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njg13
10-22-2009, 10:19 AM
I have a freind who is 18, she is still in high school and depressed. Basically, she just hates her life. She has considered taking antidepressants but there is no way her mother would let her. She asked me if I knew of anything herbal or over the counter that she could take that would help her to get over this depression. On one hand, I have no medical background and feel very aprehensive about giving her advice about this. On the other hand, I know she is having a really hard time and that she probably can't just get over this on her own. Her mom is a major control freak and would never even take the time to listen to her, much less get her some help. She'd probably tell her to shut up and suck it up. It's a sad situation. She IS 18 now and I feel like if she recognizes that she needs help and is willing to try something safe, I want her to do that as opposed to drinking, smoking and drugs, which I know are either happening or just around the corner. What do I do? Is there something natural that she can take?

RebeccaG
10-22-2009, 10:23 AM
Why can't she go to her doctor on her own?

I would not take online advice on this one. She needs to see a doctor.

Good luck to your friend.

medjen
10-22-2009, 10:26 AM
Since she's legally an adult, she should be able to get some help on her own.

The internet isn't the best place for medical advice.

njg13
10-22-2009, 10:28 AM
Why can't she go to her doctor on her own?

I would not take online advice on this one. She needs to see a doctor.

Good luck to your friend.

I told her also to go to the dr. But, her parents would know because she's on her parents insurance and they are super controlling. Up until she was 17, she wasn't even allowed to close the bathroom door because she "might be doing something in there". That's was here mom's reasong. She's a good kid. I think once she get's on her own, she'll do a lot better. I'd just hate to see her get destructive before then.

RebeccaG
10-22-2009, 10:33 AM
I told her also to go to the dr. But, her parents would know because she's on her parents insurance and they are super controlling. Up until she was 17, she wasn't even allowed to close the bathroom door because she "might be doing something in there". That's was here mom's reasong. She's a good kid. I think once she get's on her own, she'll do a lot better. I'd just hate to see her get destructive before then.

Well, first you don't 'get over' depression. Especially not by taking medication. It can help, but, in most cases, it's not something you get over. It's something you learn to manage or you deal with what is causing the depression - if it is situational - which I would somewhat assume is her parents.

If she's in high school, talk to your guidance counsellor or school nurse or a trusted teacher. There has to be someone in her life she can talk to and get help from. Otherwise, go to the doctor anyway. Who cares if her parents find out.

Glamorous
10-22-2009, 10:44 AM
I don't think her parents will find out unless it's because of a medical bill (deductible, etc). I'm pretty sure there are doctor-patient confidentiality laws, especially regarding mental health, sexual health, etc.

I would tell her to contact her doctor - call the doctor and just be honest- Say, "Hey, I need some help but I don't want my parents to find out...will they? What can I do?" And see what they say.

I think a lot of insurances have a fee for an office visit, but I'm sure she can find the money for that.

Deborah_Lyn
10-22-2009, 10:59 AM
Up until she was 17, she wasn't even allowed to close the bathroom door because she "might be doing something in there".


that's really odd

1) there's 3 truths, her- the parent and the middle

2) was she into drugs at 1 point? eating disorder? That would explain the door

3) You are an adult ( I assume, no age listed), she's in high school. You maybe friends, but there's a huge difference in maturity. Let her ***** , but you cannot step between her and the parents. It could get really nasty. If anyone got between my neice and her Dad, I'd be pissed. So respect that boundry. jmo.


4) I agree with other poster- she has acess to school counselors. If there's a real issue, she needs to go see them.

RebeccaG
10-22-2009, 11:07 AM
3) You are an adult ( I assume, no age listed), she's in high school. You maybe friends, but there's a huge difference in maturity. Let her ***** , but you cannot step between her and the parents. It could get really nasty. If anyone got between my neice and her Dad, I'd be pissed. So respect that boundry. jmo.


I definitely see your point, but what if your niece needed medical care and her Dad wasn't providing it?

Obviously we don't know the whole story - and like you said, there are three truths - but if this girl needs help and her parents are standing in the way, I would step in. Absolutely not in spite of the parents, but for the health of the kid.

