Kristen's Journal

[hotgymchick]

Hey girls-
Long time, no chat or journaling. I'm back in school now. You will all be glad to know that I have come to my senses about my previous diet and training habits; I see now how detrimental the 3-a-day cardio sessions and starvation diets were to my progress. Plus, I've been doing HOURS of work a day, so its impractical to be at the gym for that long when I wasn't even accomplishing anything.

[Emma-Leigh]

Welcome back Hun :)

Good to see you again.

[hotgymchick]

9AM: 45 minutes of cardio, HR 150-160 BPM

Post-workout: 1/2 c. oats, 23 g. protein powder

12:00 PM:
3 oz. tuna, 1/2 c. corn, 1/4 c. fat free cheese, 1/2 c. cucumber, 1 tbsp. PB (Yes, I mixed it all together, and yes, it tasted good)

3:00 PM:
Low-carb protein bar, as I will be sitting waiting for my car to get serviced :(

6:00 PM:
Chicken breast
Green vegetables

9:00 PM:
Cottage cheese mixed with 6 oz. yogurt

I might do another 45 minutes of cardio, but if I do I will add some carbs to 6:00 PM.

[hotgymchick]

9:30 AM: pre-cardio drink: thermo efs-25

10:00 AM: 60 minutes of cardio

11:30 AM: 1/2 c. oats, protein shake

3:00 PM: 2 c. green beans, 1 tbsp. olive oil, 6 oz. chicken

6:00 PM: 6 oz. chicken, 2 c. vegetables

9:00 PM; 1/2 c. fiber 1, 1/2 c. cottage cheese

[imperfectly_lou]

So glad to see less cardio :) But more food please Kristen! :)

[Assassinator]

so your name is Kristen :D

hey, good to see you're back.

Good luck with your journal.

[TheSupaKorean]

love your quote "A woman who is in good shape is a woman who has goals and obvious strength; she must be dedicated to strengthening her body, and she will usually be unafraid, if not proud, to show it. Some men do not like the manifestation of physical strength because they feel that it somehow lessens their own masculinity to be seen with such an obviously strong female, but others like less the signs of personal pride and character in a fit woman?s appearance, which all but scream that this is indeed a woman who can achieve and will not be held in check if she does not want to be"

Good luck with this journal, keep it updated :)

[hotgymchick]

7AM: 6 oz yogurt mixed w/ fiber 1

1:00 PM: 1/2 c. oats, 23 g. protein powder, mixed w/ fiber 1

4:00 PM: egg whites

4:30 PM: mile warmup, sprints, mile cooldown (about 40 minutes)

PW: egg whites, banana

6:00 PM: rice cake w/ 1 tbsp peanut butter

7:00 PM: protein shake

8:00 PM: 45 minute run (not as intense), abs

PW: 6 oz chicken, vegetables (raw)

[hotgymchick]

meal 1: 1 pc low carb toast, spoonful of peanut butter, oats

meal 2: chicken, lettuce, green beans, corn, olive oil

gym- 40 minutes of cardio, chest & back

meal 3: protein shake, banana

meal 4: fiber 1 in cottage cheese, spinach and mushrooms, olive oil

gym- 2 mile run, 15 minutes on the bike, stretching

meal 5: chicken, lettuce, green beans, celery

[imperfectly_lou]

How you feeling lately Kristen? Just wondering what your specific fitness goals were at the moment?

[hotgymchick]

To get to 13% BF.

I have been doing OK.

Feel humungous even though everthings the same. :(

[hotgymchick]

meal 1: oats
meal 2: apple
meal 3: yogurt, fiber 1
meal 4: protein shake, banana
meal 5: chicken, vegetables

gym 1- 47 min. running workout

gym 2- more cardio

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
meal 1: oats
meal 2: apple
meal 3: yogurt, fiber 1
meal 4: protein shake, banana
meal 5: chicken, vegetables

gym 1- 47 min. running workout

gym 2- more cardio

Kirsten - hun - don't take this the wrong way but pull your finger out and pull up. Don't be so stupid, get your head out of the sand, take control of yourself and stop playing the victim.

You are more intellegent than this and I am not going to sit here and tell you nicely (again) that "you might want to take a look at your routine and that you might want to decrease your cardio and increase your food"..... frankly, I don't want to talk down to you like that anymore and you don't seem to want to listen to anything anyone has to say so I don't know why I keep bothering...

You know what the definition of stupidity is? - doing the same thing and expecting things to change.

Obviously starving yourself and running yourself stupid on the treadmill has not been working to date - so why do you keep doing it? What are you so scared of? What do you think will happen if you re-assess your plan and try something different?

Stop being so childish and stubborn - stop letting this obsession you have with self-hatred control your life. Take some control over yourself. Take some control over your situation.

No one can fix this for you - you have to do it and the sooner you do it, the sooner you will realise that there is more to life than a treadmill. You can not fix internal problems with external solutions.

