Posting for my girlfriend

[lightsarefallin]

My girlfriend tells me she is getting fat. It is true that she is getting a little softer than she used to be. I met her when she was 17, she is now 21. She was a bit "tighter" back then, had less flab on her stomach. She is what you would call 'skinny fat.' She is 5'4-5'5 and 120 pounds, which she's always pretty much maintained. Her body fat % is between 22-25%. She had done an impedience test a while back and I believe her range was somewhere between those 2 figures.

Anyways, she is not super fit looking, she doesn't like her butt and thighs, something I hear women complain about way too frequently, and like most other women I know, she doesn't want to do anything about it. Her solution to all things is "I'll just stop eating, I never ate in highschool and I was tighter than now." No matter how much information I try to throw her way I can't sway her ignorance and she gets angry really easily and tells me I'm annoying, when she brought it up, and I just want to help. She has a gym membership but complains she has too much homework and can't focus on 2 things at once, so she might go once every 2 weeks if she is lucky.

I know exactly what she wants and I try and help her obtain the results. She's shown my pictures of women, and I can describe them as having that general bikini model look. Not super ripped, not a female bodybuilder, but a healthy 16-18% body fat, with no fat sagging anywhere. She does have a lot of fat around the buttocks and the thighs and she always has, so she wanted to get rid of that. She doesn't understand the concept of a diet. She always says she has tried and it didn't work. The thing is that she wasn't consistent, she wouldn't eat because she said she wasn't hungry and if her parents made something else like pasta she would say "oh well." Also, she would skip many gym days or cut them short because she was being moody and wanted to leave. Then she wonders why it doesn't work.

To be honest, it's driving me insane. I want to help her, have been trying to help her for quite some time but she doesn't want to help herself! I bring it up sometimes, not too often because I know it pisses her off. "are you going to the gym today" she gets angry. So I decided to just drop it but then she spouts out things like "I'm getting so fat I'm just gonna stop eating." What she will do on a typical day is get up at 9, have a bowl of cereal, eat a sandwich at 12pm and then go to school, come back at 10pm without having eaten anything all day. She tells me she doesn't eat when she isn't hungry. She doesn't want to listen to me when I talk to her about cut diets, ketos, macros, anything of the sort. I did a cut diet over the summer, and I am bulking now. I understand and have experienced first hand how simple it is to lose and gain weight.

Does anyone have any tips for her? Or for me? I need to get her to understand somehow. Sometimes she breaks and tells me she wants to change and others she is just in a crappy mood and curses me out for trying to explain it to her. She tells me I know nothing and that her body is different than everyone else's. She also says "im getting older my metabolism sucks now."

I can't take the ignorance it's just so bad. Any help would soothe my aching mind. Thanks.

[kayala]

My girlfriend tells me she is getting fat. It is true that she is getting a little softer than she used to be. I met her when she was 17, she is now 21. She was a bit "tighter" back then, had less flab on her stomach. She is what you would call 'skinny fat.' She is 5'4-5'5 and 120 pounds, which she's always pretty much maintained. Her body fat % is between 22-25%. She had done an impedience test a while back and I believe her range was somewhere between those 2 figures.

Anyways, she is not super fit looking, she doesn't like her butt and thighs, something I hear women complain about way too frequently, and like most other women I know, she doesn't want to do anything about it. Her solution to all things is "I'll just stop eating, I never ate in highschool and I was tighter than now." No matter how much information I try to throw her way I can't sway her ignorance and she gets angry really easily and tells me I'm annoying, when she brought it up, and I just want to help. She has a gym membership but complains she has too much homework and can't focus on 2 things at once, so she might go once every 2 weeks if she is lucky.

I know exactly what she wants and I try and help her obtain the results. She's shown my pictures of women, and I can describe them as having that general bikini model look. Not super ripped, not a female bodybuilder, but a healthy 16-18% body fat, with no fat sagging anywhere. She does have a lot of fat around the buttocks and the thighs and she always has, so she wanted to get rid of that. She doesn't understand the concept of a diet. She always says she has tried and it didn't work. The thing is that she wasn't consistent, she wouldn't eat because she said she wasn't hungry and if her parents made something else like pasta she would say "oh well." Also, she would skip many gym days or cut them short because she was being moody and wanted to leave. Then she wonders why it doesn't work.