Deborah_Lyn
10-22-2009, 12:24 PM
I definitely see your point, but what if your niece needed medical care and her Dad wasn't providing it?

Obviously we don't know the whole story - and like you said, there are three truths - but if this girl needs help and her parents are standing in the way, I would step in. Absolutely not in spite of the parents, but for the health of the kid.

1) Friends shouldn't give medical advice unless they are actual doctors. They can say XYZ worked for me, etc. But overall the parents and the 18 year old are responible. My point is as I see this occasionally where teens who have older friends drag the older ones into the drama. There's a huge age gap between 18 to 21 years old. Be an adult and respect the age difference.

2) I was so depressed after my Sister died in 1982, my immune system was surpressed. I had mono (Sept. following year) so long and 2 releapses, I almost ended up with a blood disorder. I could not walk the length opf a room unaided because I was so weak. If I had a friend give me advice then ( and probably now) i'd tell them to f*** off.

Depression will f*** with your head. imo there's no over the counter drug unless you have a chemical imbalance to fix that sh*t. It's all getting your head on straight and dig yourself out of it. Sorry if I come off strong in my response, but teen anxiety is 99% kids just b*tching. I did some messed up sh*t when I was depressed, but I put my big girl panties on and got it together (for the most part.)

If Ops friend is really depressed, she needs a 3rd party that is disinterested and can help her straighten stuff out. Tell your friend to go see the school counselor if parents aren't open.

As for my neice, my brother never denied care, so it doesn't work. It's a completely foreign concept. The gov't will rarely step in unless there's proven abuse. however, it's part of the scool counselors job to advocate for the child if their needs are nto being met. they're best to determine of its a real sitaution or a lie.

I had a friend b*tched about her parents when I was 16. She was going to run away, so she came with us and stayed a week. She started sneaking out, so we (parents and I) took her to a shelter. She ended up going home, but the reason for all the drama? she was a big drug user. She hid it from me & just got off on bashing how evil her parents were. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but stuff happens and you don't know it.

RebeccaG
10-22-2009, 12:40 PM
1) Friends shouldn't give medical advice unless they are actual doctors. They can say XYZ worked for me, etc. But overall the parents and the 18 year old are responible. My point is as I see this occasionally where teens who have older friends drag the older ones into the drama. There's a huge age gap between 18 to 21 years old. Be an adult and respect the age difference.

2) I was so depressed after my Sister died in 1982, my immune system was surpressed. I had mono (Sept. following year) so long and 2 releapses, I almost ended up with a blood disorder. I could not walk the length opf a room unaided because I was so weak. If I had a friend give me advice then ( and probably now) i'd tell them to f*** off.

Depression will f*** with your head. imo there's no over the counter drug unless you have a chemical imbalance to fix that sh*t. It's all getting your head on straight and dig yourself out of it. Sorry if I come off strong in my response, but teen anxiety is 99% kids just b*tching. I did some messed up sh*t when I was depressed, but I put my big girl panties on and got it together (for the most part.)

If Ops friend is really depressed, she needs a 3rd party that is disinterested and can help her straighten stuff out. Tell your friend to go see the school counselor if parents aren't open.

As for my neice, my brother never denied care, so it doesn't work. It's a completely foreign concept. The gov't will rarely step in unless there's proven abuse. however, it's part of the scool counselors job to advocate for the child if their needs are nto being met. they're best to determine of its a real sitaution or a lie.

I had a friend b*tched about her parents when I was 16. She was going to run away, so she came with us and stayed a week. She started sneaking out, so we (parents and I) took her to a shelter. She ended up going home, but the reason for all the drama? she was a big drug user. She hid it from me & just got off on bashing how evil her parents were. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but stuff happens and you don't know it.

I don't really disagree with anything you're saying. I think we are looking at it from VERY different points of view.

I wasn't suggesting the OP give her friend medical advice. My point was that if a friend or family member had a child that needed medical help and their parents weren't providing it, I would support them, help them and get them medical help.

In this case if I were the OP, I would tell my friend to talk to the school counsellor or go to a doctor. I would also go with her to talk to these people if she needed some extra support.