You don't want to run as a sport... you don't want to compete on the athletic scene - if this was your true passion you would make it happen. You would train correctly and you would fuel your body correctly.

You want to run away from yourself. You want to hide from life and you want to punish yourself for some reason that only you know.... What is it you are trying to do? What are you trying to proove to the world? To yourself? Is it that important? For crying out loud Kristen, is it worth ruining your youth, health and potentially the rest of your life over?

You are going to wind up bitter and hollow - obsession with self-perfection will not get you anywhere... you will never be good enough... You will end up hating yourself for wasting your life on something so stupid... but then this will have another reason to hate yourself.... and that is what you want isn't it? Another reason to stay angry... something to keep the cycle going... Another reason to continue your obsession with self-denial....


Let it go and move on. Cry, scream, talk to a therapist, start kick boxing and punch the living crap out of a punching bag. But stop acting so irresponsibly and start doing something productive with your life.

[sillygirl]

I agree with Emma-Leigh, Kristen. Most importantly, you need to ask yourself...

"How's that workin' for ya?"

(As much as I absolutely despise Dr. Phil, his show was on the TV at my gym about 14 months ago...and I was in the midst of doing my daily 2 hour cardio routine while starving myself...and I hafta admit, at that moment when I heard him say that, it just kind of "clicked"...)

It isn't working for you. It hasn't worked in the past for you, and it's not going to work in the future for you. It will NEVER work for you. Just like it never worked for me. I had to ask myself that- how was this working for me? It wasn't. I was ill, I was overexercising, I was scared, I was alone, I was jobless, I was depressed, and I was stuck on this hellbent vicious cycle of self loathing.

You're beating yourself into this hole of starvation and overexercising. You've done this in the past- and what's the point? What has this done for you? This must be doing SOMETHING for you, as you keep doing it. What kind of trip are you getting off of this? In all honesty, what kind of life can you lead if you're doing THAT much cardio and eating that little?

I think it's time to look for the real problems that underlie this disorder, and the real solutions. You aren't going to find them through doing 2 sessions of cardio a day while starving yourself...

Like Emma said- what are you scared of? WHY are you so afraid of 'recovery'?

I clung to my ED simply because I was afraid of growing up. I was a coward. I didn't want to be responsible for myself. My ED allowed me to "rebel" in everything everyone else wanted me to be- beautiful. Smart. Indpendent. "Perfect".

It allowed me to be ugly, to be weak, to be "selfish" and "stupid", to be completely dependent, and to be "imperfect".

The biggest step of my recovery was to just GET OVER IT and GROW UP. I realized there's a lot more important stuff in the world to worry about than doing 2 hours of running on the treadmill and defrosting countless chicken breasts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

But there's also a really good feeling that comes with independence and being self-sufficient. Growing up. That feeling is better than any feeling starvation and overexercising EVER gave me.


And I don't mean to sound harsh at all. I'm concerned. It's just so hard to see someone else go down the same self-destructive path I once went down...

So Kristen, I'd just like to know- how's this workin' for ya?

[imperfectly_lou]

I would like to add my concern in here too Kristen - you have seen my journal evolve over the past 6 or so months and keep in mind I have been in "recovery" for 2 years now.

It is all very well to go to therapy. As I said, I have been doing it for two years. But was I really WANTING to recover? Or was I just looking for a way to semi-recover and keep up those behaviours that kept me "safe"?

My anorexia was a way of explaining things for me and it was a way of protecting myself. I was so terrified that I would FAIL in life and disappoint those around me who had such high expectations. So it was ok that I took an easy load at uni "coz I was sick", I didn't go out "coz I was sick" - it was just a ****ing excuse and a poor one at that.

About one year ago now I started seeing a new guy who refused to put up with my bull****. He has been the driving force behind my ACTIVE RECOVERY...... So I threw away my scales (hardest thing I ever did), I started working on ISSUES and I confronted my fears.

I'm not there yet.... but by god, life is so much better and it will continue to improve each day I keep working towards full recovery.

I have dreams and desires and I realise that hanging onto an eating-disordered existence is only going to PREVENT me from finishing my law degree, going into the corporate world, getting married and having children some day.

IT ISN'T ABOUT THE FOOD

It is about how you are feeling inside.

You feel like crap. As Chloe said, it IS NOT WORKING. You will never be happy living this starved existence.

But its your choice. If you want to stay lonely and miserable, keep doing what you are doing.

If you want to a chance to reach your full potential and have a happy, fulfilling life, then reach for recovery and DO IT

[hotgymchick]

I don't see why everyone is being so rude- I used to do 3-4 cardio sessions a day on less calories. You can't expect a whopping change like that in such a short amount of time. I only do 2 cardios 2-3 days a week, not 7 like normal. And the maximum amount of time is an hour, not 90 like before. And I've gained weight, about 3 pounds, so I'm around 115 now. And I'm defintiely eating more.