To be honest, it's driving me insane. I want to help her, have been trying to help her for quite some time but she doesn't want to help herself! I bring it up sometimes, not too often because I know it pisses her off. "are you going to the gym today" she gets angry. So I decided to just drop it but then she spouts out things like "I'm getting so fat I'm just gonna stop eating." What she will do on a typical day is get up at 9, have a bowl of cereal, eat a sandwich at 12pm and then go to school, come back at 10pm without having eaten anything all day. She tells me she doesn't eat when she isn't hungry. She doesn't want to listen to me when I talk to her about cut diets, ketos, macros, anything of the sort. I did a cut diet over the summer, and I am bulking now. I understand and have experienced first hand how simple it is to lose and gain weight.

Does anyone have any tips for her? Or for me? I need to get her to understand somehow. Sometimes she breaks and tells me she wants to change and others she is just in a crappy mood and curses me out for trying to explain it to her. She tells me I know nothing and that her body is different than everyone else's. She also says "im getting older my metabolism sucks now."

I can't take the ignorance it's just so bad. Any help would soothe my aching mind. Thanks.

Being educated and experienced is kind of pain sometimes, isn't it?

There are a few ways of looking at this. The "mean" way goes like this: She doesn't actually want to change. She wants to look different, but she doesn't want it nearly enough to actually go about changing her lifestyle so that she can look different! She's looking for the easy way out, which right now is making excuses to justify being over her ideal weight. Notice how outlandish her excuses are? She's trying to convince herself just as much as she's trying to convince you.

The "nicer" way is more like this: Girl's scared. She doesn't understand the processes of dieting and exercising and would probably rather visit an S&M dungeon than a personal trainer - for all she knows, the dungeon might be a less painful experience! She may want to look different, but that desire doesn't outweigh her fear of a lifestyle change that she probably perceives as radical, freakish, uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

My thoughts? Combine those two approaches. She's probably a fair bit scared, but also a fair bit unwilling to get off of her tush and do something difficult. I'd bet that sometime soon, she's going to tire of the random starvation diets and have a moment of "oh god what have I been doing to my body." And that that point, she'll actually realize that she needs help. Until that point, she won't listen to a word you say.

[LW79]

It's like the old saying "you'll never be a preacher in your own home town" she's not going to listen to you :)

Christmas is coming up do her a solid and pick her up the New Rules of Lifting for Women book it has a lot of good info in it about diet and lifting and has a great lifting program. If she continues to ignore and complain tell her to stop her whining and do something about it... sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind :D

[lightsarefallin]

Thanks, those were some great answers.

Believe me there is just so much a person can take. Sometimes I tell her, you talk the talk but don't walk the walk, sh*t or get off the pot. Then she just gets angry and moody. "YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY I LOOK FIND SOMEONE ELSE." At that point there's no reasoning with her, she just shuts off.

I realize that she wants the look more than she's willing to put effort into obtaining it. Her excuse is that she has no time because of school, but she does, believe me. And even if she only hits the gym twice a week, it's better than nothing! I told her diet is like 90% of the result. I figured this out the hard way, wasting a year of my life training with bad eating habits. Once I fixed my diet it was a HUGE difference. She tells me she isn't into the gym like I am. I told her she doesn't have to be. I send her interesting articles about female nutrition and she doesn't read them. Ha, if I got her that book for Christmas, I would never hear the end of her saying "YOU THINK I'M FAT!?"

She told me during the summer she would try harder, when she has no school. But still, gym isn't a problem, diet is. She refuses to diet. We both went to see a bodybuilder once, she saw a female bodybuilder who made her a diet which looked awful in my opinion, but she says she followed it. She drinks a lot of tea with honey and milk, I told her that she needs to control that. "TRAINER SAYS I CAN DRINK TEA!!"

She doesn't understand anything, there's no getting through to her. She tells me I think I know everything and I don't, but she's just so goddamn stubborn it drives me crazy.

[dreahere]

She doesn't understand anything, there's no getting through to her. She tells me I think I know everything and I don't, but she's just so goddamn stubborn it drives me crazy.

Disengage. Whenever she starts talking about it to you, tell her that you've already told her what you think and that you don't want to discuss it anymore. Then change the subject or leave the room. Wash, rinse, repeat until she understands you mean it.

Maybe she'll eventually come around and seriously ask you for help once it's no longer a power struggle between you, or maybe she'll just go on bitching about it to her mom and her friends, not you. In either case, it'll be better for your relationship than what's going on now. /mom advice

[rpaul11]

If she continues to ignore and complain tell her to stop her whining and do something about it... sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind :D

this...seriously.

Nobody wants to be out of shape...but most don't want to do what it takes to get there.

all the wanting in the world aint gonna make it happen for her.

