Self-reclaimation

[Diamond*Rogue]

Reclaim what, you ask? My body, my energy, my sex drive (damn do I miss that one) but most importantly my spirit. Oh, you say, it's mine already so how could it be stolen? The luck of the draw, I suppose. Genetics. Who knows how it happens? Two years ago I was slim, energetic and ready to conquer the world. Now, I have topped out at 169 pounds, no sex drive and little energy to expend on my toddler. It wasn't childbirth that did this to me. It was my spine. The bastard turned on me! Yes, I have a herniated disc in my neck, degenerative disc disease and a bulging disc in my lower spine which tends to put pressure on my left SI joint. It has deteriorated over time. A year ago, I hiked a six mile round trip mountain trail (very physically challenging). Last week, I did the three mile trip and couldn't walk for two days. No exaggerations. I honestly could not stand upright. As I lay in bed and reach for my third Twinkie, I think "what the hell happened?" Depression oozes into me. <sigh> It's not the first time. I have tried the slow and easy approach to excercise. Do a little bit a day. Do the excercises my neurosurgeon recommended. Problem is, it takes me two days to recover for every one session I do. Not to mention the excercises aren' t even remotely cardio related -mainly muscle strengthing. How can I lose weight with no cardio?!
More depressing news - -I went to my family doctor about my muscle soreness and fatigue. Fibromyalgia. Great. Just great. Well, guess what? This is unacceptable. Screw this. I will not allow this to progress! I am a Saggitarius for heaven's sake! You know, those life-of-the-party energetic personalities everyone loves? Can conquer the world with charm alone? Yeah, that's ME! My element is fire! FIRE I TELL YA! That's me! So why I am lying in this bed with a twinkie in one hand and the remote in the other? FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS OF THE WORLD UNITE! Diamond is ready to roll!!

[Diamond*Rogue]

After much reflection, I have decided to take a different route. Since my lower body is killing me, I will focus on using more of my upper body and pay close attention to my diet. After doing some research on the net, I had purchased some 5-HTP for my fibromyalgia which I started using a couple of days ago. So far, the results have been surprising. My muscle pain has faded a bit and I feel like I actually RESTED when I slept last night. I haven't felt that way in a long time. This is encouraging. Perhaps recovery IS possible!

A thank you to the members of this board. This is the most active message board I have ever seen. Due to the vast amount of knowledge you have been willing to share among each other, I have found recurring suggestions here. Like a guru chanting in my ear, "eat more than three meals a day.......break it up into five or six......eat more protein.....you have to excercise and diet, supplements won't do it FOR you.....each body is different, it may work for me but not you; if it's not working for you, try something else, but dont give up.......if we can do it, you can do it...." A wealth of inspiration here. Of course, the majority of the advice here is targeted toward GAINING weight, but the end effect is the same -- becoming more fit.

Yesterday, I did stretches and danced with my toddler for 20 minutes. I know it's not much, but I am still hurting from last week. I didn't want to lose what progress I made. I watched my diet closely:
breakfast - one cup of Special K w/strawberries, 1/2 cup of 2% milk
mid-morning snack- one orange
lunch - a lean cuisine (25 grams of protein, 21 grams of carbs and only 7 grams of fat)
mid-afternoon snack -- half a zone-perfect bar
supper - a small portion of roast and steamed carrots, onions, broccoli and half a baked potato

I have also been more aware of my fluid intake. I took an empty 20 oz bottle and have been filling it 3 times a day while I sit at work.

Today, I attach a picture of where I'm at and where I'm going. The first picture is my wedding from 2 months ago. The second is me two years ago, which is where I would like to be at now.

