Getting Girlfriend Motivated!

[Ironwake]

A little background,

My girlfriend and I met in highschool about 4-5 years ago, we were both active and played sports, in incredible shape and about 20 lbs less than we were 2 months ago. We both went to college, stopped being so active, and put on weight.

Over the last 2 months, we started to get back into shape doing a 3 day workout split with cardio done on each of those days. My gf is down from 142ish to about 130 ( pretty decent loss in two months I'd say ). She looks and feels great ( always did, but was unhappy with herself ). For the first month and a half we did all the same workouts, same cardio and everything so I was able to keep her motivated and staying with me. I cook and make our meals for us and we eat pretty healthy ( eggs for breakfast, deli sandwhiches / tuna for lunch, baked chicken / veggies for dinner )

However, I've started a new program to start adding weight instead of losing it ( I was 194 at the start and am down to 176 as of this morning ). And it seems like she is starting to lose interest. I'm just curious what other girls do to keep motived and any tips that could help me keep her motivated!

Thanks!

[jbonsall]

Goals. LoL goals keep me motivated. I track every conceivable thing to gauge my progress. Rewards are also a way for me to keep on track. But the single greatest thing that works for me is being accountable.

To be honest though. I think you hit the nail on the head yourself when you asked "what other girls do to keep motived" in the end it has to be something she wants to do for herself. Not to say that you can't help. Maybe even just asking her how she would like you to help her reach her goals. I know for myself sometimes I shamelessly bully my husband into telling me just the thing I need to get me over a motivational hurdle ;)

[Ironwake]

I know for myself sometimes I shamelessly bully my husband into telling me just the thing I need to get me over a motivational hurdle ;)

Thanks for the response, this seems like a pretty decent idea, although a bit funny. I decided I'm going to try and incorporate some of my lifts into her routine as well ( squats so far ). Shes been lifting on the machines long enough anyways :)

Any others?

[ColoradoBoundo]

The same thing used to happen to me. You would think wanting to look good for my fiance would be motivation enough, but true enough it wasn't

My motivation came from watching female body building on the E! channel & finding this website. For some reason I've got more motivation than I know what to do w/. I went from getting up @ 7:45 to getting up @ 4:45 the next day and started learning everything I could about female bodybuilding

I wouldn't press the issue to much - I got really irritated @ how many times my fiance mentioned me not working out - Let her find her own motivation

[Ironwake]

The same thing used to happen to me. You would think wanting to look good for my fiance would be motivation enough, but true enough it wasn't

My motivation came from watching female body building on the E! channel & finding this website. For some reason I've got more motivation than I know what to do w/. I went from getting up @ 7:45 to getting up @ 4:45 the next day and started learning everything I could about female bodybuilding

I wouldn't press the issue to much - I got really irritated @ how many times my fiance mentioned me not working out - Let her find her own motivation

Thanks :)

I haven't pushed the issue on her at all. Other than what I mentioned, I guess I'll just let it ride.

[ColoradoBoundo]

So totally not summer any more, but swimming pools (or beach) are great motivation

My fiance and I used to go to the pool every Sunday - No girl wants to be out done @ the pool!

Maybe find a local pool (or sneak into an apartment complexes like we do) and start going w/ her on your days off together

[Ironwake]

So totally not summer any more, but swimming pools (or beach) are great motivation

My fiance and I used to go to the pool every Sunday - No girl wants to be out done @ the pool!

Maybe find a local pool (or sneak into an apartment complexes like we do) and start going w/ her on your days off together

Hey, thanks again.

We are actually going to the beach this weekend for 3 days. We have an apartment complex right next to our neighborhood that we could hop over the fence and swim in

[liliana876]

A little background,

My girlfriend and I met in highschool about 4-5 years ago, we were both active and played sports, in incredible shape and about 20 lbs less than we were 2 months ago. We both went to college, stopped being so active, and put on weight.

Over the last 2 months, we started to get back into shape doing a 3 day workout split with cardio done on each of those days. My gf is down from 142ish to about 130 ( pretty decent loss in two months I'd say ). She looks and feels great ( always did, but was unhappy with herself ). For the first month and a half we did all the same workouts, same cardio and everything so I was able to keep her motivated and staying with me. I cook and make our meals for us and we eat pretty healthy ( eggs for breakfast, deli sandwhiches / tuna for lunch, baked chicken / veggies for dinner )

However, I've started a new program to start adding weight instead of losing it ( I was 194 at the start and am down to 176 as of this morning ). And it seems like she is starting to lose interest. I'm just curious what other girls do to keep motived and any tips that could help me keep her motivated!

