My Dad has Brain Cancer

[Griff79]

Hi Friends,

I got some bad news today. My Dad has been falling a lot lately; he is 76, he was admitted into the hospital to have some tests done. I spoke to his doctor and he has brain cancer. This is the second go around with cancer for him. The first was lung cancer about a year ago.

Normally I am very good in these situations but right now I feel pretty strange. Last time I went about helping him in a very businesslike manner, taking one step at a time, going over the different treatment options and moving forward.

This time I feel broken. I know I have to be strong for my Mom, Brother and Aunt we are the only people left. But, I am sort of lost, I almost feel like crying. That is so embarrassing to say. I am supposed to be a big strong iron eating machine, that takes care of the others. I am in shock and don?t feel optimistic this time.

2007 -2008 has been such a hard time. I lost my international business and came within inches of filing bankruptcy because I slept on my Dad?s sofa for 4 months taking him through his first episode of lung cancer, my Mom this year been diagnosed with Alzheimer?s disease, so she now needs constant attention, my Dad has cancer for the second time and I got fat.

Life can be so wonderful and it also can be so difficult and painful.

It is odd, I am sitting here staring at this screen and I don?t even know what to write or why I am writing this. I am really worried that I am going to lose my Dad this time. It is odd too that I am writing this to an online body building site, to people that I don?t really know but I feel a connection here.

I check this forum about every day. I guess it is the connection of working out, eating well and living the healthful lifestyle.

After reading this I am almost hesitant to post. As I sit here I think, my problems are not your problems and there are others that have a lot to deal with or are dealing with heavy stuff too so why should I burden others with my issues.

Anyways, thanks for all the good info you have posted on working out and the other stuff that is termed OT. It has been enjoyable to be a little part of the OV35 forum.

Griff

[dbx]

Sorry to hear about your parent's respective conditions. At age 76, I wouldn't think your father would be able to survive brain cancer, but you didn't share any insight the doctor may have shared with you. Take some comfort knowing that your father has already lived beyond the current normal life expectancy for a male. I know that's not much comfort, but be happy for the good years he's had. My father is also 76, and he was recently diagnosed with a weak heart. He refused to let them put a defibrillator in him, saying, "I've had a very good life. I don't want that damn thing to revive me so I can go through the same BS 2wks later." :). That's just the way he is. Chances are, that we won't live more than 2yrs. He's still as active as can be, which is more active than most 60yr olds. Whenever the time comes, I'll take comfort knowing he lived a very full life.

Hang in there Griff.

[GnomusMaximus]

Take care, I hope all goes as best it can.

[maryinmesquite]

im so sorry , i will put you and your family in my prayers,

[MsBodyhard]

I am so sorry you and your family will be in my prayers

[Jimislash]

I am very sorry to hear about your dad. Don't think that there is anything weak about crying. When I found out that my grandpa had lung and brain cancer last year, I cried like a little kid. I will pray for you and your family.

[claycat]

Wishing all the best to you, your family and your father.

You are writing on here because you need to talk about it and, writing it out help you think and work through it. Write all you want, it helps. We are kind of anonymous and that helps make it easier to say/write out feelings that you may not be able to voice to loved ones. :)

[Hibiscus09]

I'm so sorry. If you feel like crying, you should definitely cry. I don't cry much, but when I do it feels like a weight has been lifted and I feel relieved.

I've lost both my parents and I know it's so hard to handle. You are enduring something difficult, just as they are. I felt like it was happening to me when my mother died from cancer and my father suffered from dementia before his death. I've not experienced a loved one with Alzheimer's and I can't imagine the pain associated with witnessing a parent having it.

For me, when my parents finally did pass away in some ways it felt like a relief because they weren't suffering anymore. As time went on, I started thinking of them in terms of when they were well (as opposed to reflecting on their illnesses) and now it brings a smile to my face whenever they are on my mind. They both lived very happy lives. They gave love and were loved well.

I'm sure you are a strength to your parents in these difficult times.

My prayers are with you.....

[SP1966]

I am really sorry to hear this. I am hoping for the best for your father and family!