Though it may not be apparent from the tux, my husband is a fitness nut. He served in the SEALS and still works out 2 hours a day. He bulks in the winter, cuts in the summer. Obviously, to be with someone so active, I too, use to be very active as well. It is a consolation to know, though, that he married me at my worst instead of my best. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

[Diamond*Rogue]

I'm 5'6", 162 pounds. Chest: 36 Waist (around abdomen): 32 Hips: 42

Got to find old picture. Will post it soon.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Let's try this again.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Oh, the habits of the weekend beat me down. I slipped into the old pattern. Did good for breakfast, good for lunch then had a craving for chinese buffet. I know, I know! <slaps hand> bad! bad!! BUT my husband and I did do some extended cardio TOGETHER (if ya know what I mean...he he he) so I don't feel TOOO guilty. Sunday, I did excellent all day, even took 15 minutes to excercise. Nothing heavy, no weights, just some light moving around. Which, did leave me sore in the spine, but hey -- I've got to do SOMEthing. I have another appointment with my neurosurgeon next month. Maybe he will advise me on some other ways to excercise since the ones he provided before hurt.

For my honeymoon, I had my SI joints shot up with cortisone to ease the inflamation so I could have some fun on my Jamaican honeymoon. It worked. The first round I had right before the wedding (lasted a month). The second round lasted through the honeymoon plus one week. MAN you don't realize how much pain it blocks out until it wears off. Think this is part of my problem now. Can't live off cortisone shots forever. Physical therapy has not been working. Need more alternatives here.

Today -- did two sets of upper body and one set to failure of lower body work. Will concentrate on my diet. One day at a time....one day at a time......

Couldn't find the picture of me at my goal level. Have it to scan, but not on line. Will have to get that scanned in so that I can atach it for everyone to see what I hope to reclaim.

[Diamond*Rogue]

I have been good for five days this week! Only once did I indulge in hot dogs and onion rings. BUT I offset it by working out a little longer than normal. The 5 HTP has been nothing short of a miracle with my muscle recovery. I have been using Hydroxydrene on the days I do physical activity. I am slowly upping my work out endurance. I am going to join the gym this week so I can have time for me. I figure the hubby spends five days at the gym, he can pick our daughter up two days a week and let ME workout for a change. I mainly plan on going during my lunch breaks.
I have lost 3 inches and five pounds during my first week. I know weight loss typically slacks off from here on out, but I intend to keep working on it. I have more energy now since I have been sleeping well at night.

I have to say, I am proud of myself even if it has only been 7 days.

[LethalGunz34]

Originally posted by Diamond*Rogue
Let's try this again.


Congratulations!!!!!:cool:

[DarkFalcon]

Great job Diamond, it takes a lot of courage to get through a debilitating condition such as the one you have. It's easy to fall into the pattern of feeling sorry for yourself and giving up. The 5-HTP is also a good anti-depressant which I'm sure is helping your moods. There are going to be times when you get lazy and don't feel like keeping up but just come back here and look at the good feelings your getting from taking control of your life again and it should help to remotivate you. There are tons of very helpful people on these threads that can offer excellent advice on breaking through your sticking points. Good luck and keep up your entries it will help keep you on track. Cheers

[Diamond*Rogue]

Good to have encouragement. Sometimes it's all that gets you out of the slump. Like this week, for instance. I have been slacking on the excercise lately. But have done decent in the diet department. I haven't gained any weight back, so that's good. Actually have lost another pound. Don't think I mentioned it in my previous post, but even though I was 162 in my wedding picture, I started out on this journey at 171 pounds. Now, I'm at 165. I am focusing on 5 pounds at a time. I would be happy at 140, exstatic at 135. Got to order more 5-htp because I ran out. I have to say again I am really amazed with the effects of this product when coupled with St John's Wort. I am manic-depressive and have been on everything from $10 Lithium to $100 Prozac. I have had the same results from these products with NO side effects. No upset stomach, no lethargy, no sleepless nights and it's cost effective. Unbelievable. Next update, I'll bring my measurements with inches lost and HOPEFULLY <fingers crossed> have my picture of my goal weight scanned in.