Thanks!

Are you able to still do the same workout routine just different weights? My husband and I workout together and for the most part, we do the same workout. It helps because we use the same item (other than the bench press) he does his set, then I do mine. He gives me suggestions on what I am not doing properly, etc. The only issue is cardio. Now that I'm back in the gym I've started to do 15 min after the weights and he either runs or walks while I use another machine but, I need to do more than 15 min so I either have him wait for me longer or get my butt out of bed early in the AM and go to the gym.

Like jbonsall said, it mostly have to come from her and like jbonsall, I too "I know for myself sometimes I shamelessly bully my husband into telling me just the thing I need to get me over a motivational hurdle "

Ask her what she wants to accomplish, it may be that her interest is less than yours or is just unsure of what goals to set for herself. My issue is being afraid of not accomplishing what I want because I think I'm lacking in something (issues from childhood).

By the way, its very nice of you to prepare all your meals!

Take care
~ L.

[Ironwake]

Are you able to still do the same workout routine just different weights? My husband and I workout together and for the most part, we do the same workout. It helps because we use the same item (other than the bench press) he does his set, then I do mine. He gives me suggestions on what I am not doing properly, etc. The only issue is cardio. Now that I'm back in the gym I've started to do 15 min after the weights and he either runs or walks while I use another machine but, I need to do more than 15 min so I either have him wait for me longer or get my butt out of bed early in the AM and go to the gym.

Like jbonsall said, it mostly have to come from her and like jbonsall, I too "I know for myself sometimes I shamelessly bully my husband into telling me just the thing I need to get me over a motivational hurdle "

Ask her what she wants to accomplish, it may be that her interest is less than yours or is just unsure of what goals to set for herself. My issue is being afraid of not accomplishing what I want because I think I'm lacking in something (issues from childhood).

By the way, its very nice of you to prepare all your meals!

Take care
~ L.

We originally got our routines from a friend that is a certified PT which is what we did for 6 weeks. At that point, I got another routine from the friend for her, and started my Rippetoes program. It never really crossed my mind to just have her do the exact same program as me, as we have completely different goals.

Even though our goals are different, lifting heavy will work for both of us. I'm going to talk to her about it tonight and see if she wants to start the program I'm on so we can just do our entire workout together

Also, have any of you ladies ever done Rippetoes ( Starting Strength ). I havent been able to find much documentation on females following the program.

Thanks again!

[Nfinitecc]

Ive been trying to get my wife to go for years, shes always bitching about her body but doesnt want people to watch her work out, its frustrating cause im the the type if i dont like something, I change it, everyone is at the gym for there own reasons not to judge anyone. Shes not even big shes 5' 3" like 105 pounds!

[hvivona]

Have your gf join this site. I swear, whenever I start to lose motivation I come here and see all these amazing women and what they can do. That gives me the drive and desire to press on and press harder.

[zkeyser]

Have your gf join this site. I swear, whenever I start to lose motivation I come here and see all these amazing women and what they can do. That gives me the drive and desire to press on and press harder.

Exactly what im trying to do now. I have had my girlfriend sitting here a few times looking at the amazing body changes, and trying to get her interested. She complains about not feeling good (due to added weight) but then cant seem to get motivated. I have already set her up with a gym membership (she asked, not forced LOL) and offerd to be there for her in any way. Im just stuck.

So let me ask you ladies something...... have any of you ladies had an issue with motivation due to a bit of depression, because the way you look and feel about yourself??
Im starting to wonder if that could be an issue, but im not going to go to her an ask right out do to the obvious upsetment.

[Ironwake]

upsetment.

Haha, sweet word

I'm going to talk to my gf over the weekend while we're at the beach about what she wants and needs me to do to help. So we'll see

[Zenree]

Exactly what im trying to do now. I have had my girlfriend sitting here a few times looking at the amazing body changes, and trying to get her interested. She complains about not feeling good (due to added weight) but then cant seem to get motivated. I have already set her up with a gym membership (she asked, not forced LOL) and offerd to be there for her in any way. Im just stuck.