Perhaps your brother has never denied his daughter case. I'm asking you to think about what you would do if he did. Would you just stand by and do nothing?

My point of view comes from being 13, depressed and suicidal. I LITERALLY screamed at my parents telling them I was depressed, suicidal and NEEDED help and they did NOTHING. At 13 I had to take myself to my doctor and get set up for therapy and all that. It would have been really phucking nice to have a friend that cared and supported me.

Further my father was abusive and no one did anything because I was labeled as one of those spoiled kids who was just bitching cause I didn't get what I want.

I know that I could not live with myself if I had a friend in this situation, I did nothing, and she ended up dead. I guess I'm a 'better safe than sorry' kinda girl. :) Depression is very serious and should be treated as such.

That being said, hell yes! There's a whole lotta bitching going on with kids these days. I would rather seek appropriate help and find out it's some whiny kid bitching over nothing than do nothing and find my friend dead.

Either way, all of this is a whole lot of conjecture. lol :)

njg13
10-22-2009, 01:56 PM
Wow, lots of info! Let me add a few things that might help you to understand my point of view. I was originally friends with this girl's mother so I saw the way she was treated. She actually asked me if her daughter could workout with me to get in better shape for sports. As we worked out we talked. I became almost like a big sister to her. Her mother did some ugly thins and she and I don't really talk anymore. Someone along the way said to send her to a counselor or teacher. I am a teacher. I am that person that she has come to. I am just in an odd position because I know the family and there's not any abuse going on. I want to help the girl with out making things worse. Their family doctor is also one of the mom's good friends so I don't see her going to the dr. I've tried to convince her to go but she refuses. I told her that once she gets to college, she can go to the dr there and get help and noone has to know. The girl hasn't ever done drugs. She did spend a summer puking up everything she ate. I spent a lot of time talking to her about why that wasn't a good idea and discussing the long term consequences and while she's not 100% past it, she is no where near wherre she was a year ago. I'm like Rebecca...my fear is that if I do nothing and she hurts herself, I would feel so bad!

schweefy
10-22-2009, 08:00 PM
I have a freind who is 18, she is still in high school and depressed. Basically, she just hates her life. She has considered taking antidepressants but there is no way her mother would let her. She asked me if I knew of anything herbal or over the counter that she could take that would help her to get over this depression. On one hand, I have no medical background and feel very aprehensive about giving her advice about this. On the other hand, I know she is having a really hard time and that she probably can't just get over this on her own. Her mom is a major control freak and would never even take the time to listen to her, much less get her some help. She'd probably tell her to shut up and suck it up. It's a sad situation. She IS 18 now and I feel like if she recognizes that she needs help and is willing to try something safe, I want her to do that as opposed to drinking, smoking and drugs, which I know are either happening or just around the corner. What do I do? Is there something natural that she can take?

St. John's wort is probably the best bet for OTC meds (as far as I know). You can do a quick google search to see if there is anything else. However, what she really needs to do is find out what is causing the depression and address it. Easier said than done but medication will only help deal with the depression/anxiety while she finds a way to remedy the root cause of it. The best course of action, IMO, is cognitive therapy and if she is really in a dark place then she should probably look at getting on anti-depressants as well. Anti-depressants don't have to be a long term thing but they can ease the depression/anxiety while she addresses whatever is causing her to feel this way.

Is there a help line that you (or her) could call to find out what her options are as far as dealing with this initially without her parents knowing? I'm sure her situation is not uncommon regarding her parents not understanding what depression really is. If she could see a psychologist on her own and then get her parents involved with the help of the psychologist that might be ideal for her. There's also online support in the form of chat rooms for people dealing with depression. She can get support from people who are in the same shoes as her and talk to them about what she is going through. It might help her to not feel alone and also encourage her to get professional help.

jbonsall
10-22-2009, 08:56 PM
I understand the different points of view, but I would have to side with Rebecca on this one... weird thing is I was depressed and suicidal at 13 too. My mom assumed I was just being b*tchy and acting out for attention. I dealt with it by cutting. I've had friends with depression/suicidal ideation as well and I would rather come off as "paranoid" than have to deal with a friend making certain choices because they felt no one care or would listen. Jmo

Walk2liv
10-22-2009, 10:03 PM
I didn't read any of the posts. All I can say is... I had depression/suicidal and I had wellbutrin and zoloft... all it did was make me a zombie.. have terrible cotton mouth and lost about 10+lbs in a VERY short amount of time (I didn't eat). It didn't make my depression go away or really feel better... just emotionless.. numb.