[aprildawn]

Congrats Diamond. . Can you post the breakdown of calories, protein/carb/fat ratio in your diet for us? Also, it's hard to read your type in color. Maybe it's just my eyes. Best of luck to you. Keep us updated.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Basically, I have been using the Zone Diet guide lines ~ the 40 carb/30 protein/ 30 fat ratios for each meal. I actually used the calculator they have on their website to break it down into actual grams for me. For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat in the range of 27 grams of carbs, 21 grams of protein and 4.5 grams of fat. I have two snacks with 7 grams of protein, 9 carbs and 1.5 grams of fat. With a toddler to get ready, I am always in a rush to get my food together, so I don't have time to really calculate and cook all this. SO I get Lean Cuisines or Healthy Choice dinners that match these requirements for lunch and eat a Zone Perfect nutrition bar for lunch. Snacks usually consists of fruits and vegetables. The only deviation I make from the Zone's recommendations is the timing of the snacks. They suggest I have a snack between lunch and dinner and a snack between dinner and bedtime. I'm not hungry then. I'm hungry between my 8 am breakfast and my noon lunch. So, I eat my snacks between breaksfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner.

Should I be doing this another way? I know my main challenge is excercise. I have not been very active because I have been getting back into the swing of it very slowly to avoid injury.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Slowly, slowly. Old jeans are starting to fit again. A bit bummed out, though. I finally started going to the gym. I announce my intentions to my hubby and he gets tore to the bone. Appareantly, personal trainers are nothing but man-whores. Yes, read it again: MAN WHORES. He doesn't like the idea of some man showing me how to use the equipment. HELLO as if anyone there would have my fat ass and if they did, it takes two to tango. I wouldn't be interested. Anyway, he shows up at the gym on my lunch break (cause that's when I am working out), gets PO'd (says I am ignoring him so no one would think I was unavailable) and leaves. Very embarrassing to me because it was obvious. Even the manager asks me about as I leave. Anyway, to make a long story short, I basically tell him it's not about him, it's about ME. That I never do anything good for myself or have time for myself. I'm not letting his self-esteem problem hold me back from my goal. He is the one with the issue, not me. Tell me, ladies (and man whores..he he) -- am I wrong here?

[freaker]

Originally posted by Diamond*Rogue
Slowly, slowly. Old jeans are starting to fit again. A bit bummed out, though. I finally started going to the gym. I announce my intentions to my hubby and he gets tore to the bone. Appareantly, personal trainers are nothing but man-whores. Yes, read it again: MAN WHORES. He doesn't like the idea of some man showing me how to use the equipment. HELLO as if anyone there would have my fat ass and if they did, it takes two to tango. I wouldn't be interested. Anyway, he shows up at the gym on my lunch break (cause that's when I am working out), gets PO'd (says I am ignoring him so no one would think I was unavailable) and leaves. Very embarrassing to me because it was obvious. Even the manager asks me about as I leave. Anyway, to make a long story short, I basically tell him it's not about him, it's about ME. That I never do anything good for myself or have time for myself. I'm not letting his self-esteem problem hold me back from my goal. He is the one with the issue, not me. Tell me, ladies (and man whores..he he) -- am I wrong here?

I'm a personal trainer and if you look back at some of the "how long it's been since I had sex" posts that a few women have put up, you'll see by my responses I'm anything but a man whore or a player. Since your husband's so buff, why doesn't he show you how to work out. Maybe you can find a woman trainer. You're not wrong, but those are 2 suggestions that might help keep the peace.

[Diamond*Rogue]

That would be ok if we didn't work different schedules. I work out on lunch and he works out after work (from 4pm- 6pm). I can't work out in the afternoons because I have to pick my daughter up from daycare before six and I don't get off until five.

I don't think that personal trainers are any more likely to flirt with a woman than any other man. If anything, I would think they would be LESS likely due to professional reasons. BUT you can't tell him that if it's already in his head. He'll be joining the same gym I'm at mainly due to price and benefits are better compared to his current workout place. I am hoping once he starts at my gym, he'll get to know the people and see they are not the players he has marked them.

