Starting Over

[VanillaBean_21]

i can barely open my mouth..:( I bought some ON 100% Whey. I dunno when I'll be able to drink it considering it will tae another 6 hours for my tounge to be unnumber.

So since I ate this morning they couldn't put me under. Instead I got novacain(sp?) and laughing gas. I felt like I was dying. They gave me a whole bunch of pills but..the pain ones aint working...arggghh I want some chicken. :(

Atleast this little break will give me some time to get a new training routine plus eating routine together. I think I need a change.

[terracotta]

oh I hate the numb tongue thing.. I had 4 teeth pulled for my braces and kept feeling like I was choking on my tongue.. It took longer to unnumb than they said too.

[VanillaBean_21]

I can barely drink or swallow anything. Ive had some cottage cheese and yogurt but thats about it. I'm freezing my protein shake so I can spoon it out.

My mouth wont open too wide now. Ugh. I just wanna goto the gym :(

[VanillaBean_21]

I hope I can eat more tomarrow! :eek:

July 19,2005

Intake

1-
Medium Banana
Protein Pancakes

2-(after surgery)

FF Yogurt
1/3 cup CC

3-
1 scoop ehey

4-
1 scoop whey

5-
4 egg whites
1 scoop whey

Ok my Totals are not even 1000 calories. I don't wanna slip into old habits. What else can I add? I cant think of anything else. More Yogurt?

[VanillaBean_21]

So I added some more Yogurt and a string cheese. :) I haven't had string cheese in forever! I feel like I've been eating Dairy all day. I hope I don't get all bloated. :eek: Paul(one of the men who asked me out, my fav one) wants me to go get some ice cream with him but...I dunno. I hate eating bad foods. I haven't had it since May. I really want it but...the fat factor is weighing on my mind.

My mouth is feeling a lot better. The doc gave me an anitbiotic, Steroid(very low dose), and Hydrocodone(Viccodin). The pain killers arn't really helping but the pain is not as bad as I really thought it would be.

I'm going to walk the dog and then go see Paul. See ya!

Total: 1161
Fat: 18 158 14%
Sat: 6 57 5%
Poly: 1 12 1%
Mono: 3 26 2%
Carbs: 104 388 34%
Fiber: 7 0 0%
Protein: 150 599 52%

[sherdi]

Hope your mouth heals really quickly. Take care and try to get those calories up! :)

[VanillaBean_21]

Hope your mouth heals really quickly. Take care and try to get those calories up! :)

I'm finally not numb anymore! :D My cals should be aound 1400 now. :) I went out and had ice cream and I really don't feel guilty. This is a goos sign for me.

[terracotta]

Glad your mouth is better and good for you having the ice cream!

[imperfectly_lou]

Hope you feel better soon Heather!

[Emma-Leigh]

Ok my Totals are not even 1000 calories. I don't wanna slip into old habits. What else can I add? I cant think of anything else. More Yogurt? :eek:

Geez girl - it is not that hard!!

Anything can be liquidised in a blender! Skim milk, yoghurt, banana, berries, cottage cheese, whey, PB... Hell - cook up some oats and add those too (so they are soft). Mashed sweet potato is soft enough to suck (you just have to whip it A LOT).... So are mashed eggs.... cook oatmeal into a complete mush and add some protein powder and natty PB...

Just get some damn food into you - your poor body is not going to heal properly if you do not feed it!

[freakeefranky]

hurray for not feeling guilty about ice cream! first day's rough yes...but the next few days r alright..u get to watch tv, slurp yoghurt n drink iced tea :p

nonononono no sucking with a straw! i dun remember why,u can find it out on the net...but sucking with a straw is an absolute no-no...something about the wound/stitches

get better soon!!!! mushed up oatmeal is yummy with lots of honey!

[VanillaBean_21]

:eek:

Geez girl - it is not that hard!!

Anything can be liquidised in a blender! Skim milk, yoghurt, banana, berries, cottage cheese, whey, PB... Hell - cook up some oats and add those too (so they are soft). Mashed sweet potato is soft enough to suck (you just have to whip it A LOT).... So are mashed eggs.... cook oatmeal into a complete mush and add some protein powder and natty PB...

Just get some damn food into you - your poor body is not going to heal properly if you do not feed it!

