Things you wish you had done before kids

[Glamorous]

Hey everyone - I'm a long time lurker and somewhat new poster here on bb.com. I got married in June of this year and was surprised to find my biological clock ticking away so soon. I have fairly young parents and I always thought I would be a younger parent, as well...but the timing just isn't ideal right now for my husband and I. He has a child from a previous relationship and is STILL trying to deal with some of the drama associated with that and I don't want to bring a child into the world when we aren't 100% ready in all aspects.

Anyway, I'm 25 - will be 26 next summer. Hubby is the same age. We are talking about starting a family in "a few years."

In the mean time, what are some things that I could work on, work towards, do, accomplish, etc. I'm just looking for some realistic ideas - I've seen those silly lists on google about traveling to 59874957 countries, learning 10 languages and do a bunch of expensive things that I just can't afford.What are things that YOU wish you had done more of, or just done in general before having kids?

Right now, I have a goal of trying to get in the BEST shape of my life, and to learn how to crochet or knit :P Please share ideas, thoughts, insight.

(PS- I can't have a dog!)

[Ripht]

ahhhh you should just sit down and think of all the things you've ever wanted to do, like a bucket list, and then just try and do as many as you can.

Not speaking from experience i'm only 19 not planning on anything serious yet. But here are a few things i've always wanted to do.

Visit all the wonders of the world (pyramids, great wall of china etc)
skydive/basejump
go to the airport with a toothbrush and a bit of spending money and jump on a plane to where ever the next plane is goin too.

[BriannasMomma]

I am 26 and I had my daughter right before I turned 25. One thing I wish I had done was get an advanced degree. I have a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice but I don't feel like it's good enough for the job market these days. We don't plan on having any more kids so I'm going to wait until my daughter starts school to get into that. (Hopefully by then I will be able to use my husband's GI Bill!) As far as doing expensive things, I couldn't afford it before my daughter and I couldn't afford it now! I think at this point, what I envy most about couples who don't have kids is that they are able to do things a bit more spontaneously, they can go out without finding a babysitter, they can sleep in! LOL I think I might have waited a couple more years but I am happy now and my daughter is a blessing! By the time she is 18 and out of the house I'll be 42, young enough to still go out and have some fun!

[IronCitGrl]

This is why I'm not having kids.

They pretty much run/ruin your life (that's just the way I see it). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. No one is holding a gun to your head!

But if you HAVE to then I would probably want to enjoy the married life and go on lots of dates and have lots of sex really loud in the house because those days are gonna be over! I'd also probably travel and work on my career. Fix up my house, go to the gym a lot and just enjoy being able to do what I want when I want.

I heard having one child costs you about 250,000$. Just imagine how expensive it's going to be once they are old enough to go to college! I'd rather buy a boat and sail on the river! I don't know that's just me though maybe I'm just selfish.

[kimm4]

This is why I'm not having kids.

They pretty much run/ruin your life (that's just the way I see it). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. No one is holding a gun to your head!

But if you HAVE to then I would probably want to enjoy the married life and go on lots of dates and have lots of sex really loud in the house because those days are gonna be over! I'd also probably travel and work on my career. Fix up my house, go to the gym a lot and just enjoy being able to do what I want when I want.

I heard having one child costs you about 250,000$. Just imagine how expensive it's going to be once they are old enough to go to college! I'd rather buy a boat and sail on the river! I don't know that's just me though maybe I'm just selfish.

I'm sure your parents don't feel like you ruined their life...If anything you were more than likely the best thing that ever happened to them. :)

But I agree, not everyone wants children and it's a personal choice.

I love being a mom! My 2 girls (who are 22 and 11) are the best! I can't imagine not having them in my life. They're a big part of the reason of who I am today.

The only thing I regret is not being able to travel enough...but I still have the rest of my life to do that and I will. :)

[evedder08]

Everyone has different desires in life. For me, I cannot wait until I have a child to take care of, but I too, know it is not the time. I look forward to the day that I do get to pass on my genes to a little boy and girl, watch them grow, be their life support, take care of them, teach them everything I feel is important to know. Watch the ride to see what type of person they grow into.

I have had a fortunate life and been able to do lots of things that are unique and have given me lots of enjoyment in life. Traveled to China, had a swim meet there and walked on the great wall, homeless in hawaii for a week, driven all around the western united states, jumped off big cliffs, galloped on a horse, and many other things. From this I also know that there is an age where you won't appreciate traveling, so it seems to be a good thing to wait until you are older and kids are almost fully grown.

Some things I really want to be able to do before I have children are hiking the entire pacific crest trail, from canada to mexico. I want to skydive and bunggy jump. I want to make it back to hawaii to see the friends i have made there. I want to learn to surf. Those are some of the biggest ones.

[LittleDonkey]

I can't wait to adopt someday, but it's going to be a looong while yet before I'm ready. My parents were in their 30s before they started having kids, and in their 40s when I was born. They talk pretty often about how they're glad to have waited because it meant that stuff like travel wasn't as financially prohibitive (even with kids) as it was when they were younger. For me, my current goals are to graduate university, get in shape, learn how to cook, improve my photography, decorate my apartment on the cheap, and to continue doing volunteer work.

[Nightbird573]

Hey everyone - I'm a long time lurker and somewhat new poster here on bb.com. I got married in June of this year and was surprised to find my biological clock ticking away so soon. I have fairly young parents and I always thought I would be a younger parent, as well...but the timing just isn't ideal right now for my husband and I. He has a child from a previous relationship and is STILL trying to deal with some of the drama associated with that and I don't want to bring a child into the world when we aren't 100% ready in all aspects.