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I don't see why everyone is being so rude- I used to do 3-4 cardio sessions a day on less calories.

We are not being rude. You know that. Don't try to look for something you can use to 'distract' everyone (and yourself) to avoid the point. We are telling it how it is. You have a problem - You are currently acting like a child and ignoring the issue in the hope that it will 'all go away'...

We are telling you that you have to stop being such a coward and start to fix the problem. So you can either choose to change or you can continue to box yourself into a life of self-destruction, self-hatred and bitter resentment....

I think you are too scared to scared to make yourself better. You are scared to see what you are truly capable of and so you are letting yourself 'be sick'. You are taking the victims role.

It is pathetic... really... Why do it? What is the point? What is it adding to your life?


You need to ask yourself - what is it taking away?

You can't expect a whopping change like that in such a short amount of time.
It has not been a short amount of time! This has been going on now for MONTHS. If you didn't go through and delete all your posts then you would be able to see how long it has been going on for.

I have to ask... if you are not trying to hide what you are doing, then why delete all your old posts?

I only do 2 cardios 2-3 days a week, not 7 like normal. And the maximum amount of time is an hour, not 90 like before. And I've gained weight, about 3 pounds, so I'm around 115 now. And I'm defintiely eating more.
Stop making excuses. Stop looking for reasons to continue doing what you are doing. "I'm doing much better" is a crap response. You have not made any huge steps. Your diet has nothing with energy it in - it consists of fibre and protein.... Your training is still rediculous - it is not training. You do drills and sprints and other things when you are training for a sport. You DON'T sit on the damn elliptical machine for 2 hours a day. Who are you trying to kid that that is training? Yourself or the rest of the world? Cause the rest of the world is not buying it....

No one can train like that and expect to improve.

It is not just about 'gaining the weight' - you have to shift your thinking... and only you can do that.

Why don't you just get on with it?

[imperfectly_lou]

I'm sorry if you are offended Kristin, but I am just telling it like it is. Maybe because the ONLY thing that worked for me is my boyfriend telling me in no uncertain terms to GET MY ACT TOGETHER, STOP BEING A VICTIM AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES

I thought "****ing bastard" at first....

But it was the best thing ANYONE has even done for me....

I know we can't expect you to go to 2 cardio sessions a week and 3000cals a day overnight but you are using excessive training and overeating to avoid the real issues. I don't give a damn if you have gained weight - it doesn't MATTER......

[hotgymchick]

I'm just so confused as to what to eat to achieve my goals. i Know, to eat more and what not, but anythign I do that strays from what I've been doing feels wrong.

[imperfectly_lou]

It WILL feel wrong in the beginning.... change always feels a little uncomfortable at first....... but you have to stick with it and stop listening to negative voices in your head that are LYING to you......

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I'm just so confused as to what to eat to achieve my goals. i Know, to eat more and what not, but anythign I do that strays from what I've been doing feels wrong.

It will feel 'wrong' because you will be fighting against a compulsion you have to continue in your routine!! This is PART OF THE PROBLEM and it is this that you have to try to stop.

You have to learn to move through the discomfort and make a change for the better.

You know what you are ment to do - you have seen what everyone suggests here. 40:40:20. GOOD carbs, GOOD proteins and GOOD fats! But if you want, I can write you up a detailed meal plan - 6 meals a day... something to get you started...

We are all willing to help you out Kristen - just ask - But you HAVE TO start to help yourself.

[leolady]

you might want to try physiquetransformation.com....interesting process I must say. I have been on the 1500-1800 cals a day low carb bandwagon for the past 2 years and have been stalled with my progress and that last few percentage points in my body fat. I started this program which analyzes your diet and then spits out a conditioning phase which for me last 5 weeks. It raises my calories each week by 200 unitl I get to 2600, and I am eating about 250 grams of carbs and working my way up to 350, still high protein. The interestin gthing to note is that you are not to do any cardio while in the conditioning phase, just lift heavy. After you finigh conditioning you go into fatburning mode and you rotate your calories each day, and you only work in cardio whn you plateau and are not losing 2 lbs a week. You have to enter you foods daily and it grades you, and at certain points if you fail you must repeat that week. The whole processis designed to kick start your metabolism and help you with your ratios, which as it turns out hideen sugars, fats and sodium are ususally the culprits. A chicken breast is not alsways a chicken breast, some have 1.5 grams of fat and some have up to 5, along with a big jump in sodium, this program has helped teach me alot. I am in my 3rd week of conditioning and I have not gained any weight or inches, even though I am eating 100-150 more grams of carbs a day.

Since you said you are not aware of where to start or what to eat...here is a solution that helps you if you want the help.

Good Luck

[hotgymchick]

EMMA: i would appreciate you outlining a diet for me very much

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
EMMA: i would appreciate you outlining a diet for me very much

I would love to do this for you :)

A little info would be helpful first of all...

