How do I tell my wife I'm concerned about her weight without hurting her feelings.

[feelsgood]

Hi! I figured the best place to get some help with this situation is here amongst the ladies. I've been married for 17 years and am still very much in love with my wife. I want us to have a long, healthy life together but her weight has continued to increase year after year. She tires easily and doesn't have as much energy as she used to. How can I let her know that I'm worried about her health. She is very sensitive about this issue. Any advice would be appreciated. HELP!!!

[imperfectly_lou]

Hmmm difficult situation...

Is there a particular reason why your wife's weight continues to increase? The reason I ask is that it may be possible she is an emotional eater. People who eat when hungry and stop when full do not generally keep putting on weight year after year.

I have a couple of thoughts...

Firstly you could talk to your wife directly. Exactly like you posted. You are concerned about her health, possible diabetes, cholestrol problems etc and it is only because you love her that you are concerned.

Other option, call her GP.... and ask for their opinion. I assume your wife has regular check ups for pap smears etc. Ask the GP if they would be willing to talk to her about her weight next time she comes in.

Good luck!

[Semper Fi350]

Hard situation.

But I can totally understand. I am not married now, but I was in the past. My ex started gaining like every month. He was a big guy, 6'8", so he could hold the weight well.

I tried to talk to him many times, but it never helped, it was like he didn't care. I worked out every day, and tried to encourage him, but it didn't. It only caused him to be more discouraged at the idea.

As far as a woman though, we take weight as personal as most of you guys take it w/ the size of your man hood ;)

Put yourself in her shoes. You do need to talk to her. Try taking walks together. Go to the grocery store w/ her, and buy healthy foods, lower cal, and veggies n fruit :)

She needs motivation. A call to the doctor was a good idea. Make sure your weight and physical activicty are in check though.
Good luck, and approach her in a loving way :)

[sabreman]

I don't know exactly what you've tried. I'm not married, nor do I currently have a girlfriend...so, I've never had to deal with this situation. But, I have a good friend who had to deal with this. His girlfriend was starting to pack on the pounds and he would just ask her to join him in various activities innocently, like going roller skating on a date, or just playing basketball one afternoon. Nothing serious, but it got her active and enough so that she stayed active after that point.

[feelsgood]

Angela,

thanks for the info. I usually don't grocery shop with her but that sounds like a good idea. She usually eats relatively clean at home but while she's at work, she eats out all the time. She has even joined the same gym I go to but she never goes. I won't give up, though.

Sabreman,

I've tried leaving pamphlets about healthy eating on her dresser but all she does is push them back to my side. I've tried taking her on evening walks, she'll go once or twice and that's it. I hoped that my weight loss and muscle gains would show her that it can be done would help, but that's not working either.

Thanks,

Mike

[Biggie V]

i wouldnt know much about this but here goes.
Its all about the motivation! maybe you should take her to a fasion show with all those modells walking around and she will be like wow i wish i looked like her and then she might get motivated to go to the gym or something.

[Hibiscus09]

Don't leave pamphlets!! I would be insulted by that. :)

I've been married 21 years and I do notice that people seem to put on more weight as the years go by. Your wife is going to have to want it for herself. And to be honest, she probably does. It feels like you've put yourself into a hole you can't get out of when you gain a lot of weight & it can be very discouraging. I know my sister is at around 200lbs and keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but doesn't set a specific goal for herself. I think setting a goal and being serious about getting there helps. Short term goals (6 to 12 weeks) to get you to a long term goal work great.

Tell your wife, you'd love for her to workout with you just to have the time together & that it would also be great to keep both of you healthy. Also, the walking thing sounded great or you could ride bikes together. You could also tell her you're going to do a 12 week leaning out exercise/nutrition plan and ask her if she'd like to do it with you. Even if you don't need much leaning out yourself, just eat healthy for 12 weeks. Tell her ya'll can have one dinner a week where anything goes -- just so she'll know there's a break each week. :)

Does your wife complain about her weight? Or say she'd like to lose some? If she does, jump on the opportunity to make the above offers. :) Just do it very, very tactfully.

[wannabeMs.O]

I applaud you for trying to get info. I can only tell you what your wife may be going through emotionally (most women eat when emotional). Don't remind her of her weight constantly, it will backfire-trust me (no notes or pictures- it just reminds her of what she is not and it makes her feel like a failure). Why is she always tired? Most people will get use to their weight changes (yeah, they don't run decathelons) and their muscles in those areas adapt some. Are you still romantic? Are you going the extra mile? Look, just try this for a month (anyone can stomach something for a month). Make sure when you are intimate she is happy first and take your time. Nothing kills your self esteem and your drive as when you feel like your mate is hurrying through the motions. And anyone who has been married for over 5 years knows it is an art and a skill to keep things interesting. She may begin to think that your satisfaction is above hers and that can make her feel worse about herself and then she eats more. Also are you cleaning up after yourself at home? Ok, this sounds stupid but if she works a job,comes home takes care of the kids and cleans up the house by the time she is done she is unhappy with you (because you may have inadvertently made her feel like your mom and your servant) and has no energy to work out. Just watch what she does for a week closely-where is all of her energy going? Write down all the things each day for a few days and see where all her energy goes. If she is cheating with food at work pack her a lunch bag with a naughty note inside. She may eat less junk work. Also, be ready for the change of life-the metabolism is slowing down so you have to keep up the exercise pace with fewer calories. She may think she is still 21 and can handle it. Finally, always make your wife feel beautiful. One of the worst things that can cause women to quit working out longterm is that their efforts will not be appreciated because their husband does not appreciate them now. thanks for listening.