So let me ask you ladies something...... have any of you ladies had an issue with motivation due to a bit of depression, because the way you look and feel about yourself??
Im starting to wonder if that could be an issue, but im not going to go to her an ask right out do to the obvious upsetment.


Haha, sweet word

I'm going to talk to my gf over the weekend while we're at the beach about what she wants and needs me to do to help. So we'll see


I think its great that both of you to take an "interest" in your SO's fitness -- I say an "interest" because beyond that - they would probably baulk if you forced your feelings on them....with that said -- yes, depression can have alot to do with how someone see's themselves --- so if that is something you think she is battling, I'd try to get to the bottom of that --- working out can help the symptoms (it has for me) but sometimes its deeper than that...so just be aware ofher moods/feelings when you broach the subject.

You're both very sweet and I would be proud to have you dating either of my daughters :D

[zkeyser]

I think its great that both of you to take an "interest" in your SO's fitness -- I say an "interest" because beyond that - they would probably baulk if you forced your feelings on them....with that said -- yes, depression can have alot to do with how someone see's themselves --- so if that is something you think she is battling, I'd try to get to the bottom of that --- working out can help the symptoms (it has for me) but sometimes its deeper than that...so just be aware ofher moods/feelings when you broach the subject.

You're both very sweet and I would be proud to have you dating either of my daughters :D


Thank you for your input and kind words. I guess I just need to figure out how to go about this now. I just want her to feel good about herself. I think she looks great, but my words nor my actions really have an impact on her self image outlook. I guess Ill have to start gently fishing for the root of the problem.

[zkeyser]

[QUOTE=Ironwake;380674611]Haha, sweet word

Right? Its awesome!!!! LOL

[ColoradoBoundo]

I'm sure depression can have a huge effect on getting motivated

When my grandfather passed away, if I wasn't at work I was in bed watching TV w/ my fav food (Velveeta Mac and Cheese)

I eventually got myself out of the phase, but sorry, I don't have much advice on how to go about asking if your gf is depressed. I get all bent out of shape if my fiance even asks me if I'm in a bad mood :) <--- Partly b/c I know I probably look pissed and I don't like looking pissed

[Iceman1800]

Thank you for your input and kind words. I guess I just need to figure out how to go about this now. I just want her to feel good about herself. I think she looks great, but my words nor my actions really have an impact on her self image outlook. I guess Ill have to start gently fishing for the root of the problem.

after 15 years of marriage, I can say to never say anything negative about her body or her weight. Not even hints will work and will come back to haunt you. Compliments always work so do whatever you can to keep her feeling good about herself. if she decides to start again, it has to be her idea and on her terms.

[Ironwake]

I get all bent out of shape if my fiance even asks me if I'm in a bad mood :) <--- Partly b/c I know I probably look pissed and I don't like looking pissed

I know how this goes haha

[zkeyser]

I'm sure depression can have a huge effect on getting motivated

When my grandfather passed away, if I wasn't at work I was in bed watching TV w/ my fav food (Velveeta Mac and Cheese)

I eventually got myself out of the phase, but sorry, I don't have much advice on how to go about asking if your gf is depressed. I get all bent out of shape if my fiance even asks me if I'm in a bad mood :) <--- Partly b/c I know I probably look pissed and I don't like looking pissed


Well thanx for your input regaurdless.

Thats what im afraid of........ she to gets a bit upset with questions of that nature also. Its going to be hard to help her if she gets upset when asking about it.

[zkeyser]

after 15 years of marriage, I can say to never say anything negative about her body or her weight. Not even hints will work and will come back to haunt you. Compliments always work so do whatever you can to keep her feeling good about herself. if she decides to start again, it has to be her idea and on her terms.


Absolutely correct!! I learned that early lol. I guess I learned really early that if you love her, you will try your hardest to never hurt her feelings. Its hard sometimes, especially when in a argument. You just have to do what is sometimes hardest for us guys..... think before we speak! LOL

[stackums]

Also, have any of you ladies ever done Rippetoes ( Starting Strength ). I havent been able to find much documentation on females following the program.