My mouth wouldn't stop oozing and it was making foods taste....narsty! Don'y worry though Emma, today I will hit the 1600 mark. My mouth feel fine today so I figure I can chew some things. No swelling in my face either! Fweeee. Those steroids must work.

I'm giving up PB. :( I just can't control myself around it. Whenever it is in the house it is all I want to eat. So it's not coming back here for a little bit.

Things will be a lot better today! :)

[jeni5.0]

hi heather- i hope you are feeling better. i hated havin gmy wisdom teeth out. i had two pulled and one cut, luckily i was put under. the first day i slept most of the day, and only ate twice. jello once, macaroni once. i looked like a chipmunk.

the no straw thing, its because you could suck out your dry socket. which you need for bleeding control or something.

glad you had fun with paul and the ice cream!

[VanillaBean_21]

hi heather- i hope you are feeling better. i hated havin gmy wisdom teeth out. i had two pulled and one cut, luckily i was put under. the first day i slept most of the day, and only ate twice. jello once, macaroni once. i looked like a chipmunk.

the no straw thing, its because you could suck out your dry socket. which you need for bleeding control or something.

glad you had fun with paul and the ice cream!


I wanted to be put under but I ate that morning. LOL I felt right messed up when they were taking them out. Haha. I closed my eyes and I swear I feel asleep during the 2 bottoms ones. I could hear everythng but..wow. It was so cool. I know I'm sick. :p

Yeah I haven't been using a straw. I'm trying to get in a gallon of water today becuase yesterday I only got around 3L.

I feel a lot better today. :)

I had fun last night. :D Ice cream was sooooooooooooooooooo good!

[StlBarbie]

Hope you are feeling better soon!!! What a great time to enjoy some ice cream with absolutely NO guilt!! Enjoy it and consider it a recovery food!! :)

[ermo18]

Hey VB. Wanted to drop in and see how you were doing. I used to work as a dental assistant for 8 years. You definetly DON'T want to suck through a straw (or any sucking motions i.e. smoking) due to dry socket. Also, no fizzy (soda) or acidic (juice) drinks. Those will dissolve the pocket. Of course stay away from gummy foods and chips. If you still feel that "oozing" after today, I would call your dentist. You shouldn't still be bleeding or "oozing" for that matter. You should start feeling much better by tomorrow, if not tonight. A human's mouth heals extremly fast. You may still be sore from having your jaw propped open, but there shouldn't be much pain.
And girl, don't feel guilty about your diet these past few days. Listen to your body and take it easy. Remember, your body is recovering. Take care!

[VanillaBean_21]

Hey VB. Wanted to drop in and see how you were doing. I used to work as a dental assistant for 8 years. You definetly DON'T want to suck through a straw (or any sucking motions i.e. smoking) due to dry socket. Also, no fizzy (soda) or acidic (juice) drinks. Those will dissolve the pocket. Of course stay away from gummy foods and chips. If you still feel that "oozing" after today, I would call your dentist. You shouldn't still be bleeding or "oozing" for that matter. You should start feeling much better by tomorrow, if not tonight. A human's mouth heals extremly fast. You may still be sore from having your jaw propped open, but there shouldn't be much pain.
And girl, don't feel guilty about your diet these past few days. Listen to your body and take it easy. Remember, your body is recovering. Take care!


Well I don't feel guilty about my diet becuase the only thing unclean I had was ice cream. Today I am back to clean eating(as usual). They told me my oozing would stay for a couple of days.

[VanillaBean_21]

Intake

1- Protein Pancakes
1/2 banana
FF Yogurt

2-
1/2 cup Oats
1 scoop whey

3-
1 ezekiel tortilla
5 whites
1 slice FF Cheese

4-
Protein Bar

5-
1 scoop whey
4 whites

Total: 1408
Fat: 24 217 16%
Sat: 7 67 5%
Poly: 2 19 1%
Mono: 2 22 2%
Carbs: 146 524 38%
Fiber: 15 0 0%
Protein: 155 622 46%

[imperfectly_lou]

Hey VB... I found this site and thought it might keep you entertained while you recover :)

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/index.shtml

It's funny

[sherdi]

Glad you are healing well and that you can eat a bit more. Take it easy!