Maybe if you give me a list of foods that you are willing to eat - what type of low GI carbs, lean meats, healthy fats etc you comfortable eating. So I can start with those things you are comfortable with then slowly mix it around a little.

Also, when would you be working out and for how long? That way I can calculate your rough needs and when to put certain meals in.

If you want (if you don't mind) your weight and BF would also be useful (if only a rough guide) so I can get an estimate on your basal requirements....

[hotgymchick]

Originally posted by Emma-Leigh
I would love to do this for you :)

A little info would be helpful first of all...

Maybe if you give me a list of foods that you are willing to eat - what type of low GI carbs, lean meats, healthy fats etc you comfortable eating. So I can start with those things you are comfortable with then slowly mix it around a little.

Also, when would you be working out and for how long? That way I can calculate your rough needs and when to put certain meals in.

If you want (if you don't mind) your weight and BF would also be useful (if only a rough guide) so I can get an estimate on your basal requirements....

Well, for foods I'm willing to eat...oatmeal is the only low gi carb I like to eat. I eat chicken, ground turkey, red meat, but no fish. Olive oil and flax oil for fats, no peanut butter. No fruit besides b ananas post workout. green vegges like spinach and green beans...

For workouts, I was thinking cardio six days per week. (ONCE A DAY! ) No more than an hour, 2 interval sessions. For weights, I'm not exactly sure and I'd lke your advice..I once did a 5 day split and liked it , or I could do something else?

Also, I weigh about 113-115 and I don't know the bodyfat, around 18 or 19....but my goal is to get to 14-15.

THANK YOU EMMA! :D

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
Well, for foods I'm willing to eat...oatmeal is the only low gi carb I like to eat. I eat chicken, ground turkey, red meat, but no fish. Olive oil and flax oil for fats, no peanut butter. No fruit besides b ananas post workout. green vegges like spinach and green beans...
Ok... We can work with that to begin with - but you should look at adding in a little variety when you are a little more comfortable about eating...

Also -
Do you still eat dairy (cottage cheese? Yoghurt?)
What about eggs? I know you eat the whites but what about the yolks?
And what about whole nuts like walnuts or seeds like flaxseed/flaxmeal? (your diet lacks essential omega-3's)

For workouts, I was thinking cardio six days per week. (ONCE A DAY! ) No more than an hour, 2 interval sessions. For weights, I'm not exactly sure and I'd lke your advice..I once did a 5 day split and liked it , or I could do something else?

*Grumble* 6 days of cardio *grumble*... Ok... :) But you have to promise that it will be ONCE a day only. 4 days of longer duration training and 2 days of intervals is fine.

My personal preference on weights is a four day split (legs, Chest/tri, back/bi, Shoulders) with Abs trained 2 times a week on cardio days. I find that with this split it gives me a good 50 minute weights workout for the day and I can target the muscles well, without feeling like I am 'rushing' through to try to hit everything.

But it all depends on what your goals are. Are you still hoping to compete or are you just looking at something that will help you scuplt your body?

Also - are you a mesomorph? Endo? Ecto? How does your body respond to training? This will all determine what you should do as well...

Also, I weigh about 113-115 and I don't know the bodyfat, around 18 or 19....but my goal is to get to 14-15.
I think that 14-15% is a good, healthy body fat target. I think your weight needs to stay where it is though. So you are going to have to do this the long way (clean, consistant eating and good training - as you need to maintain/add a little muscle mass to retain the same mass but have a lower BF%.

[/quote]THANK YOU EMMA! :D [/QUOTE]
You are welcome.... But you are going to have to promise me that you are going to do something about how you FEEL about yourself, your life and about your compulsions surrounding food and exercise.

I can help you with a weights/training and food program but all of that is worth nothing if you hate yourself and feel like crap.... Or if you can not break out of the routines you have in regards to exercise and eating.... Or if you starve yourself because you feel you are fat - leading you to binge and purge.

You can get better Kirsten. You CAN move forward and not be sick. But you have to WANT to not be sick. You have to WANT to improve your life and your situation. Go and talk to someone ok - the campus doctor or a psychiatrist. Someone who can help you talk through your issues so you can work out why you want to maintain this self-distructive pattern which is keeping you in the victims role. Don't try to be someone else..... Don't want to be someone else.

You don't NEED to be a victim - there is no strength or beauty in choosing to live a life where you refuse to take responsibility for yourself or your actions. You don't NEED to be someone else - Spending your life like that is a waste and it makes you seem weak.

Choose to radiate health and confidence. Choose to fight and be productive in your life. Choose yourself. This is what makes a person truely beautiful.

At the moment, my favourite saying is:
'Never give yourself permission to do less than your best'

Be YOUR best.

[hotgymchick]

Originally posted by Emma-Leigh
Ok... We can work with that to begin with - but you should look at adding in a little variety when you are a little more comfortable about eating...

