so........were your parents right?

[Mogambo]

I always tell myself that I'm going to be a completely different parent than what mine were. Not saying they were bad, but, just I feel like I can do a much better job of it.

Yea it's an old saying, that in end you will see things as your parents did and say 'o mom and dad were right all along'.

What makes parenting so hard???? Why the disconnect sometimes? I feel like parents make things more difficult than need be.

[cowboybiker]

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=144494101

[Mogambo]

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=144494101

Yea, well then hypothetically speaking I would make a great father. I just wouldn't choose to do so. Most likely.

[gray73]

My parents told me how life was and did their best to get me ready for it. I didn't listen.
They WERE right. Life is a bitch and if you want to get any where in life, it is not all fun and carefree.
And by the way, being a parent is pretty fuking cool. I have four kids and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It was the best thing I ever did.
Listen to your parents. They know what their talking about.

[-=FLEX=-]

I think I may just start negging OP on sight...

Misc ---------->

[cowboybiker]

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/284/239/4cc.gif

[phikappa]

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b34/Andra1/FailFile/Thread-Crap-ComicBookGuy.jpg

[jvfranklin]

OP, since you've obviously got the whole parenting thing already figured out, why don't you just tell us why it's so hard?

[danap3681]

Becoming a parent is the ABSOLUTE greatest accomplishment in my life. Nothing I will ever do in my life will ever stack up to that.

[Mogambo]

Becoming a parent is the ABSOLUTE greatest accomplishment in my life. Nothing I will ever do in my life will ever stack up to that.

Ok, please do not take offense to what I'm going to ask-

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I just don't view the act of reproducing at something special/sacred. <---- but that does change sometime....when I'm in a certain frame of mind and am wowed by life itself.

That feeling of accomplishment is purely biological in that it is ingrained in people to feel rather than it being a result of a genuine accomplishment.

Just a discussion.....if this is irritating ya'll I will delete.

btw- I recently watched 'The Tree of Life' which is why this topic came to mind. Makes you think....

[rendylee]

Ok, please do not take offense to what I'm going to ask-

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?
....

You're correct OP, the art to procreate does not take any talent....but being a parent does :)

[mslman71]

Yeah, I had all the answers too, right up until my first was born.

Edit: I really think this is what von Moltke [the Elder] was referring to

[DubfromGA]

Ok, please do not take offense to what I'm going to ask-

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I just don't view the act of reproducing at something special/sacred. <---- but that does change sometime....when I'm in a certain frame of mind and am wowed by life itself.

That feeling of accomplishment is purely biological in that it is ingrained in people to feel rather than it being a result of a genuine accomplishment.

Just a discussion.....if this is irritating ya'll I will delete.

btw- I recently watched 'The Tree of Life' which is why this topic came to mind. Makes you think....

Because it is a planned event for many people. They become parents because they are ready to bring children into the world. They have the means to provide for them.

Some, though, it is simply the result of having no plan and being careless.

[jvfranklin]

Ok, please do not take offense to what I'm going to ask-

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I just don't view the act of reproducing at something special/sacred. <---- but that does change sometime....when I'm in a certain frame of mind and am wowed by life itself.

If you don't understand what danap is saying, I would suggest you have a LOT to learn about what being a parent is all about. Honestly not trying to be rude here, but some things you'll never truly understand until you walk a mile in those moccasins. But if you think it's easy raising a child, maybe it's because your parents were so good at it, that they made it look easy?

[-=FLEX=-]

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?

I'm not trying to be a dick here.

You're doing a good job for someone that isn't trying.

Now run along back to the big misc...

[Mogambo]

If you don't understand what danap is saying, I would suggest you have a LOT to learn about what being a parent is all about. Honestly not trying to be rude here, but some things you'll never truly understand until you walk a mile in those moccasins. But if you think it's easy raising a child, maybe it's because your parents were so good at it, that they made it look easy?

I understand it. I'm differentiating between the actual act of having a child vs raising them.

[DubfromGA]

I understand it. I'm differentiating between the actual act of having a child vs raising them.

Dr. Phil should be coming on any minute. Check your local programming and tune in. He's got a website and maybe a forum on it, too.

All your questions may be better posed there.

[jvfranklin]

I understand it. I'm differentiating between the actual act of having a child vs raising them.

Riight. OK, whatevs. Anyways, to answer your original question:


What makes parenting so hard???? Why the disconnect sometimes? I feel like parents make things more difficult than need be.

It would definitely have to be because they're stuck raising a self-centered, knot-headed kid who shirks any sense of responsibility and thinks they already know everything.

[danap3681]

I understand it. I'm differentiating between the actual act of having a child vs raising them.

Having the child is the easy part... being a parent is the toughest yet most rewarding part. I took alot of things from how my parents raised me and implemented those into raising my son. Respecting people, respecting yourself, setting goals and working towards them, etc. I also make sure some of the things my parents did not do, I do for my son. Telling him daily that I love him, telling him I am proud of him and making him feel comfortable to talk to me about anything.