[Bando]

My prayers are with you friend.

I'm glad you shared this with us, sorry for your struggles, and glad for your parents that they have a son who loves them there at this time.

[Reality_Check]

So sorry to hear that, will keep you in my prayers.

[asleepatthereel]

Prayer sent

[Griff79]

Thank you for your kind words and prayers, it really means a lot to me.

We got some new info today. There are two lesions one is in the occipital area about 2.5mm and one is in the cerebellum that is 8mm.

Radiation is the initial choice for treatment. There are two type of radiation that we are considering. One is called Stereotactic and the other is whole brain radiation. The stereotactic radiation is pretty cool, they use GPS navigation to pinpoint the exact location of the tumors and then zap them. It is good because it reduces the damage to the surrounding tissue.

Stereotactic cannot be used in all cases so we are waiting on some more information to confirm if it is an option.

Dad is going to have a PET scan on Thursday to check the rest of his body to see if there is cancer anywhere else, let?s hope it comes back clear.

So, right now we are in an information gathering stage and as soon as these tests are complete we will decide on the best course of treatment.

Thanks again for your concern and empathy,
Griff

[jdonyx]

Griff,

Sorry to hear about this, I went through this myself about 13 years ago with my own father and it is very tough. I know how hard it is for you but just do everything you can to be there with your father while he goes through it. Hopefully God will answer your prayers and he will be all right.

[woodlake]

Your family will be in our prayers

[GreenWave1]

Prayers sent. Best to you and your family.

[plumher]

Stay strong and supportive. My mother passed about a month ago. I took off work the last five days she was alive and just spent time w/ her.
You have to be positive around your dad. Spend as much time w/ your dad as your job will let you. Be a part of his treatment and ask questions about his diagnosis.
Hang in there

[KimberleyRN]

First of all... (((Hugs)))

This has been over a year of immense stress in your life. One thing at a time is tough enough to deal with. Compound that with numerous things and barely time to catch your breath between them, and it is only natural that you are experiencing shock and the 'numbness' that accompanies it.

We are here to pray you through this difficult time. Please know that sharing things in an internet forum can seem unconventional, but it is also a great source of support.

I do not know if you have a church family or any close friends for 'real life' support or not, but please consider us your internet supportive family.

Focus only on the day to day, do not borrow stress worrying about the what-if's. Hold onto the hope of a better future. Trust yourself to have the strength to support the family when you need to, yet allow yourself the luxury of being weak from time to time. It is OKAY to be scared. It is also okay to be angry. Just do not let your fear/anger overwhelm your sensibilities.

Take a deep breath..... (I mean it, really do it now).

You can deal with this. You are stronger than any crisis that will come your way.

Believe that.

We are here for your updates.

Your friend,
Kimberley

[Hibiscus09]

Thank you for your kind words and prayers, it really means a lot to me.

We got some new info today. There are two lesions one is in the occipital area about 2.5mm and one is in the cerebellum that is 8mm.

Radiation is the initial choice for treatment. There are two type of radiation that we are considering. One is called Stereotactic and the other is whole brain radiation. The stereotactic radiation is pretty cool, they use GPS navigation to pinpoint the exact location of the tumors and then zap them. It is good because it reduces the damage to the surrounding tissue.

Stereotactic cannot be used in all cases so we are waiting on some more information to confirm if it is an option.

Dad is going to have a PET scan on Thursday to check the rest of his body to see if there is cancer anywhere else, let?s hope it comes back clear.

So, right now we are in an information gathering stage and as soon as these tests are complete we will decide on the best course of treatment.

Thanks again for your concern and empathy,
Griff

I hope the tests come back clear for your dad. I also hope the stereotactic is an option. It's amazing what modern medicine can do! My prayers are with you and your family.

[Griff79]

Thank you very much to all that have posted their concerns and thoughts.

Kim, it is amazing that you remember the content of my first few posts. The recent past has been amazing. Thank you for your words.

Plumher, I know that you lost your mom earlier this year, I followed your thread. I hope you are doing ok.