Also -
Do you still eat dairy (cottage cheese? Yoghurt?)
What about eggs? I know you eat the whites but what about the yolks?
And what about whole nuts like walnuts or seeds like flaxseed/flaxmeal? (your diet lacks essential omega-3's)



*Grumble* 6 days of cardio *grumble*... Ok... :) But you have to promise that it will be ONCE a day only. 4 days of longer duration training and 2 days of intervals is fine.

My personal preference on weights is a four day split (legs, Chest/tri, back/bi, Shoulders) with Abs trained 2 times a week on cardio days. I find that with this split it gives me a good 50 minute weights workout for the day and I can target the muscles well, without feeling like I am 'rushing' through to try to hit everything.

But it all depends on what your goals are. Are you still hoping to compete or are you just looking at something that will help you scuplt your body?

Also - are you a mesomorph? Endo? Ecto? How does your body respond to training? This will all determine what you should do as well...

[b]
I think that 14-15% is a good, healthy body fat target. I think your weight needs to stay where it is though. So you are going to have to do this the long way (clean, consistant eating and good training - as you need to maintain/add a little muscle mass to retain the same mass but have a lower BF%.

[b]THANK YOU EMMA! :D [/QUOTE]
You are welcome.... But you are going to have to promise me that you are going to do something about how you FEEL about yourself, your life and about your compulsions surrounding food and exercise.

I can help you with a weights/training and food program but all of that is worth nothing if you hate yourself and feel like crap.... Or if you can not break out of the routines you have in regards to exercise and eating.... Or if you starve yourself because you feel you are fat - leading you to binge and purge.

You can get better Kirsten. You CAN move forward and not be sick. But you have to WANT to not be sick. You have to WANT to improve your life and your situation. Go and talk to someone ok - the campus doctor or a psychiatrist. Someone who can help you talk through your issues so you can work out why you want to maintain this self-distructive pattern which is keeping you in the victims role. Don't try to be someone else..... Don't want to be someone else.

You don't NEED to be a victim - there is no strength or beauty in choosing to live a life where you refuse to take responsibility for yourself or your actions. You don't NEED to be someone else - Spending your life like that is a waste and it makes you seem weak.

Choose to radiate health and confidence. Choose to fight and be productive in your life. Choose yourself. This is what makes a person truely beautiful.

At the moment, my favourite saying is:
'Never give yourself permission to do less than your best'

Be YOUR best. [/QUOTE]

Dairy wise, I'll have yogurt or cottage cheese but not too much

I eat egg yolks, and will eat walnuts if necessary

I'm hoping to compete in figure someday, but I am still so young and like to send my pictures in to some running magazines when I obtain a lower body fat to see if I can model for them

I'm definitely a mesomorph, I gain muscle easily but never really had a sizeable amount of fat to lose sans a few percentages.

I've been working on the rest, Emma, thank you so much for all the support.

[icery]

are you still doing track at SHU? how have you been doing in the races?

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
Dairy wise, I'll have yogurt or cottage cheese but not too much

I eat egg yolks, and will eat walnuts if necessary[/b]
Ok.... Great. :)

First, lets see about calories - At your weight (114 pounds) and bf (18%):

Weight in kg = 51.8kg
Lean mass = 42.5kg
RMR = 1019.7
Daily activity requirements (1.5 to 1.6) = 1529.5 - 1631.6
Adding TEF = 1682.5 - 1794

Ok... So you are looking at about 1700 calories to maintain at the moment...

As you are probably eating less than this, how does a daily count of 1500 to 1600 cals sound at first? If I made you up a plan of about 1500-1600 cals, 5 to 6 meals a day, with 40-45% carbs, 35-40% protein and 15-25% fat split, would you be willing to give it a try?

I'm hoping to compete in figure someday, but I am still so young and like to send my pictures in to some running magazines when I obtain a lower body fat to see if I can model for them

I'm definitely a mesomorph, I gain muscle easily but never really had a sizeable amount of fat to lose sans a few percentages.
Ok - I think you are training the wrong way at the moment, you are focusing on the cardio rather than the muscle work and to do figure you are going to have to swap this around. You still do the cardio hoping that it will 'burn off' the fat for you, when in reality, due to your poor diet and MASSIVE cardio load, all you are doing is chewing away valueable muscle. You have to get your muscles ACTIVELY draining your fat away... It is much more effective.

Start a four day split. At the moment my 'split of the moment' is this:
Legs
Back/bi
Chest/tri
Shoulders

I also train abs 2x a week.

I don't know if you want to do this one or if you want to seperate your legs or train arms on different days, but I find this type of split to be really effective. It gives me time to train each muscle group well without taking too much time.

Only do a few minutes warm up (5 to 20 minutes) and keep your weights sessions to about 45 minutes to 1hr a session, especially if you are doing lots of compound exercises, otherwise you tend to 'exhaust' your nervous system and you start to compromise results.