I have done and am doing Rippetoes now. I did it for a good 4 mo and then switched to a different porgram because I had reset twice and was starting to get bored. After that I switched to a upper lower split using the oly bar as well as some machines. Mon-upper-heavy, Tues-lower-light, Wed-cardio, Thurs-upper-light, Fri-lower-heavy.

Had good results with both, but switching back and forth kept me moving forward w/out getting bored. I love Rippetoes. I see other women at the gym doing their "girly" exercises, because there is a general stereotype that thinks the weights are for men and that women should use the treadmill and the pink padded dumbbells. (at least at my gym)

I feal pretty sexy and strong doing nice proper squats in th oly rack while the "men" are
"cheating" there way thought theirs on the smith machine.

After rippetoes I was in better shape and much firmer than I was 18 years and four kids ago.

Maybe Mark Rippetoe will throw me a bone after that speach, lol

[thatgirlfit85]

Goals. LoL goals keep me motivated. I track every conceivable thing to gauge my progress. Rewards are also a way for me to keep on track. But the single greatest thing that works for me is being accountable.

To be honest though. I think you hit the nail on the head yourself when you asked "what other girls do to keep motived" in the end it has to be something [B]she wants to do for herself.[B] Not to say that you can't help. Maybe even just asking her how she would like you to help her reach her goals. I know for myself sometimes I shamelessly bully my husband into telling me just the thing I need to get me over a motivational hurdle ;)

What she said. *nods*

[demilee4]

I never used to have motivation, but my boyfriend suggested helping me with workouts at the gym and It gave me a huge boost of motivation. Mostly because he could see what I was doing, knowing I'm trying and such. Also I've definitely found that this site helps a TON with motivation; especially the "from fat to fit" thread.

Maybe suggest joining, like another person said! Just don't push anything on her!

[Fiya]

Show her some magazine or go to a fitness , bikini or figure show...maybe it will give her some motivation!

[Fiya]

Does she has a Bodyspace profile?

[missintent]

How about complimenting her a lot, telling her how amazing she looks now? I find that a positive reward like that makes me want to keep on exercising, I love making my boyfriend drool over me and it makes me want to work even harder so he'll do it more.

[DuLac]

How about complimenting her a lot, telling her how amazing she looks now? I find that a positive reward like that makes me want to keep on exercising, I love making my boyfriend drool over me and it makes me want to work even harder so he'll do it more.

See this is what I can't understand, no offense.

If a woman is out of shape, why would compliments motivate her to do anything differently. If a woman thinks that she is already attractive when she's wearing size 40 jeans, how does reinforcing this incorrect opinion inspire her to change her physique? This line of reasoning just doesn't fly.

OP, I agree with one of the first responses in this thread, that your g/f has to want to change on her own. If she doesn't, there isn't a whole lot that you can do about it. My only suggestion is to try to figure out what motivates her and then use that as ammo to urge fitness.

Examples:
1) an upcoming summer/beach vacation
2) outshining her friends
3) outshining a rival
4) health (2.5 million U.S. women are hospitalized for cardiovascular illnesses each year...)
5) rewards (lingerie? jewelry? i dunno.. whatever is an actual motivator)

Along with #5 are going to be mini-goals. This will require a thorough knowledge of your g/f's stats (height, bodyfat, bust/hips/waist, circumference of thighs, arms, etc). You'll notice i left weight off of the list. This is because I feel bodyfat % is infinitely more important than weight. A 130 pound woman who is 5'2 and 40% bodyfat is going to look completely different than a 130 pound 5'2 woman who is 15% bodyfat.

Back to the point: mini-goals and rewards. Set up incremental goals (lose 3% bodyfat) and rewards (buy her a teddy). If her bust circumference drops, offer to buy her a new bra since her old ones won't fit. Another good thing to buy are things that have a singular purpose: running shoes, massage, sports bra, etc. Then you're not only reinforcing the positive, but also providing her a way to continue doing such things at minimal expense/effort on her part.

You can measure her body with a soft-tape, and measure her bodyfat with calipers (if you know how) or with a simple hand-held impedance device. Neither method is accurate, however, if done at the same time of day once every 2 weeks, they will be able to accurately track changes in her physique. The scale is a terrible method of tracking progress, so I'd advise actually getting rid of it, entirely.