[sonti]

I couldn't stand to be with someone who always complains but won't change. Those people never change. At 21, she has plenty of time and genetics on her side. I'd hate to see her attitude in another decade after kids.

[rockangel]

She also sounds a bit manipulative, making everything your fault and putting you down.

Sorry, but this is childish excuses and childish actions.

Quit wasting your time and energy on her and trying to get her to "see the light". The more you fight the worse its gonna be.

Maybe she is scared but it sounds more like a manipulative, childish, insecure female who has some issues you wont be able to touch. She is at a healthy weight and body fat level and any desire to "lose weight" is coming from unhappiness. Its most likely she will not be able to maintain the body fat she wants anyways and will just be unhappy no matter what.

Honestly, this sounds a bit toxic for you and I hope she is only like this on this one subject.

[drumchick34]

21 is not old enough to be saying her metabolism is tanking!

So what do you like about her just out of curiosity? Is she only like this when it comes to fitness?

[lightsarefallin]

I know her levels are healthy but she just wants that look and I don't blame her. I'm at a healthy level too but I'm working to being around 195-200 lean some day. It's just a personal goal of mine. As for her, she wants to have that toned beach body look but she won't do anything about it.

Honestly, I'm almost at breaking point with this girl. We get along, we don't, we get along, we don't. It's been 4 years already. I'm thinking about it really seriously.

[drumchick34]

You should be thinking about it. To me it sounds like you aren't that happy with her all that much.

[rockangel]

I know her levels are healthy but she just wants that look and I don't blame her. I'm at a healthy level too but I'm working to being around 195-200 lean some day. It's just a personal goal of mine. As for her, she wants to have that toned beach body look but she won't do anything about it.

Honestly, I'm almost at breaking point with this girl. We get along, we don't, we get along, we don't. It's been 4 years already. I'm thinking about it really seriously.

There is a difference between wanting to look good and having enough issues that you are manipulative and making others miserable with your actions/words.

She is not going to get that "toned beach body" acting like a spoiled bratty child, and that is what she sounds like.

I mean, i want to look good to, but I am not ruining my relationships over the issue.

[priceor]

She sounds like most of the women in the world. She says she's fat, then she says she's one a diet, then she eats a cheeseburger....Then comes all the excuses of why she can't get the body she wants.

Things will only change if SHE really wants it. Nothing you do or say will change that. It has to come from within herself.

I would just follow the advice someone else already gave. When she starts talking about how fat she feels/is tell her you've tried to help but all she does is get angry so you will not discuss it with her anymore and walk away.

If she continues to badger you then suggest she pick on the NROL4W book. And continue to suggest she get that book until she actually goes and gets it!

[TeayotaSoupra]

Now I kinda want to try milk in my tea.. lol

Anyways - my HUSBAND always says "i'm fat".. and his work pants don't fit anymore and I hear that all the time too. I told him he can join the gym with me and we'll go after work "no I don't have time for that".. oh... ok?
Now I just ignore him. Or just tell him if he thinks he's fat there is only one way to cure that. Then he says he's too lazy.

I have said i'm fat but then I start eating better or hit the gym harder. I've always been that way though (and no matter what weight I am i'm never happy with how I look.. but by god I don't sit there and whine about it and do nothing about it)

[lightsarefallin]

We spoke yesterday. She's a mess because of school work. I've taken a look at her work load and it's absolutely ridiculous. I know if she had nothing else to do she'd train harder and during the summer she does, but we've both been in this rut for a while, but I think it will get better. We had a nice evening yesterday, talked a lot. I explained things to her calmly and she understood. Thanks for the advice. What I need now is to be prepared to help her get what she wants when she's ready for change. Does anyone know a diet a 5'5, 120 pound woman can follow? Her sedentary maintenance is 1200, according to the impedience machine. I'd say a 1000-1200 calorie intake per day would be satisfactory for fat burn.

[andrerox80]

I'd say a 1000-1200 calorie intake per day would be satisfactory for fat burn.

um, no. read the sticky on calculating cals and macros (the same calculations you'd use for yourself to achieve your goals).

[Linds33]

um, no. read the sticky on calculating cals and macros (the same calculations you'd use for yourself to achieve your goals).

Agreed, she needs to be taking in more then 1000 calories a day. She and I have similar stats and I need to eat AT LEAST 1400-1500 calories a day to loose weight. AT LEAST. And i pretty much sit on my butt all day at work. The 1200 calorie level that you are talking about is probably her BMR which is the amount of calories/energy her body needs for basic bodily functions. Check out the stickies in the nutrition section to get an acurate way to calculate calories needed to burn fat.

