Ok, maybe its just me.....

[Tattedmama]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?

[fasttwitch]

I would only think it was wrong, if I was looking at it in front of the "chick at home". Its natural to look at attractive people.

[Miranda]

is it wrong to drool at brad pitt when you're married?

[Below 30]

If a man has a female at home that he is sexually attracted to, he will not want to do those things. The problem? Most men don't have the skill or the patience to go after the type of female they really want. The quick fix for them? They look at other females from various sources and create a fantasy.

But any gender will go through this, as most people live to please society. This means that most people just want to get into a relationship as fast as possible (to please society) and the first guy or girl that says "Hi", is good enough. Think about owning a Chrysler Neon (for example), alot of people own them (because they are relatively cheap) but they wished they had a sports car like a Corvette. Anytime that person sees a Corvette (for example), they'll stare at it and wish that they could afford and own it -30-

[Karsk]

Nothing wrong with looking... as long as he's not just ignoring you to do it.


is it wrong to drool at brad pitt when you're married?

Uhm... not really... no... you can put the knife down now :P

[anb1683]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?
How often does he do it?

[IronCamp]

See, I don't think it is a problem. It may bother you that he does it and hides it from you (an assumption I am making). Perhaps if you were more open to it then it would be an experience you could share. Unless you are completely against it, then that wouldn't work.

I know my boyfriend looks at these videos/web-sites occassionally and it doesn't both me. We are open about it and he even sends me links to some of them. I think it's normal.

[Emzie]

looking is fine with me, dnt kno wot all the fus is with otha girls

[Tattedmama]

He looks when I'm not home. Makes me think that I need to look like those young, tiny, gorgeous girls. I'm a 33 year old who have had kids. My body will never look like theirs again. Guess its just my issues. Oh well. Thanks.

[DonMegaR]

If a man has a female at home that he is sexually attracted to, he will not want to do those things. The problem? Most men don't have the skill or the patience to go after the type of female they really want. The quick fix for them? They look at other females from various sources and create a fantasy.

No, not really, sexual attraction cannot be controlled. It's healthy as long as you're not doing it in front of said other half....

example: most women will click this picture...

ZMm5YR-QXX8

[anb1683]

No, not really, sexual attraction cannot be controlled. It's healthy as long as you're not doing it in front of said other half....

example: most women will click this picture...

ZMm5YR-QXX8
Guilty, I clicked it before I even read what you said.
It made me LOL

[DonMegaR]

Guilty, I clicked it before I even read what you said.
It made me LOL

rofl ;)

[Below 30]

He looks when I'm not home. Makes me think that I need to look like those young, tiny, gorgeous girls. I'm a 33 year old who have had kids. My body will never look like theirs again. Guess its just my issues. Oh well. Thanks.

I was just stating realistic points about why he would continue his behaviour. Then you mention these facts about yourself. It's not to say you must change or figure out where to lay blame etc. The fact is, the images of females he looks at are not the same body type as yours. He clearly has a vision of his ideal type of female and he has to look away from you to keep his fantasy alive.

He's the one neglecting you, you could always keep your eye open for a man who will choose you as his first choice and not a back-up plan.


Guilty, I clicked it before I even read what you said.
It made me LOL

Hahahahahahahahaha! -30-

[wouldlikemuscle]

OP: I think the ''you can look but don't touch'' rule applies.


Guilty, I clicked it before I even read what you said.
It made me LOL

:D

[aheyer]

My hubby and I tell eachother when we think someones hot. I clicked away at that pic too. hubby just rolled eyes. I would rather he be honest and say he's attracted than lie about it.

[a.e.p]

i'd rather not know if they were looking at other girls.that way you dont have to worry about it =]

[Below 30]

i'd rather not know if they were looking at other girls.that way you dont have to worry about it =]

Aren't you also this account:


hello.how is everyone doing tonight?

-30-

[Sable_Strenua]

No, not really, sexual attraction cannot be controlled. It's healthy as long as you're not doing it in front of said other half....

example: most women will click this picture...

ZMm5YR-QXX8

:D :D :D
my question is...why does he look lost, dazed and confused throughout that entire clip? He didn't know he was supposed to hydrate when he's using dat dere cell-tech??




:D
u know u clicked on it too!!!


Aren't you also this account:



-30-
ut-oh...Misc Detectives: FeMMisc Unit

[Amanda76]

Guilty, I clicked it before I even read what you said.
It made me LOL

You sicken me.

I didn't really give a crap what he wrote when I saw the vid, myself, though. LOL It WAS funny, though, gotta say! Was the jack hammer sound effect really necessary in the photo shoot? And why did no one pay attention to him on the street? He looked so lonely. :( And I think he's a hooker. Double :( . :D

Couples need to respect each other more. If the hubby is hiding his behavior and the wife is snooping...well...there's not a lot of respect, honesty or trust between the two of them. If I got the feeling I was hurting the feelings of someone I loved by seeking out pictures of half naked men or porn, I would stop doing it. No big loss. Losing trust and intimacy between myself and my s.o. would be a bigger deal.

And, of course, if neither party cares that the other looks, have fun with it. :)

[Sunshineslynn]

You sicken me.

I didn't really give a crap what he wrote when I saw the vid, myself, though. LOL It WAS funny, though, gotta say! Was the jack hammer sound effect really necessary in the photo shoot? And why did no one pay attention to him on the street? He looked so lonely. :( And I think he's a hooker. Double :( . :D

Couples need to respect each other more. If the hubby is hiding his behavior and the wife is snooping...well...there's not a lot of respect, honesty or trust between the two of them. If I got the feeling I was hurting the feelings of someone I loved by seeking out pictures of half naked men or porn, I would stop doing it. No big loss. Losing trust and intimacy between myself and my s.o. would be a bigger deal.

And, of course, if neither party cares that the other looks, have fun with it. :)



Well I did not click it....shame on me I read the post....lol

I have to agree completely though with you Amanda.

I personally have issues with porn or any sort of it due to what my ex husband did to me. My hubsand now respects my thoughts and does not bring the stuff in my house or desire to seek that out.

[Below 30]

ut-oh...Misc Detectives: FeMMisc Unit

I'm on the volunteer squad.


i thought you were banned?


i was but i didnt know why because i didnt do anything bad

But I could be wrong...



Well I did not click it....shame on me I read the post....lol

I have to agree completely though with you Amanda.

I personally have issues with porn or any sort of it due to what my ex husband did to me. My hubsand now respects my thoughts and does not bring the stuff in my house or desire to seek that out.

It only seems logical -30-

[bttrthnb4]

If a man has a female at home that he is sexually attracted to, he will not want to do those things. The problem? Most men don't have the skill or the patience to go after the type of female they really want. The quick fix for them? They look at other females from various sources and create a fantasy.