[cambgirl]

I too have started 3 weeks ago with a personal trainer, did it myself for a long time, I also have a S/O who is totally buff, and gives me grief for not working out as much as he does, so I did it, and for me it is great, my trainer is female not that my S/O would be jealous he does not have those bones.. (wish he did at times) but it is worth is and makes me feel pumped, to continue on my own. so keep plugging and you will get there.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Update --
I measured this weekend, since it had been a month since I started this thread. I have lost 1/2 " in my chest, nothing in my waist (at it's smallest point), 1" across my belly button, 2" in my hips and 1/2" in my thighs. My arms have stayed the same. Also, I have found out that the scales I have been using are wrong. I weigh at the scales at work. We have two types. One are just a standard scale, tall with the display (non digital) at waist- height .The other is the classic doctor's scale with the weights you move at the top . Well, there is always about 5 lbs difference between the doctor's scales and the regular ones. I go to the gym and weigh on their plain old bathroom scales and come up with something completely different! Here I am thinking I am 164 and wondering how I am fitting into the jeans I used to wear at 160. The gym scales say 161. That would make a lot more sense judging by my clothes. But that leaves me totally confused as to what scales are right. There's a huge difference in the 161 gym scales and the doctors scale telling me I'm at 172. I think I will say screw the weight and start going by inches lost. I plan on getting more into the weight lifting and I know that muscles weighs more than fat. I have been a toned 150 lbs and fit into the same clothes as untoned 140.

[Diamond*Rogue]

I've done cardio three days this week and strength training four days this week. The personal trainer set me up on a routine and seemed genuinely interested in my progress. The hubby has chilled out about the situation, being I told him the program the trainer put me on. He said his main gripe, really, was that some steroid freak would tell me to lift more than what I was capable of in my condition. Once he realized the guy went to school for this, he was fine with it. I didn't work out today - -did the stairmaster for 5 minutes yesterday and am feeling the agony in my hip joints. Plan on doing some machines tomorrow and then getting back to the cardio on Sunday. I'll start my 3 day split program next week, with doing 12 reps, one set each machine. The goal is to add a set a week until I can do 5 sets, with a rest period of 20 seconds between sets. I'm starting out with a full minute between sets. Still been doing good on my diet. My efforts are showing, the gym manager said he was surprised at how quick I have begun to shape up. Sooo far to go, though. Another 10 pounds would be great. We'll see........

[strongfox2002]

Diamond, congrats on your way to a healthier life. You are hanging in there and you are slowly seeing results. Don't give up.

I read about the problem you had with your husband and the trainer. First, it's one of the best investments in your road to your new, healthy, active lifestyle. I have a male trainer and he is great. My trainer became my best friend and we know each others family well. I'm glad your husband has 'chilled out' but I was going to suggest that maybe you could introduce your husband to your trainer and maybe even what and help support you during one of your sessions. He has to understand that your trainer is just that, a trainer. He'll be a friend too but should keep it professional regardless. Plus, I know you are capable of speaking up if your trainer was pushig any illegal stuff on you. You are a grown-up and will become stronger mentally as well as physically.

As for the scale situation, you have the right idea...go with the measuring tape and how your clothes fit. Scales can become the enemy sometimes and you never know how much of your weight is muscle, water, fat, etc. Have you bodyfat checked occassionally and keep records of your progress.

You are doing well and deserve a pat on the back for making some improvements. You have a lot to look forward too and your lifestyle is changing for the better.

Keep up the good work and keep us posted on your progress.

Peace

PS...don't be too hard on yourself if you fall off the health wagon for a day...just get back on the next day...you are only human.

[Diamond*Rogue]

Throwing out the scales! I am relying on how my clothes fit and my body fat %. I started out with 33.37% BF, today I am down to 30.57% -- not tremendous results, but less than when I began. I have advanced to doing three sets of 12 reps each on my machine workouts. Still doing the 3 day split with cardio only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have been doing an evening workout on Mondays and mornings the rest of the week, eating a protein bar (with all the vitamins I need, like a meal replacement bar) after working out. Drinking plenty of water. I can already feel a difference in my energy levels! Yeeeaa! I can also see how once you get results, it becomes addictive. Now I know why the hubby spends so much time in the gym...ha ha!

