Still mentally stuck in " Not Good Enough"

[maxometer]

I have been working hard to better myself, both physically and mentally, and going by what people have said in past threads/posts, I've learned not to expect results so quickly, so I've been going with the flow, my impatience has subsided a bit, I've avoided mirrors, tried just to be "me" and have fun, get my work done, etc, but at the same time, I'm still so wishy-washy and at times disgusted with myself. Like sometimes I "feel" fleshy or fat and sometimes I physically repulse myself. I'm looking into therapy aside from my regular counseling, but it's such a weird thing because I have SO much respect and love for living and being alive, and my mental self i.e. my strengths, smarts, interests, talents, passions, etc. I am extremely talented in various fields, enough to boast, and have so much to offer, and while I'll never be "perfect" I just imagine that if I looked different, same me on the inside, that I'd be that much closer to "good enough" in terms of overall attractiveness....I'm not gonna lie I've been ****ing brainwashed by the media to kinda look a certain way. And I don't even want mountains of muscles...like half of the guys in the Teen-Bodybuilding section, some of their before pictures are what I want to look like -even the skinny so called "Myspace Ab" or Abercrombie look or whatever you guys call it would be adequate. Generic? Maybe? I don't know.

Otherwise, I don't feel very wanted, like " Oh, I'm too chubby to do that," or " I'm not fit enough to be like that either..". Part of me knows my own ridiculousness, I mean, just today a rather cute girl sitting next to me in class complimented me on my glasses I had on today. She later saw my Sperry boat-shoes and said " Oh god and Sperry boat shoes too? You're like my new best friend!" I dunno if that was her lightly flirting or just commenting on my tastes, or maybe both. I dunno, I'm a bit dense, and it's almost like little positive things like that don't even matter anyway...

[Mechanicus]

quit being a pansy and do it. Stop thinking about things and just do them. You'll find out you can make decisions much easier when you don't think of them.

[milkman04]

I know how you feel OP. That I'm supposed to look a certain way based on what we see in magazines and on TV. I feel I have to look a certain way to get the quality of woman that I want. So far I've had some positives reactions but I always see girls with skinny *ss guys or fat slobs so at the same time it doesn't matter. Not all girls are shallow like that.

[johnderriLLL]

stop being so self focused. you are not alone in this fight. and keep talking to that girl.

you only have one way to be perfect and not that many ways to be happy with your self.

you need to find more ways to be happy with your self and who you are.

[maxometer]

I often feel alone, many of my friends and family think I'm crazy to think that I'm not good looking/fit looking enough.

I'm trying hard to be gregarious with everyone, really trying. I mean that's partially my nature though, I'm little bit of a natural entertainer, it's just been buried for the past six + years. Going to the gym 3 times a week, keeping protein up. I'm not being a "pansy" by any means. I spent most of the Spring break doing yard-work in our backyard, cleaning up sticks, leaves and pine-cones and readying the garden beds for the season. I was busy and even though I couldn't work out like I can at school, I was still sore the next day because I took the initiative. I don't mind doing it either, I like landscaping, so it wasn't too bad.

Also, recently, one of my friends, who's a girl, asked if I wanted to go to our school formal with her if another one of our friend's prospective date can't come into town. I personally don't like formals only because they're really NOT as formal as they say they're going to be, food is crappy, etc. and I feel self conscious on how I look. I always think I look too big. But the point is I said yes, even though the idea makes me uncomfortable.

However, you say I need different outlets to be happy, but I'm very happy with the inner me, the me that is pretty good at a lot of things, that I'm super creative, artistic, smart, I do landscape design, horticulture and write anything from poetry to screenplays so it's not like I got nothing to amuse myself or be proud of. I got one that's around 90 pages now, the longest and most successful thing I've written to date. I might be auditioning for a small role in a play here at school, something really outside my comfort zone.

I like me, I just don't like the "outer" or the shell I'm in so to speak. And that's what cuts me short. It's like, yeah you're almost awesome/complete package but you have this drawback......you're body is subpar. And that's why I'm wanting to change it because it irks me so much. I mean I guess it's shallow to want to be perfect, as nothing is truly perfect, but I can hope that if I look substantially better, since I don't even see my physique as "normal" or "average". Its not even really just about girls though, it's just wanting to be overall happy, and the last time that was was when I was thin/lean, so I'd like to regain that state of being.

[xvolereepoterex]

I often feel alone, many of my friends and family think I'm crazy to think that I'm not good looking/fit looking enough.

