The ramblings of a 17 yr old boy

[whatevergirl]

....or should I say young man, as to not offend our younger posters here? ;) My son hates being called a boy...but he's not yet a man...so...lol

So...my son and I are talking last night--we are very close. He tells me a lot...he's a great kid, very responsible, cautious...respects authority, etc. (except when I ask him to do a chore :rolleyes:) He has been seeing this one girl--super nice. Not aggressive, gets very high grades, responsible and cautious like him, very quiet and shy. I met her last week. So, HER friend texted my son and asked him ''when are you going to ask out Jane?'' (we'll call her Jane for this thread) He said to me last night that he didn't know what to say, really. He really likes the girl, but he said...''mom, I see what happens with my friends when they get a serious gf...the gf runs their lives...I don't want that...I like her, but I don't want all that.'' (You have the rest of your life son, to have a woman running your life lol ;)) Of course, I didn't SAY that.

So...truly, I'm stumped on this front. I think that if Jane's friend texted him...maybe those two have discussed it (Jane and her friend) and now Jane might be expecting my son to ask her out--to be exclusive. I said to him...''tell her exactly how you feel, but just be kind about it. Say that you really like her, but you're not sure if you want to be exclusive yet...and ask her if she feels the same...''

What do you think about that approach? I'm turning to bb for dating advice for my son...don't you love it? :D

Thanks for the help in advance.

[KimberleyRN]

Well, having a 14 year old daughter and 2 older sons... I can say that the girls are in on this text TOGETHER...

I also have a son that did not want the trappings of a GF... He did not 'date' until he was 18... even though he had a 'special' friend in mind.

He is now 22, still with this same GF and they are planning to get married... have not kissed yet... They are very unique.

Anyway, I would counsel your son to maintain his values and to just let this girl know how he feels. That he REALLY likes her, would like to maybe 'date' someday, but he does not want their relationship to be ruined like so many of his friend's relationships are ruined when they get exclusive.

If this girl is quality, she will understand and respect him more for it.

If she does not like his stance, it is best he find this out now.

Oh and Kudos on raising such a mature young man. Sounds like he has a good grasp on reality.

[-=FLEX=-]

I'm turning to bb for dating advice for my son...

facepalm.jpg

-=FLEX=-











:D

:p

[whatevergirl]

Well, having a 14 year old daughter and 2 older sons... I can say that the girls are in on this text TOGETHER...

I also have a son that did not want the trappings of a GF... He did not 'date' until he was 18... even though he had a 'special' friend in mind.

He is now 22, still with this same GF and they are planning to get married... have not kissed yet... They are very unique.

Anyway, I would counsel your son to maintain his values and to just let this girl know how he feels. That he REALLY likes her, would like to maybe 'date' someday, but he does not want their relationship to be ruined like so many of his friend's relationships are ruined when they get exclusive.

If this girl is quality, she will understand and respect him more for it.

If she does not like his stance, it is best he find this out now.

Oh and Kudos on raising such a mature young man. Sounds like he has a good grasp on reality.

Oh thanks Kim for this!! I love this approach...I do. I think she will respect him...she is very grounded. He said that she reads a lot, doesn't abbreviate in texts...hahaha Kind of a unique teenage girl in this day and age...she is very pretty...but, doesn't flaunt it. He said her friend is the opposite...loud, bossy...etc. I said, she has nothing to do with you asking out Jane. I have a 14 yr old daughter, and I think girls just get involved with each other's lives differently than teen boys do...you know?

Thanks for the advice...I'm gonna tell him! (Kimberley from bb said...) Can you imagine? He'd be mortified if he knew I was asking this here. :eek:

[whatevergirl]

facepalm.jpg

-=FLEX=-











:D

:p

I know...what can I say? :D

[KimberleyRN]

Hey Flex... she knows many of the OV35 have been 17 year old boys before... and some still think like one.

So there!

[hochspeyer]

Definitely a plot of some sort.

Then again, there are a lot of plots out there. The universe has a very strange way of punishing those who curl in the squat rack. On the bright side, heavy penguins were not mentioned.

[whatevergirl]

and some still think like one.

So there!

^^^ this :D

[hochspeyer]

Oh thanks Kim for this!! I love this approach...I do. I think she will respect him...she is very grounded. He said that she reads a lot, doesn't abbreviate in texts...hahaha Kind of a unique teenage girl in this day and age...she is very pretty...but, doesn't flaunt it. He said her friend is the opposite...loud, bossy...etc. I said, she has nothing to do with you asking out Jane. I have a 14 yr old daughter, and I think girls just get involved with each other's lives differently than teen boys do...you know?