Anyway, I'm 25 - will be 26 next summer. Hubby is the same age. We are talking about starting a family in "a few years."

In the mean time, what are some things that I could work on, work towards, do, accomplish, etc. I'm just looking for some realistic ideas - I've seen those silly lists on google about traveling to 59874957 countries, learning 10 languages and do a bunch of expensive things that I just can't afford.What are things that YOU wish you had done more of, or just done in general before having kids?

Right now, I have a goal of trying to get in the BEST shape of my life, and to learn how to crochet or knit :P Please share ideas, thoughts, insight.

(PS- I can't have a dog!)

Sometimes I think about all of the free time I had before my daughter was born and all of the places I could've gone. Honestly, I wouldn't change anything. I'm still going to travel and I can't wait to take her places that I never got to go when I was a kid. I was the youngest of 7 children, and my parents couldn't afford to take us to very many places; so we just went to places around here. I started college before I had her, and I'm actually doing a lot better in school now that I have a child. I don't know if it's because now I have something else to work for or what..lol..but I'm definitely a lot harder of a worker. I've maintained my 4.0 GPA and I'm a Junior in college. Yes, children are very expensive, but well worth it. Too many people waste their money on material objects anyway. What's the point of having a brand new car or a brand new LCD TV?? Maybe some people love those things, but I'd rather spend that money on something that matters. As for that person saying that you can no longer have loud sex...that is a lie! lol Yeah, you gotta keep it down when the kiddos are home, but there are other places to make love besides at home. ;)

[BiancaNoir]

This might be a "grass is always greener" thing, but I wish I had lived alone at some point. No roommates, no significant others--just me. I went from living with my parents to living with my ex-husband to being a single mom with kids to remarrying and having a couple more kids, so I've never lived alone.

I also wish I'd gotten a little more established in my career, or at least gotten my PhD before I had kids, because it might have made trying to get back into the job market a little less daunting.

[Glamorous]

There are some great replies in here, I really appreciate it.

I definitely think I should make some short term and long term goals - no matter how silly and small they may be. *sigh*

Maybe I just am in a bit of a rut or having some post-wedding blues. It's definitely a bit different to not have a wedding to plan and save for - I have a lot of extra time.

[IronCitGrl]

There are some great replies in here, I really appreciate it.

I definitely think I should make some short term and long term goals - no matter how silly and small they may be. *sigh*

Maybe I just am in a bit of a rut or having some post-wedding blues. It's definitely a bit different to not have a wedding to plan and save for - I have a lot of extra time.

Yeah I'm seven months out from my wedding. The planning is starting to get super strenuous! When the wedding is over I pretty much have an internship and the start of my career to look forward to, but I'll probably have lots of free time not having to plan all this!

[Nightbird573]

Yeah I'm seven months out from my wedding. The planning is starting to get super strenuous! When the wedding is over I pretty much have an internship and the start of my career to look forward to, but I'll probably have lots of free time not having to plan all this!

Court room wedding! Stress-free! lol

[Danny-J]

I liked reading this thread and IronCitGrl, you cracked me up. I don't necessarily think kids ruin your life... run it? Maybe...
but some people/want/need to be needed like that.
I'm still undecided where kids go, but I did have my own "list"
one of the things was to travel to 30 countries before I'm 30 (I'm 28 and have been to 24, but I have a trip to see 5 more next Oct!!)
I also have been skydiving, bungee jumping, climbed a few 14,000mtns., driven most of the way up the PCH, lived alone, lived with roommates, earned my Masters.... well, I'm feeling pretty good... I guess I can pretty much die now.. or have kids;)
Love you all.
Just do what is right for you!!

[Rozlyn27]

Physically, I wish I had had the motivation to be in the best shape I could have been in before I had my son.

Started and finished school but again, I didn't feel the 'need' for it until he came into the world. That's when I clued in that I couldn't be a waitress for the rest of my life.

And I wish I had bought a house and been established. Life would be easier. I won't say better, only easier.

That being said, he's the biggest joy in my life.

Besides, now that he's here, I can make sure that he does do and have everything! (Which in some ways, is way better then anything I would have ever done!)

[Grimbeard]

wish i would of burned down my school, church, and courthouse when i was a kid(serious)

[Amanda76]

Just make sure you are financially secure enough to do what you want to do WITH kids and you'll have no problem. They don't keep you from being in good shape. They don't keep you from travelling. They don't keep you from going out and having a good time. You can go to work, school...whatever. Children cause you to have to compromise with and make arrangements for them. That's it. Financial means to help with that can make that a bit easier on you.

Beyond making sure you are going to be comfortable financially, I don't think you can wait for a "perfect" time to have children. I mean, over the course of 18+ years, stuff is going to come up where things would be a little easier to deal with, without children. But if you want children, you'll miss out on a lot waiting for a perfect time that is never going to come along.

[Glamorous]

Yeah I'm seven months out from my wedding. The planning is starting to get super strenuous! When the wedding is over I pretty much have an internship and the start of my career to look forward to, but I'll probably have lots of free time not having to plan all this!

Yeah...I was engaged for 14 months, so it felt like FOREVER. I'm so glad it's all over with now. It was fun but stressful.

I have a Bachelor's degree already and have been in my field of work for 6 yrs now, so I'm fairly established in that sense. I make good money and could support myself, even with my car payment, if I had to.

I was thinking last night that I basically went from party girl (getting drunk probably 4x/week! EEEK!), to long-distance dating my husband for a year, to being engaged and focused on a wedding for 14 months (saving tons of money, we paid for it ourselves), to just...nothing. Ha. I sorta had a whirlwind couple of years - it's almost odd to NOT have a major focus in my life. School is done. Work is established. Married.