Today he went in for a PET scan from the neck down. This was to check if the cancer has spread to any other parts of his body. I hope not but if it has we will deal with it.

I contacted some radiation oncology specialists. There is a new technology called sterotatic radiation with a brand name of Gamma Knife, which triangulates the radiation beam directly to the tumor site. It sends a high dose of radiation without damaging the healthy tissue. You can shoot the tumor as many times as necessary.

I think we will do whole brain radiation in conjunction with the Gamma Knife. I found out you can do WBR only once so we have to make some decisions on how to best proceed.

Dad is in good spirits and talking about the future and some plans he has to go on vacation with a friend, so that is very positive.

Step by step,

Thanks much,
Griff

[KimberleyRN]

Thanks so much for your update.

That gamma radiation thingy sounds amazing!

I am glad he is making plans for the future, the patients outlook and attitude is really over 50% of the battle (seriously).

(((hugs)))

[Griff79]

Hi Everyone,

I have some updates on my Dad. We recieved some good news. He had a PET scan, a very powerful scan, of his body and he did not have any visable cance in any other areas of his body. That is very good news we were worried about this.

He is going to start whole brain radiation on Monday and recieve 10 -15 daily doses. After this is completed he will have an MRI and then if need be he will have some site specific radiation to the two tumors.

We went to the University of Wisconsin and got a consult from Chicago and the consensus was this is the best plan of care for now. Wish us luck.

Thanks much,
Griff

[maryinmesquite]

Hi Everyone,

I have some updates on my Dad. We recieved some good news. He had a PET scan, a very powerful scan, of his body and he did not have any visable cance in any other areas of his body. That is very good news we were worried about this.

He is going to start whole brain radiation on Monday and recieve 10 -15 daily doses. After this is completed he will have an MRI and then if need be he will have some site specific radiation to the two tumors.

We went to the University of Wisconsin and got a consult from Chicago and the consensus was this is the best plan of care for now. Wish us luck.

Thanks much,
Griff

yall will stay in my prayers

[Bando]

Hi Everyone,

I have some updates on my Dad. We recieved some good news. He had a PET scan, a very powerful scan, of his body and he did not have any visable cance in any other areas of his body. That is very good news we were worried about this.

He is going to start whole brain radiation on Monday and recieve 10 -15 daily doses. After this is completed he will have an MRI and then if need be he will have some site specific radiation to the two tumors.

We went to the University of Wisconsin and got a consult from Chicago and the consensus was this is the best plan of care for now. Wish us luck.

Thanks much,
Griff

I don't believe in luck but will keep your Dad in my prayers.

[freebirdmac]

All the best to your dad, you, and your family.

[Griff79]

Today is the day!!

My Dad is going in for his treatments to day. He will have a MRI that takes slides in 1mm increments to see if he has any more tumors.

Then it is off to the Gamma Knife to zap the tumors with a very high dose of concentrated radiation, hopefully destroying the tumors so the body can naturally remove them.

It is a long day, about 12hrs and as long as there are not any complications, after recovery I think he can then go to rehab.

thanks,

Griff

[SP1966]

Good luck to your father Griff!

[Whiskeyjack]

Best of luck to your father Griff. I hope it works out. Be strong for him, around him.

[bird72]

But He was wounded for our rebellion, crushed for our sins: the punishment of our peace about him, and his sore we are healed.
isahia;53:5

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you: not as the world gives, I give you the I. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Jn: 14:27

when man can not do more, jesus enters and he give you heal and peace.
i gone to pray for your dad and you. god bless you.

[BergMuscle]

Prayers for you, your dad, and your family, Griff.

[bodyrokk]

i just went through this last week with my cousin(she is like my lil sister)34 yrs old just finished nursing school and started workin at hospital..she went cross eyed and couldnt stop vomitting ..she had brain tumor(cancerous)not sure what it was,but the dr said its very rare..anyway she is home now and doin good so far ..but i feel for you ..i did alot of crying lately....and gonna do more,because i told her if they have to shave her head she can shave mine!!lol
hang in there ..good luck...