I like to do 3 or 4 exercises per major muscle group, with 3 sets of 6 to 10 reps. You might like to try them closer to the 10 range at first and see how your body responds. If you muscle well, then you might find this is sufficient, otherwise, you might need to drop these to 8 and up the weights a little. Occasionally I throw in 'burn sets' or 'fatigue sets' which is when you drop the weight by 1/3 and push out a 4th set of 12 to 15 reps.

Play around and see how your body responds - pyramid sets etc can also be really effective.


For cardio, if you insist on doing 6 days a week, then swap it over and do 4 days of 20-25 minutes and 2 longer sessions (max being 1 hour). For two of those short sessions you can do HIIT (Heart rate 80-85%), but for the other two I would suggest that you keep your heart rate at 70 to 75% max.

Something like this:

Day 1: Legs + 25 minutes cardio (70-75% max)
Day 2: Shoulders + Cardio (HIIT)
Day 3: Abs + Cardio (45 minutes)
Day 4: Back/Bis + 25 minutes cardio (70-75% max)
Day 5: Chest/tris + Cardio (HIIT)
Day 6: Abs + Cardio (45 minutes)
Day 7: REST REST REST REST REST.

thank you so much for all the support.

You are welcome. Just know that if you ever just want to 'talk' I am here to listen, although I know it is a lot less effective when stated over the computer and not to a real person, it can still help you organise your thoughts and feelings...

[hotgymchick]

Originally posted by Emma-Leigh


As you are probably eating less than this, how does a daily count of 1500 to 1600 cals sound at first? If I made you up a plan of about 1500-1600 cals, 5 to 6 meals a day, with 40-45% carbs, 35-40% protein and 15-25% fat split, would you be willing to give it a try?

[

I will give it a try! :D

[imperfectly_lou]

You can do it Kristen!

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I will give it a try! :D

Great :D

Ok.... What about something like this then.... Write back and tell me what you like, and what you want to change... Also - are you sure oats are the only low GI carb you are ok to eat? What about chick-peas? Rice? Lentils? Sweet potato etc? (Just that oats will get a little boring after a while)

Meal 1
1/2 Cup of dry oats (200 cals, 32g carbs, 7g protein, 5g fat )
6 egg whites, scrambled (72 cals, 18g protein)
Total: 272 cals, 32g carbs, 25g protein, 5g fat

Post-workout
1 large banana (~ 120 cals, 30g carbs)
25g of whey protein (~ 100 cals, 25g protein)
Total: 220 cals, 30g carbs, 25g protein

Meal 2
1/3 cup dry oats (130 cals, 20g carbs, 4.6g protein, 3.3g fat)
100g cooked chicken (120 cals, 25g protein, 2g fat)
2 cups green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
Total: 310 cals, 32g carbs, 34g protein, 5.3g fat

Meal 3
100g cooked ground turkey (130 cals, 26g protein, 2.5g fat)
1/3 cup dry oats (130 cals, 20g carbs, 4.6g protein, 3.3g fat)
2 cup green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carb, 4g protein)
Total: 320 cals, 32g carbs, 35g protein, 5.8g fat

Meal 4
1 whole egg + 5 egg whites (130 cals, 21g protein, 5g fat)
cooked with 1 tsp olive oil (45 cals, 5g fat)
2 cups Green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
Total: 235 cals, 12g carbs, 25g protein, 10g fat

meal 5
1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese (96 cals, 5g carbs, 16g protein, 1g fat)
4 oz sugar/fat-free yoghurt (80 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
1/2 oz walnuts (1g carb, 3g protein, 7g fats)
Total: 236 cals, 18g carbs, 23g protein, 8g fat

Totals:
Cals: 1590
Carbs: 156g carbs (39%)
Protein: 166g protein (42%)
Fats: 34g fat (19%)


Ok - this is not ideal because the food choises are so limited... but it is a start and something we can work with.... Make changes and tell me what you think.

[imperfectly_lou]

That looks do-able Kristen! But ohhhh so boring (no offence Emma_Leigh!) What about brown rice? I love brown rice cooked in a bit of veggie stock amd mixed with some chick peas. How about dark rye bread? Oh sooo yumm with natural PB.

[hotgymchick]

I'm definitely going to try Emma, thank you for writing that up.

I jsut need some reassurance that this new pared down cardio will help lose these last few percentages of bf as opposed to what I did before?

[sillygirl]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I'm definitely going to try Emma, thank you for writing that up.

I jsut need some reassurance that this new pared down cardio will help lose these last few percentages of bf as opposed to what I did before?


Hey Kristin- you'll NEVER know until you try. It's obvious that the old routine wasn't working very well for ya, so why not try something new? Give it a go, and if you don't like it after a few months, figure out what's wrong and change it.

I think Emma's plan looks like a fabulous start- so give it a try. :D

[imperfectly_lou]

It was obvious that what you have been doing in the past wasn't working, so all you can do is try something different. If it doesn't work, thats ok, you just try something else but you are not going to get the results you want doing what you have been, so give it a go! The only thing we fear is fear itself!

[hotgymchick]

Giving an update on everything.