But any gender will go through this, as most people live to please society. This means that most people just want to get into a relationship as fast as possible (to please society) and the first guy or girl that says "Hi", is good enough. Think about owning a Chrysler Neon (for example), alot of people own them (because they are relatively cheap) but they wished they had a sports car like a Corvette. Anytime that person sees a Corvette (for example), they'll stare at it and wish that they could afford and own it -30-

What? I don't think so. So, you are saying that men aren't actually genetically wired to be visually aroused and if they are completely satisfied then they will have tunnel vision and see only their SO? I guess my husband married me just cause I was cheap? Well, okay....maybe a bad example LOL! And tig ol bitties just catch his eye cause I just don't arouse him. Give me a break.

And yeah, Corvettes are nice to look at, but I don't see what makes them worth it.

[Below 30]

What? I don't think so. So, you are saying that men aren't actually genetically wired to be visually aroused and if they are completely satisfied then they will have tunnel vision and see only their SO? I guess my husband married me just cause I was cheap? Well, okay....maybe a bad example LOL! And tig ol bitties just catch his eye cause I just don't arouse him. Give me a break.

And yeah, Corvettes are nice to look at, but I don't see what makes them worth it.

If you're with a guy who actually likes you physically, he's not going to want to lock himself in a room with porn all day. He's not going to schedule away time from you, to look at pictures of other women.

Men who pick females that they actually like, won't be doing those things. Every human is going to visually stray to the direction of another interesting human from time to time. But if 2 people are together who didn't just randomly end up together, they aren't going to be straining to look at other people for sexual gratification -30-

[CoffeCanSlayer]

If you're with a guy who actually likes you physically, he's not going to want to lock himself in a room with porn all day. He's not going to schedule away time from you, to look at pictures of other women.

Men who pick females that they actually like, won't be doing those things. Every human is going to visually stray to the direction of another interesting human from time to time. But if 2 people are together who didn't just randomly end up together, they aren't going to be straining to look at other people for sexual gratification -30-

I agree, I dont buy that "its in mens nature to scope every peice of ass". If you are with someone who you love, and are physically attracted to, then why would there be a need for more? Theres always ways to spice up what you already have to make it better.

[Amanda76]

I personally have issues with porn or any sort of it due to what my ex husband did to me. My hubsand now respects my thoughts and does not bring the stuff in my house or desire to seek that out.

Sorry about whatever happened. :( But I'm glad you're in a healthy, loving relationship now. :)

[bttrthnb4]

If you're with a guy who actually likes you physically, he's not going to want to lock himself in a room with porn all day. He's not going to schedule away time from you, to look at pictures of other women.

Men who pick females that they actually like, won't be doing those things. Every human is going to visually stray to the direction of another interesting human from time to time. But if 2 people are together who didn't just randomly end up together, they aren't going to be straining to look at other people for sexual gratification -30-

Maybe I'm missing something. I could need to go back and reread, but I don't remember seeing anything about it being porn the guy is looking at, just scantily clad females. And nothing about being locked in a room all day long, jsut that it happens when she isn't home.

And maybe I'm wrong again, but the impression I got from your post is that a man is not going to be attracted, purely physically attracted by anyone else if you are satisfying him completely.

[Mansewerz]

why the **** do chickz drool over hollywood hunks, but when we look at some girls ass, we're *******s?

[Below 30]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?


Maybe I'm missing something. I could need to go back and reread, but I don't remember seeing anything about it being porn the guy is looking at, just scantily clad females. And nothing about being locked in a room all day long, jsut that it happens when she isn't home.

And maybe I'm wrong again, but the impression I got from your post is that a man is not going to be attracted, purely physically attracted by anyone else if you are satisfying him completely.

She didn't use the word porn, but it's the same idea. Wether it's porn or other females on the street, a man who really cares about his girl won't be trying to look at other females. He'll only do that when she doesn't sexually interest him. Remember, there's a difference between a man glancing at the cover of Maxim or woman on the street and a man who gets a 10 year subsciption to Maxim and cancels romantic evenings with his girl to look at other women -30-

[DirtyBulk4ever]

Another option would be for a sexually frustrated male in a committed relationship to cease masturbation, stop looking at sexually gratifying images completely, and unleash the full force of their sexual energy towards their signifigant other.

[IronCamp]

She didn't use the word porn, but it's the same idea. Wether it's porn or other females on the street, a man who really cares about his girl won't be trying to look at other females. He'll only do that when she doesn't sexually interest him. Remember, there's a difference between a man glancing at the cover of Maxim or woman on the street and a man who gets a 10 year subsciption to Maxim and cancels romantic evenings with his girl to look at other women -30-

I don't agree with that at all. I know my boyfriend is sexually interested in me (believe me) and he looks at other females and tells me if he thinks they are attractive (doesn't bother me one bit). I also point out attractive females to him. I have enough confidence in myself to not worry about him looking at other females. I know that doesn't change the interest he has in me.

If your theory is true, why would any man that looks at other women (which happens a lot) stay with the woman he is with, if according to your theory, he isn't sexually interested in her. I just don't get it.

[solstice]

LOL Uh- no- it's actually very normal for *both* genders to look at and desire other people- even if they have a great one at home and are perfectly happy. ;)

There is a wide expanse between the guy casually lookin at an attractive woman to that of the guy with the 10yr Maxim sub who cancells a romantic evening with his gal. The middle ground is where most normal people live ;)

[LiftingIsLife]

.... I have enough confidence in myself to not worry about him looking at other females.

you just hit the nail on the head. its definitely a CONFIDENCE / Self-esteem issue. just ask any 'sexy lookin shrink' you see on the street:)

best,
~lifer

[LiftingIsLife]

..... The middle ground is where most normal people live ;)

all except the 'extremists' :) well, put....

best,
~lifer

[Tattedmama]

Ya know, if he erased the history or any signs of it, I wouldn't care. But its almost like he wants me to see, so MAYBE I'll get myself to look like them.
Oh -BTW, we've been together for 5 months. I can see after being with someone for years and need a little stimulation. And I do "give it" to him when ever he wants. Even when I don't. Oh well. Guess I just have to just get over it!

[misstransformer]

Ya know, if he erased the history or any signs of it, I wouldn't care. But its almost like he wants me to see, so MAYBE I'll get myself to look like them.
Oh -BTW, we've been together for 5 months. I can see after being with someone for years and need a little stimulation. And I do "give it" to him when ever he wants. Even when I don't. Oh well. Guess I just have to just get over it!

Hi Tattedmama, first and foremost. Do NOT take this personally. There are men who look at other women, or even cheat, when they have an extremely attractive woman at home. So it is inaccurate to believe that a man will only do these things if they're not attracted to the woman they're with.