[lotusdeva]

I would rather make my own mistakes and learn from them then listen to somebody (parents or not) and then regret what I did. Do what feels right to you. My kids learn from my actions. I tell them that I love them and they know that I got their back no matter what :)

[latebloomingmom]

Becoming a parent is the ABSOLUTE greatest accomplishment in my life. Nothing I will ever do in my life will ever stack up to that.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^AGREE
op I am turning out just like my mother
and yet ...I am ok with that!

[pvsampson]

OP,one day you will grow up and have to become a responsible adult....maybe.When I was 20,my lifestyle choice led me and my partner at the time to separate.She literally moved 2,500 km away and married her childhood sweetheart,and then raised my daughter who was 6mths old at the time.(I have nothing but respect for them as I couldn't offer a stable life) The hardest thing I ever did was to walk away.

5 years ago,today actually,my now ex gave birth to a beautiful little girl and that is when I decided to change from a heavy drinking,drug addicted ex crim,to who I am today.

One day you may have children,then you will find what the purpose of your existence here on this planet is.

Good luck with your nil responsibility and not trying to be a dick goals.

[mtdman]

Mine were right and I've tried to duplicate what they did. The tougher the better, imo.

[john-t-b]

Yes. They were right.


I always tell myself that I'm going to be a completely different parent than what mine were. Not saying they were bad, but, just I feel like I can do a much better job of it.

I'm guessing you're an only child. Most kids say this. You'll get over it.


Yea it's an old saying, that in end you will see things as your parents did and say 'o mom and dad were right all along'.

My parents weren't always right but, they were never wrong....


What makes parenting so hard????

What makes you think it's easy?

Having a know it all kid.

I'm dealing with a 16 y/o like that now. We pay his car insurance, gas, food, every school event......once in a while we ask him to take out the trash or do the dishes.............and we get sh!t on in return.

If i ever talked to my father the way my kid talks to me i would have got the sh!t kicked out of me. The funny thing is when you were getting your a&& kicked your friend was watching and his father/mother would just say that's what you're going to get if you talk like to me.

Nowadays, you can't look at your kids cross eyed or someone will call the police.


Why the disconnect sometimes?

Not sure about that one but, if you talk to them this way then that would explain a lot.


I feel like parents make things more difficult than need be.

That's because you're a kid and they don't tell you everything. Things are more difficult then they need to be. It's life. It's not fair, easy or free.

[so-tex]

I feel my parents did a great job raising me. They were married for 58 wonderful years. (my dad, who was my best friend passed two years ago). They disciplend us when we needed it, and praised us when we were good. They made me what I am today. I now have a daughter, who I am extremely proud of. We raised her the same way we were raised. I have been married to a wondeful lady for 24 years, and I would not trade my life with anybody.

[dungeonmistress]

My parents left a lot to be desired. My dad was abusive and my mother did nothing to stop him. She was ice cold and used to like to put the hurt on too. In my case I actually did raise my daughter the polar opposite of how I was raised.

[Karl_Hungus]

Ok, please do not take offense to what I'm going to ask-

How is having a child an 'accomplishment'? What particular skill in involved in procreation that warrants it being considered an accomplishment?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I just don't view the act of reproducing at something special/sacred. <---- but that does change sometime....when I'm in a certain frame of mind and am wowed by life itself.

That feeling of accomplishment is purely biological in that it is ingrained in people to feel rather than it being a result of a genuine accomplishment.


I actually agree with this...more or less. I can understand the subjective feeling of accomplishment when your parental efforts have produced a well-adjusted productive member of society, but that in itself doesn't seem like anything that would set you apart from the billions of other people who have done the same thing. My guess is that people take pride in the individual experiences, interaction, and guidance that shape the unique qualities of their kids.


My parents left a lot to be desired. My dad was abusive and my mother did nothing to stop him. She was ice cold and used to like to put the hurt on too. In my case I actually did raise my daughter the polar opposite of how I was raised.

Same here. My parents were abusive @ssholes. Not much wisdom was gleaned from them.

[Mogambo]

cxmE2qMbYRU

h6wOt2iXdc4

[StressMonkey]

This thread frustrates me on many levels and I don't even have children.

[LisaSkinnoble]

I am very sorry to read the sad stories here. Very sad. :(

I am about to tell a positive story, and I in no way want to offend anyone.

I grew up the 4th daughter of 5. Mom and Dad had their first 4 kids in 5 years.

My Dad was in Business, and my Mom a Teacher. Weekends were like a field trip for us - off to the Zoo, off to Kelso Park or Sunnyside Park. Such fun!

With that fun, came rules: Respect your Church, respect your mother. Big Rules! They encompassed a lot (and Dad knew that)!

I am sorry so many had bad experiences, but mine was wonderful! My Mom and Dad taught me a work ethic, how to be strong in life, how to make my own money, how to look after my fellow-man, how to be a good Mom, how to have fun, and how to be good in this world.

Mogambo, sorry your life sucks. Get help, and for pity's sake, do that before you breed.

[pvsampson]

Well said Lisa.