I wouldn't recommend meds. She needs to see a doctor to talk to.. and NOT the first one she comes across.. a lot of doctors out there that shouldn't be in their profession. She needs to try to different ones. I went to two different doctors.. the first didn't help or felt like she was listening.. more so just blaming me for my problems. And the second one just wrote me a prescription and that was it... no real help.

Since her parents won't let her go to the doctors... doesn't the state have some or free advice like suicide hotlines or even Planned Parenthood -- do they deal with depression?? I don't know.

I think her depression is stemming from something... her situation with her parents probably. Mine was situational and now that I am out of it.. I am no longer like that.

Good luck to her.

Walk2liv
10-22-2009, 10:09 PM
I understand the different points of view, but I would have to side with Rebecca on this one... weird thing is I was depressed and suicidal at 13 too. My mom assumed I was just being b*tchy and acting out for attention. I dealt with it by cutting. I've had friends with depression/suicidal ideation as well and I would rather come off as "paranoid" than have to deal with a friend making certain choices because they felt no one care or would listen. Jmo

I never told my parents but I used to cut too. My husband is the only one who knows. It made me feel better when I felt everything was out of my control and depressed. I haven't done it... in about 3 years. It's interesting how a few of us have had the suicide/depression etc... I think females get depressed easier than men. I think my problems stemmed from my dad dying when I was 7 yrs old and then being in an abusive relationship when i was in HS. I never got my dad's death talked out and really over it. :/

Rob1W
10-23-2009, 08:56 AM
There is already plenty of advice on here; I just wanted to urge you to keep doing what you're doing. It's important for her to have supportive friends like yourself that will listen to her without passing judgments. It's all too easy when you're depressed to end up isolated and alone.

All that being said you need to look after yourself too. I found when i was younger my negative thinking actually affected other people. Obviously I didn't mean for that to happen but i now recognise that it did.

Patrice827
10-23-2009, 09:17 AM
I'm going to add my two cents by saying that she should try talking to someone, anyone, other than her mother. Someone who cares about her, if she's not able to afford a therapist. I've been suffering from depression for a long time. After looking back, I believe it started when I was 10, which was when I lost my father. Like another poster had said, I never really got over it, even though it's almost 19 years later. Considering that he was my only "friend", no one really talked to me about death. Till this day, I still get uncomfortable and deal with anxiety when talking about death. I grew up feeling that people never really cared about me or how I felt about things. When I was 20, I had lost my sister, she was 30. I remember people were concerned for her daughter, my mom, and her husband at the time, but again, no one was concerned for me. She was my only sibling.

Even now, I feel like this, and it's ruining my life because I block people off, I'm always depressed because I feel like no one likes me or wants to be around me. To avoid that feeling, I isolate myself, but it's really causing more problems. My marriage is suffering and my weight is fluctuating. I've always been a heavy kid, I grew up around sweets, so I have a major sweet tooth. After my father died, I remember being so bored, there was nothing left to do but eat. So now I overeat when I'm depressed or bored. I've talked to a therapist and it has helped a lot, but since I lost my job, I've decreased the amount of times I see her. Since the beginning of this year, I was talking to her every week, up until a month ago. One thing I learned by talking to someone is to recognize the problem. Recognize where it is coming from. I must fix the underlying problem or I will continue this vicious cycle of feeling fat and alone.

Your friend needs to talk to someone or the cycle will continue until its too late. I tried many times to talk to my over these years. She wasn't mean or rude, but she basically overlooked it and focused more on what she was dealing with rather than what her own child was going through. Now that your friend is 18, its time to grow up and not depend on mommy and daddy to help. She has the legal right to get the help she needs. Before even considering any meds, she needs to find someone to talk to. If she's in school, I suggest that she check with her school's counselor and see if they could offer any suggestions.