stressful territory around my household. We have to be out of our house by then end of next week and into the new house--but we're still waiting for carpet to be installed in the new house so we're sort of stuck waiting for that...we have so much to do and on top of that all things Christmas related to do as well. What's going to suck is that we're pretty much going to get into our new house, unpack a thing or two, and then have to fly to North Dakota for 10 days for the holidays. It's going to be hard for me to leave the new house knowing there is so much to do just waiting for us. I think I'll just have to breathe through this one...nothing I can do about it and in time it will all get done. The beautiful thing so far, however, is that I have not faltered with my eating. 16 days without sugar, flour, wheat--my diet has been clean and on track. Usually by this time I am an eating machine--my way of dealing with the stress of going back to our families. I am very proud of myself for not using food as a way to deal with the stress.

I don't have time to type out my workouts the last few days, but they have been good as well!

[teechur20]

Good news this morning! I decided to weigh myself this morning, just to check in to see where I am at. I knew I had lost a few pounds because clothes were fitting looser--in fact Thursday morning I pulled on a pair of pants that usually are a bit loose, but this time they were too big to wear. So, weighed in and I've actually dropped 8 pounds in the last 15 days! The day I began my abstinence I was at 143, this morning, 135! What's so funny is that every time I restarted a 'diet' I would think I'll reward myself with something fun when I get to 135--but I never made it. I'd get to 136 and then figure I could lighten up with my diet, eat a few sugary snacks and then end up in my binge/purge cycle and shoot right back up to the 140s. Not this time! I'm going to continue with my abstinent lifestyle and go on as usual. I AM going to reward myself, however, with a little something from Sephora.com (theeee best makeup website out there!)

Today is a day off! Tomorrow--7-8 mile run. The weather will be cold, but not windy, so I'm heading out! Happy weekend everyone!

[GyMgrrrL]

Hey there!

Thanks for posting in my journal! you've made amazing progress in these last 15days! I'm still doing good.. no sugar, not even tempted and there's a bowl of chritmas chocolate in front of me! :) I'm just on day 7. I've lost three pounds as of this morning so I'm pretty happy!! I'm so proud of us! :)

[teechur20]

Today was my first workout in my new workout room! We are not moved into our new house, but over the weekend we moved all of my fitness equipment over there. My gym for the past 7 years has been 1/2 of our garage. Now I have my very own room in the basement of our new house--it's awesome!!! Everything fits nicely, I can move around freely--it's great.

Had a terrific 8 mile run yesterday in a crisp 15 degrees! There was no wind, though, so it was actually really nice once I got going. It just felt really great to do that kind of mileage again. My running buddy, Harry Potter the Wonder Mutt, loved it too. He hates running with me in the summer heat, but in the crisp winter air--he's raring to go.

Day 18 without sugar/flour/wheat! It's getting easier and easier everday. There have been a few times that I wanted to say 'screw it' but I know the consequence--I know what path that will lead to, and I don't want to go back there. All I'm doing is taking it day by day--even meal by meal--moment by moment sometimes--and I'm doing it!

Exercise
Bench 3X8
DB Rows 3X8
Front Lat DB raises 3X10
Standing BB bicep curls 3X10

Should have done an easy run, but treadmill wasn't positioned how I wanted it, so spent about 1/2 hour rearranging my new gym. Time well spent!

[imperfectly_lou]

Congratulations on your weight loss Kim! Well done!

[teechur20]

Getting closer and closer to the big move day--the day we will completely move in to our new house! I'm so excited about it, but a bit nervous/anxious as well. Our daily routines are going to be different just because it's such a big house compared to the one we're in now--it'll be an adjustment for everyone. I'm wondering how our daughters will do. All of our bedrooms are on the third floor and the family room is in the basement. I'm guessing my 6 year old will have trouble the first few nights after we put her to bed knowing she is way up on the third floor and mom and dad are way downstairs in the basement. I'll probably get some good exercise running up and down between three levels!

Eating continues to go well. I'm really proud of myself for not 'feeding' the stress of the move, the upcoming travel plans, Christmas--all of that--and have maintained my abstinence. 20 days today!

Exercise
Easy Run TM: 35 minutes
Abs

[teechur20]

WhooHooo! The weekend is here and we are moving into our new house! Let the good times roll! Actually it's going to kind of suck--but what the hell--it's a new house! The new carpet is gorgeous and everything that we wanted to get done before now got done.