Without knowing your husband and what makes him tick, none of us can truly explain "why" he is doing all of this. There are men who will do this, for the sole purpose of making their woman jealous, because they feel insecure about themselves, or as an unhealthy way to encourage their woman to lose weight. While others do it simply because they enjoy the visual images, or have an addiction. If it's the latter, and he has not approached you about anything, he may just be careless, by not deleting the history.

A lot of people believe that once you log off the computer, the history is automatically deleted(can be set up that way) Or he may not feel it's anything worth hiding. Many women don't have a problem with their men looking, if they don't touch. So there are too many variables.

The best way to obtain the answers you seek, is to ask him all the questions you've posted here face to face. You may be surprised at the answers, and will find it easier to determine what this means in the relationship. Also, is this a new computer in the home? If so, it may just be intial curiosity. If worst scenario, this boils down to his lack of attraction to you, which is probably not the issue, his inability to be honest and open about those feelings, is an issue that needs to be discussed. Unless he has superficial reasons for remaining in the relationship(money,free rent, etc), he obviously cares if he's still there. So just talk to him, and be upfront.

I personally have protection all over my computer, to avoid unwanted porn advertisements, etc. So I understand why you might find it distasteful. If it's any consolation, just be happy it's images of women and not men. ;)

[Below 30]

I don't agree with that at all. I know my boyfriend is sexually interested in me (believe me) and he looks at other females and tells me if he thinks they are attractive (doesn't bother me one bit). I also point out attractive females to him. I have enough confidence in myself to not worry about him looking at other females. I know that doesn't change the interest he has in me.

If your theory is true, why would any man that looks at other women (which happens a lot) stay with the woman he is with, if according to your theory, he isn't sexually interested in her. I just don't get it.

This is because society says we all must be in a relationship. Many women don't don't know why the Relationship Help forum (BB.Com) is dominated by men. It's because we have a general fear of approaching good-looking girls. That means that most men approach and have relationships with girls that rate lower on their sexual scale (6/10 and under).

This accomplishes his goal of having a girlfriend so that his freinds won't call him a loser. But in his mind, he wishes he could have asked that HB9 out. So to compensate for his situation, he looks at porn/female images as often as possible. That's why you hear about people having intercourse and imaging the person being someone else. If the guy was actually with the girl that he stares at in the magazine, he wouldn't daydream about some other girl.



Ya know, if he erased the history or any signs of it, I wouldn't care. But its almost like he wants me to see, so MAYBE I'll get myself to look like them.
Oh -BTW, we've been together for 5 months. I can see after being with someone for years and need a little stimulation. And I do "give it" to him when ever he wants. Even when I don't. Oh well. Guess I just have to just get over it!

Obviously this is a problem for you and it should be. What I get from your posts is that he makes looking at porn a priority over you. That is what I'm talking about, when a man needs porn more than his current girl. That means he isn't sexually attracted to you, you are just a societal cover for him. Atleast he can tell people he has a girlfriend. He probably didn't have the confidence to talk to the kind of girl he really wanted and you were easier to have a relationship with. This happens everyday to many people, that's why relationships end relatively quickly all the time.

Everything I'm saying is logical, but nobody wants to admit it for themselves. But the proof is all around us. Most people live in denial about it, hence some females actually condoning their man having a porn collection (if they don't view it together). We had a female a few posts up who said her Husband/boyfriend actually keeps porn out of the house after she voiced concern. He did that because he obviously doesn't need it around her. When a man can't do that, he obviously isn't happy with his girl sexually.

misstransformer- Has a good point, you can ask him directly what's going on. Tell him you don't like it and ask him to stop and sea how he reacts -30-

[WizardGlick]

Posted by Below 30
If a man has a female at home that he is sexually attracted to, he will not want to do those things. The problem? Most men don't have the skill or the patience to go after the type of female they really want. The quick fix for them? They look at other females from various sources and create a fantasy.

But any gender will go through this, as most people live to please society. This means that most people just want to get into a relationship as fast as possible (to please society) and the first guy or girl that says "Hi", is good enough. Think about owning a Chrysler Neon (for example), alot of people own them (because they are relatively cheap) but they wished they had a sports car like a Corvette. Anytime that person sees a Corvette (for example), they'll stare at it and wish that they could afford and own it -30-

Probably one of the most profound things I've ever read.

Well done, Mr. 30.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

This is because society says we all must be in a relationship. Many women don't don't know why the Relationship Help forum (BB.Com) is dominated by men. It's because we have a general fear of approaching good-looking girls. That means that most men approach and have relationships with girls that rate lower on their sexual scale (6/10 and under).

This accomplishes his goal of having a girlfriend so that his freinds won't call him a loser. But in his mind, he wishes he could have asked that HB9 out. So to compensate for his situation, he looks at porn/female images as often as possible. That's why you hear about people having intercourse and imaging the person being someone else. If the guy was actually with the girl that he stares at in the magazine, he wouldn't daydream about some other girl.




Obviously this is a problem for you and it should be. What I get from your posts is that he makes looking at porn a priority over you. That is what I'm talking about, when a man needs porn more than his current girl. That means he isn't sexually attracted to you, you are just a societal cover for him. Atleast he can tell people he has a girlfriend. He probably didn't have the confidence to talk to the kind of girl he really wanted and you were easier to have a relationship with. This happens everyday to many people, that's why relationships end relatively quickly all the time.

Everything I'm saying is logical, but nobody wants to admit it for themselves. But the proof is all around us. Most people live in denial about it, hence some females actually condoning their man having a porn collection (if they don't view it together). We had a female a few posts up who said her Husband/boyfriend actually keeps porn out of the house after she voiced concern. He did that because he obviously doesn't need it around her. When a man can't do that, he obviously isn't happy with his girl sexually.

misstransformer- Has a good point, you can ask him directly what's going on. Tell him you don't like it and ask him to stop and sea how he reacts -30-

Well see, I see porn as something you look at when you DONT have a girlfriend. Maybe its just me, but if I had a girlfriend (which I dont) I wouldnt have a need to look at other women, or porn. If the guy has to watch porn (and not using it to get sexual ideas from, for both parties) then thats saying something about the sex life, its not good enough, for either one in the relationship. Once again, I dont buy the "its in men and womens nature to look at other people". I just dont, its a cop out for both in the relationship because they deny the fact that they want to address the situation and keep things going, without addressing the problem. Now if a woman is looking at another female, and says "I would like to look like that", then the situation is different, thus not really a problem in my eyes.

[AccountantGuy]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?

If you don't look sexy and dress sexy and keep yourself if great looking shape then this will happen. ^^^

Guys are 100% visual. Fact of life.

[HeatherAC]

wow, interesting thread so far.....