I've been eating similar to what Emma posted (give or take a few things) and its been really rough to eat more and more often but I'm managing. My cardio has basically been halved and I feel alot better and think I look alot better too.

Now, I've been having the worst panic and anxiety attacks. I usually never got them and lately they have been an almost nightly occurance. I don't understand why I bother with certain things in my life.

Hope everyone else is doing well, Lou I read your journal and it seems like you're doing great! Give us updated pics when this section of your program is over! :D

[sheblond&strong]

Kristen, I think all the women here are just expressing their concerns for you, thats very sweet,
My name is Juile and i'm new on the board
and I think it's great that we women have a board of our own!

[imperfectly_lou]

Thanks Kristen....... :)

I am proud of you...... no one said it was going to beasy but it is one of those things you have to DO more and more often before it feels OK..... Keep it up sweetie xoxo

[hotgymchick]

AM Cardio: 30 minutes, HR around 150 BPM

meal 1: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 20g protein

meal 2: 5 oz ground turkey, apple, low fat cheese

meal 3: protein bar

GYM: back, 13 minute warmup/7 minute cooldown

meal 4: chicken breast, lettuce, green beans, olive oil

meal 5: egg whites, mushrooms, lettuce

i wasn't going to go to the gym twice but rather do it all at once but i worked for the majority of today. i feel terribly bloated. :( i'm having ovary problems.

[hotgymchick]

meal 1: 1/4 c. cottage cheese, 3 oz yogurt

meal 2: 4 oz ground turkey, 1 cup green beans, mushrooms, lettuce

meal 3: rye cracker, 3 oz yogurt, apple

meal 4: 3 pc. 45 calorie low carb bread, pb

meal 5: chicken breast, mushrooms, lettuce

gym 1: 30 min cardio

gym 2: shoulders, triceps, 20 min cardio

military press: 2 warmup, 3 working
lateral raises: 3 sets

close grip bench press: 2 sets

compound set (2 times through):
french press, overhead extension, dips

reverse grip cable pressdown: 3 sets x 12 reps

[Emma-Leigh]

Nice to see you are taking into consideration the advice you recieved and you are putting those healthy changes that were suggested into practice. **rolls eyes**


You are not showing yourself to be a very capable or mature person at this point in time Kristen.

There is only so many times people will come to try to help you. And there is only so many times people will believe your 'I'm trying' or 'I'm going to's'... Then they will just get pissed-off and give up.

You really have let yourself and your life stagnate. You are choosing a position where you don't have to take responsibility for yourself or your actions. You are trying to stay a child - you are trying to be a victim. Why in the world would you want to do that? Heaven forbid you actually became active in your own life and took charge of the situation. Heaven forbid you actually made some real progress in your life.

I really don't know what you think you are achieving by continuing to act this way.... but it is not a very good image you are projecting to the world. It is not a good attitude to life in general - you will remain a victim for your entire life and continue to wonder why your life sucks and why 'everything bad happens to you'.

Grow up. Suck it up and get on with it. No one in going to 'rescue' you Kristen and the longer you take in showing that you are trying to help yourself, the less likely they are going to want to help you out either....

[leolady]

I don' think she is being completly honest with you or herself and she will not change until then. You have done an admirable job of trying ot help her, as have a few others I have seen on here, but her history has been to say she will listen and that she wants help, but not really follow through with action. I found it curious that earlier in this post when you asked her weight she said she was 115, the I read another post on another thread a day later that said she was 113. No offense because you are trying to help this girl, but nobody has seen pictures of her or knows her ( I am assuming), and at this point I would see it as difficult to give her any more advice without really knowing what you are working with. Words are just that and she may not be telling the truth about her stats for fear of rejection if you really knew what condition she is on.

Kristen, you need therapy, it is clear that given good advice from caring people on here you are unwilling to change or make a change for the better because of the fear you have inside..and no amount of message board therpy is going to overcome that, you need the real deal at this point.

[sweetbecky]

I don't think I've ever replied in one of your journals, Kristen, but now is the time!

Emma, you have done a commendable job of helping Kristen develop a meal plan. That said, that is all you can do. Although it may be frustrating to watch Kristen eat less and less, it's not only out of your control, but it's out of Kristen's. She IS trying... she doesn't want this constant stress and heartache over her body... she would do anything, I am sure, to have it done with, once and for all.

Laying out a meal plan and pleading with someone who has an eating disorder just isn't going to fix things. Again, I have seen you post very supportive replies and I know you would like to see her be healthy, but there is no point in becoming frustrated with her.

Leolady, Kristen has mentioned in the past that she sees a therapist. In one post she said she was 115, in another she was 113? I don't understand what point you're trying to make in pointing that out. If Kristen is in a bad state, she is probably hopping on the scale a minimum of once a day. This is detrimental to sufferers of eating disorders. If she is dehydrated or bloated, as she said she was a few days ago, the scale could certainly show this. It doesn't mean she is being dishonest, :confused: it means she may be obsessed with checking the number on the scale.


