Trying to save my mum's life. Help needed.

[ABRAHAM_SOLOMON]

This might be a little long so if you can help, I'd really appreciate it.

My mother is 44 years old. Since her early 30's she has been overweight. Since moving out of home, I see her only about once a fortnight. The bad news is she has gained significant weight in the past year or two.
I'm not to sure of weight limits but she would have to be considered obese for sure now. She has got really big.

Today I spoke to her and she is sick, like usual, always getting stomach pains, colds and flu. I think it's because she doesn't look after herself.
She works as a chef, so this doesn't help. The only exercise she gets is a walk to and from her work, totaling 30-40 minutes a day.

Today, something jumped into my head, that if I don't help her soon, she is going to be in serious trouble.

So, the help I am asking for is from the women, some who may have been in this situation, and even those who haven't. What kind of training/diet can I put her on? She has high blood pressure so I don't want to suggest anything to her in case she can't handle it.

Her diet is sometimes good, but she gives up easy.

What can I do? Maybe I can direct her to some kind of professional, if so, what kind?
She has spoken to doctors, but most don't seem interested in anything other than prescribing a bunch of medicines and blood pressure pills.

If anyone can help out, I'd greatly appreciate it. Really.
Thanks.

[wantfirmcurves]

This might be a little long so if you can help, I'd really appreciate it.

My mother is 44 years old. Since her early 30's she has been overweight. Since moving out of home, I see her only about once a fortnight. The bad news is she has gained significant weight in the past year or two.
I'm not to sure of weight limits but she would have to be considered obese for sure now. She has got really big.

Today I spoke to her and she is sick, like usual, always getting stomach pains, colds and flu. I think it's because she doesn't look after herself.
She works as a chef, so this doesn't help. The only exercise she gets is a walk to and from her work, totaling 30-40 minutes a day.

Today, something jumped into my head, that if I don't help her soon, she is going to be in serious trouble.

So, the help I am asking for is from the women, some who may have been in this situation, and even those who haven't. What kind of training/diet can I put her on? She has high blood pressure so I don't want to suggest anything to her in case she can't handle it.

Her diet is sometimes good, but she gives up easy.

What can I do? Maybe I can direct her to some kind of professional, if so, what kind?
She has spoken to doctors, but most don't seem interested in anything other than prescribing a bunch of medicines and blood pressure pills.

If anyone can help out, I'd greatly appreciate it. Really.
Thanks.

That's a tough one, and probably very painful for you to observce. I would suggest that you sit down with her and tell her your concerns in as empathetic a way as possible. You obviously love her very much so try to explain what you're seeing and why it worries you. I think many overweight or obese people are aware of the health implications and effects, but just aren't motivated or can't get motivated to take action. Perhaps knowing that you're in her corner will help her stay on track with diet and adopt an exercise routine? If there are other things contributing such as depression etc, she may need professional help as well as exercise & a healthy diet to work through those.
I know where you're coming from as my now-ex boyfriend had been overweight throughout our entire relationship (8+ yrs) & began to gain even more over the last few years. I tried everything that I could think of to help/motivate etc but he wasn't responsive. There were other issues at hand but his lack of concern about health matters was one of the major reasons I ended it (just over a month ago). As soon as I broke up with him, he began a healthy diet and exercise program and is down 30lbs! It is too little, too late for us as a couple, but I'm glad he's on the path to a healthier lifestyle.
I guess my point is that you can be there for her as support and a resource, but you can't make her change...she has to want to do it. Good luck and keep us posted on her progress.

[Atropa]

OP first things first get your mom to see a doctor and make sure there is nothing medical wrong with her.
Gaining large amounts of weight in a year or two is a huge red flag of either a medical or a mental problem and there is help for both.
If she is depressed and eating for comfort or if something has gone wrong with her metobolic system.
Ask her to get her fasting bloodwork done checking the normal things as well as hormones and make sure nothing is out of the norm before progressing to exercise, a good diet never hurts but it is good to know what a good diet is.
I know if I ate what many people here saw as a good diet I would die, literally lol.
So get her to a doc and if something is wrong the next step is a dietician.
I hope you can help her :)

[Candice_B]

OP first things first get your mom to see a doctor and make sure there is nothing medical wrong with her.Gaining large amounts of weight in a year or two is a huge red flag of either a medical or a mental problem and there is help for both.
If she is depressed and eating for comfort or if something has gone wrong with her metobolic system.
Ask her to get her fasting bloodwork done checking the normal things as well as hormones and make sure nothing is out of the norm before progressing to exercise, a good diet never hurts but it is good to know what a good diet is.
I know if I ate what many people here saw as a good diet I would die, literally lol.
So get her to a doc and if something is wrong the next step is a dietician.
I hope you can help her :)
Agree for the doctor.
My cousin's grandma and aunt both gained A LOT of weight, even though they didn't seem to eat more than others. Turned out his aunt had a thyroid problem - now treated with some medication - and his grandma had diabetes and some other issues.