As for her attitude, I agree with a lot of people on here - she sounds liek sheh as a lot of emotional issues that need to be addressed. I am wondering if this moodiness is not possibly triggered by her monthly cycles or PMDD?? Or other physchological issues such as depression? She does sound like the typical "american" who wants to look perfect but isn't willing to work for it. In all honesty, when you tell me that she doesn't have time to workout, based on the schedule you have told us she has, I can think of so much time for her to workout (and it doesn't have to be at the gym either). I work 8-10 hour days 5 days a week and have 45 hours of drive time each way. I leave my house at 6:00AM and don't get home until 6:00PM (or later) and I am in bed by 9PM. I am resposible for taking my dogs for an hour walk each night, feeding them and myself and my boyfriend, doing my dog's nightly physical therapy. So if i can find time to workout, anyone can :p. There are women on here with kids and families and they work full time jobs and still find time to get a workout in. All she needs to do is a good 45 minutes a few times a week. Plus, it is imperitive for her to take a break from studying. Physical activity can help to stimulate the mind. I am sure she also has some time on the weekends to get busy. I take advantage of my lunch hours to go for a run and train hard on the weekends as these are the primary times for me to sneak a workout in.

Tell her not to workout at a gym. Go to a park together and have fun on the jungle gym. Go for a bike ride on the weekends. Make a goal of running a 5k together. Go hiking. Take a martial arts class together. Make working out fun. If you make it into a chore then she is going to fight againist it, but if you make it fun for the both of you, she will hopefully be more receptive. You may also see a change in mood

Same goes for diet. In fact, I would remvoe the word diet and call it nutrition as the word diet implicates a lot of negative ideas in most people' s minds. Her nutrition doesn't have to be boring. My BF and I eat very healthy well rounded diets and I NEVER feel like i am on a "diet". I enjoy everything that we eat and have fun making our healthy meals.

But it all does come down to her wanting to make this change. And she shouldn't just make this change for her physique, she should do it for her health.

[rockangel]

Agreed, she needs to be taking in more then 1000 calories a day. She and I have similar stats and I need to eat AT LEAST 1400-1500 calories a day to loose weight. AT LEAST. And i pretty much sit on my butt all day at work. The 1200 calorie level that you are talking about is probably her BMR which is the amount of calories/energy her body needs for basic bodily functions. Check out the stickies in the nutrition section to get an acurate way to calculate calories needed to burn fat.

As for her attitude, I agree with a lot of people on here - she sounds liek sheh as a lot of emotional issues that need to be addressed. I am wondering if this moodiness is not possibly triggered by her monthly cycles or PMDD?? Or other physchological issues such as depression? She does sound like the typical "american" who wants to look perfect but isn't willing to work for it. In all honesty, when you tell me that she doesn't have time to workout, based on the schedule you have told us she has, I can think of so much time for her to workout (and it doesn't have to be at the gym either). I work 8-10 hour days 5 days a week and have 45 hours of drive time each way. I leave my house at 6:00AM and don't get home until 6:00PM (or later) and I am in bed by 9PM. I am resposible for taking my dogs for an hour walk each night, feeding them and myself and my boyfriend, doing my dog's nightly physical therapy. So if i can find time to workout, anyone can :p. There are women on here with kids and families and they work full time jobs and still find time to get a workout in. All she needs to do is a good 45 minutes a few times a week. Plus, it is imperitive for her to take a break from studying. Physical activity can help to stimulate the mind. I am sure she also has some time on the weekends to get busy. I take advantage of my lunch hours to go for a run and train hard on the weekends as these are the primary times for me to sneak a workout in.

Tell her not to workout at a gym. Go to a park together and have fun on the jungle gym. Go for a bike ride on the weekends. Make a goal of running a 5k together. Go hiking. Take a martial arts class together. Make working out fun. If you make it into a chore then she is going to fight againist it, but if you make it fun for the both of you, she will hopefully be more receptive. You may also see a change in mood

Same goes for diet. In fact, I would remvoe the word diet and call it nutrition as the word diet implicates a lot of negative ideas in most people' s minds. Her nutrition doesn't have to be boring. My BF and I eat very healthy well rounded diets and I NEVER feel like i am on a "diet". I enjoy everything that we eat and have fun making our healthy meals.

But it all does come down to her wanting to make this change. And she shouldn't just make this change for her physique, she should do it for her health.