I actually have been known to read Playboy and Penthouse myself, and don't have an aversion to normal hetero porn. Nor do I have a problem with my man enjoying the aforementioned, as long as I know he's happy to be with me it's no big deal.

If it was a problem with excessive reading/viewing to the point where it became an addiction, then I'd worry.

But in the scope of a normal relationship, a little porn never hurt anyone.

btw, does anyone else look for the bunny on the cover before opening a Playboy?

[Karsk]

Yes... absolutely... bunny...

[bttrthnb4]

Ya know, if he erased the history or any signs of it, I wouldn't care. But its almost like he wants me to see, so MAYBE I'll get myself to look like them.
Oh -BTW, we've been together for 5 months. I can see after being with someone for years and need a little stimulation. And I do "give it" to him when ever he wants. Even when I don't. Oh well. Guess I just have to just get over it!

No, you don't have to "just get over it" Whatever reason he looks at it, it bothers you, and he should be taking your feelings into consideration, no matter how long you've been together, if this is a serious relationship. Have you sat down and really talked to him about it? I mean laying all the emotions out on the table. My husband did have a similar problem, with actual porn. I tried to be understanding even though it did hurt me immensely ( have serious self image issues) but ultimately my inner emotions ruled over trying to be a cool wife. It took several talks and arguments and finally I just told him, "This is a serious issue for me, I have asked you not to do it, I have even tried to compromise with you. The fact that you are hiding it and lying about it shows you really don't get what I'm saying. If I find it again, we attend counseling, or I leave. Make your choice."

I do not care what vice it is: alcohol, drugs, or porn. If he truly cares and deserves you he will strive to make you happy. I do not see this as an irrational request. Take nothing less than respect. Total respect. You deserve better than to feel this way.

[Amanda76]

No, you don't have to "just get over it" Whatever reason he looks at it, it bothers you, and he should be taking your feelings into consideration, no matter how long you've been together, if this is a serious relationship. Have you sat down and really talked to him about it? I mean laying all the emotions out on the table. My husband did have a similar problem, with actual porn. I tried to be understanding even though it did hurt me immensely ( have serious self image issues) but ultimately my inner emotions ruled over trying to be a cool wife. It took several talks and arguments and finally I just told him, "This is a serious issue for me, I have asked you not to do it, I have even tried to compromise with you. The fact that you are hiding it and lying about it shows you really don't get what I'm saying. If I find it again, we attend counseling, or I leave. Make your choice."

I do not care what vice it is: alcohol, drugs, or porn. If he truly cares and deserves you he will strive to make you happy. I do not see this as an irrational request. Take nothing less than respect. Total respect. You deserve better than to feel this way.

I totally agree with this.

Keep in mind that this is not an argument about whether or not it's okay to look at other women. It's about respecting the boundaries of who you are with. If something bothers your spouse (regardless of what it is), you should take them seriously, even if it seems silly to you. Hopefully, if you haven't talked about this with your spouse, his reaction will surprise you. He may not know that you really mind so much.

Noone can help but look at people they see on the street. People CAN keep from actively searching for scantily clad people/pornography (even if it's soft porn) on the internet (or wherever).

[tdog69]

Interesting posts, just had to chime in on this one.

Below 30 I hope you are not a Psychology major, man because your way off on your theories.

Dating, Married whatever, it does not matter if you have the man or woman from your most erotic dreams or perfect match you are going to look. First it is basic biology and on the other hand it is pleasing on the eyes.

Cannot relate to the fear of approaching a good-looking person, never had this in my life, I would way this more towards socialization skills and communicating with others.

There is nothing wrong with it, society says that there is something wrong with it and when you are with someone you should not stray a look?. :) this makes me laugh to think this. This is childish thoughts, everyone does it whether it is a man or woman, and some are just better at hiding it or not open with their mate.

I personally am married to a Barbie Doll/sex goddess and both of us have been known to go out with the guys or on her side the girls and check out a strip club. "which is too the extreme compaired to the post".


He looks when I'm not home. Makes me think that I need to look like those young, tiny, gorgeous girls. I'm a 33 year old who have had kids. My body will never look like theirs again. Guess its just my issues. Oh well. Thanks.

T I think you could look very hot and sexy just like the younger ladies that you portray in your mind, "or you already do and just lack the self confedence to realize it", my you are 33 most woman in their 30s have just hit their prime age, it is us guys that go downhill after are 20s LOL

Put on a sexy nighty or something and walk in while he is on the computer. If he continues to look at the screen, through his butt out the door.

[Below 30]

Well see, I see porn as something you look at when you DONT have a girlfriend. Maybe its just me, but if I had a girlfriend (which I dont) I wouldnt have a need to look at other women, or porn. If the guy has to watch porn (and not using it to get sexual ideas from, for both parties) then thats saying something about the sex life, its not good enough, for either one in the relationship. Once again, I dont buy the "its in men and womens nature to look at other people". I just dont, its a cop out for both in the relationship because they deny the fact that they want to address the situation and keep things going, without addressing the problem. Now if a woman is looking at another female, and says "I would like to look like that", then the situation is different, thus not really a problem in my eyes.

You get what I'm saying. People looking at other people is natural, but not when they are in a relationship and purposely devote time to look at other people.



If you don't look sexy and dress sexy and keep yourself if great looking shape then this will happen. ^^^

Guys are 100% visual. Fact of life.

This is a grey area because if her body type was the same then as it is now, then he was wasting her time by picking her. If her body was fit before and then she gained weight, a man will normally be less attracted.



wow, interesting thread so far.....

I actually have been known to read Playboy and Penthouse myself, and don't have an aversion to normal hetero porn. Nor do I have a problem with my man enjoying the aforementioned, as long as I know he's happy to be with me it's no big deal.

If it was a problem with excessive reading/viewing to the point where it became an addiction, then I'd worry.

But in the scope of a normal relationship, a little porn never hurt anyone.

btw, does anyone else look for the bunny on the cover before opening a Playboy?

If he can balance his viewing habbits and his girl (10% porn 90% his girl), then there is no problem.


No, you don't have to "just get over it" Whatever reason he looks at it, it bothers you, and he should be taking your feelings into consideration, no matter how long you've been together, if this is a serious relationship. Have you sat down and really talked to him about it? I mean laying all the emotions out on the table. My husband did have a similar problem, with actual porn. I tried to be understanding even though it did hurt me immensely ( have serious self image issues) but ultimately my inner emotions ruled over trying to be a cool wife. It took several talks and arguments and finally I just told him, "This is a serious issue for me, I have asked you not to do it, I have even tried to compromise with you. The fact that you are hiding it and lying about it shows you really don't get what I'm saying. If I find it again, we attend counseling, or I leave. Make your choice."