I think maybe doing some traveling would be nice...or as someone else said, decorating our home. I LOVE home decorating, it's just a bit spendy ;)

[sacha2]

Gotten married... LOL. I don't think we will in the near future- I don't see the point of dropping $10k+ (budget!) when we could take a lovely vacation instead.

[Nightbird573]

Gotten married... LOL. I don't think we will in the near future- I don't see the point of dropping $10k+ (budget!) when we could take a lovely vacation instead.

Then you could always get married in a courtroom and spend all the money on the honeymoon!

[BriannasMomma]

Yeah, I think we spent $60 to get married in a court room. A couple months later he went on a "honeymoon" to Iraq.

[LittleDonkey]

I mentioned decorating -- $ is tight for me as well since I'm a student, so I try to find creative ways to make my apartment more attractive. Reupholstery is surprisingly easy and you have the fun of seeking out old furniture and choosing the fabric to spruce it up. There are tons of other creative ideas online (check out IKEA hacker!) if you're into getting buildy.

[SIR-LOIN]

sleep late as much as you can. This is what i miss most. #1 ... get your education the tlevel you want it, get yourself financially secure. you think kids are stressful, add in financial strife in the mix. That's what makes alcoholics, drug addicts out of otherwise good people.

Kids will not ruin your life, yes they'll run it, but I've not regretted mine once, wish we could have had more, just requires a re-alignment of priorities, and realization that the world doesn't revolve around you. Therefore, save a lot of your travelling for a time when your kids can enjoy and experience it, makes them more worldly and broadens their perspectives beyond Nintendo, Facebook, etc. I live in the south and my daughter has been to 3 different countries, can snow ski, has snorkeled in the Keys and in Caymans ... etc ... way more opportunity than i ever had.

Been married 17+ years too.

[heidismommy]

I love being a mom more than anything in the world, my daughter is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, I do regret not getting at least a bachelor's degree first. I took a semester off to get married in 2002 and then got pregnant almost right away. I just never went back, but now that she's in Kindergarten I plan to start again in the Fall (I got about halfway through, having racked up about 63 credits). The reason we decided to have our daughter when we did was because of my husband's age---he was already 40 when we got married, so 16 years older than I am---and I think we just felt we were ready to take that on. Obviously I'm glad that we did. Like I said, I love being a mom and I seriously cannot imagine not having Heidi in my life. And now that she's in school I look forward to finishing up my studies so that I can get a decent-paying job. So there is really no need to regret when I can now do something about it.

[sacha2]

Then you could always get married in a courtroom and spend all the money on the honeymoon!

Absolutely ^_^, I would much rather! Unfortunately, I have a "Groomzilla" who wants to have a shindig :P

[BriannasMomma]

Absolutely ^_^, I would much rather! Unfortunately, I have a "Groomzilla" who wants to have a shindig :P

And there's nothing wrong with that of course. :) We eventually want to have a wedding...but I guess in our case it would be a vow renewal.

[Nightbird573]

And there's nothing wrong with that of course. :) We eventually want to have a wedding...but I guess in our case it would be a vow renewal.

That's what my sister did. She got hitched in a courtroom and then a few years later they had a beautiful wedding.

[MrsBuckspin]

Just make sure you are financially secure enough to do what you want to do WITH kids and you'll have no problem. They don't keep you from being in good shape. They don't keep you from travelling. They don't keep you from going out and having a good time. You can go to work, school...whatever. Children cause you to have to compromise with and make arrangements for them. That's it. Financial means to help with that can make that a bit easier on you.

Beyond making sure you are going to be comfortable financially, I don't think you can wait for a "perfect" time to have children. I mean, over the course of 18+ years, stuff is going to come up where things would be a little easier to deal with, without children. But if you want children, you'll miss out on a lot waiting for a perfect time that is never going to come along.

This!!! You said it so well amanda! There is not a lot we would have done before the boys that we don't do with them now. I had them when I was 28 and 31, so I did a lot of stuff before then. No regrets or wish I had's from me!!

[IronOrchid]

Well, kids cost A LOT of money, take A LOT of your time and they are huge responsibility for the rest of your life. So... have all that money and time for yourself and enjoy it!

[Tiffany_P]

I don't have kids yet, but we try to go on vacations that would be more difficult to do with kids. So, skip the cruise (which is much easier to do with kids) and go to Costa Rica. Skip Disneyland and go to Amsterdam.

[CATRACCOM]

The only thing I miss is riding my motorcycle. I was really attached to it and rode until I was about 6 mos preg and couldn't fit on the bike anymore. Other than that, we did most of the things we wanted before the kid came around. We were married a good long time and got to know and enjoy each other first...about 9 yrs. We've been married about 15 now. Having money isn't the most important thing but it does make it easier. Kids don't know about money as long as they have basics. We were in dire straights and just starting a business when I found out I was having her. I quit my job because I got so huge and helped with the business and ran it while I had her. We were seriously scraping. Now it all worked out and things are great. We don't do some of the things we did before but its okay.
I have to say that I'm glad I didn't have a kid right after getting married. I couldn't see bringing someone new into the equation until we had experienced married life and enjoyed each other.

[Glamorous]

Talked...or should I say...argued with my husband last night. *sigh*

I decided that I want to take either kick boxing at the local MMA gym OR do a professional pole dancing class (1 pole to each student w/ instructor), as both are pretty good forms of exercise and run about $100-$150/month. I think the kick boxing is more practical. The pole dancing looks fun, but I guess I don't see myself owning a pole in my own home, so I don't really know how "good" I could ever get?...AND it's a requirement to be able to do the splits to get into the advanced courses...which I am nowhere near. Sounds like a dead-end to me. :P

I am also thinking about making a quilt. I've been eyeballing one at Pottery Barn and I am thinking of making a very simple design based off of that one, in colors that go with our home. Obviously, I need a sewing machine and materials, but I'm thinking it would be a long-term project...not something I can rush into.