Day 22 without sugar/flour/wheat and I have to say I am amazed at so many things. First off is how quickly my body is responding to such a healthy diet of whole foods. Every morning I am shocked at how loose my pants are fitting. Just yesterday I pulled on a pair of grey pinstriped slacks and was shocked at how loose they were--I was drowning in them! This further reinforces the fact that my abstinence has allowed me to focus on living life rather than the scale, food, or my next binge. I am focused on so many other joyful things that I'm not constantly monitoring my weight. What freedom that is!!!

Exercise:
Key Run #2 Tempo (35 minutes)

Legs
Squats 3X6
SLDL 3X8
Step Ups 3X8

Once we're moved in I need to do a better job of balancing my running time and lifting time. I only have so much time every morning and the longer my runs get, the less time I'll have to lift. Have to revamp my program a bit I think.

[GyMgrrrL]

Hope you're having fun moving! We just moved a few months ago, in the dead heat of summer... it sucked! We might be moving again this summer into our first house, and its about 45 miles away so that will be hell as well! Sounds like you're new house and gym are great... pics would be awesome ;) hehe.

Again, congrats on the weight loss! So awesome!!

[teechur20]

Just wanted to get a quick entry in. Everything is going very well. We are moved into our new house and we're loving it! It's just so big--we finally have room to move! There are still so many projects to do, but that's all part of the experience I guess. It's fun to plan out colors, etc. We also have two huge rooms that we don't have furniture for--so that will be fun as well--totally decorating a room (although a little spendy!)

Workouts have continued to go well. I'll get going with some more serious runs in January. I'm also helping train two friends that are going to walk the half marathon.

Eating has been good too. I have remained abstinent! I did have a slip on Sunday, but it reminded me of how easily I can go right back into the whole destructive pattern. I picked right back up with my abstinent meals Monday and haven't looked back. I feel no stress about holiday eating, no dread about dealing with all the food. I know that this will be the first Christmas that I will not gain weight and I feel so relieved!

[sherdi]

Great work on getting back into clean eating after a little slip up!! That is great! Congrats on moving into your new house too! That must be so exciting, especially because it will be the first holiday time to experience there! Happy Holidays!

[Boots]

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas Kim :)

[teechur20]

Well, I either double dosed on my narcolepsy medication or the the last couple days of sugar have given me insomnia! I just can't sleep and the funny thing is that if my step sis's boyfriend wasn't sleeping downstairs I'd be hopping on the treadmill to run, that's what I really feel like doing. It's just so frustrating to want to sleep, but just can't. As a person with narcolepsy this is not something that happens to me very often!!!

Well, Christmas has come and gone and the last few days I did give in to the sugar temptation, even though I've been eating so clean for about a month. I"m not going to beat myself up, however. This is by far the best I've ever done during the holiday season. I know my clothes will still fit come Sunday, Jan. 1st. Many, many Jan. 1sts have come and the clothes I have packed do not fit by the end of the vacation. So, I am calling it good. I am excited to get home though and back into the safety of my own food, my own schedule, and what I have come to call my abstinence.

I'm not sure what goals I'm going to set for myself for the New Year. I already have my marathon goal. I think I need a weightlifting goal, though--not so much about strength, but perhaps consistency or something? I'll have to think about it.

Well, I'm off...eyes are getting a bit heavy, maybe sleep is finally calling!
Kim

[teechur20]

Finally back home from Christmas travels. I am so happy to be home, even though we still have a mess going on from the move. Vacation was OK. I am a bit disappointed in myself as far as eating went. The first few days I did great, but then it was like I couldn't take the pressure to eat, eat, eat and added to that was the stress of dealing with my dad and brother constantly criticizing us for deciding to stay in the small town that we live in. I knew that was going to happen and it's almost like I 'pre ate' to deal with what I knew was coming. Oh well, it's over and we're home and tomorrow is a new day.

I joined a 12 week challenge! I'm pretty excited about that. I am ready to begin anew for a new year! Tomorrow is the starting day and I'll have to take some photos...eeeek! I'll have the Christmas Bloat going on, great! Oh well, it'll seem like more of a transformation then, by the end! :-)

Happy New Year everyone! Kim

[teechur20]

Well, I finally have my abstinence back again after struggling for a few days. They say it's easier to stay abstinent than to get abstinence back--and boy is that the truth! So, for today, I am happy to once again be s/f/w free. Just need to get through the sugar withdrawls!