I do not care what vice it is: alcohol, drugs, or porn. If he truly cares and deserves you he will strive to make you happy. I do not see this as an irrational request. Take nothing less than respect. Total respect. You deserve better than to feel this way.

Yes -30-

[Below 30]

Interesting posts, just had to chime in on this one.

Below 30 I hope you are not a Psychology major, man because your way off on your theories.

Dating, Married whatever, it does not matter if you have the man or woman from your most erotic dreams or perfect match you are going to look. First it is basic biology and on the other hand it is pleasing on the eyes.

Cannot relate to the fear of approaching a good-looking person, never had this in my life, I would way this more towards socialization skills and communicating with others.

There is nothing wrong with it, society says that there is something wrong with it and when you are with someone you should not stray a look?. :) this makes me laugh to think this. This is childish thoughts, everyone does it whether it is a man or woman, and some are just better at hiding it or not open with their mate.

I personally am married to a Barbie Doll/sex goddess and both of us have been known to go out with the guys or on her side the girls and check out a strip club. "which is too the extreme compaired to the post".



T I think you could look very hot and sexy just like the younger ladies that you portray in your mind, "or you already do and just lack the self confedence to realize it", my you are 33 most woman in their 30s have just hit their prime age, it is us guys that go downhill after are 20s LOL

Put on a sexy nighty or something and walk in while he is on the computer. If he continues to look at the screen, through his butt out the door.

You contradict yourself.
First you assume that she doesn't look like the younger ladies she portrays in her mind. Then you advise her to wear something sexy. But if men are biologically designed to need to stare at other women, even when they are with their 'soul mate', why advise her to wear something sexy? Isn't he going to still look at other women on the computer? -30-

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Interesting posts, just had to chime in on this one.

Below 30 I hope you are not a Psychology major, man because your way off on your theories.

Dating, Married whatever, it does not matter if you have the man or woman from your most erotic dreams or perfect match you are going to look. First it is basic biology and on the other hand it is pleasing on the eyes.

Cannot relate to the fear of approaching a good-looking person, never had this in my life, I would way this more towards socialization skills and communicating with others.

There is nothing wrong with it, society says that there is something wrong with it and when you are with someone you should not stray a look?. :) this makes me laugh to think this. This is childish thoughts, everyone does it whether it is a man or woman, and some are just better at hiding it or not open with their mate.

I personally am married to a Barbie Doll/sex goddess and both of us have been known to go out with the guys or on her side the girls and check out a strip club. "which is too the extreme compaired to the post".



T I think you could look very hot and sexy just like the younger ladies that you portray in your mind, "or you already do and just lack the self confedence to realize it", my you are 33 most woman in their 30s have just hit their prime age, it is us guys that go downhill after are 20s LOL

Put on a sexy nighty or something and walk in while he is on the computer. If he continues to look at the screen, through his butt out the door.

First off, basic bioligy, prove it, I wanna see documentation. Second, the fear of approaching a very good looking woman is very common (and vis-versa with the ladies), just because you dont have a problem with it doesnt mean it doesnt happen on a daily basis with thousands, hell millions of people. Thats good tho you dont have a problem with it, I do and so do a lot of others. It happens so much its almost natural to think "she is way outta my league, dont even try". Third, it is childish thinking that just because everyone does it, it must be ok. And you did contradict yourself when you said for her to put on a sexy nighty and if he still looks at the screen throw him out. But if its in his nature, then how is that justice? According to your veiwpoitns above, it isnt.

[tdog69]

Actually I was not, that is why I said ?portray in your mind?, I was politely trying to suggest that she takes charge of the situation and grabs a little self confidence
Never said men are biologically designed to look at other woman, I said it is simple biology as to why MEN AND WEMON both will stray a look, whoops left out a little chemistry that goes on also??

I am not going to put links on here for biology, just do a google search yourself on biological reasons males and females are atracted to each other and sex appeal, also do a search on the Chemical response from the brain when looking at something you find erotic or attractive.


And if it is not communication skills then why is there so many skill building classes out there to teach people how to communicate with the opposite sex and the public in general. If subject A had a strong base in communication and social interaction then he or she would have no problem talking to the oposite sex.




Bottom line is if it offends you confront him on it, just my train of thought if I was spending too much time looking at the computer screen I would prefer my woman to confront me, with her sex appeal.

[cawiau]

Let me chime in:

To the OP, please if it bothers you that much...tell him. And if he really cares about you he will stop. I don't get why woman do that , they fon't tell the guy how they are feeling thinking we can read their minds!
Seriously, we are good but we are not that good!
Let the guy know.

The other thing, I don't erase the history to my computer either. Not everyone done. he may feel that he has nothing to hide...same as me. My fiancee knows I watch porn, and she is okay with it. I am just not obsess.
Heck, if she is in the mood she will watch porn with me!
Everyone is different and you need to clear things up!

And to the person that says that we look because we which we had that... There is no such thing as the perfect woman...but their is such thing as the good looking attributes.
If I wanted a good looking woman just for the hell of it, I would go to Dominicain republic and marry one of those ladies that are in poverty. They will be more than happy to marry me and I would have my trophy wife :)

We look because we are human, both men and woman. It is of our nature to admire something ...wether it is our neighbor new shoes to their new car...even their hot new wife.
It doesn't mean you desire it or want it to be yours...you just aknowledge the existence of such creature.
I look...big deal. But I am going home with my fianc?e.

Also...even if the guy had a Corvette he would still look for the newer and better model.
Human's desires and wants are never satisfied.
Some of us are just better at controlling it than others.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Tdog-Yeah I get what your saying about the chemestry part, im just saying that when im with a girl, and im only with them IF and inly IF the chemistry is right. I have no desire to look at anyone else, she is the only one that matters to me, if she isnt, then why am I with her and not the ones I would be looking at. Im not trying to offend, just saying.

[Tattedmama]

I have asked - he got very defensive and asked why I looked at the history on the computer. To that I had no good answer. WHat happened originally was that I was looking at link to a pic that someone sent me in a email. That opened the photoviewer. I clicked through the pics and it went to all the pics that the computer saved (not exactly sure what or how that happens). Well there was ALL sorts of "trashy" pics. So, I looked at the history.
Like I said, I did ask him, and he got defensive but didnt give me a answer. I asked him "do you want me to look like that". No answer, just pissed i looked at the history.

I was the hottest thing at one time to him. Not much has changed about me since we met. Like I said, only been 5 months (we live together). I understand its aesthetically pleasing to look at a nice body, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site for help, guidance, etc. I want to look the best I can. And, his little "fetish" is driving me to go farther, but even when I get to my best, I don't think it will be as good as the little whores dancing around on video. I'm not 20 years old, I do have stretch marks, not the tightest skin (babies), and, well, I live a real life. I guess guys think girls like that lie in bed all day waiting for them.
All I want is my man. I don't fantasize about other men. I like to look at a nice body, but being a "body builder" myself, I look at a nice body thinking "wow, they work hard" but I don't want to see another man nekid.