I am flying out this weekend to see my best friend and her 4-week old baby. I hope I can just enjoy the time spent with them and not feel sorry for myself. I'm having a really emotional week (TOM) and I've been crying about everything.

Poor hubby even agreed to let me buy a Louis Vuitton purse if I could hit my 200lb deadlift goal by New Years Eve...I may have to take him up on that. That's definitely not something you would get after kids. haha.

[aussiemommy]

This is why I'm not having kids.

They pretty much run/ruin your life (that's just the way I see it). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. No one is holding a gun to your head!

But if you HAVE to then I would probably want to enjoy the married life and go on lots of dates and have lots of sex really loud in the house because those days are gonna be over! I'd also probably travel and work on my career. Fix up my house, go to the gym a lot and just enjoy being able to do what I want when I want.

I heard having one child costs you about 250,000$. Just imagine how expensive it's going to be once they are old enough to go to college! I'd rather buy a boat and sail on the river! I don't know that's just me though maybe I'm just selfish.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Each to their own, and to an extent I do understand the selfish thing, I too am a very private person and having a child has been a HUGE adjustment for me (especially not having much time to myself anymore, not until he's older at least).

However, despite that I wouldn't change my life for any amount of money or freedom in the world. My son (he's 2y8m) brings me so much happiness and he's a pretty damn cute person to spend the day with. He has his moments and tests the boundaries a bit, but generally he's a good kid and I'm so glad he's in my life.

To answer the OP's question. The only thing I might have like to do before he was born was travel to each continent on the planet all in one trip. But hey, I can still do that with a child (maybe when he's a bit more grown up). Having kids doesn't mean the end of your life. It's just a different life (and for the most part a LOVELY life :D )

[BootyCamp]

Nothing. I've lived the wild bachelorette life. I've done it all.

[evedder08]

I am also thinking about making a quilt.

Do this!
that is such a good idea!
Can take up so much time!

Learn to quilt and lots of other useful things!
Hemming, sewing, crocheting, all that good stuff!
Learn to make socks, sweaters, blankets, hats.
That would be so much fun!

I hope the quilting works out!

[PBanonymous]

my father is 73 years old. I'm the 7th of 8 kids. Our neighbors across the street (who both work and have never had kids) are always getting new cars.. and last summer they laid a exquisite brick driveway. My mom was saying how wonderful it looked and how nice it must be to have that kinda money. My dad said the sweetest thing that I will NEVER forget. He said,

"They may have money to lay an expensive brick driveway... but I guarantee that that driveway will never bring them the happiness that our kids have brought us"

then he hugged me :)

Edit: haha I forgot to answer OP question. Paint a big canvas to hang in the house (super cheap).

Send 3 thank u cards out for no reason! I did this everyweeked for 2 months. :) It really challenges you to find things to be thankful for... and the people receiving the cards will be so delighted and surprised because they are so impromptu!

Grab your girls, load up the car, and drive somewhere! My sister and I did this: ended up in Miame (we are from chicago) :) I will NEVER EVER forget how hilarious it was. Gosh do we have some amazing stories!!

train for a marathon

VOLUNTEER! some hospitals have "baby cuddling" programs where you sign up to go in and hug and hold the babies that are there for medical reasons. We all know babies need love to thrive and they honeslty have volunteers there to coddle them. :) I've done it. And let me tell u.. its AMAZING!

[sacha2]

I gave up a high-paying career to be a stay at home mom and wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, nobody should have kids if they don't want to. I didn't get broody until about 23-24. However, I couldn't trade it for the world. New clothes, renovations, parties, they have no meaning to me.

[princessTiffany]

This is why I'm not having kids.

They pretty much run/ruin your life (that's just the way I see it). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. No one is holding a gun to your head!

But if you HAVE to then I would probably want to enjoy the married life and go on lots of dates and have lots of sex really loud in the house because those days are gonna be over! I'd also probably travel and work on my career. Fix up my house, go to the gym a lot and just enjoy being able to do what I want when I want.

I heard having one child costs you about 250,000$. Just imagine how expensive it's going to be once they are old enough to go to college! I'd rather buy a boat and sail on the river! I don't know that's just me though maybe I'm just selfish.


This is basically how I feel right now but things change. ;)

But I'd probably adopt a child before bringing another one into the world.

[weejac]

Send 3 thank u cards out for no reason! I did this everyweeked for 2 months. :) It really challenges you to find things to be thankful for... and the people receiving the cards will be so delighted and surprised because they are so impromptu!

I love this idea, you have inspired me

[Gemini80]

My husband and I have been together 15 years, and we had our first when I was really young. She's 13 now. My youngest is 9 weeks. The only thing I miss about not having kids is having no one to worry about but myself. Having peace and quiet. And a clean house. Drives me nuts having kids going right behind me messing everything up.


Hey everyone - I'm a long time lurker and somewhat new poster here on bb.com. I got married in June of this year and was surprised to find my biological clock ticking away so soon. I have fairly young parents and I always thought I would be a younger parent, as well...but the timing just isn't ideal right now for my husband and I. He has a child from a previous relationship and is STILL trying to deal with some of the drama associated with that and I don't want to bring a child into the world when we aren't 100% ready in all aspects.

Anyway, I'm 25 - will be 26 next summer. Hubby is the same age. We are talking about starting a family in "a few years."