[Semper Fi350]

Originally posted by wannabeMs.O
I applaud you for trying to get info. I can only tell you what your wife may be going through emotionally (most women eat when emotional). Don't remind her of her weight constantly, it will backfire-trust me (no notes or pictures- it just reminds her of what she is not and it makes her feel like a failure). Why is she always tired? Most people will get use to their weight changes (yeah, they don't run decathelons) and their muscles in those areas adapt some. Are you still romantic? Are you going the extra mile? Look, just try this for a month (anyone can stomach something for a month). Make sure when you are intimate she is happy first and take your time. Nothing kills your self esteem and your drive as when you feel like your mate is hurrying through the motions. And anyone who has been married for over 5 years knows it is an art and a skill to keep things interesting. She may begin to think that your satisfaction is above hers and that can make her feel worse about herself and then she eats more. Also are you cleaning up after yourself at home? Ok, this sounds stupid but if she works a job,comes home takes care of the kids and cleans up the house by the time she is done she is unhappy with you (because you may have inadvertently made her feel like your mom and your servant) and has no energy to work out. Just watch what she does for a week closely-where is all of her energy going? Write down all the things each day for a few days and see where all her energy goes. If she is cheating with food at work pack her a lunch bag with a naughty note inside. She may eat less junk work. Also, be ready for the change of life-the metabolism is slowing down so you have to keep up the exercise pace with fewer calories. She may think she is still 21 and can handle it. Finally, always make your wife feel beautiful. One of the worst things that can cause women to quit working out longterm is that their efforts will not be appreciated because their husband does not appreciate them now. thanks for listening.

That was an incredible post. Very well put. That is so very true.

*applause*

[feelsgood]

Originally posted by wannabeMs.O
I applaud you for trying to get info. I can only tell you what your wife may be going through emotionally (most women eat when emotional). Don't remind her of her weight constantly, it will backfire-trust me (no notes or pictures- it just reminds her of what she is not and it makes her feel like a failure). Why is she always tired? Most people will get use to their weight changes (yeah, they don't run decathelons) and their muscles in those areas adapt some. Are you still romantic? Are you going the extra mile? Look, just try this for a month (anyone can stomach something for a month). Make sure when you are intimate she is happy first and take your time. Nothing kills your self esteem and your drive as when you feel like your mate is hurrying through the motions. And anyone who has been married for over 5 years knows it is an art and a skill to keep things interesting. She may begin to think that your satisfaction is above hers and that can make her feel worse about herself and then she eats more. Also are you cleaning up after yourself at home? Ok, this sounds stupid but if she works a job,comes home takes care of the kids and cleans up the house by the time she is done she is unhappy with you (because you may have inadvertently made her feel like your mom and your servant) and has no energy to work out. Just watch what she does for a week closely-where is all of her energy going? Write down all the things each day for a few days and see where all her energy goes. If she is cheating with food at work pack her a lunch bag with a naughty note inside. She may eat less junk work. Also, be ready for the change of life-the metabolism is slowing down so you have to keep up the exercise pace with fewer calories. She may think she is still 21 and can handle it. Finally, always make your wife feel beautiful. One of the worst things that can cause women to quit working out longterm is that their efforts will not be appreciated because their husband does not appreciate them now. thanks for listening.

WOW!

There is a lot of great info here. I really appreciate it. My wife has already made the decision to get back to the gym! Her motivation? My bother is getting married in Feb. 2004 and our youngest daughter is going to be the flower girl and she wants to look good for the pictures!! I'm really proud of her for making this decision on her own. I know that when she starts losing weight and shaping up, she's going to realize how good it feels and she will want to continue making progess in her new endeavor.

Thanks to all!

Mike

[DodgersFan67]

Screw that. I forced my x-wife to take Hydroxycut. Then she started to complain she couldent sleep at night even though she was making some progress. Then she refused to take it. needless to say I filed for divorce and now I date a girl 15 years younger. worked out for me

[Runica]

Screw that. I forced my x-wife to take Hydroxycut. Then she started to complain she couldent sleep at night even though she was making some progress. Then she refused to take it. needless to say I filed for divorce and now I date a girl 15 years younger. worked out for me

I truly hope this was just a bad joke.

[Rowyn]

my husband and i stay ripped all year round cause we are gay and all gay dudes do that. maybe you should turn ghey

Firstly, genius, this is a 7 year old thread. Secondly, this is also the Fem section so GTFO with the insults. Negged.

[solidhadriel]

my husband and i stay ripped all year round cause we are gay and all gay dudes do that. maybe you should turn ghey

Nice. You just bumped an ANCIENT topic, that you thought you could troll.

Fail.

[DodgersFan67]

I truly hope this was just a bad joke.

No joke hunny, respect your mans wishes or hes gone.

[Runica]

No joke hunny, respect your mans wishes or hes gone.

I'm sorry, but that's not even worth an answer.

And by the way, ProudDads9 is obviously some idiot trying to be funny. Registered today and has been posting purely moronic things. Just ignore him.

[DodgersFan67]

I'm sorry, but that's not even worth an answer.

And by the way, ProudDads9 is obviously some idiot trying to be funny. Registered today and has been posting purely moronic things. Just ignore him.

No the mans right. I wish my x-wife would stayd inshape like that dudes husband.