The key is finding out what motivates her, and then using that as leverage to get her to do what she ought to be doing on her own: staying fit and healthy. After a few months of doing it on her own, she'll probably be able to continue, particularly when she sees the dramatic response she receives from society in general to her progress.

[missintent]

See this is what I can't understand, no offense.

If a woman is out of shape, why would compliments motivate her to do anything differently. If a woman thinks that she is already attractive when she's wearing size 40 jeans, how does reinforcing this incorrect opinion inspire her to change her physique? This line of reasoning just doesn't fly.


Reread the OP. The girlfriend has lost 12 lbs and seems to be losing motivation to continue. Major, specific praise of her progress to date is a cheap, easy way to motivate her and won't result in any hurt feelings between them as a couple.

And as countless people have pointed out so far, you can't make someone work out. If the girl in the size 40 jeans doesn't want to work out, she's not. But if she decides to, then praising every pound lost could help her continue to do so.

Multiple management studies have shown that on the spot praise is a better motivator than yearly or biyearly sit downs about performance. It's instantaneous and targets a specific behavior.

Verbal feedback is an instant reward. She goes to the gym, he says damn I can really see the difference from the past month or so, she feels good. Where some of the rewards you've suggested take a while to get to, as well as requiring a larger commitment from him. Plus, and this is important, he's not saying "I want you to change" which can cause relationship problems. He's praising changes as they happen. It's easy, it's effective (they've got studies to back it) and it's free. What can he lose there?

[DuLac]

^^^ Good insights, that answers my question and provides suitable supporting information.

Repped =)

[kimm4]

Ive been trying to get my wife to go for years, shes always bitching about her body but doesnt want people to watch her work out, its frustrating cause im the the type if i dont like something, I change it, everyone is at the gym for there own reasons not to judge anyone. Shes not even big shes 5' 3" like 105 pounds!

A person has no right to bitch about their bodies if they're not going to do anything to change it. What makes her think that people are going to watch her workout? Sounds like an excuse to me...

[Ironwake]

Thanks for all of the tips from everyone, motivation seems to have returned.

Figured I'd post a little update... We're both seeing great results, she started doing 'Starting Strength' with me fully about 3-4 weeks ago. And she does some extra cardio on our off days.

Us working out together started rejuvenating her motivation, and recently shes been getting a lot comments from friends / family about how great she looks. And she can hardly where her old pants because they are too big!

She is down to 123 as of yesterday, so a little under 20lbs lost in just about 3 months.

[Linds33]

I am probably Mark Rippetoe's biggest fan (I've actually been to his gym too, best gym ever!). I am finishing up Starting Strength right now however I am doing my own version of it in a way. Right now my goals are to loose bodyfat while maintaining my muscle.

I basically do all of his 5 major lifts like this:

Monday - Deadlift day with glute activation workouts and other assistance workouts (variations on the deadlift, pull throughs, glute ham raises, good mornings etc).
Tuesday - Squat day with variations on the squat (sumo squats, front squats, lunges etc).
Wednesday is day off
Thursday - Bench press and bench press assistance workouts (such as dumbell benches, side presses, pull ups, push ups etc).
Friday - Presses and cleans plus some olympic lifting like the clean and jerk. I will also add in the push press, hang cleans etc.
Weekends are left for functional fitness days and outdoor activities as well as kendo (my martial art).

Mark Rippetoes Starting Strength isn't necessarily a program that is based on how to look a certain way, it is a book that focuses on using strength training to create an efficient body. BUT, in the process and with the appropriate diet, you will create the physqiue that you want. And this is the ultimate key to success. His program is really created for anyone and anyone can see the results that they want from it.

I find that when i am training just to look good or see a certain number on the scale i tend to get unmotivated, especially when i don't see that number. When i train for strength and give myself a physical goal like "i was to deadlift x amount of weight by this date" i find that i become so much more motivated and excited to get into the gym. maybe try getting your wife motivated by

a) Not letting her get on the scale for a few weeks and make her goal about numbers for lifting. Tell her to challenge herself in the gym to see how much she can safely deadlift with good form in a months time. I get really motivated to workout not only when my BF mentions that he is seeing a difference in my body, but also when he compliments me on my lifts.

b) while working out is important diet is the key to fat loss success as well as muscle building. I know mark suggests drinking a gallon of milk a day, but for her, i would say that it probably isn't the best idea if she is trying to loose fat. I will however say for her, she can always try things like 2% milk once a day (i drink raw whole goats milk actually as it does contain the perfect proteins). She could probably do a diet of 1500 calories a day (or more depending on her daily activity) and keep her macros as 40/30/30 for starters.