In the mean time, what are some things that I could work on, work towards, do, accomplish, etc. I'm just looking for some realistic ideas - I've seen those silly lists on google about traveling to 59874957 countries, learning 10 languages and do a bunch of expensive things that I just can't afford.What are things that YOU wish you had done more of, or just done in general before having kids?

Right now, I have a goal of trying to get in the BEST shape of my life, and to learn how to crochet or knit :P Please share ideas, thoughts, insight.

(PS- I can't have a dog!)

[JAWS22]

Bought condoms.

[smdiskin]

Just make sure you are financially secure enough to do what you want to do WITH kids and you'll have no problem. They don't keep you from being in good shape. They don't keep you from travelling. They don't keep you from going out and having a good time. You can go to work, school...whatever. Children cause you to have to compromise with and make arrangements for them. That's it. Financial means to help with that can make that a bit easier on you.

Beyond making sure you are going to be comfortable financially, I don't think you can wait for a "perfect" time to have children. I mean, over the course of 18+ years, stuff is going to come up where things would be a little easier to deal with, without children. But if you want children, you'll miss out on a lot waiting for a perfect time that is never going to come along.

Totally agree...
Someone else mentioned the same general idea too...
Financial security makes everything else much easier to deal with... and allows for guilt free fun, with or without children...
I just wish I'd had my baby 10 years ago... but I am planning to do much the same with him as without.. ... still in the early stages... he is 1 today...

[Glamorous]

Great stuff in here. Thanks so much for all of the comments and ideas.

I just got back from Utah last night. I spent 3 days with a 4-week old baby and MAN, I am tired! haha. Wow - never truly realized how much work they are. I'm glad I went on the trip...it was an eye opener. He was the most beautiful baby, but a lot of work. Poor mom had a hard time getting 3 meals in each day, yet alone a shower. He was a constant cycle of eat/spit up/burp/poop/cry/sleep, OVER and OVER again.


I think I will be okay holding off for a few years! Hahaha! I mean, I know it's doable (should an "oops" happen)...but I will be happy with what I have for now and take advantage of the spontaneity. ;)

[sthpadregrl]

The stars will never be perfectly alligned giving you that PERFECT time to have a baby. Just get as financially prepared as possible. I think I just wish i had gotten my BS then, trying to go to school now, full time job, full time school and 2 kids full time. I think i could offer them a better living standard if i was done with school and making even just a little more money than i do now. Truth be told though, they don't know we are broke. They are very happy, very active and are my world.

I agree with Amanda.....most of the things I want to do I just involve my kids with. Hopefully it will broaden their perspective and help them gauge their ambitions in life. I had mine at 19 and 21.

[Amanda76]

Great stuff in here. Thanks so much for all of the comments and ideas.

I just got back from Utah last night. I spent 3 days with a 4-week old baby and MAN, I am tired! haha. Wow - never truly realized how much work they are. I'm glad I went on the trip...it was an eye opener. He was the most beautiful baby, but a lot of work. Poor mom had a hard time getting 3 meals in each day, yet alone a shower. He was a constant cycle of eat/spit up/burp/poop/cry/sleep, OVER and OVER again.


I think I will be okay holding off for a few years! Hahaha! I mean, I know it's doable (should an "oops" happen)...but I will be happy with what I have for now and take advantage of the spontaneity. ;)

You know, it's work, but I never had a problem taking basic care of myself when my daughter was a baby. There were times I was exhausted and not functioning well, but that's different than really not being able to figure out how to bathe and eat. I used to lay her in a carrier (normally to sleep, rarely to cry) while I showered. When she got older, I'd talk and play peek-a-boo through the shower curtain with her. Older still and I put her in a playpen right outside the bathroom door (toddlers are WAY scarrier to let out of your sight while you're busy than immobile babies, btw). Food prep and house cleaning can be handled in the same way. Once you realize babies don't (normally) cry because something is really wrong, you relax and don't get so frazzled worrying over every little thing. Think about how much easier we have it than women/babies a few hundred or thousands of years ago...it ain't no thang. :p Well, it is, but it's totally manageable.

But yeah. Live in the present and enjoy what you have until you really have a baby to deal with. :D

[NOVA888]

I've accomplished even more after the birth of my daughter than before. :)

I'm determined never to let motherhood turn me into a woman that I no longer recognize. One that doesn't go places, doesn't meet new people, doesn't learn new things, doesn't see new sights or new countries, one that doesn't have her 'own' hobbies, her own enthusiasms, or one that doesn't (first and foremost), live for herself.

So I refuse to become some out of shape woman, riddled with regrets and standing by a stove with nothing else to do but live for her children. What child would want a mother like this?

[Glamorous]

I've accomplished even more after the birth of my daughter than before. :)

I'm determined never to let motherhood turn me into a woman that I no longer recognize. One that doesn't go places, doesn't meet new people, doesn't learn new things, doesn't see new sights or new countries, one that doesn't have her 'own' hobbies, her own enthusiasms, or one that doesn't (first and foremost), live for herself.

So I refuse to become some out of shape woman, riddled with regrets and standing by a stove with nothing else to do but live for her children. What child would want a mother like this?


That's such a great attitude to have. I agree. (And you look amazing, btw! WOW).

I wish my dad or mom had a healthy interest and hobby in their lives- it would be fun to work out together or go on hikes/bike rides, etc.

[aussiemommy]

Great stuff in here. Thanks so much for all of the comments and ideas.

I just got back from Utah last night. I spent 3 days with a 4-week old baby and MAN, I am tired! haha. Wow - never truly realized how much work they are. I'm glad I went on the trip...it was an eye opener. He was the most beautiful baby, but a lot of work. Poor mom had a hard time getting 3 meals in each day, yet alone a shower. He was a constant cycle of eat/spit up/burp/poop/cry/sleep, OVER and OVER again.


