Am I wrong? (serious)

[Dad_in_KC]

Here's the scenario:

My wife tells me she is having a drink with her best girl friend, Sally. Later she asks me where they should all go, etc. Turns out it's the wife, Sally and a group of guys from Brazil who are at her office this week for training. I'm still cool with it and suggest a place with a nice patio, etc. This morning I am asking how the evening went. Turns out Sally never showed up. I am kinda pissed now.

1) Feel like I was deceived a bit.
2) Don't like the idea of my wife having drinks by herself with a group of men.
3) Don't like the impression she may have made in the minds of the guys from Brazil.

I in NO way doubt my wife's fidelity. We generally have an awesome relationship. But if I would have pulled the same stunt and she found out I was having drinks with a bunch of women - okay make it interesting, smoking hot Brazilian women - like the ones in the Olympic volleyball... anyways, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah - fact is if I would have done the same thing she would have railed on me...

Thoughts?

[phikappa]

Sounds like she knew about the Brazilians all along.

[farsscf]

sounds like you better round up the volleyball team for drinks
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/01/Brazil_flag_300.png

[maryinmesquite]

Here's the scenario:

My wife tells me she is having a drink with her best girl friend, Sally. Later she asks me where they should all go, etc. Turns out it's the wife, Sally and a group of guys from Brazil who are at her office this week for training. I'm still cool with it and suggest a place with a nice patio, etc. This morning I am asking how the evening went. Turns out Sally never showed up. I am kinda pissed now.

1) Feel like I was deceived a bit.
2) Don't like the idea of my wife having drinks by herself with a group of men.
3) Don't like the impression she may have made in the minds of the guys from Brazil.

I in NO way doubt my wife's fidelity. We generally have an awesome relationship. But if I would have pulled the same stunt and she found out I was having drinks with a bunch of women - okay make it interesting, smoking hot Brazilian women - like the ones in the Olympic volleyball... anyways, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah - fact is if I would have done the same thing she would have railed on me...

Thoughts?

iwould have politely declined if there were no ther females

[Marius_Ursus]

I don't know. I can only answer this from the perspective of the relationship I have with my wife. In my case, it wouldn't have bothered me at all unless it turned out that she covered up the fact that her female friend wasn't going to be there all along. The issue there is that my wife should be secure enough to be able to tell me, "I'd like to go have drinks with six men. There won't be any other women along."

To which I'd probably say something silly like, "Dang, your'e gonna be sore when you get home."

The only issue is when there isn't 100% honesty about all the circumstances. If your wife really expected her friend to be there, and she simply didn't show, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[Dad_in_KC]

The issue there is that my wife should be secure enough to be able to tell me, "I'd like to go have drinks with six men. There won't be any other women along."
.

yeah and that's probably more of MY problem than hers. I, in all honesty, might have reacted poorly to the thought of her having drinks with a bunch of men... I need work.

Thanks Marius_Ursus - good stuff.

[WizardGlick]

Was she the person training them? If so, then I personally wouldn't be pissed. How did she react when she told you her friend, or coworker, never showed up? Was she annoyed about it?

Either way, you have a right to be annoyed, but if she was the one who was involved in their training then her hands were sort of tied ... business-wise. But like you said, obviously there was nothing to worry about. I would just tell her next time a curtesy call to you, like maybe why don't you join her, would be nice. At least to make her feel a little guilty in order to get some extra special treatement for yourself! ;)

[Dad_in_KC]

Was she the person training them? If so, then I personally wouldn't be pissed. How did she react when she told you her friend, or coworker, never showed up? Was she annoyed about it?


Yeah - she is not training them but she manages the people who are so it was kinda business related. It's all good. We are having the same group of guys over to our house for dinner next weekend (my idea). So I can grill steaks with my muscle tee on and do other extremely manly things such that they understand I am King of the Castle :-)

I will take pics and post them for your amusement.

Anyone have any plans that will allow me to add about 10lbs of muscle in a week?

Mike

[WizardGlick]

.... We are having the same group of guys over to our house for dinner next weekend ....

Dear Penthouse ....



j/k .....

[slave2beingFit]

Okay, I have not been married for over 15 years, so maybe my perspective is not a good one - just take it for what it is worth.

It sounds like you have no concerns regarding her fidelity. I assume you are truely in love with each other. Work stuff happens, it is business. It sounds like she invited a girlfriend to balance things out a bit, the girl didn't show. Assuming she really did extend the invite. It is business, oh sure, that sometimes includes harmless flirting when out for a drink. Harmless being the key word.

On the other hand, I applaud you for inviting the Brazillian boys to your place over the weekend. And yes, you sport that muscle shirt and make your statement oh King of the Castle and his Queen. She will love it, I know I would. I always did when the x joined me for business affairs. They all knew who I belonged to. And in those days, I was a little hottie, unlike my current physical condition...........

Grill Away oh Mighty and Hot King!

[dbx]

Yes.

[slave2beingFit]

oh yeah, You are in Kansas, I am in St Louis - can I come and watch?

Would luv to hang out with the Brazillian boys.......... I have worked with a few myself, one was particularly gorgeous. It was so hard to concentrate those 3 months he worked in our office.

darn - I am not helping here am I?

sorry

[Dad_in_KC]

oh yeah, You are in Kansas, I am in St Louis - can I come and watch?


Now THAT would be a "Dear Penthouse," moment... :-)

[fitnessman]

Folks the serious tag is serious business.

Please remember that for future Misc. Postings.

[SP1966]

I in NO way doubt my wife's fidelity.