^^^^THIS!!!

Dont tell me she doesnt have time. Thats just another excuse. I have 2 kids, 2 dogs (about to take in another for foster), a full time job and do volunteer work with 2 local shelters. I still find time to work out and eat right.
I just finished packing 4 peoples meals for tommorow (my breakfast and lunch, my hubbys breakfast and lunch, my daughters breakfast and lunch, and my sons breakfast and snacks) plus i will come home tommorow and cook dinner for the family.
Not only all that, but i am working on two more certifications right now. So yeah, I have to study as well.

The point is there is time, you just have to want it bad enough to do it, she doesnt yet.

As for the diet, umm 1000 cals is too low. I eat 1600 and i am at least 6 inches shorter than her. I agree read the stickies and learn them.
Hope it all works out for you.

[lightsarefallin]

Believe me, she has time. She just feels guilty when she actually does something else because she believes it is time she could have spent studying. I know she has a disgusting amount of university work to do(it really is absolutely ridiculous), but she can find time, maybe 3x45 min a week. I'm sure she'll do better. I'll show her the stickies here about calories.

[BrentonJ]

Call her out on it, with some conviction though. That is, drop a barbed comment every now and then, but most importantly DO NOT BACK DOWN or APPEASE HER SELF ESTEEM when she has a cry over it. Flat out tell her you dont find her as attractive because she's getting fat. Certain personnality types respond to the treat em mean keep em keen mentality, some dont. This girl sounds like the former.

You clearly are up in the air over the relationship at any rate, so you dont have much to lose, but everything to gain. Just show some balls mate, and dont cave to her tantrum.

In anticipation that you may come back with the retort that i dont really have a problem with her appearance, im going to say you most certainly do. She isnt repeatedly airing these insecurities for no reason. She is bringing up this topic of conversation all the time as a measure. Checking as it were that you arnt about to walk out the door and go chase some fit hottie cuz she's being lazy (she know's she is btw, she just hasnt got the right stimuli yet to overcome her laziness).

As such, next time she brings it up, be honest and say that you dont like the podge, that the excuses are bullshiit (be prepared to negate the i cant afford 1 hour out of 24 to go exercise with a firm as fck "bullshiit"). Secondly, if you got a reliable workout partner you know of for her, call in the favours mate, because a driven workout partner is worth their weight in gold for motivation.

Lastly, if you do go ahead with the above plan, be prepared for 1 of 3 scenarios:

1. Your brutality is not handled well, at which point you've either got to pull up stumps now if you cant let it go, or the other being you have to try to deal with her being as she is. It will eventually end anyway if you cant get over the fact she is never going to do anything serious about her appearance (in truth it will prob get worse in this case; thunder thighs).

2. Your brutality wakes her up, and she has the drive to get fit (could potentially cause a bit of animosity though even if it succeeds; dependent on her personality and if she truly loves you)

3. Your brutality is a kick up the bum, she goes to the gym but will periodically 'slip' into her old habit... at which point dont be afraid to unleash the animal again to get her motivated once more.

If the habit forms and she still loves you, then all is good with the world and you can go back to being the loving, content and supportive bf.

[Linds33]

Call her out on it, with some conviction though. That is, drop a barbed comment every now and then, but most importantly DO NOT BACK DOWN or APPEASE HER SELF ESTEEM when she has a cry over it. Flat out tell her you dont find her as attractive because she's getting fat. Certain personnality types respond to the treat em mean keep em keen mentality, some dont. This girl sounds like the former.

You clearly are up in the air over the relationship at any rate, so you dont have much to lose, but everything to gain. Just show some balls mate, and dont cave to her tantrum.

In anticipation that you may come back with the retort that i dont really have a problem with her appearance, im going to say you most certainly do. She isnt repeatedly airing these insecurities for no reason. She is bringing up this topic of conversation all the time as a measure. Checking as it were that you arnt about to walk out the door and go chase some fit hottie cuz she's being lazy (she know's she is btw, she just hasnt got the right stimuli yet to overcome her laziness).

As such, next time she brings it up, be honest and say that you dont like the podge, that the excuses are bullshiit (be prepared to negate the i cant afford 1 hour out of 24 to go exercise with a firm as fck "bullshiit"). Secondly, if you got a reliable workout partner you know of for her, call in the favours mate, because a driven workout partner is worth their weight in gold for motivation.