I think I will be okay holding off for a few years! Hahaha! I mean, I know it's doable (should an "oops" happen)...but I will be happy with what I have for now and take advantage of the spontaneity. ;)

I found that my son was only like this (a bit like your friend's 4 week old) in the first few months to a year. It really does get easier and easier. I took a good year or so to really adjust to my new life as a mum, and I still do miss the spontaneity sometimes, but the good times and the love outweigh that by far.

Now that my son is nearly 3, he comes to the gym with me, keeps himself amused with toys and drawing or 'working out' on the machines :D I found the newborn stage to be a lot harder and I like it now that he's not so demanding of my attention and time (though of course I still give him plenty, but I don't have to carry him around everywhere and do everything for him).

Like one of the PP, I do just as much if not more now that I have my son, especially since I'm a stay at home mum and not tied to a 40 hour a week job. I may not have much time to myself, but I have many more opportunities to do things now that I don't work full time. And my son comes with me, he loves getting out and about, we do lots together (just not at night though, evening activities are of course limited).

[LMG462]

Motherhood has certainly been the toughest job I have ever loved. I wish we would have went on some big trips before the kids. But the best advice I can give is to enjoy the time you have together now. Enjoy the ability to go where ever you want on short notice, enjoy the quietness in your home, and most importantly enjoy your sleep!!! ;o)

[LMG462]

I found that my son was only like this (a bit like your friend's 4 week old) in the first few months to a year. It really does get easier and easier. I took a good year or so to really adjust to my new life as a mum, and I still do miss the spontaneity sometimes, but the good times and the love outweigh that by far.

Now that my son is nearly 3, he comes to the gym with me, keeps himself amused with toys and drawing or 'working out' on the machines :D I found the newborn stage to be a lot harder and I like it now that he's not so demanding of my attention and time (though of course I still give him plenty, but I don't have to carry him around everywhere and do everything for him).

Like one of the PP, I do just as much if not more now that I have my son, especially since I'm a stay at home mum and not tied to a 40 hour a week job. I may not have much time to myself, but I have many more opportunities to do things now that I don't work full time. And my son comes with me, he loves getting out and about, we do lots together (just not at night though, evening activities are of course limited).

Yes! The beginning was soooooo hard for me as well. Nothing has ever brought me to my knees like having a newborn and it is something you really can't understand until you live it. But thank God it does get better or there would be a bunch of simblingless kids in the world.

[norinicole]

I've accomplished even more after the birth of my daughter than before. :)

I'm determined never to let motherhood turn me into a woman that I no longer recognize. One that doesn't go places, doesn't meet new people, doesn't learn new things, doesn't see new sights or new countries, one that doesn't have her 'own' hobbies, her own enthusiasms, or one that doesn't (first and foremost), live for herself.

So I refuse to become some out of shape woman, riddled with regrets and standing by a stove with nothing else to do but live for her children. What child would want a mother like this?

This.

I think every mom needs to remember that we're better moms when we take care of ourselves.

[Finner]

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to DemetriaF again."
"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Norinicole again."

Sorry ladies - I tried! You so deserved greenies for those responses!

[RebeccaG]

I don't like this thread. lol

I hate the notion that kids ruin your life. And I hate that we've gone from a barefoot and pregnant society to a 'I can do everything with effortless, yet perfect, ease' attitude.

My son was born 9 months, almost to the day, after my husband and I were married. We had been together for five years already and wanted to start a family right away, just not THAT right away. We had a wedding, a baby and a new car in less than 2 years. So much for buying a house.... We certainly weren't in the most 'ideal' situation to get pregnant, but we're all still alive and happy 2 1/2 years later. I occasionally think about where we might be if we had waited a little longer, but I've never once regretted having my son and certainly never resented him for taking my time and money.

I am one of those mom's that lives for her son, but that is my choice. I have been waiting to be a mother almost my whole life. If not for my stubborn outspokenness and 'liberated attitude' I'd say I should have been born in the 50's. lol But being a dedicated mother does not mean I am no longer a person. I make time for myself and my interests/hobbies/etc. My life did not END when I had my son, it just changed. And, like other Mom's have said, I am a MUCH better mother when I take care of myself.

The only thing I still haven't grown accustomed to is the lack of spontaneity. It's much harder to get up and go with a toddler in tow. But we make it work. :) There is nothing that I wish we had done before we had our son because I can still do all that stuff now. It might be a little different, but I can still do it. And there will never be a 'perfect time' to have kids.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to wait or deciding to not have kids at all. In fact, I really admire people who know they don't want kids. I know far too many people who felt they had to have kids or 'got knocked up' and now completely resent their kids and are horrible parents.

My 0.02. :)

[NOVA888]

My 0.02. :)

Your 2 cents are worth a lot more than that! :)


I hate the notion that kids ruin your life.

They're challenging for sure! But I agree that not everyone is up for that, or ready for what comes with the territory. It's so easy to get lost in being a mother, or to lose sight of yourself. This was my biggest issue--how to balance both 'me' and 'her.'



And I hate that we've gone from a barefoot and pregnant society to a 'I can do everything with effortless, yet perfect, ease' attitude.

Gosh, ain't that the truth! I can spout-off twenty paragraphs on that topic alone!


My son was born 9 months, almost to the day, after my husband and I were married. We had been together for five years already and wanted to start a family right away, just not THAT right away. We had a wedding, a baby and a new car in less than 2 years. So much for buying a house.... We certainly weren't in the most 'ideal' situation to get pregnant, but we're all still alive and happy 2 1/2 years later. I occasionally think about where we might be if we had waited a little longer, but I've never once regretted having my son and certainly never resented him for taking my time and money.