[VanillaBean_21]

Hey VB... I found this site and thought it might keep you entertained while you recover :)

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/index.shtml

It's funny


OMG I love it! :D Too funny.

I love this quote:

"Parroting your spouse and agreeing with everything he/she says is no substitute for, nor is it the same as having a spine of your own. And remember, spines DO bend and move. They aren't rigid. Don't confuse having an iron rod stuck up your ass with having a spine.

-- Liana Trement

[IronMaiden1522]

Ha,

I checked out that site too! its funny. some good quotes in there.

Hey girl, i hope you heal up fast so you can eat better!

[freakeefranky]

lol that site's just hilarious! speedy recovery heather!

[VanillaBean_21]

Thanks everyone! :) I just can't wait to get back to the gym next week. I really am missing. it :(

[VanillaBean_21]

I added some chicken and another yogurt. :)

Total: 1697
Fat: 26 235 14%
Sat: 8 72 4%
Poly: 2 19 1%
Mono: 2 22 1%
Carbs: 162 588 36%
Fiber: 15 0 0%
Protein: 203 811 50%

[VanillaBean_21]

Intake for July 21, 2005

1-
FF Yogurt
Protein Pancakes

2-
1/2 cup oats
Protein Shake

3-
1/2 cup brown rice
1/2 cup brocolli
4oz chicken

4-
Protein Shake
1/2 banana

5-
4 whites
1/2 cup green beans

[VanillaBean_21]

I hate not being able to goto the gym. I feel like Ive put fat on and..ugh..I am just hating how I am looking today. Why can't I be lean? Why won't this fat just go away? I try and try and try....This really sucks..

[VanillaBean_21]

Ok well I don't feel like eating much anymore. I'm going to bed now and I'm hoping I don't wake up.

Total: 865
Fat: 10 94 11%
Sat: 3 24 3%
Poly: 2 19 2%
Mono: 2 21 3%
Carbs: 96 336 41%
Fiber: 12 0 0%
Protein: 99 395 48%

[aprilai]

What's wrong Heather? Is it because you can't go to the gym? Maybe you should just take a rest and not beat yourself over it...I don't think you're fat at all... and yes I've seen your pictures. You are very lean as far as I see. Don't let the evil voice get to you!!

[VanillaBean_21]

What's wrong Heather? Is it because you can't go to the gym? Maybe you should just take a rest and not beat yourself over it...I don't think you're fat at all... and yes I've seen your pictures. You are very lean as far as I see. Don't let the evil voice get to you!!


I just can't get myself to eat. I look in the mirror and all I can see is this gross fat thing staring at me. All I want to do is lay down and never get up. I just don't know what to do.

[terracotta]

YOU ARE NOT FAT!

Sorry for yelling but I had to. You have to have patience with your body. You won't get it the way you want overnight.

You can't put on a significant amount of fat in one week. DO NOT slip back into these old habits Heather! ONE WEEK CAN'T do any harm.

I don't know where you get these ideas that you are fat from. If it is from your mirror either the mirror is busted or your eyes are blinded.

Get some GOOD pictures taken and post them.. not just these low quality webcam shots.

Heather, you have made good progress til now.. if you slip back into old habits you are going to lose muscle not fat. Remember your body wants the fat more than the muscle!

[terracotta]

Go EAT. Don't let your mind take over your will power to be healthy!

[VanillaBean_21]

YOU ARE NOT FAT!

Sorry for yelling but I had to. You have to have patience with your body. You won't get it the way you want overnight.

You can't put on a significant amount of fat in one week. DO NOT slip back into these old habits Heather! ONE WEEK CAN'T do any harm.

I don't know where you get these ideas that you are fat from. If it is from your mirror either the mirror is busted or your eyes are blinded.

Get some GOOD pictures taken and post them.. not just these low quality webcam shots.

Heather, you have made good progress til now.. if you slip back into old habits you are going to lose muscle not fat. Remember your body wants the fat more than the muscle!

It's been over 8 months and I have barely anything to show for it. My bodyfat won't lower. My measurments are going up. My body must hate me or something.

I don't have a cam so I can't take any good pictures. Even if I did...you'd just see my gross body. Now that I can't workout for a week , things are going to get even worse.