Time to start bumping up the running workouts and the lifting. I have written up my lifting routine for this week, but I think I need to organize it better. I guess I should start looking at some the stickies to figure out how best to organize my lifts with the time that I have.

[terracotta]

Hi there! So what does this 12 week challenge entail?

[teechur20]

Hey Terra! Thanks for stopping by!

The Challenge is MsFit's challenge. It's a 12 week challenge that started on Jan. 2. $20 entry fee, have to send in before photos and then progress photos every 4 weeks I think. Winner takes 75% of the pot I believe. I think it's a pretty informal challenge, but something to motivate. She has a sticky on it on the that first page of the women's forums. Who knows...maybe I'll be the biggest loser! Ha! :-)

[terracotta]

oohh, good luck!

There is always lots of good competition, and most of the entrants have hired msfit for nutrition programs. Do you have a plan of action all set out?

[teechur20]

My nutritional plan is pretty well set. I've been rethinking my workouts though. I feel like I'm going to be somewhat working against myself. I'm training for a marathon so lots of running, but also want to lower bodyfat and gain some muscle. Two of my key runs are basically HIIT workouts, but I have one long steady run a week, plus a few easier running days as well. I'm going to search around on this site to look at some different workout ideas to help me with my goals. Any suggestions?!

[terracotta]

Maybe an HST style circuit? Lots of compound exercises, little rest between sets.. it would go well with the endurance training you are doing. WBM was doing one a while ago - maybe you can ask her.

[terracotta]

You could probably ask Megin too.

[Megin]

Hey there Teecher (I get scared coming in here- I can't spell :p )


Cool- so you are up for the marathon training. EXCELLENT!!

My single best recomendation for reading would be Jack Daniel's book
I think it's called: 'Jack Daniel's Running Formula'

I just finished reading it and you will find it to be most helpful!

It gives you all sorts of numbers (what the speeds on treadmils correlate to) and the works.

Very good read- even if you just skim through most of it.

Included are also training plans based on your ability and time to train.
Maybe take a look at that


I can answer any question you have (well, at least, I have good people to ask if I can't answer it)

So feel free :D :D

[teechur20]

Busy busy weekend again! I did run this morning, but not as long as I should have, but that's how it goes sometimes I guess! Both Saturday and Sunday my family and I were on the road to two different towns. Saturday I stuck to my plan. Today I really didn't. Interestingly enough, last night I didn't sit down and plan out my meals for today and left it up to chance...hmmm? What's that saying? Failing to plan is planning to fail? That's exactly how it seems!

I've changed up my workouts, excited to be on a new split. I should start posting my actual workouts for critiques, but it's like I write my meal plans out, I write my exercise out...I feel like it's overkill to then type it out again.

Well, I'm fading fast...must be time for bed!

[teechur20]

Arrrrgh! I've done something to my right hand and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with lifting. It is so sore from my wrist all the way up into between my thumb and pointer finger. I hate hate hate being injured! I'm thinking about getting it checked out.

Everything else is going just swell. Diet is good, working out is good--except for my darn hand. That's about it!

[teechur20]

Gosh, time flies! I knew I hadn't journaled in a while, but I was surprised it was a few weeks! Life gets busy I guess. We're still trying to get a handle on this big ol' house we moved into--that is taking up a lot of our extra time.

Workouts and eating are going great! I put on a pair of pants I haven't been able to wear for over two years this morning...they were getting looser and looser, but still not wearable. Well, I might just be wearing those suckers out tonight! They fit perfectly...I'm so excited! I know a huge part of my success is eating so well. I am still eating sugar, flour, wheat free but I've let up a little bit. I have decided on a 90% rule. 90% of the time I eat s/f/w free, but reserve a 10% for events, etc. For example tonight I am going to a bridal shower/bachelorette party and I am going to drink, enjoy some food and not worry about it. Tomorrow--back to my usual diet until the next event might come up. It's working for me. I just don't think it's realistic to cut that stuff out completely and forever...that I think would lead me to a binge. I need a bit of wiggle room.

This morning I ran 10 miles! It felt so good. I know again, a large part is due to my diet. My long runs will start becoming really imortant...17 weeks until my marathon!

Off to get ready for the party--whooohoooo!