I joke to him all the time how hard I'm working on my ass (that has been the majority of the pics/videos), in a real passive-agressive way so he KNOWS I know.
I guess all this just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And that sucks. Because I thought I was. It makes me doubt myself.

God, I use to beg my ex to watch porn so he'd leave me alone. Now I wish my boyfriend would not look at it. Go figure!

[Below 30]

I have asked - he got very defensive and asked why I looked at the history on the computer. To that I had no good answer. WHat happened originally was that I was looking at link to a pic that someone sent me in a email. That opened the photoviewer. I clicked through the pics and it went to all the pics that the computer saved (not exactly sure what or how that happens). Well there was ALL sorts of "trashy" pics. So, I looked at the history.
Like I said, I did ask him, and he got defensive but didnt give me a answer. I asked him "do you want me to look like that". No answer, just pissed i looked at the history.

I was the hottest thing at one time to him. Not much has changed about me since we met. Like I said, only been 5 months (we live together). I understand its aesthetically pleasing to look at a nice body, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site for help, guidance, etc. I want to look the best I can. And, his little "fetish" is driving me to go farther, but even when I get to my best, I don't think it will be as good as the little whores dancing around on video. I'm not 20 years old, I do have stretch marks, not the tightest skin (babies), and, well, I live a real life. I guess guys think girls like that lie in bed all day waiting for them.
All I want is my man. I don't fantasize about other men. I like to look at a nice body, but being a "body builder" myself, I look at a nice body thinking "wow, they work hard" but I don't want to see another man nekid.

I joke to him all the time how hard I'm working on my ass (that has been the majority of the pics/videos), in a real passive-agressive way so he KNOWS I know.
I guess all this just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And that sucks. Because I thought I was. It makes me doubt myself.

God, I use to beg my ex to watch porn so he'd leave me alone. Now I wish my boyfriend would not look at it. Go figure!

Like I know, he's mad because he is looking at the type of girls he wished he could get with. You're not the girl he wants and he just wants you to stay in the background and do your daily routines. This is not about you and if you're good enough. It's about a man who is a jackass for wasting your time.

He should have never got involved with you for a long-term relationship. Like I said, for many people they want to be in denial about things like this. The reality is, he's not sexually attracted to you. So you have to decide if you want to continue being his back-up girl of not -30-

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Like I know, he's mad because he is looking at the type of girls he wished he could get with. You're not the girl he wants and he just wants you to stay in the background and do your daily routines. This is not about you and if you're good enough. It's about a man who is a jackass for wasting your time.

He should have never got involved with you for a long-term relationship. Like I said, for many people they want to be in denial about things like this. The reality is, he's not sexually attracted to you. So you have to decide if you want to continue being his back-up girl of not -30-

As crude as it may sound, this is the truth, even if you dont want to hear it. That is very sad, like 30 said, hes just keeping you around as a place holder. He doesnt really appreciate you, or TRULY love you like he used to, or he wouldnt be doing what hes doing. Its not your fault at all, your doing the best you can to work your ass off on looking the way you want to. But what you have to realize is this: workout for yourself. Get the body you want, for yourself, do not do it for anyone else. Do you know why you should do this? Because the ones that you will try to impress (in this case) will not appreciate it, no matter how hard you are trying. He has his mind set on what he wants to look at. You will never be good enough in his eyes. Whats the rest of the relationship like? Does he show you that he loves you, or is it just the porn. Can you tell when he's lying, cause most women can, and it would help you gather evidence for the situation. You shouldnt back down from this, put your foot down.

[anb1683]

Like I know, he's mad because he is looking at the type of girls he wished he could get with. You're not the girl he wants and he just wants you to stay in the background and do your daily routines. This is not about you and if you're good enough. It's about a man who is a jackass for wasting your time.

He should have never got involved with you for a long-term relationship. Like I said, for many people they want to be in denial about things like this. The reality is, he's not sexually attracted to you. So you have to decide if you want to continue being his back-up girl of not -30-


As crude as it may sound, this is the truth, even if you dont want to hear it. That is very sad, like 30 said, hes just keeping you around as a place holder. He doesnt really appreciate you, or TRULY love you like he used to, or he wouldnt be doing what hes doing. Its not your fault at all, your doing the best you can to work your ass off on looking the way you want to. But what you have to realize is this: workout for yourself. Get the body you want, for yourself, do not do it for anyone else. Do you know why you should do this? Because the ones that you will try to impress (in this case) will not appreciate it, no matter how hard you are trying. He has his mind set on what he wants to look at. You will never be good enough in his eyes. Whats the rest of the relationship like? Does he show you that he loves you, or is it just the porn. Can you tell when he's lying, cause most women can, and it would help you gather evidence for the situation. You shouldnt back down from this, put your foot down.


So I just skimmed this...Are you guys saying that because he watches porn, or looks at other girls that he doesnt love her? I mean maybe he's embarrased cause he got caught...maybe thats why he's not talking?
Porn can be a great thing in a relationship, as long as you are both secure.

[Below 30]

So I just skimmed this...Are you guys saying that because he watches porn, or looks at other girls that he doesnt love her? I mean maybe he's embarrased cause he got caught...maybe thats why he's not talking?
Porn can be a great thing in a relationship, as long as you are both secure.

For what we know about the meaning of the word 'Love', she should be his world. She should be the female that makes him want to be happy everyday. She should be the female that makes him want to be physical with her. That's supposed to be why he picked her to be his girlfriend. (They live together, I assume the word love was said). We also know that she's not secure with it.

Nobody is saying a man doesn't glance at porn while with his girl. But This man isn't just glancing it, he's clearly into it big time. He gets mad at his girl for finding his browsing history. What kind of man would get mad at his dream girl, because she knows he's looking at other women? I'll tell you, the kind of guy that isn't sexually attracted to his girlfriend/wife. There's no need to rationalize for this guy, he's another loser (because he got into a relationship with her) who causes certain females to need counseling.

Guys like that should not be in a hurry to be in relationships (which is why I avoid relationships). If a woman can be happy with her man doing these things behind her back, that's lucky for him. But most females (people in general) will be upset when their partner is devoting more time to concentrating on other people than the relationship partner -30-

[proteinpump]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?

It could be worse!