[Trace333]

Hi Friends,

I got some bad news today. My Dad has been falling a lot lately; he is 76, he was admitted into the hospital to have some tests done. I spoke to his doctor and he has brain cancer. This is the second go around with cancer for him. The first was lung cancer about a year ago.

Normally I am very good in these situations but right now I feel pretty strange. Last time I went about helping him in a very businesslike manner, taking one step at a time, going over the different treatment options and moving forward.

This time I feel broken. I know I have to be strong for my Mom, Brother and Aunt we are the only people left. But, I am sort of lost, I almost feel like crying. That is so embarrassing to say. I am supposed to be a big strong iron eating machine, that takes care of the others. I am in shock and don?t feel optimistic this time.

2007 -2008 has been such a hard time. I lost my international business and came within inches of filing bankruptcy because I slept on my Dad?s sofa for 4 months taking him through his first episode of lung cancer, my Mom this year been diagnosed with Alzheimer?s disease, so she now needs constant attention, my Dad has cancer for the second time and I got fat.

Life can be so wonderful and it also can be so difficult and painful.

It is odd, I am sitting here staring at this screen and I don?t even know what to write or why I am writing this. I am really worried that I am going to lose my Dad this time. It is odd too that I am writing this to an online body building site, to people that I don?t really know but I feel a connection here.

I check this forum about every day. I guess it is the connection of working out, eating well and living the healthful lifestyle.

After reading this I am almost hesitant to post. As I sit here I think, my problems are not your problems and there are others that have a lot to deal with or are dealing with heavy stuff too so why should I burden others with my issues.

Anyways, thanks for all the good info you have posted on working out and the other stuff that is termed OT. It has been enjoyable to be a little part of the OV35 forum.

Griff I'm so sorry Griff, Cancer is an awful monster. Sometimes it's feels good to get it off your chest even to a bunch of strangers. We're here for ya!!

[Griff79]

Good luck to your father Griff!

SP, thanks for your thoughts


Best of luck to your father Griff. I hope it works out. Be strong for him, around him.

Yes Jack, It has been up to me to pull his treatment together and keep the family calm and ok. It is part of being the leader of the family now that Dad is ill.


But He was wounded for our rebellion, crushed for our sins: the punishment of our peace about him, and his sore we are healed.
isahia;53:5

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you: not as the world gives, I give you the I. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Jn: 14:27

when man can not do more, jesus enters and he give you heal and peace.
i gone to pray for your dad and you. god bless you.

Thank you Bird, I did some praying last night. I normally don't do much but I recently felt that I needed the Big Guy's help.


Prayers for you, your dad, and your family, Griff.

Berg, thank you for your concern for the family. My Mom is a little shaken. We are sticking together though.


i just went through this last week with my cousin(she is like my lil sister)34 yrs old just finished nursing school and started workin at hospital..she went cross eyed and couldnt stop vomitting ..she had brain tumor(cancerous)not sure what it was,but the dr said its very rare..anyway she is home now and doin good so far ..but i feel for you ..i did alot of crying lately....and gonna do more,because i told her if they have to shave her head she can shave mine!!lol
hang in there ..good luck...

My thoughts are with you my friend. It is hard to have people we care for become ill. I will say a prayer for you and her and use the "Secret" to send positive thoughts your way. Shaving your head will be liberating for a Rocker like you!!


I'm so sorry Griff, Cancer is an awful monster. Sometimes it's feels good to get it off your chest even to a bunch of strangers. We're here for ya!!

Trace, thanks much. It has been good to talk with my friends here. At first I thought it was weird but I now look at it as a change in the way we communicate, some sort of paradigm shift. Using the internet to develop friendships electronically seemingly is becomming more normal than I thought.

[_VL]

Lots and lots of love... in addition to the amazing bb family here, you may also want to consider the resources of a family support group for families of loved ones going through radiation/chemo, specifically those with the same diagnosis/prognosis or course of treatment as your dad's. Usually the oncology department will be able to refer you to a SW who will have phone numbers for groups in your region. If you can't get any contact info through the oncology department, contact the hospital SW department directly yourself.