Thanks for the advice...I'm gonna tell him! (Kimberley from bb said...) Can you imagine? He'd be mortified if he knew I was asking this here. :eek:

... no doubt. Probably reads the Kama Sutra in the original Sanskrit.

[KimberleyRN]

Oh thanks Kim for this!! I love this approach...I do. I think she will respect him...she is very grounded. He said that she reads a lot, doesn't abbreviate in texts...hahaha Kind of a unique teenage girl in this day and age...she is very pretty...but, doesn't flaunt it. He said her friend is the opposite...loud, bossy...etc. I said, she has nothing to do with you asking out Jane. I have a 14 yr old daughter, and I think girls just get involved with each other's lives differently than teen boys do...you know?

Thanks for the advice...I'm gonna tell him! (Kimberley from bb said...) Can you imagine? He'd be mortified if he knew I was asking this here. :eek:

Well, maybe he would just realize how much you want to offer good advice? Dunno... My kids know that I value input received from message boards, and would not be surprised to hear 'a friend on my board said....'

But, we have met folks from boards... and my family knows I value those folks a LOT.

[whatevergirl]

Definitely a plot of some sort.

Then again, there are a lot of plots out there. The universe has a very strange way of punishing those who curl in the squat rack. On the bright side, heavy penguins were not mentioned.

probably the most unique advice for the day. ;) Do you all think that the girls are plotting...really? Jane's friend has been ''exclusive'' with this one kid for a while, so maybe she feels Jane should be too. My son likes Jane's friend, but said he is tired of her texts. (She texts him more than Jane) I said...maybe Jane's friend likes YOU. He doesn't think so...but anything is possible. ;) He said if she does...the answer is a flat no on that one! haha

My son doesn't want to be told what to do by a girl, he said...He said, I have you mom, that's enough. :D

:eek:

wait...what?

[kneedragger85]

I think high school is for dating...trying and testing the waters to find your "fit". Crushes happen, hearts get broken, feelings get hurt, good times are had.

Teenage boys get run by teenage girls because the girls have "it". At 17 you are 93% testosterone, 6% new hair growth, and 1% common sense. You will let ANY girl tell you what to do because she smells nice, or has curves that are fun to look at. God forbid she lets you touch one...then you are totally screwed.

Tell him to date her...and if it gets uncomfortable or controlling end it. You may want to use a bus analogy or maybe one about fish in the sea.

Teenage years are training for the real world.

[-=FLEX=-]

Hey Flex... she knows many of the OV35 have been 17 year old boys before... and some still think like one.

So there!

Well some of us have matured.

I think like an 18 year old.

So there! :p

-=FLEX=-

[kneedragger85]

I think like an 18 year old.



-=FLEX=-

show off. :D

[KimberleyRN]

Sorry kneedragger... He was not asking IF he should date her at all. He has decided that dating ruins things.

He was asking how to respond to the texts.

Classy guys would ignore the noisy friend, go directly to the sweet girl and explain himself FACE to FACE.

[whatevergirl]

I think high school is for dating...trying and testing the waters to find your "fit". Crushes happen, hearts get broken, feelings get hurt, good times are had.

Teenage boys get run by teenage girls because the girls have "it". At 17 you are 93% testosterone, 6% new hair growth, and 1% common sense. You will let ANY girl tell you what to do because she smells nice, or has curves that are fun to look at. God forbid she lets you touch one...then you are totally screwed.

Tell him to date her...and if it gets uncomfortable or controlling end it. You may want to use a bus analogy or maybe one about fish in the sea.

Teenage years are training for the real world.


I don't disagree...I think that is the key--he doesn't want to have to be with her when she wants...and feel obligated to spending all his free time with her. He isn't ready for a relationship, clearly, I said...because when you are...then you know that there will be a certain amount of time you spend with the other person, but you'll want to. He said he really likes being with her, but he doesn't want it to become something he HAS to do. He said, right now...they text, talk on the phone...date...see movies...it's casual, and he likes that.

[whatevergirl]

Sorry kneedragger... He was not asking IF he should date her at all. He has decided that dating ruins things.

He was asking how to respond to the texts.

Classy guys would ignore the noisy friend, go directly to the sweet girl and explain himself FACE to FACE.