I do understand your situation, please take the time to let your mum open her heart.

Good luck

[prettyface]

That is a sticky situation - maybe listen to a word from a fat girl who's there, climbing out?
This is lengthy, but if you have time to read it, lol, maybe it will help.

First - Your mom definitely needs to see a doctor. Maybe an endocrinologist.
If she's never followed a strict diet, overeating isn't going to pack on the pounds quickly - typically, weight changes happen when something changes with your diet.

I think it'll be important to handle her feelings delicately.

A few notes from a manic depressive and emotional overeater -
Unfortunately, when you start trying to lose weight, especially if you're obese, you may gain for a while. That is DEPRESSING. Ultimately.
If you feel that someone is overly worried about your weight - it hurts. Then you eat.
It's hard to face your weight when it's totally out of control (I know.)
If you force her, it'll shut her down further. You can't "put her on a plan." That will only hurt her feelings, which will lead to more overeating, more weight gain, etc.

If someone were as concerned about me, as you are about your mother, here's what I think would be helpful:

Tell her you're worried about her HEALTH and want to make sure nothing is wrong with her. I wouldn't even mention weight at first. (Try your face looks swollen, you're sick a lot lately, something like that.) If you can convince her to go to the doctor, you're in.
Next, just be supportive. I hate to say this, but in my experience, doctors are lazy. Be polite but forceful. "We're not satisfied with cholesterol pills. What else can be done? What's the cause? etc."
At some point, a doctor will suggest diet/exercise. (They always do. I've been lectured about diet when I had strep throat.) That's your chance to jump in there. Ask questions, and lots.
Then, try to support her. "Hey mom, what time shall we go on our walk tomorrow?"
But don't try to bully her - I promise it will make things worse.

I hope you can convince her to get help. Bless your heart for being so concerned. I'm praying for your mother's health and for your relief.

[wide lats]

If it was my mom eating herself to obesity, i would tell her i loved her so much and ask her to please kerb it, i would also try to get her a different job.

[zeltseva]

wow i just posted a thread like this and i didnt see yours!! turns out we have the same problem except my mom isnt as bad and her real problem is time and lack of knowledge not will power. ill be following along to see how things turn out for her. i know how painful it is to see a parent go through this

[ABRAHAM_SOLOMON]

Thanks everyone for all the great answers. I will keep you posted on this situation.

I read a quote:

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing.

I guess I can apply it to this situation. My mother will get worse unless people around her step in and do something about it.

[dogetta]

Thanks everyone for all the great answers. I will keep you posted on this situation.

I read a quote:



I guess I can apply it to this situation. My mother will get worse unless people around her step in and do something about it.
Do to a poor life style. I have been too thin,skinnyfat,obese and have never realized it{honestly}.I thought my lifestyle was good until my job,friends,family,and yes the authorties told me otherwise. I could not see the destruction i was doing to myself. I was givin interventions or "else" that today i am glad i have taken. Now i have Cleaned up my life,eat mostly clean,lift,and do cardio.My son at time also 22 was a big help during the process. My point being she might not even know what she looks like. I was givin a picture
of a woman,my wt-ht,what a shock and very helpful. She will be glad,maybe even later than sooner of your help good luck

[lilhubb]

im in the exact same boat as you op, i cant get my mom to change!!! we talk to her about it all the time and she accepts it without feeling hurt and she will go and run on the treadmill(that we got her for her birthday) but then she refuses to do it for like another week.

i feel like im more concerned for her health than she is, and shes talking about the lap band surgery but to me that just seems like the lazy way out.

does anyone have advice on getting her into exercise and eating right?

[TheresaD.]

im in the exact same boat as you op, i cant get my mom to change!!! we talk to her about it all the time and she accepts it without feeling hurt and she will go and run on the treadmill(that we got her for her birthday) but then she refuses to do it for like another week.

i feel like im more concerned for her health than she is, and shes talking about the lap band surgery but to me that just seems like the lazy way out.

does anyone have advice on getting her into exercise and eating right?

If she doesn't get a grip on her eating/fitness habits the lap band will end up making the situation worse in the long run. My mom is very overweight and I just began training her 2 weeks ago. She told me she was doing it for me because she didn't feel valuable enough to do it for herself. She has really started to change that outlook now though. Sometimes woman feel like effort they put into themselves is selfish and they actually feel guilty for it "especially the older generations". I work in healthcare and I can tell you first hand obesity is a huge killer, tell her she is so worth the effort she can put into herself. Give her the sad boy eyes, always works on me when my son does it. Ohhh the mom guilt, use it to your advantage. Lol