I'm trying hard to be gregarious with everyone, really trying. I mean that's partially my nature though, I'm little bit of a natural entertainer, it's just been buried for the past six + years. Going to the gym 3 times a week, keeping protein up. I'm not being a "pansy" by any means. I spent most of the Spring break doing yard-work in our backyard, cleaning up sticks, leaves and pine-cones and readying the garden beds for the season. I was busy and even though I couldn't work out like I can at school, I was still sore the next day because I took the initiative. I don't mind doing it either, I like landscaping, so it wasn't too bad.

Also, recently, one of my friends, who's a girl, asked if I wanted to go to our school formal with her if another one of our friend's prospective date can't come into town. I personally don't like formals only because they're really NOT as formal as they say they're going to be, food is crappy, etc. and I feel self conscious on how I look. I always think I look too big. But the point is I said yes, even though the idea makes me uncomfortable.

However, you say I need different outlets to be happy, but I'm very happy with the inner me, the me that is pretty good at a lot of things, that I'm super creative, artistic, smart, I do landscape design, horticulture and write anything from poetry to screenplays so it's not like I got nothing to amuse myself or be proud of. I got one that's around 90 pages now, the longest and most successful thing I've written to date. I might be auditioning for a small role in a play here at school, something really outside my comfort zone.

I like me, I just don't like the "outer" or the shell I'm in so to speak. And that's what cuts me short. It's like, yeah you're almost awesome/complete package but you have this drawback......you're body is subpar. And that's why I'm wanting to change it because it irks me so much. I mean I guess it's shallow to want to be perfect, as nothing is truly perfect, but I can hope that if I look substantially better, since I don't even see my physique as "normal" or "average". Its not even really just about girls though, it's just wanting to be overall happy, and the last time that was was when I was thin/lean, so I'd like to regain that state of being.

I hear ya... but you have to realize that most of us out there feel like that. The key is to not let fear hold you back... even if it is fear of yourself (or your body). You seem to be a very nice guy, very deep, talented and whatnot. Don't let body anxiety hide who you are. I've hidden behind similar anxieties for three years now... and its time to let it go. =)

(p.s. she was flirting with you.)

[DerekKirbow]

stop being so self focused. you are not alone in this fight. and keep talking to that girl.

you only have one way to be perfect and not that many ways to be happy with your self.

you need to find more ways to be happy with your self and who you are.

agreed...a lot of mental prep is needed for life in general...you can do this

[maxometer]

I hear ya... but you have to realize that most of us out there feel like that. The key is to not let fear hold you back... even if it is fear of yourself (or your body). You seem to be a very nice guy, very deep, talented and whatnot. Don't let body anxiety hide who you are. I've hidden behind similar anxieties for three years now... and its time to let it go. =)

(p.s. she was flirting with you.)

Thank you...lol good to know that she was.

I actually DID go out to the try-outs for the play and ended up being cast into TWO of them. I just kind of let myself be myself/be silly. I like making people laugh. It was sorta fun.

I'm still so self conscious though. I'm in a bit of a predicament right now, socially (actually a good thing rather than bad) so I'm trying to sort everything out. When I get stressed I get so self conscious and unhappy. When that happens my first impulse is to somewhat start attacking myself and appearance is easy to criticize.

[JarrydP]

Without getting to much in Psychology, the thing I think you need is confidence. If you are confident in yourself and in your abilities you'll do just fine. If you don't look how the people on TV do oh well, who cares man. Confidence will attract far more females and genuine friends than having muscles will. If you're not confident in what you look like change it, but don't work out because you want to look like someone else.

[usmcjy]

I'll always feel like I am "not good enough", because as soon as I feel good enough, then it will just be downhill from there. It is the reason that I don't feel good enough that pushes me to keep surpassing my limits and set new goals after reaching others. I'll never be satisfied. I am going to strive for more and more.

[gregysuper]

You know man, keep your head up, f*** what other people say about you, to be the best, you got to act like the best. You train and go forward in life, if some1 is an obstacle, take him out.
When I was younger, I was crap self confidence because my dad thinks I'm useless and lazy, but F him, I got over it, I don't give a crap about what he says, all I know is that I'm better than most guys in my school, I'm strong, I don't bully people though, I am pretty smart, and hard working.
Sometimes, you got to give yourself credit for who you are, and don't give a **** about what people think of you. Some will like you, some will not. Get over it, you shouldn't let ANYBODY mess your life up ;)
Chin up man, and you'll feel better. Used to walk with my head down, that's how good I felt about myself, now I nvr look down, I look straight in the eyes.

[rukia]

just keep do it and enjoy it.

Did you know this song? i believe i can fly....

yeah that right try hard, you just have to be yourself and not copy other.

you are not alone just need a little bit skill so people will like you

it takes time to practise it. keep moving

you are not alone, here we all support each other do we?