^^this, I agree....face to face! I said...do not discuss this over a text. lol

[hochspeyer]

I don't disagree...I think that is the key--he doesn't want to have to be with her when she wants...and feel obligated to spending all his free time with her. He isn't ready for a relationship, clearly, I said...because when you are...then you know that there will be a certain amount of time you spend with the other person, but you'll want to. He said he really likes being with her, but he doesn't want it to become something he HAS to do. He said, right now...they text, talk on the phone...date...see movies...it's casual, and he likes that.

So, ... is that his way of saying she's "nice"?

[whatevergirl]

So, ... is that his way of saying she's "nice"?

:confused:

[kneedragger85]

Sorry kneedragger... He was not asking IF he should date her at all. He has decided that dating ruins things.

He was asking how to respond to the texts.

Classy guys would ignore the noisy friend, go directly to the sweet girl and explain himself FACE to FACE.

Maybe I only understand women when I'm married to them :)

Is Jane the nice girl he hangs out with?
Is Jane's friend the one asking him to ask her out?

From what I gathered he obviously digs Jane but doesn't want to be controlled. Because I'm a man I hurdled the small details and went straight for the total fix. :D I'm a victim of my gender.

He should text the friend..."things are cool the way they are"...but he runs the risk of losing Jane all together.

[kneedragger85]

:confused:

ugly

Like "she's a great dancer" or "has a great personality"

[ilovebeingadad]

keep your son away from the Misc section.

[whatevergirl]

ugly

haha oh...no, I've met her...she's very pretty. He thinks so, too...he has said it. He's normally just ''dated'' girls...nothing serious with one. So, maybe this is a crossroads for him, you know? Like...he doesn't want to lose the time with her, but he doesn't want a commitment. He said he doesn't really think a lot about it...he just goes with the flow...but her friend is driving him nuts with these texts.

Why her friend cares if he asks her out, I don't know. *shrug*

[hochspeyer]

Her friend needs a boyfriend.

[kneedragger85]

haha oh...no, I've met her...she's very pretty. He thinks so, too...he has said it. He's normally just ''dated'' girls...nothing serious with one. So, maybe this is a crossroads for him, you know? Like...he doesn't want to lose the time with her, but he doesn't want a commitment. He said he doesn't really think a lot about it...he just goes with the flow...but her friend is driving him nuts with these texts.

Why her friend cares if he asks her out, I don't know. *shrug*

Her friend is acting as the aggressor so Jane doesn't have to. She has had to listen to Jane say over and over how she wishes your son would ask her out and make a commitment to be exclusive. Jane's friend is essentially being Jane and giving your son the kick in the butt to either poop or get off the pot.

Your son will either have to commit or split. He won't get to have the time sans commitment for much longer I'm guessing.

[whatevergirl]

Her friend needs a boyfriend.

Jane's friend? She has one...and my son sees how controlling she is with him. I said though, Jane doesn't seem controlling...no two girls are going to act the same way in different relationships. Everyone's different. I think he is basing his decision on what he sees with friends of his who date bossy, controlling girls. I told my daughter...don't be this way...you are not married to the guy when you're his gf...there's no need to control another person, or make him feel like he needs to spend every waking moment with you.

[whatevergirl]

Her friend is acting as the aggressor so Jane doesn't have to. She has had to listen to Jane say over and over how she wishes your son would ask her out and make a commitment to be exclusive. Jane's friend is essentially being Jane and giving your son the kick in the butt to either poop or get off the pot.

Your son will either have to commit or split. He won't get to have the time sans commitment for much longer I'm guessing.

Wow--I hadn't thought of that! Thank you! I think you're right...on some level, I think he knows that he has to do ''something'' soon. He said, 'why can't girls just go with the flow? Why do they have to put a label on everything?'

(like ''defining'' the relationship he meant)

[KimberleyRN]

^^this, I agree....face to face! I said...do not discuss this over a text. lol
You have great insight... you really do not need us... :)

Her friend is acting as the aggressor so Jane doesn't have to. She has had to listen to Jane say over and over how she wishes your son would ask her out and make a commitment to be exclusive. Jane's friend is essentially being Jane and giving your son the kick in the butt to either poop or get off the pot.

Your son will either have to commit or split. He won't get to have the time sans commitment for much longer I'm guessing.

I agree that the 'nice' girl knows the 'loud' girl is texting.

So, text 'nice' girl and have her tell 'loud' girl to quit texting him and that they need to talk in person.

/issue.