[cowboybiker]

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

[NorwichGrad]

I am very sorry to read the sad stories here. Very sad. :(

I am about to tell a positive story, and I in no way want to offend anyone.

I grew up the 4th daughter of 5. Mom and Dad had their first 4 kids in 5 years.

My Dad was in Business, and my Mom a Teacher. Weekends were like a field trip for us - off to the Zoo, off to Kelso Park or Sunnyside Park. Such fun!

With that fun, came rules: Respect your Church, respect your mother. Big Rules! They encompassed a lot (and Dad knew that)!

I am sorry so many had bad experiences, but mine was wonderful! My Mom and Dad taught me a work ethic, how to be strong in life, how to make my own money, how to look after my fellow-man, how to be a good Mom, how to have fun, and how to be good in this world.

Mogambo, sorry your life sucks. Get help, and for pity's sake, do that before you breed.


Mr. Flex is a lucky man, Lisa.. :) I lol'd IRL at your 'before you breed' words of wisdom..


------------------------------

OP: My parents were strict disciplinarians. They were parents first and friends second. They’re far from perfect, but I am lucky to have wonderful parents. They were right on a lot of stuff. I finally understood where they were coming from once I became a parent myself. Thankfully they still have their good health, and they’re still around. Now that I am older, I want them to be my friends first and parents second.

Just wondering. You have many seemingly-serious, borderline-trolling, almost “is-this-for-real?”, but nonetheless thought-provoking threads in the O-35 section. Why? I mean, you’re more than welcome to hangout with us older folks. Just wondering why post here and not elsewhere? You either want wisdom from us, or you’re an evil genius who just wants to mindphuck with the elderly cuz you think we’re dumb, weak and senile. We’ll kick you ass if it’s the latter, sonny..

[Mogambo]

I am sorry so many had bad experiences, but mine was wonderful! My Mom and Dad taught me a work ethic, how to be strong in life, how to make my own money, how to look after my fellow-man, how to be a good Mom, how to have fun, and how to be good in this world.

Mogambo, sorry your life sucks. Get help, and for pity's sake, do that before you breed.

To be clear, I wasn't necessarily referencing my own parental experience in OP. My parents are well-intentioned, if bat **** crazy. Think the Costanzas.

As evidenced by a couple posters ITT, I don't think bad experiences automatically leads to a child becoming a failure in life. Parents can give you the opportunities to make the most of things but it is on the child to take advantage of them. I'm not sold on parents being able to instill character traits in their children. If a kid is gonna be bad...he gonna be bad and vice-versa. Now a parent can accentuate those attributes for sure.

edit- Good parenting leads to the child having access to feel-good nostalgia. Bad parenting can lead to emotional trauma. Everything else is just life.



OP: My parents were strict disciplinarians. They were parents first and friends second. They’re far from perfect, but I am lucky to have wonderful parents. They were right on a lot of stuff. I finally understood where they were coming from once I became a parent myself. Thankfully they still have their good health, and they’re still around. Now that I am older, I want them to be my friends first and parents second.

Just wondering. You have many seemingly-serious, borderline-trolling, almost “is-this-for-real?”, but nonetheless thought-provoking threads in the O-35 section. Why? I mean, you’re more than welcome to hangout with us older folks. Just wondering why post here and not elsewhere? You either want wisdom from us, or you’re an evil genius who just wants to mindphuck with the elderly cuz you think we’re dumb, weak and senile. We’ll kick you ass if it’s the latter, sonny..

I've made a total of 3 threads here in like a month. Just trying to get some food for thought.

[cozener]

About some things they were right and others dead wrong.

[jvfranklin]

edit- Good parenting leads to the child having access to feel-good nostalgia. Bad parenting can lead to emotional trauma. Everything else is just life.

While I respect your opinion, I say this with plenty of experience now on both sides of the parental line, plus many years of experience involved in youth groups in my church: I think you grossly underestimate the power a parent can have on a child.

[Redstyx]

My parents were dicks and they were wrong. Its not going to be hard for me to do a better job. Here are a few things they did that should never happen:

*Treat 1 child far better than another.
*Let your frustration at work build up, save it, then unleash it on your kids when you get home.
*Call your kid names, i.e. jackass, dumb****, ect..... then punish them for using a curse word.
*Scream and yell at them for poor grades rather than trying to figure out why they got them.
*After you cheat on your wife (2nd time), insist your kids must be in the room for the ensuing argument..... cause they really need to hear it.
*When you find an answering machine tape of your husband having phone sex with his mistress.... force your oldest son to listen to it with you.

I could go on.... one is dead now (good riddance), haven't spoken to the other in 6 years after she pulled some unforgivable crap.

Just avoid crap like that and anyone can be a fine parent.

[LisaSkinnoble]

http://www.xtcian.com/LucyPsychiatricBooth.jpg

[paolo59]

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Brings back many fond memories of my own childhood! :)

Mom was from Paraguay, if that makes a difference. Probably charged a lot less, South America and all... I think her toes were fine though.