Kristen, I don't have any words to help, because I know words cannot help. Just have faith in your therapist and try to work out the issues. Everything else will fall into place.

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by sweetbecky
Emma, you have done a commendable job of helping Kristen develop a meal plan. That said, that is all you can do.
Thank you - and I know that in reality I can do nothing more. I have tried to help her out with meal plans (with exact calorie breakdowns), workout suggestions and even CBT suggestions and I know that, in reality, this is all really nothing at all as they are simply words on a page... But I still want to try...

Although it may be frustrating to watch Kristen eat less and less, it's not only out of your control, but it's out of Kristen's. This is where I disagree. Kirsten has LET herself become out of control. And she continues to LET herself be out of control!

She may FEEL compulsions to perform these behaviours (exercise and restrictive eating) and she may experience obsessive thoughts and get extremely anxious and feel horrible when she does not follow her exact routine... and she may FEEL like she is horrible and disgusting and ugly and she may feel that she needs to be 'punished'...

But ultimately SHE IS IN CONTROL of her ACTIONS in relation to these obsessions and compulsions!

This is what is frustrating to me.... I am not frustrated AT her I am frustrated FOR her - because all she has to do is realise that she is in control!! She has to realise that spending her life thinking she is a 'victim of her situation' or a 'victim of her genetics' and spending those years wishing for 'a better body' or wishing for 'one less inch on her waist' and constantly striving for what she feels is 'perfection' is going to lead her to a life wasted.

Also - At the moment she is letting her fear and her neurotic thoughts rule her behaviour. She is not willing to try to change because ultimately she does not want to change. For some reason (be it fear of 'growing up', fear of 'the unknown' or fear of what will happen if she does 'take control') she is choosing to maintain her 'sickness'. Until she works out why she does not what to take responsibility for herself and her life she will continue to spiral in this path.

At this point in time she thinks this is all crap and that she is 'trying' because she is not be able to assess her behaviour from an external view point - I am trying to help her to SEE her behaviour. To SEE that she is the one who is trapping herself in this unhappiness....

Deep down, she knows this...

She IS trying... she doesn't want this constant stress and heartache over her body... she would do anything, I am sure, to have it done with, once and for all.
I think that she wants to 'believe' she is trying and she wants everyone else to think she is trying, but she is not REALLY stepping back and assessing her life and her actions.

By continuing in this pattern of behaviour she is allowing herself to 'be sick' and when she is 'sick' she does not have to take responsibility for herself or her actions because she is 'the victim of an illness'. And yes - I understand anorexia nervosa and bulimia are MENTAL ILLNESSES, and I understand there are components of a persons personality which can make change hard, but there is ALWAYS an ACTIVE component to these two diseases. They are not merely organic in nature (that is, they are not all related to chemical imbalances in the brain) - the person has SOME CONTROL over their actions and the person with that illness HAS the ability to change - and this is ultimately what leads to their survival and recovery.

They just have to be active in their own recovery and make the choice to be healthy. Even if their MIND remains sick (that is, even if they still believe they are 'fat' or they still believe that they need to run for 10 miles every day) they can still get their BODIES healthy (through proper diet and exercise) while they work with a psychiatrist on things such as cognative behavioural therapy or even with medication (in those individuals with a marked organic component to the disease).

Hell - one thing that could be contributing significantly to her obsessive exercise, restrictive eating and depression is the lack of carbohydrate in her diet! Although people have known that carbohydrates have an effect on serotonin levels in the brain for a while now, there is a lot of research out recently that suggests low carbohydrate diets can actually trigger depression/OCD/eating disorders/anxiety in those individuals prone to these disorder via modulation of their brain serotonin levels...


She has to start making changes - and until she does, she is not going to get anywhere.


Kristen - I am not sorry for what I have said - as it is stuff you need to hear. You need to try to work out why you are letting yourself be beaten by this. You are in control and you have to want to get over this - until you see that, you will continue to be unhappy.

I hope you understand that I am trying to help - I am not writing this just to 'be mean' or to 'be horrible' to you.



Good luck - I hope you find what you are looking for...

[imperfectly_lou]

i can agree 100% with Emma-Leigh's post. I now consider myself 90% recovered.

I have beenin therapy for 2.5years

I only actually started TRYING really hard a year ago.

It is easy to go to your appointments, keep restricting your intake and fooling everyone including yourself into the fact that you are TRYING, but its crap....

You either want to or you don't. and no one else can make that decision for you - you have to find it within yourself

[sweetbecky]

I guess I'm not as far along in my healing as you both are. I'm having a hard time seeing where you're coming from and right now I'm identifying more with Kristen. I'm sure she appreciates your concern :)

[Muscle_chick]

Just wanted to say hi and from what I've read it seems that your doing good...:D I don't know you too well but I'm behind ya ;) haha Keep it up!! byeeeeee