[BuckSpin]

Not all men are idiots (really)

Not all women are control freaks

"The saddest words of prose or pen....what might have been"

He will never know unless he tries....

[whatevergirl]

You have great insight... you really do not need us... :)


I agree that the 'nice' girl knows the 'loud' girl is texting.

So, text 'nice' girl and have her tell 'loud' girl to quit texting him and that they need to talk in person.

/issue.

haha You know what's funny? I said to him...want me to pretend I'm you, and text Kate? (Jane's friend) He gave me a look...and said...''yeah, and change my diaper.'' hahahaha

I can't help it...he will always be my baby...I know I have to stay out of stuff and just guide. It's hard sometimes. :)

[hochspeyer]

If you make yourself seem like a control freak to one or both of the girls, chances are they'll be freaked and stop.

[Porkchop74]

Tell him if he likes her go for it . If she starts to try to control him end it. He is young and has many years to find the right one so it is not as big a deal as he sees it now.

[whatevergirl]

Tell him if he likes her go for it . If she starts to try to control him end it. He is young and has many years to find the right one so it is not as big a deal as he sees it now.

Good point, PC....thanks.

[kineticforce]

did not read replies except first few - and nothing wrong with turning to a bb site for dating advice - I help a lot of guys over in RH, along with many other posters....

So...my son and I are talking last night--we are very close. He tells me a lot...he's a great kid, very responsible, cautious...respects authority, etc. (except when I ask him to do a chore :rolleyes:) He has been seeing this one girl--super nice. Not aggressive, gets very high grades, responsible and cautious like him, very quiet and shy. I met her last week. So, HER friend texted my son and asked him ''when are you going to ask out Jane?'' (we'll call her Jane for this thread) He said to me last night that he didn't know what to say, really. He really likes the girl, but he said...''mom, I see what happens with my friends when they get a serious gf...the gf runs their lives...I don't want that...I like her, but I don't want all that.'' (You have the rest of your life son, to have a woman running your life lol ;)) Of course, I didn't SAY that.

So...truly, I'm stumped on this front. I think that if Jane's friend texted him...maybe those two have discussed it (Jane and her friend) and now Jane might be expecting my son to ask her out--to be exclusive. I said to him...''tell her exactly how you feel, but just be kind about it. Say that you really like her, but you're not sure if you want to be exclusive yet...and ask her if she feels the same...''

What do you think about that approach? I'm turning to bb for dating advice for my son...don't you love it? :D

Thanks for the help in advance.nothing wrong with your son taking her out to a local place thats low key - just cause he takes her out doesnt mean that he has to "date" her.

If his concern is that women run mens lives than he should understand that he should not let her run his life. They are a team, although its a HS relationship, its still two people dating. Also let him know that he doesnt have to be exclusive with her right away - one "date" doesnt mean that they are "dating." This is where young men and young women confuse the term dating.

If he thought it was just seeing her, to find out if he wants to date her than his frame of mind is different. Because when you see someone you dont have to break up with them you can choose to stop seeing them or see multiple women (or guys for the ladies) at once. If he is not sure than no biggie, its his life and he has his own decisions - however I would tell your son to at least go out with her once - maybe for coffee or a lunch at panera something thats low key and maybe bowling or mini golf if its going well.. NO MOVIES -

If he can do more intricate things like jet skiing or a water sport where its just the two of them great - but nothing to expensive. Its just a first "encounter" its nothing big. I feel to many guys get wrapped up in this whole dating thing cause its "dating" not meeting new people to find out if they are compatible.

ALSO he should disregard what the girls friend says, if he wants to see her, its on him ,not on her. He should feel comfortable about asking out the girl and on his own time....

Good luck to him

[Time-Man]

lol i wonder how many of us actually sat for a moment and tried to remember when we were that old ? Damn what a hectic time in our lives that was and we thought "this is hard " till we hit adult life and everything just got serious all of a sudden ;)

[whatevergirl]

did not read replies except first few - and nothing wrong with turning to a bb site for dating advice - I help a lot of guys over in RH, along with many other posters....
nothing wrong with your son taking her out to a local place thats low key - just cause he takes her out doesnt mean that he has to "date" her.

If his concern is that women run mens lives than he should understand that he should not let her run his life. They are a team, although its a HS relationship, its still two people dating. Also let him know that he doesnt have to be exclusive with her right away - one "date" doesnt mean that they are "dating." This is where young men and young women confuse the term dating.