Of course, continue to surround yourself with the good folks here and elsewhere, it simply may be additionally helpful to speak with other families who are dealing with side effects of treatment, similar prognosis, similar burdens/toll of stress and concern re:their loved one, and many other similar issues.

Just a little thought sent with lots of love and prayer.

[tomdana]

I am sorry to hear of your struggle. I had your 2007 -2008 in 1987- 1991 as my dad died. I know you don't have a clue how you will get through this time yet again, but you will. You will find yourself on the other side of this problem and i pray that it is with your dad. The only way out of a tough time is through it, remember "iron eater" you can do it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers for peace and comfort and a good outcome. Take care.

[eomrat]

Yes Jack, It has been up to me to pull his treatment together and keep the family calm and ok. It is part of being the leader of the family now that Dad is ill.

.

I have hesitated to respond to this post, although I check it often.
Several years ago I lost my son (5 years old). My wife was devestated to the point that I can't describe, except to say that she was non functional for almost a year. I, in practice, became a single father to three children and my wife. At the time it seemed like it was the right course, to take care of everything and be the man, so to speak. Here is the thing, I never took the time to actively grieve my loss. I was too busy keeping strong for my family. While this may have been the best thing for them and I am not sure I regret it, I think it may have made things much worse for me in the long run. I see my son two or three times a month and it sometimes takes several moments for me to realize that some cute little boy at the grocery store is not my boy, way too often he comes to climb in bed with us because he had a bad dream and it isn't till morning that I realize he is not there. You don't need a psychiatrist to tell you that I haven't come to grips with his loss.

This post is getting too long. Griff, IF, you lose your father, your family is going to need you to be strong, but please don't forget to be human. grieve your loss in whatever manner suits your nature, just grieve. And damn any nonsense about crying or whatever. I am absolutely convinced that crying is essential to the process.
Best of luck to you and your family.

[Romeos]

I to have been touched by cancer in my family. Please know that I will put your father in my prayers as well as yourself.

[sevenleigh]

Griff,
Keep your head up. This too shall pass! Cancer is a MF'er and it doesn't discriminate. A lot of us have lost someone to cancer and a lot of us will if we haven't already. Shiit some of us will get the big "C" at some point. :(

On another note Griff, I feel your pain and it reminds me of that song by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young called "Wooden Ships".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q3j-i7GLr0

I can't tell you to remain optomistic and stay positive because that is exactly what I did when my younger brother was diagnosed with cancer at 23 years old. I was in it to win it till the end, even when the doc and some of my family said it isn't working I said, "we got this thing beat, he has his strength in youth to fight through it". Ultimately my positive outlook wasn't enough.

Brain Cancer is a tough one and at his age it could be a show stopper Griff. You have to focus now on being positive for him. Pray that God has mercy on him and keeps his suffering to a minimum. If he dies Griff, he made it out! Moving on to bigger and better things.

You mentioned that perhaps your suffering is not as bad as what others are going through and I have to tell you that you are wrong. Griff, your suffering is difficult and just because someone else suffers through worse doesn't lessen yours. Be there for your father and hold his hand as he held yours when you needed it.

On another note, don't let the MD's get rich off of his illness. Don't let the Pharmaceutical companies get rich off of his illness. They are all full of shiit!
Sorry, 10 years later I am still a little bitter. :(

B

[oldernhotter]

I just read this devastating post and can relate somewhat. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 15. I lost my mom to cancer last April. I know what you're going thru and will keep you and your family in my prayers. Stay strong.

[Bronzebird]

Griff,
Prayers for your Dad, family and you.
I'm thinking of posting my dad's current hospital stay. Intestinal infection that he and his brother are predisposed x 2 surgeries.

[Griff79]

Griff,
Prayers for your Dad, family and you.
I'm thinking of posting my dad's current hospital stay. Intestinal infection that he and his brother are predisposed x 2 surgeries.

I am glad you did. You will find out how awsome our fellow 35's are. They have been magnificent to me.