I am glad to see that the rest of you are pleased with your trainers! I have found it's really nice to have someone who can answer your questions and guide you, especially with unfamiliar equipment.
Are most of you competitors or just working out for a healthy lifestyle?

[Diamond*Rogue]

I have stopped progressing after these first 12 pounds. Seem to be getting firmer, just not smaller. The hubby says I'd get bigger at first with strength training and then the muscle would start to work on the fat. I think the problem is my cardio schedule. I just can't fit in enough cardio it seems. I only have 30-45 minutes to work out. Three days I do strength training and two I do cardio. Sometimes, if I do have 10 or 15 extra minutes, I'll do some cardio on my strength days. I think I may try something different. I have printed out Sherry Gideons articles on Freestyle here at bb.com. It combines cardio and strength trainging as well as focuses on my stabilizing muscles, which is what I need for my back condition. My hubby has agreed to make me his guinea pig and we have taken some of those hideous before shots. Several key ingredients to that, you know. Got to have the size 12 body shoved into a size 6 bikini. Slouch, slouch slouch...ha ha ha. No tan, so the skin is glowing white. Hair is a mess. No makeup. Like those cooking commercials where the woman's hair is everywhere, no makeup, clothes look like they've been thrown on with a pitchfork, struggling with chopping those vegetables -- all because she doesn't have the right product. That's right, you give her the amazing chopper and suddenly she transforms her locks into perfection, make up is flawless, clothes ironed and tucked in, she even has time for a manicure. Thanks to this simple chopper, she's got dinner AND a make over.

Yep , before and after shots can really make a striking comparison. Sorry, I won't be posting these here until I am ready to do my after shots. <grin>

[Diamond*Rogue]

maybe I will give you a little peek with a sexier pose. <wink>

[Diamond*Rogue]

I haven't been to the gym in two weeks now. I had been going religiously -- 5 days a week. I go shopping at Wal-Mart for 2 hours and found out the hard way that I just can't do the things I used to. I couldn't stand up straight for a week. After week 2 of this, I paid my neurosurgeon a visit (Tuesday). He did the same tests he performed back in May (when I had my first MRI's done). Unfortunately, this time I have weakness in my left leg. This is indicative of a nerve being compromised. Not good. So, I have to go back for ANOTHER MRI on my lumbar spine to see if this indeed the problem. Luckily, he called my pain clinic and the good doc there gave me an epidural cortisone injection yesterday. I have to say it was more painful than the usual SI joint injections he has given me in the past, but believe me the crap I've been dealing with the last two weeks far overshadows anything he could do to me in the 30 minutes I was there. Definitly worth the trade off. If this helps, then he and my neurosurgeon will know it's the disc and not the SI Joints that's been leading to my agony. I can say that waking up today and being able to bend over far enough to put my pantyhose on speaks volumes on what the problem was. I've had to have help with that task since my setback 2 weeks ago. I have to take it easy for another few days to let the epidural reach it's full effects and then I can FINALLY play catch up on all the work outs I've missed. I know I can't start back where I left off, but hopefully I won't have regressed far.
I've been reading a book entitled "why everything you want will never be enough"....it is basically about programming your subconcious to work with your concious. In other words, if your concious tells you you won't succeed, then you won't. Deep down, though, your subconcious knows you can succeed and bombards you with positive thoughts and ho-to's on getting what you desire. It involves meditation and positive thinking. I like the concept, as I sincerely believe in the mind being able to heal the body as well as you get what you fear the most. You think you are going to have a bad day, the bad day will find you. You get what your mind dwells on, whether it's really what you want or not. So, I am working on reprogramming myself into being healthy, happy and achieving my goals in life.
After all, if I can't do it, no one can do it FOR me, right?