If he thought it was just seeing her, to find out if he wants to date her than his frame of mind is different. Because when you see someone you dont have to break up with them you can choose to stop seeing them or see multiple women (or guys for the ladies) at once. If he is not sure than no biggie, its his life and he has his own decisions - however I would tell your son to at least go out with her once - maybe for coffee or a lunch at panera something thats low key and maybe bowling or mini golf if its going well.. NO MOVIES -

If he can do more intricate things like jet skiing or a water sport where its just the two of them great - but nothing to expensive. Its just a first "encounter" its nothing big. I feel to many guys get wrapped up in this whole dating thing cause its "dating" not meeting new people to find out if they are compatible.

ALSO he should disregard what the girls friend says, if he wants to see her, its on him ,not on her. He should feel comfortable about asking out the girl and on his own time....

Good luck to him

Dr Phil...is that you? lol

Seriously...great advice...I wish I could let him read here...but, he'd be mad I posted this. *shrug*

Thanks KF.

[DeathtoToasters]

Well, having a 14 year old daughter and 2 older sons... I can say that the girls are in on this text TOGETHER...


I have to agree here.....

[kineticforce]

Dr Phil...is that you? lol

Seriously...great advice...I wish I could let him read here...but, he'd be mad I posted this. *shrug*

Thanks KF.

print it out...........

[RodMan661]

it's summer time, ask your son if he REALLY wants to be in a relationship during summer? play the waters brraaaaaaaaaa, make her feel exclusive but never actually label it. bang her, and do this to other girls.. he's 17! haha trust me, let him read this.

[whatevergirl]

it's summer time, ask your son if he REALLY wants to be in a relationship during summer? play the waters brraaaaaaaaaa, make her feel exclusive but never actually label it. bang her, and do this to other girls.. he's 17! haha trust me, let him read this.

haha just noticed your age! :D

Get out of here! haha :p

[Barry Bonds]

Had 3 girlfriends....a "nice" girl whom I had home at 9pm, a "bad" girl I stayed out with till 2am, and a "sometimes" girl that was crazy about me but only 15.

I ended up marrying another girl altogether at 19, divorced when I was 21.

Now I've been married to the one that was 15 at the time for 28 years in October.

Excuse me, while I open another can of "shut the hell up."

[whatevergirl]

Had 3 girlfriends....a "nice" girl whom I had home at 9pm, a "bad" girl I stayed out with till 2am, and a "sometimes" girl that was crazy about me but only 15.

I ended up marrying another girl altogether at 19, divorced when I was 21.

Now I've been married to the one that was 15 at the time for 28 years in October.

Excuse me, while I open another can of "shut the hell up."

aw, wait...you ended up with the girl who was ''crazy about you but 15?'' awwww! sweet sweet story. thanks for sharing... :)

and congrats on soon to be 28 years!

[immuno]

.''mom, I see what happens with my friends when they get a serious gf...the gf runs their lives...I don't want that...I like her, but I don't want all that.'' .

That's a smart kid....




































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http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg176/immunosuppressor/coolface.jpg

[whatevergirl]

That's a smart kid....




































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http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg176/immunosuppressor/coolface.jpg


....and self centered... ;)

i said to him...that when you become exclusive with someone, you will find that sacrificing for another person IS gratifying.

He said, it is?? haha :D (but he asked it with a serious face) lol

can't see the pic....:( but will be able to at home...

[immuno]

can't see the pic....:(


That's probably for the best. :)




but will be able to at home...

Unless I cma and delete before you get there. :D

[whatevergirl]

That's probably for the best. :)




Unless I cma and delete before you get there. :D

oh...haha that bad huh? snap! :D

[Old-Time-Lifter]

Definitely a plot of some sort.

Then again, there are a lot of plots out there. The universe has a very strange way of punishing those who curl in the squat rack. On the bright side, heavy penguins were not mentioned.

Yeah, but the Large Hadron Collider will straighten all of that out sooner or later........ as long as the future doesn't destroy it first.






As to the OP. Of course the girls are in on it together. And your son is smart, my son always said the same thing. I'd see that a young gal (actually I noticed 4-5 gals doing this over the HS years) was flirting with him and point it out and he'd say "I'm not going to ruin our friendship". He knew that as soon as he'd ask the gal out that their relationship would change, and in his mind he'd just like to stay friends. Of course, now he's in college and maddly in love with a gal who only wants to be friends...... so Hoch is right the world always gets you back. ;)

[RodMan661]

lol I got negged. "Get off our lawn" that is frikken hilarious. I'm going to rep him just because I laughed