Griff

[Bronzebird]

Hey Griff, Thanks for the support during my week of uncertainty with my Dad.

Continured prayers for your Dad and ALL. The Rep comment works both ways brother. Anytime!

[Amr54]

Hey Griff. Prayers to your dad man. Stay Strong, Gods with you.

[Griff79]

I wanted to give thanks to everyone who gave support and prayers for my father and for me.

We had the one month check up and subsequent MRI recently. The neurosurgeon read the MRI and gave us the news that two of the tumors were reduced in size so much that he had a difficult time finding them, not completely gone but well on their way. The third and larger tumor had also significantly reduced in size.

Dad is not out of the woods yet the tumors are not completely gone and they may grow back but for right now the news could not be better.

We will have another Christmas and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I believe prayers work and positive thoughts make life better.

Griff

[Old-Time-Lifter]

God Bless and I'm glad you've received such marvelous news just before Christmas.

Prayer does work!! God's Blessings on you and yours!! :D

[woodlake]

Great news God Bless

[tomdana]

I wanted to give thanks to everyone who gave support and prayers for my father and for me.

We had the one month check up and subsequent MRI recently. The neurosurgeon read the MRI and gave us the news that two of the tumors were reduced in size so much that he had a difficult time finding them, not completely gone but well on their way. The third and larger tumor had also significantly reduced in size.

Dad is not out of the woods yet the tumors are not completely gone and they may grow back but for right now the news could not be better.

We will have another Christmas and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I believe prayers work and positive thoughts make life better.

Griff

Great to hear, prayers continue!!

[bodyrokk]

thats good news griff...hey remember my cousin was goin thru same thing,well they went to jefferson in philly and the dr there took out everything..the last dr from reading hospital said he could only get 25 % out and was giving her an extra month or 2 to live.. Well this dr at jefferson took all of it out and it turns out she had cancer ,it was huge tumor but not cancerous...my aunt wants to sue but my cousin said no she is just happy to be alive...i believe prayers do help !!!good luck

[BuckSpin]

There is magic in believing. Don't ever forget that.

I am very happy for you & your family. Savor this holiday together.

[bird72]

prayers running. god is great.

[dbx]

Excellent news! Merry Christmas :)

[The_Warhammer]

I just caught up on this thread and thought. Merry Christmas!!!!
I will have you and your family in my thoughts this Holiday season.

[Minotaur]

I wanted to give thanks to everyone who gave support and prayers for my father and for me.

We had the one month check up and subsequent MRI recently. The neurosurgeon read the MRI and gave us the news that two of the tumors were reduced in size so much that he had a difficult time finding them, not completely gone but well on their way. The third and larger tumor had also significantly reduced in size.

Dad is not out of the woods yet the tumors are not completely gone and they may grow back but for right now the news could not be better.

We will have another Christmas and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I believe prayers work and positive thoughts make life better.

Griff

Very glad to hear it! It's great to hear when someone either beats cancer completely or it goes into remission so life can continue, though vigilance is crucial. Godspeed!

[_VL]

Thoughts, prayers, and love will continue along with best wishes for a very Merry Christmas! Make the most of every moment and don't be afraid of being overly sappy in expressing your gratitude, appreciation, and love for each other. Don't forget to take tons of pictures!

[67fastback]

All the best for your family , yourself and you dad, most of all.

[ra1234]

My uncle had medulloblastoma in brain, he died horribly couldn't even remember us in last stages, but that was 10 years ago. Now technology has changed

[KeepItMoving]

I have hesitated to respond to this post, although I check it often.
Several years ago I lost my son (5 years old). My wife was devestated to the point that I can't describe, except to say that she was non functional for almost a year. I, in practice, became a single father to three children and my wife. At the time it seemed like it was the right course, to take care of everything and be the man, so to speak. Here is the thing, I never took the time to actively grieve my loss. I was too busy keeping strong for my family. While this may have been the best thing for them and I am not sure I regret it, I think it may have made things much worse for me in the long run. I see my son two or three times a month and it sometimes takes several moments for me to realize that some cute little boy at the grocery store is not my boy, way too often he comes to climb in bed with us because he had a bad dream and it isn't till morning that I realize he is not there. You don't need a psychiatrist to tell you that I haven't come to grips with his loss.