I ate more even though I know I'm going to feel like crap. Me and food just arn't getting along.

[sherdi]

Please, Please, Please, don't beat yourself up about this. It is so important that you eat. Really important because you need nutrients to feed your organs and your brain and you are undereating at the moment and that is going to hinder your fat loss, not help it. Your body will go into starvation mode and hold onto every last bit of fat you have, please go eat and stop tormenting yourself. You are a beautiful, strong person. You need to eat. THis is important to your wellbeing and your spirit! Please nurture yourself. Take care. hugs.

[aprilai]

Heather, didn't you say before that you don't have access to caliper testing? So you just measured your bodyfat % with mybodycomp.com right? You KNOW mybodycomp is notorious for its inaccuracy! Don't let it fool you. I've been reading your journal, and it does NOT seem like you are eating above maintenance, so you can't possibly gain fat as you are an active woman as well. Your measurements are probably increasing because of MUSCLE MASS, what is there to be unhappy about that? Don't let some numbers beat you down. Do you want to fall back in the old days again?

[VanillaBean_21]

Heather, didn't you say before that you don't have access to caliper testing? So you just measured your bodyfat % with mybodycomp.com right? You KNOW mybodycomp is notorious for its inaccuracy! Don't let it fool you. I've been reading your journal, and it does NOT seem like you are eating above maintenance, so you can't possibly gain fat as you are an active woman as well. Your measurements are probably increasing because of MUSCLE MASS, what is there to be unhappy about that? Don't let some numbers beat you down. Do you want to fall back in the old days again?


I haven't used bodycomp for a while now, ever since my measurments went up.

My clothes just don't fit good anymore and I feel so gross in them. I just wish I could get results like everyone else "Oh my waist is so much smaller now" Oh well mine is 4inches bigger then when I started! It makes no sense. My legs have gained mass in the past couple of months(I don't mind) but no body fat will go away.

I don't wanna be like how I used to but....It's so hard to explain without sounding pathetic.

[aprilai]

I haven't used bodycomp for a while now, ever since my measurments went up.

My clothes just don't fit good anymore and I feel so gross in them. I just wish I could get results like everyone else "Oh my waist is so much smaller now" Oh well mine is 4inches bigger then when I started! It makes no sense. My legs have gained mass in the past couple of months(I don't mind) but no body fat will go away.

I don't wanna be like how I used to but....It's so hard to explain without sounding pathetic.


Are the measurements consistent? Your waist increased probably because of fluid retention. If your clothes don't fit then...buy new clothes...? Maybe you should try to reassess and see for SURE if your gains are fat or muscle mass.

[VanillaBean_21]

Are the measurements consistent? Your waist increased probably because of fluid retention. If your clothes don't fit then...buy new clothes...? Maybe you should try to reassess and see for SURE if your gains are fat or muscle mass.

I have been taking measurments every 3-4 months and everytime..UP UP UP. If I could get new clothes I would but that's not my issue right now.

I'm pretty sure it is fat gain or I wouldn't have as much pudge between my hands as I do.

[freakeefranky]

heather,i'm not going to let u slip, u've been doing so great lately!!!!!

r u sure u're not just having a bad day? this triggers distorted thinking.u know that! u can't get fat so quickly, one pound of fat is 3500cals!i doubt u could gain that much weight(u'd need EXCESS 14400cals!) in a week!!!!

pls pls pls dun let ur bad habits return n haunt u...keep fighting them...always here if u need someone to talk to

big hugzzzzz

[VanillaBean_21]

I just can't do this anymore....I'm out...I dunno if I'll be back..

My mind is taking over me. I look disgusting. I don't wanna eat.

[sherdi]

Please come back, you can get through this! Please be strong and get through this.

[freakeefranky]

NO NONO!!!!!!!! DO NOT go back to your old habits...u know it's unhealthy..u can do this heather,we're all supporting u..it's 50 of us against that horrible voice..it's hard i know,to challenge that voice.....plsplsplspls don't give in

[jeni5.0]

heather, i really hope you come back. i hope you are just having a bad day. i have days when i feel fat and i dont want to eat. i feel like i cant eat or ill stay fat. but i know i have to or my body will go into starvation mode. or whatever.
dont give up girl. you are NOT fat. if you need to take a few days off, do so. but dont give up. we are all here for you.