[monicadickey]

First of all congrats to her! For me personally, when I started it was nice to get compliments as I got into better shape. That really got the ball rolling, knowing what I was doing was paying off.

Then over time I started to really enjoy working out. I felt weird when I didn't. At that point what I really fed off was the feeling of accomplishment by keeping it going and realizing I could take it to new levels.

[jbc1027]

A little background,

My girlfriend and I met in highschool about 4-5 years ago, we were both active and played sports, in incredible shape and about 20 lbs less than we were 2 months ago. We both went to college, stopped being so active, and put on weight.

Over the last 2 months, we started to get back into shape doing a 3 day workout split with cardio done on each of those days. My gf is down from 142ish to about 130 ( pretty decent loss in two months I'd say ). She looks and feels great ( always did, but was unhappy with herself ). For the first month and a half we did all the same workouts, same cardio and everything so I was able to keep her motivated and staying with me. I cook and make our meals for us and we eat pretty healthy ( eggs for breakfast, deli sandwhiches / tuna for lunch, baked chicken / veggies for dinner )

However, I've started a new program to start adding weight instead of losing it ( I was 194 at the start and am down to 176 as of this morning ). And it seems like she is starting to lose interest. I'm just curious what other girls do to keep motived and any tips that could help me keep her motivated!

Thanks!

I think it is important to understand what a relationship really is, especially when you are married and you sleep in the same bed.

My wife hated working out, but she is now going to the gym with me 5 times a week. At first she didnt like it, but understood why it was important, WHY?

She knows the difference between love and attraction. After we got married she gained a few pounds and so did I. It's really easy to do. I told her I wasn't happy with the way I felt and looked (kept getting sick, not like me), and I wanted her to look the way she did we we were married too.

I think that if the person understood your expectations before you got together, then they should understand this. For example: I love my wife, and she will always be the most beautiful girl in the world to me, even if she has an accident and loses her good looks, gets old, is pregnant (actually she will probably be more beautiful to me), or anything like that. BUT, she also understands the difference between the way I see her for the beautiful person she is and how attracted I am to her. I want to be attracted to her, because I love her.

What really made a difference was when I started telling her, very specifically how working out is helping. I go crazy for her while she is changing, or when she puts on a bathing suit and say something like, "honey, your legs are looking amazing", and then go off the deep end with it a little to let her know I am happy with the change. I will even let her know what excersises are paying off.

She pushes herself harder than almost every girl in the gym now.

Also, I definately agree about the motivational pictures. After seeing a website (bodyrock.tv) featuring a woman fitness trainer who is in amazing shape , my wife got extremey excited and wanted to get more serious.

I have wondered about this subject for so long, because it is becoming more and more serious as bodies get in worse shape in our day.

[Linds33]

I would also like to mention to those guys who want to get their girls into shape that fitness does not always have to happen in the gym. I am very lucky to have met a guy into weightlifting (i have been into lifting weights since i was 19 so he doesn't have a problem getting me interested in the iron). But we have also discovered a love for the outdoors and for adventure.

When we went up to visit my folks in Canada we decided to try out kayaking. I hadn't been in a long time and had a bad experience with it as a kid but i tried it again and fell in love. Yesterday, we decided to take the dogs on a nature hike and then took them canoeing. We got a great workout, the dogs got a great workout and we didn't have to step foot in a gym. We had so much fun doing it that we want to keep it in our routine if possible.

You don't have to go canoeing or do anything crazy like that either. It is a simple as taking the dogs for a nice long walk, going to the park and using the jungle gym as your own adult gym (i will do plyo jumps onto the jungle gym and use the monkey bars to do chin ups.)

To make healthy eating more fun, pick up a copy of a good clean eating book like Gourment Nutrition (i am getting a copy of it for my BF's mom this Xmas). I love to cook so finding new ways to make good healthy food is fun for me.