You have a great attitude. :)


I am one of those mom's that lives for her son, but that is my choice. I have been waiting to be a mother almost my whole life. If not for my stubborn outspokenness and 'liberated attitude' I'd say I should have been born in the 50's. lol But being a dedicated mother does not mean I am no longer a person. I make time for myself and my interests/hobbies/etc. My life did not END when I had my son, it just changed. And, like other Mom's have said, I am a MUCH better mother when I take care of myself.

There it is! I'm neither 'new' fashioned, nor 'old' fashioned, but a combo of both. I put everything I have into childrearing, but I must admit that those infant, baby and toddler years were extremely difficult (at least for me they were). I had to really make a commitment not to lose myself during that time. My daughter is in high school now, so it's definitely gotten a lot easier as time went on.


The only thing I still haven't grown accustomed to is the lack of spontaneity. It's much harder to get up and go with a toddler in tow. But we make it work. :)

I'm not big on spontaneity, so I kinda enjoy that part. :D


There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to wait or deciding to not have kids at all. In fact, I really admire people who know they don't want kids.

I was once one of these types, I swore I'd never have a child. Then I got old and the window started closing rapidly. I was then confronted with passing on my genetic material or not. I opted to take the plunge and never looked back. I had a horrible pregnancy, but in retrospect, I'm glad I did it. The experience has changed, and challenged me in so many ways. I'm much better for it.


I know far too many people who felt they had to have kids or 'got knocked up' and now completely resent their kids and are horrible parents.

Definitely the wrong reason to have kids, but sadly it happens too often--same with marriage. Some folks feel they must get married for whatever reasons (getting older, pressure from parents, status quo, etc.), but not necessarily for the 'right' reasons. Both parenting, and marriage are two endeavors that one shouldn't enter into because someone feels pressured in any way to do so, as both come with enough pressures on their own.

[NOVA888]

Nothing has ever brought me to my knees like having a newborn and it is something you really can't understand until you live it.

Truer words were never spoken! Such a humbling experience! I was on my knees a lot, until I learned to get up and walk again.


But thank God it does get better or there would be a bunch of simblingless kids in the world.

It certainly does get better (thankfully), but I felt as if I'd sometimes lose my mind in those early years. My sense of independence was crushed, and the lifestyle change was so overwhelming!!!!

[RebeccaG]

Your 2 cents are worth a lot more than that! :)

Well thanks! :)



They're challenging for sure! But I agree that not everyone is up for that, or ready for what comes with the territory. It's so easy to get lost in being a mother, or to lose sight of yourself. This was my biggest issue--how to balance both 'me' and 'her.'

Oh, goodness yes! Definitely a challenge, you're raising a person for Pete's sake! lol Not everyone is up for it and that is why I admire people who recognize that it's not something they want rather than popping out some kids cause that's 'what you're supposed to do.'


Gosh, ain't that the truth! I can spout-off twenty paragraphs on that topic alone!

I rewrote my response 3 times cause I kept going off on that tangent. Stay on topic, Rebecca! Focus! Hahaha



You have a great attitude. :)

Thanks!


There it is! I'm neither 'new' fashioned, nor 'old' fashioned, but a combo of both. I put everything I have into childrearing, but I must admit that those infant, baby and toddler years were extremely difficult (at least for me they were). I had to really make a commitment not to lose myself during that time. My daughter is in high school now, so it's definitely gotten a lot easier as time went on.

That is a great way to put it!

I think the infant/toddler years have got to be the hardest. That's when the most developing and learning occurs and when they are the most dependent. I still struggle with the balance and probably always will. Like you said, it's very easy to lose yourself.

(Also I am SHOCKED that your daughter is in high school!! I had you pegged as MUCH younger. lol)



The experience has changed, and challenged me in so many ways. I'm much better for it.

Absolutely!! Also, sad to say, I have a lot more motivation to be the best woman and mother I can possibly be. Having my son has pushed me make positive life changes so my son is healthy and so I am setting a good example for him.

Sucks that, at this point, I'm not motivation enough, but whatever gets the job done!


Definitely the wrong reason to have kids, but sadly it happens too often--same with marriage. Some folks feel they must get married for whatever reasons (getting older, pressure from parents, status quo, etc.), but not necessarily for the 'right' reasons. Both parenting, and marriage are two endeavors that one shouldn't enter into because someone feels pressured in any way to do so, as both come with enough pressures on their own.

So true!!

[Tiffany_P]

I was once one of these types, I swore I'd never have a child. Then I got old and the window started closing rapidly.

My daughter is in high school now, so it's definitely gotten a lot easier as time went on.



Holy crap girl. How old are you?

[BriannasMomma]

I think the infant/toddler years have got to be the hardest. That's when the most developing and learning occurs and when they are the most dependent.

I agree...my daughter is 19 months and tests my patience on a daily basis!

[weejac]

I've accomplished even more after the birth of my daughter than before. :)

I'm determined never to let motherhood turn me into a woman that I no longer recognize. One that doesn't go places, doesn't meet new people, doesn't learn new things, doesn't see new sights or new countries, one that doesn't have her 'own' hobbies, her own enthusiasms, or one that doesn't (first and foremost), live for herself.

So I refuse to become some out of shape woman, riddled with regrets and standing by a stove with nothing else to do but live for her children. What child would want a mother like this?

I went wrong on this one, I stopped doing everything 'selfish' and did the entire martyr mum thing. Do what this post says, its much more sensible. I realise now, years later, that my kids would have been just as loved if I had taken two or three hours a week to exercise/get my hair done/had a long bath instead of a quick shower.