[VanillaBean_21]

Being on here is just making things worse. Hearing girls talk about how they are size 0 blah bah blah. Oh my waist is so small..My body fat dropped...Boyfriends this...husbands that..Pictures of people who have 500x better bodies then me...

I cannot take it mentally right now. You people just don't understand. I'm sorry.

[freakeefranky]

who cares what size we are,or what size you are for that matter....u know it's how u feel about urself n how u see urself in the mirror that's important.. running away is not the answer heather! it's the weaker option..staying here,eating well, and going at YOUR OWN PACE,rather than starving to keep up with other ppl or looking at other ppl's pics n thinking' i wish i could be like that',or start comparing ur body to theirs is not healthy.and YOU know it,whether u wanna admit it or not...

i hope u stay heather....we're all here tos upport u through no matter how bad it gets...it's so lonely on ur own ,fighting the voices which tell u ure fat,i know...i've been there, god damnit, and i don't want u to fall prey to them....it's such a dark place n it hurts like HELL...it's your choice.no one can meke u stay...but rest assured we'll all be here helping u go on n keep fighting.we'll be encouraging u. those voices will be berating u....and u'll never have a moment's peace.

take care...big hugs

[terracotta]

Being on here is just making things worse. Hearing girls talk about how they are size 0 blah bah blah. Oh my waist is so small..My body fat dropped...Boyfriends this...husbands that..Pictures of people who have 500x better bodies then me...

I cannot take it mentally right now. You people just don't understand. I'm sorry.

well for the record... I'm size 8 or 29 in pants (up from 7,28 in december) and have a 27.5 waist at 5'4 so not exactly small. I haven't dropped on ounce of bodyfat and my waist size hasn't changed. Everything except my waist has gone up in measurements. Between 18 and 20 my waist went up 2 inches because my hips were growing. I think that the same thing is happening to you. So what if you can grab fat on your sides, so can I. I don't care. I look good, why do I care how much pinchable fat I have?

And that friggin mybodycomp tells me I'm 30% bf.. clearly wrong so I don't know why it was getting you down.

If you start out overweight and come to this site you are going to drop sizes; if you start out underweight or at healthy weight you are going to go up in size.

[rockstarsar]

Being on here is just making things worse. Hearing girls talk about how they are size 0 blah bah blah. Oh my waist is so small..My body fat dropped...Boyfriends this...husbands that..Pictures of people who have 500x better bodies then me...

I cannot take it mentally right now. You people just don't understand. I'm sorry.

I gained 20 lbs in 2 weeks, Heather. I think I can relate. I'm depressed again, too. I know the atmosphere can get cloying, but everyone MEANS well. Ultimately, this is the best environment you can be in ..people are here to cheer you on and reassure you that what you're doing isn't in vain.

[justagirrl]

Heather, I have enjoyed reading your journal and don't want you to give up!! Try not to compare yourself to others - you're not being fair to yourself by doing that because we're all different. I'm 5'9" and it's impossible for me to ever be a size 0 and it's a pain in the ass finding pants that are long enough but I still try to embrace the things that I do like about my body. You have come SO FAR and you can't possibly want to turn back now...you're too feisty to give up! :) You're an inspiration to many women and we're all behind you when it comes to reaching your goals!

Don't let the negative thoughts get the best of you. I have battled with depression and know that negative feeds on negative. Feed your body, not the negative thoughts!!

[aprilai]

I'm going to agree with terra there...It is true that if you start off here overweight then your measurements usually lower, but if you start off at an underweight or healthy weight they'll increase.

When I first started getting into "working out" I was 93lbs standing at 5'0 tall. I was VERY skinny fat, wearing a loose size 3 in Juniors. Over the past year, I grew 'bout an inch and sit at 103lbs or so now. I can BARELY fit in a Junior size 5. Sometimes this depresses me, because I liked how "smaller" my legs looked before...But whenever I have these thoughts, I'll ask myself, is it worth it? To return back to skinny fat and weak? You're growing up mentally since your first journal, why don't you just let your body grow up as well? A few increases in measurements shouldn't be entirely shocking, as you are healthy, teenage girl.