This post is getting too long. Griff, IF, you lose your father, your family is going to need you to be strong, but please don't forget to be human. grieve your loss in whatever manner suits your nature, just grieve. And damn any nonsense about crying or whatever. I am absolutely convinced that crying is essential to the process.
Best of luck to you and your family.


I don't know you guys, but I want you to know that I will include you and your families in my prayers. I also suggest that you pray, in whatever way makes you comfortable, for the strength and wisdom to see your way through. I believe in the power of prayer, meditation, inner strength or whatever some may call it. Take out a moment or two for yourself through these times to ask for help from a power greater than you. You will find your way through. God Bless You.

[dungeonmistress]

Hi Friends,

I got some bad news today. My Dad has been falling a lot lately; he is 76, he was admitted into the hospital to have some tests done. I spoke to his doctor and he has brain cancer. This is the second go around with cancer for him. The first was lung cancer about a year ago.

Normally I am very good in these situations but right now I feel pretty strange. Last time I went about helping him in a very businesslike manner, taking one step at a time, going over the different treatment options and moving forward.

This time I feel broken. I know I have to be strong for my Mom, Brother and Aunt we are the only people left. But, I am sort of lost, I almost feel like crying. That is so embarrassing to say. I am supposed to be a big strong iron eating machine, that takes care of the others. I am in shock and don?t feel optimistic this time.

2007 -2008 has been such a hard time. I lost my international business and came within inches of filing bankruptcy because I slept on my Dad?s sofa for 4 months taking him through his first episode of lung cancer, my Mom this year been diagnosed with Alzheimer?s disease, so she now needs constant attention, my Dad has cancer for the second time and I got fat.

Life can be so wonderful and it also can be so difficult and painful.

It is odd, I am sitting here staring at this screen and I don?t even know what to write or why I am writing this. I am really worried that I am going to lose my Dad this time. It is odd too that I am writing this to an online body building site, to people that I don?t really know but I feel a connection here.

I check this forum about every day. I guess it is the connection of working out, eating well and living the healthful lifestyle.

After reading this I am almost hesitant to post. As I sit here I think, my problems are not your problems and there are others that have a lot to deal with or are dealing with heavy stuff too so why should I burden others with my issues.

Anyways, thanks for all the good info you have posted on working out and the other stuff that is termed OT. It has been enjoyable to be a little part of the OV35 forum.

Griff

i'm very sorry to hear your sad news. ((((big hugs)))) stay strong! it is healthy to unload btw, don't ever be afraid to vent. it's healthy and helps keep you sane and strong. you are shouldering a big load after all.

peace.

[Rogerthat]

I lost my dad to cancer. It was hard but I came to terms with it. Now I am facing kidney cancer and possible mets to bones or vice versa. I get tests done on Dec 24 to confirm. (Merry freakin Christmas) All the hardships life has thrown. Makes me wonder. Before I was born, if I had a choice of coming into a scary, violent, but with small pleasures world, or stay where I was probably comfortable, I probably would have chosen to stay. When we die do we go back there. Why were we born with such emotions as to care so much of others fate. I sometimes wish I was born without emotions. Because sometimes they are so strong that they make me sad. I still go to the gym. I still eat healthy, I still escape into movies, I still pay my bills, but when I stop and reflect on what my purpose is, I get scared and try and find one of life's many distractions to stop me from finding it. You will gain strength, we are constantly tested. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

[dogguy]

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. You are on my prayer list. I've already gone through this with both of my parents years ago. And I know how emotionally draining it can be. The best advice that I can give you is that you also need to take breaks and take care of yourself during this process. There's nothing wrong with that and it will give you the strength you need to continue.

[GregariousWolf]

Lost my pop to brain cancer. He was only 60. Now I'm caring for his mom who is in late-stage Alzheimer's disease. So, I can kinda feel where you're coming from. It hasn't been easy. One day at a time, man.