Lastly, if you do go ahead with the above plan, be prepared for 1 of 3 scenarios:

1. Your brutality is not handled well, at which point you've either got to pull up stumps now if you cant let it go, or the other being you have to try to deal with her being as she is. It will eventually end anyway if you cant get over the fact she is never going to do anything serious about her appearance (in truth it will prob get worse in this case; thunder thighs).

2. Your brutality wakes her up, and she has the drive to get fit (could potentially cause a bit of animosity though even if it succeeds; dependent on her personality and if she truly loves you)

3. Your brutality is a kick up the bum, she goes to the gym but will periodically 'slip' into her old habit... at which point dont be afraid to unleash the animal again to get her motivated once more.

If the habit forms and she still loves you, then all is good with the world and you can go back to being the loving, content and supportive bf.


Ummm that is bad advice because I have been on the other end and let me tell you, it stays with you forever. I got heavier first year of college due to the kind of birth control I was on (and I know this because no matter what i did, i never dropped a pound, but once i got off the stuff all of the sudden, I started loosing a ton of weight. Didn't change anything, just the pill). They guy I was dating at the time would always comment about my weight and how i didn't look like i used to. I did get off my butt and went to the gym every morning at 5:30, watched everything that I ate etc. But the fact that he had made those comments to me and was "brutally honest" has stayed with me almost 10 years later. Never had a body image issue before then.

Now i am not telling you to baby her and tell her it is going to be okay. Health wise it is important to get some form of physical activity and to eat better meals. I workout and eat well not because of how it makes me look but because of how it makes me feel. Looks come second in all of this. Personally, I think that based on her stats she may have a higher BF% then a female BBer, but she is within the normal/healthy range and in all honesty, this flab you are talking about probably isn't anything to get too worked up over. No one is perfect and we are all going to have flab, loose skin and a little "pudge" at some point in our lives. Hell after 8 almost 9 years of training, I still have a lot of fat around by butt and thigh area. Thats just the way nature made me and unless i get super lean which i am not able to maintain 24/7, I am going to have fat there So many people would LOVE to have 22% BF. I think that both you and she need to chill out about this. She is makign a mountain out of a molehill and i feel like she is trying to get you to tell her that she looks fine and you lvoe her the way she is. IE: She is fishing for compliments.

When she starts talking about it, change the subject. Don't bring the suject up either. Don't ask her if she went to the gym and don't ask her what she ate that day. Both of you will be much happier in the end.

[lightsarefallin]

I'm not going to be brutally honest with her and tell her she's getting fat. That is not the kind of motivation she needs and her personality type can not deal with negative motivation like that.

I'm sure she will be fine. Like I said she's going crazy with school so when she has time to breathe she will go. She actually goes to the gym more often when we don't talk about it. When we talk about it she just gets miserable and doesn't go. Letting her do her own thing and giving her bits and pieces of advice when she needs it is the way to go. I know deep down she wants to accomplish her fitness goals but her stress is getting in the way. She is anxious by nature, that his her personality type, so she doesn't respond to stress very well. If she has mountains of work to do she will completely forget about everything else and immerse herself in that task.

I'm the complete opposite. I can have a final exam the next day and I'll still train and watch tv. We're both really different so it's hard to understand each other's feelings sometimes.

[ltbs]

We spoke yesterday. She's a mess because of school work. I've taken a look at her work load and it's absolutely ridiculous. I know if she had nothing else to do she'd train harder and during the summer she does.....


I'm not going to be brutally honest with her and tell her she's getting fat. That is not the kind of motivation she needs and her personality type can not deal with negative motivation like that.

I'm sure she will be fine. Like I said she's going crazy with school so when she has time to breathe she will go. She actually goes to the gym more often when we don't talk about it. When we talk about it she just gets miserable and doesn't go. Letting her do her own thing and giving her bits and pieces of advice when she needs it is the way to go. I know deep down she wants to accomplish her fitness goals but her stress is getting in the way. She is anxious by nature, that his her personality type, so she doesn't respond to stress very well. If she has mountains of work to do she will completely forget about everything else and immerse herself in that task.

I'm the complete opposite. I can have a final exam the next day and I'll still train and watch tv. We're both really different so it's hard to understand each other's feelings sometimes.

The underlying issue is being missed. She is miserable not because of how she looks or feels but from the pressure of school work load. That is the issue that needs resolving first, the self esteem will rise once the stress is reduced.

[alexisburke]

she wouldn't have to stop eating to lose weight or flab she must understand that!! just try and get her to eat what you are eating even if it is hard.. the only thing thats going to make the tummy flab go away is her diet!! period!