[wrstlr152]

I have been working hard to better myself, both physically and mentally, and going by what people have said in past threads/posts, I've learned not to expect results so quickly, so I've been going with the flow, my impatience has subsided a bit, I've avoided mirrors, tried just to be "me" and have fun, get my work done, etc, but at the same time, I'm still so wishy-washy and at times disgusted with myself. Like sometimes I "feel" fleshy or fat and sometimes I physically repulse myself. I'm looking into therapy aside from my regular counseling, but it's such a weird thing because I have SO much respect and love for living and being alive, and my mental self i.e. my strengths, smarts, interests, talents, passions, etc. I am extremely talented in various fields, enough to boast, and have so much to offer, and while I'll never be "perfect" I just imagine that if I looked different, same me on the inside, that I'd be that much closer to "good enough" in terms of overall attractiveness....I'm not gonna lie I've been ****ing brainwashed by the media to kinda look a certain way. And I don't even want mountains of muscles...like half of the guys in the Teen-Bodybuilding section, some of their before pictures are what I want to look like -even the skinny so called "Myspace Ab" or Abercrombie look or whatever you guys call it would be adequate. Generic? Maybe? I don't know.

Otherwise, I don't feel very wanted, like " Oh, I'm too chubby to do that," or " I'm not fit enough to be like that either..". Part of me knows my own ridiculousness, I mean, just today a rather cute girl sitting next to me in class complimented me on my glasses I had on today. She later saw my Sperry boat-shoes and said " Oh god and Sperry boat shoes too? You're like my new best friend!" I dunno if that was her lightly flirting or just commenting on my tastes, or maybe both. I dunno, I'm a bit dense, and it's almost like little positive things like that don't even matter anyway...

i think your too critical of yourself and you need to realize sometimes you are your own worst enemy/ your own worst critic, everyone has these kind of moments.. when im feeling this way i get to the gym and go work out for an hour or so full intensity by the time my workouts over im too tired to critique myself and im no longer in a negative mood.. ill be tired as hell but ill feel great try it out...

[maxometer]

Yeah I've been keeping up my weight training schedule, I guess it's pretty much the best I can do in the meantime, right?

[selffirst]

Dude... seriously this not good enough shi* attitude is gonna be your undoing.....Nobody is perfect....and those that think they are are ass*****.....Focus on you.....what do you want to achieve with your life and fitness goals?.....I see you post alot in the motivation section......your looking for answers and advice from others....but the reality is...you need to dig deep within yourself and decide what is importment to you...and act on that....Peace

[Mechanicus]

I often feel alone, many of my friends and family think I'm crazy to think that I'm not good looking/fit looking enough.

I'm trying hard to be gregarious with everyone, really trying. I mean that's partially my nature though, I'm little bit of a natural entertainer, it's just been buried for the past six + years. Going to the gym 3 times a week, keeping protein up. I'm not being a "pansy" by any means. I spent most of the Spring break doing yard-work in our backyard, cleaning up sticks, leaves and pine-cones and readying the garden beds for the season. I was busy and even though I couldn't work out like I can at school, I was still sore the next day because I took the initiative. I don't mind doing it either, I like landscaping, so it wasn't too bad.

Also, recently, one of my friends, who's a girl, asked if I wanted to go to our school formal with her if another one of our friend's prospective date can't come into town. I personally don't like formals only because they're really NOT as formal as they say they're going to be, food is crappy, etc. and I feel self conscious on how I look. I always think I look too big. But the point is I said yes, even though the idea makes me uncomfortable.

However, you say I need different outlets to be happy, but I'm very happy with the inner me, the me that is pretty good at a lot of things, that I'm super creative, artistic, smart, I do landscape design, horticulture and write anything from poetry to screenplays so it's not like I got nothing to amuse myself or be proud of. I got one that's around 90 pages now, the longest and most successful thing I've written to date. I might be auditioning for a small role in a play here at school, something really outside my comfort zone.

I like me, I just don't like the "outer" or the shell I'm in so to speak. And that's what cuts me short. It's like, yeah you're almost awesome/complete package but you have this drawback......you're body is subpar. And that's why I'm wanting to change it because it irks me so much. I mean I guess it's shallow to want to be perfect, as nothing is truly perfect, but I can hope that if I look substantially better, since I don't even see my physique as "normal" or "average". Its not even really just about girls though, it's just wanting to be overall happy, and the last time that was was when I was thin/lean, so I'd like to regain that state of being.
Use your fear as a weapon. Don't look at it as an obstruction, look at it as motivation. Fear that you won't get the next rep, so you need to work harder to get it. Fear you won't be able to add an extra plate, so you have dig deeper.

[ModernPatriot]

I just looked at your progress pics and it looks like you've made a bunch of progress! There is always room for improvement, but be happy that you've progressed so far. Being fit is a mentality and remember that if your mind is right, your body will be right.