[fitinidaho]

You still have plenty of time to have kids...I traveled all over b4 I had kids. After kids I accomplished more then when I did b4 them. I published 10 craft books...made lots of quilts, lol...(still making them) and started lifting and getting into shape...way healthier then b4 the kids..I had kids at 30 and 32...so no worries...
The only thing I regret is not going to art school...but it worked out..I taught myself.

[Glamorous]

You still have plenty of time to have kids...I traveled all over b4 I had kids. After kids I accomplished more then when I did b4 them. I published 10 craft books...made lots of quilts, lol...(still making them) and started lifting and getting into shape...way healthier then b4 the kids..I had kids at 30 and 32...so no worries...
The only thing I regret is not going to art school...but it worked out..I taught myself.

Very cool.

I am thinking about selling the wheels on my car to partially fund a nice vacation in the future. Kinda sad that my wheels can do that, but they are not cheap... ;)

I have toyed with everything from Thailand to Egypt to Germany...I haven't been to Mexico either. That seems like an affordable trip though. I would rather do something more extravagant before kids.

[IronCitGrl]

You still have plenty of time to have kids...I traveled all over b4 I had kids. After kids I accomplished more then when I did b4 them. I published 10 craft books...made lots of quilts, lol...(still making them) and started lifting and getting into shape...way healthier then b4 the kids..I had kids at 30 and 32...so no worries...
The only thing I regret is not going to art school...but it worked out..I taught myself.

Trust me you don't want to go to art school. I did and it was a total waste of money. "Good" art these days doesn't come from talent it comes from pretentiousness.

I'm also happy that I haven't been "attacked" yet for my first post stating why I don't want kids. It's good to know that people respect my opinion on the subject. Usually when I tell people this they immediately attack me and tell me how I HAVE to have kids and pass on my genes and how much happier I will be. But not everyone feels the same way and I think it's better knowing that I don't want to have them than having them and then totally regretting it and being a terrible parent.

[LMG462]

But not everyone feels the same way and I think it's better knowing that I don't want to have them than having them and then totally regretting it and being a terrible parent.

Absolutely! And tell the other people they need to mind their own buisness.

[fitinidaho]

Hey...I didnt want kids either. The first one was an accident otherwise I truely believe I wouldnt of had any. But I couldnt just have one...That would be cruel to me....
Anyhow...kids are great when they are your own...others drive me crazy..lol

[hublife]

I've got two daughters (4, 2). I think if I could have changed anything I would have had my finances in better order before I had children. I've got fairly ambitious financial goals so it's not like I was broke but I certainly hadn't achieved what I wanted to.

Now I'm single with two daughters and it's certainly got it's challeges as well as rewards.

[NOVA888]

Holy crap girl. How old are you?

Definitely 'up' there. :o

[Tiffany_P]

Definitely 'up' there. :o

I wish you would publish it instead of keeping it hidden. You should be damn proud of the way you look. Seriously, I'm blown away that you have a daughter in high school, especially if you had her when you were already getting older. That is mind boggling. Makes me want to try keto again. haha - almost ;)

[Glamorous]

I wish you would publish it instead of keeping it hidden. You should be damn proud of the way you look. Seriously, I'm blown away that you have a daughter in high school, especially if you had her when you were already getting older.

x2, Man, I would be LUCKY if I ever looked half that good in my lifetime. Dang.
I was pretty sure Demetria was in her mid-twenties after glancing at her profile.

[NOVA888]

You guys are too nice, thank you so much for that. :o

I'm kinda shy about my age (because it's beyond the point of being cute anymore), and also because people sometimes get mean with allegations of plastic surgery, botox or photoshop. I've used none of these, other than getting my boobs done after the birth of my daughter (breastfeeding made them flatter than buttermilk pancakes)! I've got nothing against good rejuvenation techniques, but will maybe consider these things if my face ever ends up on my lap one day. :O

*deep sigh* In the meantime, I'm one year older than Monica Bellucci. :o

[RebeccaG]

You guys are too nice, thank you so much for that. :o

I'm kinda shy about my age (because it's beyond the point of being cute anymore), and also because people sometimes get mean with allegations of plastic surgery, botox or photoshop. I've used none of these, other than getting my boobs done after the birth of my daughter (breastfeeding made them flatter than buttermilk pancakes)! I've got nothing against good rejuvenation techniques, but will maybe consider these things if my face ever ends up on my lap one day. :O

*deep sigh* In the meantime, I'm one year older than Monica Bellucci. :o

Shut the hell up! You are not! :p

I had you pegged for at least 15 years younger than that!

IMO you look much more like someone who has taken very good care of herself rather than someone who spent a lot of money on herself. ;)

Definitely tons of motivation to kick the crap and start taking better care of myself. I can only hope to look as good as you as I age. :)

[NOVA888]

Shut the hell up! You are not! :p

I had you pegged for at least 15 years younger than that!

Rebecca, thank you for that! :)

Okay (on the DL), where do I send that check again? ;)

[Finner]

Shut the hell up! You are not! :p

I had you pegged for at least 15 years younger than that!

IMO you look much more like someone who has taken very good care of herself rather than someone who spent a lot of money on herself. ;)

Definitely tons of motivation to kick the crap and start taking better care of myself. I can only hope to look as good as you as I age. :)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What she said! Demetria! I don't want to harp on the number, because an number is just a number after all (My husband is over 20 years older than me, but he doesn't look a day over 40-ish) - but I am STUNNED to know that you are one year older than Monica B! You are absolutely stunning and I'm thrilled to know this secret about ya! You give me hope, woman! (big hugs)