[Amanda76]

I was the hottest thing at one time to him. Not much has changed about me since we met. Like I said, only been 5 months (we live together). I understand its aesthetically pleasing to look at a nice body, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site for help, guidance, etc. I want to look the best I can. And, his little "fetish" is driving me to go farther, but even when I get to my best, I don't think it will be as good as the little whores dancing around on video. I'm not 20 years old, I do have stretch marks, not the tightest skin (babies), and, well, I live a real life. I guess guys think girls like that lie in bed all day waiting for them.
All I want is my man. I don't fantasize about other men. I like to look at a nice body, but being a "body builder" myself, I look at a nice body thinking "wow, they work hard" but I don't want to see another man nekid.

I joke to him all the time how hard I'm working on my ass (that has been the majority of the pics/videos), in a real passive-agressive way so he KNOWS I know.
I guess all this just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And that sucks. Because I thought I was. It makes me doubt myself.

God, I use to beg my ex to watch porn so he'd leave me alone. Now I wish my boyfriend would not look at it. Go figure!

You can't have changed from the hottest thing on earth to unhot in 5 months. That should tell you something there.

Just from the way you're describing how he makes you feel...that he might fantasize about having some vapid woman waiting all day in bed for him...doesn't make him sound like a very complete person. I'm sure you can do better than that. You should buy him a rubber doll and move out. :)

You need a man who is attracted to you for WHO you are in addition to what you look like. You need someone who appreciates you for everything you do and all your interests. The right man wouldn't make you doubt yourself. The RIGHT man would have you coming to the gym because he helps you see your potential and wants YOU to be happy, not because he makes you see all your faults and makes you want to change to make HIM happy.

Maybe there's something we're missing here. What's so great about him?

[Tattedmama]

We have alot in common. I fell in love with him. And its what I really felt for the first time in my life...awwww...I know - BARF!
He is a awesome father figure - my ex sucks as a father, or man for that matter. Not that I'm comparing.
He is what I've wanted in a man - a real man. Well maybe this is just what comes with it. I have sacraficed alot lately for him, which I dont mind, as long as I get the same love, respect and attention back. Maybe this is just the bad I have to take with the "good and the bad".
I have a feeling part of his looking is his own insecurities. Hard to explain. Maybe he really would want what he looks at, but settled for me. Which is a shame, because I'm with him because I want him and am not settling for what I think I can't have.
We'll see what happens. He did ask me to marry him, but not until I'm really sure he's in this full hearted will I even go down that aisle.
Thing have changed in the bedroom, but he had surgery last month and has been feeling ****ty lately. If this doesn't change, then.....well....who knows. I am 33 after all, and I am tired of "taking care of things" myself. Ya know!
Anyhow. Thanks again. Sucks to think he's settling. Makes me think I'm nothing more than a single, worn out mother who has to bust her ass to just make it and that I "need" him. I actually WANT him.
Blah.

[CandyStripes]

It could be worse!

You mean he could be like you and cheat on her with prostitutes?

[Sable_Strenua]

You mean he could be like you and cheat on her with prostitutes?
zing!!!!

[mmmcookiesnmilk]

I could care less if someone I'm dating does that. or looks at porn or goes to strip clubs. There's a big difference between looking at some stranger naked and wanting to be with her. Plus I'm very confident I have a lot more to give to a relationship than some stripper, so I don't feel threatened by that.

[bgurltryall]

We have alot in common. I fell in love with him. And its what I really felt for the first time in my life...awwww...I know - BARF!
He is a awesome father figure - my ex sucks as a father, or man for that matter. Not that I'm comparing.
He is what I've wanted in a man - a real man. Well maybe this is just what comes with it. I have sacraficed alot lately for him, which I dont mind, as long as I get the same love, respect and attention back. Maybe this is just the bad I have to take with the "good and the bad".
I have a feeling part of his looking is his own insecurities. Hard to explain. Maybe he really would want what he looks at, but settled for me. Which is a shame, because I'm with him because I want him and am not settling for what I think I can't have.
We'll see what happens. He did ask me to marry him, but not until I'm really sure he's in this full hearted will I even go down that aisle.
Thing have changed in the bedroom, but he had surgery last month and has been feeling ****ty lately. If this doesn't change, then.....well....who knows. I am 33 after all, and I am tired of "taking care of things" myself. Ya know!
Anyhow. Thanks again. Sucks to think he's settling. Makes me think I'm nothing more than a single, worn out mother who has to bust her ass to just make it and that I "need" him. I actually WANT him.
Blah.

You seem to be putting up with an awful lot to keep your 'perfect man'. Compromising yourself because you are afraid of losing someone only exhibits your insecurities. If he were truly the person for you, you wouldn't fear losing him by standing up for yourself. You say you're not settling but I feel a certain amount of desperation relating to your age: You say you're "tired of taking care of things" yourself, you've rushed into living with someone (5 months, eek!) and you're already talking marriage when obviously problems are starting to surface.

It sounds like you've got this list in your head of what the 'right' guy will have, he kinda fits the bill, and now you've convinced yourself he's it, and are simply ignoring anything that upsets this idea, or are making excuses for it.

Were you confident when the relationship started? If so then maybe the change in his behavior could be related to your dwindling confidence. I've seen many a confident women find their perfect man and then turn into doormats because they're so afraid of losing them, and, in doing so, become a very different woman than the man fell for in the first place. Cruel irony.

At any rate if you don't like things the way they are you don't have to put up with them. Respect yourself enough to demand the treatment you want and don't settle for less, cause whether you realize it or not, right now you are doing just that.

On a side note, I don't think checking out porn is a big deal myself, but if it makes you uncomfortable then that's something that needs to be addressed. Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life being with someone who does something that makes you doubt yourself so much?

[bttrthnb4]

You seem to be putting up with an awful lot to keep your 'perfect man'. Compromising yourself because you are afraid of losing someone only exhibits your insecurities. If he were truly the person for you, you wouldn't fear losing him by standing up for yourself. You say you're not settling but I feel a certain amount of desperation relating to your age: You say you're "tired of taking care of things" yourself, you've rushed into living with someone (5 months, eek!) and you're already talking marriage when obviously problems are starting to surface.

It sounds like you've got this list in your head of what the 'right' guy will have, he kinda fits the bill, and now you've convinced yourself he's it, and are simply ignoring anything that upsets this idea, or are making excuses for it.

Were you confident when the relationship started? If so then maybe the change in his behavior could be related to your dwindling confidence. I've seen many a confident women find their perfect man and then turn into doormats because they're so afraid of losing them, and, in doing so, become a very different woman than the man fell for in the first place. Cruel irony.

At any rate if you don't like things the way they are you don't have to put up with them. Respect yourself enough to demand the treatment you want and don't settle for less, cause whether you realize it or not, right now you are doing just that.

On a side note, I don't think checking out porn is a big deal myself, but if it makes you uncomfortable then that's something that needs to be addressed. Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life being with someone who does something that makes you doubt yourself so much?

Exactly.

Best point: do you want to feel like this the rest of your life?

[Amanda76]

You seem to be putting up with an awful lot to keep your 'perfect man'. Compromising yourself because you are afraid of losing someone only exhibits your insecurities. If he were truly the person for you, you wouldn't fear losing him by standing up for yourself. You say you're not settling but I feel a certain amount of desperation relating to your age: You say you're "tired of taking care of things" yourself, you've rushed into living with someone (5 months, eek!) and you're already talking marriage when obviously problems are starting to surface.

It sounds like you've got this list in your head of what the 'right' guy will have, he kinda fits the bill, and now you've convinced yourself he's it, and are simply ignoring anything that upsets this idea, or are making excuses for it.

Were you confident when the relationship started? If so then maybe the change in his behavior could be related to your dwindling confidence. I've seen many a confident women find their perfect man and then turn into doormats because they're so afraid of losing them, and, in doing so, become a very different woman than the man fell for in the first place. Cruel irony.

At any rate if you don't like things the way they are you don't have to put up with them. Respect yourself enough to demand the treatment you want and don't settle for less, cause whether you realize it or not, right now you are doing just that.

On a side note, I don't think checking out porn is a big deal myself, but if it makes you uncomfortable then that's something that needs to be addressed. Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life being with someone who does something that makes you doubt yourself so much?


Exactly.

Best point: do you want to feel like this the rest of your life?

Very well put

[Tattedmama]

Nope - so either I need to get over this....or.....face it head on. I have to be the apple of my man's eye. I don't care if these chicks don't "exist". They are replacing me in some way, and I won't have that. Thanks

[Below 30]

One thing that alot of us always do, is make things sound easier than they really are. It's easy for us to tell you to leave him, but we don't know your living situation etc. But the most important thing here is that you realize that you are being replaced in his mind.

Understand also that there is no changing him now. You can't make somebody get sexually attracted to you when they've lost interest or never had it in the first place. So keep those things in mind -30-

[Tattedmama]

Nope - so either I need to get over this....or.....face it head on. I have to be the apple of my man's eye. I don't care if these chicks don't "exist". They are replacing me in some way, and I won't have that. Thanks

[bttrthnb4]

Nope - so either I need to get over this....or.....face it head on. I have to be the apple of my man's eye. I don't care if these chicks don't "exist". They are replacing me in some way, and I won't have that. Thanks

I know how that is! LOL

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide :)

[teenyP]

but isn't it wrong to look at pics/watch little videos of chicks dancing around almost nekid when you have a chick at home? Starting to give me a serious complex......should I just suck it up and chalk him up to just another horny guy?


i don't see anything wrong with it at all....if a man and a woman are in a committed, trusting relationship, then there's nothing to worry about.

looking at pic's and so forth is called being "human"... all us women do it too, but get jealous when men do it.....i feel it's more about being insecure and jealous than anything else...if you're a secure, confident woman, who cares? It's only looking! ;)

[thenewchamp]

If I trust my man, then there is nothing wrong with just looking...it is human nature. As long as he doesn't get upset with me for doing it. LOL!

But if it is sersiously something that bothers you then I would let him know how it makes me feel and if he respects me and our relationship he won't do it anymore.

[pirouette]

i don't see anything wrong with it at all....if a man and a woman are in a committed, trusting relationship, then there's nothing to worry about.

looking at pic's and so forth is called being "human"... all us women do it too, but get jealous when men do it.....i feel it's more about being insecure and jealous than anything else...if you're a secure, confident woman, who cares? It's only looking! ;)

I agree. I consider myself a secure confident woman........most of the time. Every now and then the monster named insecurity sneaks in and it can eat you alive. Alot of times I get a kick out of the silly porn stuff guys look at, it's funny. He's come to realize that it's a trade off; if he wants to look then he has to put in overtime on giving me attention and making me feel wanted and desired. He's had the "shoe on the other foot" and didn't take it very well.

We just have to remember that men are very simple creatures and they are just wired different than we are.

[pirouette]

Nope - so either I need to get over this....or.....face it head on. I have to be the apple of my man's eye. I don't care if these chicks don't "exist". They are replacing me in some way, and I won't have that. Thanks

Amen to that. X100

[Spartan#x]

If a man has a female at home that he is sexually attracted to, he will not want to do those things. The problem? Most men don't have the skill or the patience to go after the type of female they really want. The quick fix for them? They look at other females from various sources and create a fantasy.

But any gender will go through this, as most people live to please society. This means that most people just want to get into a relationship as fast as possible (to please society) and the first guy or girl that says "Hi", is good enough. Think about owning a Chrysler Neon (for example), alot of people own them (because they are relatively cheap) but they wished they had a sports car like a Corvette. Anytime that person sees a Corvette (for example), they'll stare at it and wish that they could afford and own it -30-

I strongly disagree. I have an extremely attractive girlfriend, and we have sex on a regular basis. Yet, I still find it entertaining to watch porn/ "naked girls dancing"

[darkangel]

i don't see anything wrong with it at all....if a man and a woman are in a committed, trusting relationship, then there's nothing to worry about.

What's wrong with it is it makes her feel uncomfortable and unhappy. It makes him feel guilty and defensive. And chances are it's doing nothing to improve their relationship. Bottom line is if you really love someone, you're not going to continue doing something that makes them unhappy... regardless of whether it's "right" or "wrong."

[Tattedmama]

There really is more too it. I shouldn't really go into it on here. All I can say, is things better change, and not just with the looking at chicks thing - I'm coming to grips with that. I feel so down on myself lately because of things going on. I feel like nothing I do makes him happy. And I can't live like this the rest of my life. I had one man make me feel like crap for 20+ years (he still does everytime we talk on the phone). Thats not what I want in my life partner. But he's going through a lot of **** right now. So I'm just trying to keep that in mind. I keep telling myself things will get better.

[bttrthnb4]

There really is more too it. I shouldn't really go into it on here. All I can say, is things better change, and not just with the looking at chicks thing - I'm coming to grips with that. I feel so down on myself lately because of things going on. I feel like nothing I do makes him happy. And I can't live like this the rest of my life. I had one man make me feel like crap for 20+ years (he still does everytime we talk on the phone). Thats not what I want in my life partner. But he's going through a lot of **** right now. So I'm just trying to keep that in mind. I keep telling myself things will get better.

Oh me, I'm really sorry to read that :( I'm not gonna ask you for any more details than you give out yourself, and I know I know I know I am not you nor am I in your shoes. That being said, I know how what you are describing can feel but probably not to the same degree, and knowing that your self image is suffering so immensely really hurts me. Whatever happens, take care of yourself and your children, they and you are priority number one. I really hope you see improvement and feel comfort soon. I'm pullin for ya, hon.