Seems to be the key to me...


sounds like you better round up the volleyball team for drinks
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/01/Brazil_flag_300.png

ROFLMAO!!


oh yeah, You are in Kansas, I am in St Louis - can I come and watch?

Would luv to hang out with the Brazillian boys.......... I have worked with a few myself, one was particularly gorgeous. It was so hard to concentrate those 3 months he worked in our office.

darn - I am not helping here am I?

sorry

Like I said before, you belong here!


Folks the serious tag is serious business.

Please remember that for future Misc. Postings.

LOL... No really, your kidding right? ;)

[Dad_in_KC]

It started out serious and got light...

[Marius_Ursus]

Folks the serious tag is serious business.

Please remember that for future Misc. Postings.

I hate getting legalistic, but if something like "serious" is open to interpretation, we'd probably do better if we had an iron-clad definition as to just how serious "serious" has to be to use the serious tag.

[fitnessman]

Nope if the OP tagged a thread serious, it needs to be so.

[Dad_in_KC]

I tried to edit the title and strip off the 'serious' but it did not work - feel free to edit it for me - no probs here.

[bodyrokk]

why did u put serious on there? i had some good ones too..damn!!!

[Dad_in_KC]

why did u put serious on there? i had some good ones too..damn!!!

When I first posted I was in a serious mood man - promise. I got some good advise that lightened me up and was able joke about the whole thing. Geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz :-)

[SP1966]

When I first posted I was in a serious mood man - promise. I got some good advise that lightened me up and was able joke about the whole thing. Geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz :-)
Negged, rookie...


I Kid... :D

[jawter]

Nope if the OP tagged a thread serious, it needs to be so.

You have got to be frigging joking,,,,,,,,,, Moderdating a little humor. I thought mods had better things to do than to censor everyone.


Ok here is a serious thought..... The OP is less than the sharpest tool in the shed for posting his marital problems on a publicly accessed bodybuilding site. The OP obviously DOES NOT trust his wife otherwise he would have never posted here.

[TuffGirl]

She should have declined, UNLESS... she is like me and works in a male dominated profession.

Most of my associates tend to be men. Usually when visitors come in from out of town I'll go out and entertain them, however, I choose types of restaurants and bars very wisely. She should have had dinner at a restaurant and a drink at the same place and then come home to you. Left them to do their own thing.

If the group chose to have several drinks and wanted to do the "guy thing" I would always excuse myself for the rest of the evening. I personally don't think it looks good for a married woman to be out drinking with a bunch of men.

[SP1966]

You have got to be frigging joking,,,,,,,,,, Moderdating a little humor. I thought mods had better things to do than to censor everyone.


Ok here is a serious thought..... The OP is less than the sharpest tool in the shed for posting his marital problems on a publicly accessed bodybuilding site. The OP obviously DOES NOT trust his wife otherwise he would have never posted here.
Seriously... OUCH!

[Dad_in_KC]

Ok here is a serious thought..... The OP is less than the sharpest tool in the shed for posting his marital problems on a publicly accessed bodybuilding site. The OP obviously DOES NOT trust his wife otherwise he would have never posted here.

Thanks! I appreciate your advise and support.

[farsscf]

I personally would have went with her

[jawter]

Thanks! I appreciate your advise and support.

I will appologize a little for the Harshness of my words since I was a bit irritated with the sensoring being done but I still feel that you do not trust your wife and could have found a better forum for this kind of discussion.

[Dad_in_KC]

I will appologize a little for the Harshness of my words since I was a bit irritated with the sensoring being done but I still feel that you do not trust your wife and could have found a better forum for this kind of discussion.

Apology accepted a little. I appreciate the opinion re. the trust thing. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of the problem in this situation is me.

Regarding finding a better forum - I don't agree that I could have found a better forum for this kind of discussion. It is a misc. forum, there are people here whose opinions I wanted - including yours, and I generally feel comfortable posting personal issues here.

It's all good - I got what I was looking for and you got to vent a little.

Peace

Mike

[jawter]

Apology accepted a little. I appreciate the opinion re. the trust thing. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of the problem in this situation is me.

Regarding finding a better forum - I don't agree that I could have found a better forum for this kind of discussion. It is a misc. forum, there are people here whose opinions I wanted - including yours, and I generally feel comfortable posting personal issues here.

It's all good - I got what I was looking for and you got to vent a little.

Peace

Mike


You must be part politician :)

[GnomusMaximus]

I'm totally nuts when it comes to stuff like this. I'll be honest I'd have freaked, I've gone off the deep end for much less than what you have described. I'm also a big freakin hypocrite. At least I'm honest about it.

[blw_redone]

She should have declined, UNLESS... she is like me and works in a male dominated profession.

Most of my associates tend to be men. Usually when visitors come in from out of town I'll go out and entertain them, however, I choose types of restaurants and bars very wisely. She should have had dinner at a restaurant and a drink at the same place and then come home to you. Left them to do their own thing.

If the group chose to have several drinks and wanted to do the "guy thing" I would always excuse myself for the rest of the evening. I personally don't think it looks good for a married woman to be out drinking with a bunch of men.

I agree with TG and I usually do because she almost always right. :) Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but I think a married man or woman should never allow themselves to be in a position where there could be any hint of impropriety. Its not about jealousy and neither is about control, insecurity or lack of trust. Its about respect. Assuming nothing improper did happen just the mere fact shes out in public drinking with a bunch of men lends itself to gossip which can spread like wildfire to friends and associates and cause your relationship alot of grief. Thats not saying you believe any of it but it could tarnish her relationship and make everything she does suspect. Like I said, don't give any hint of impropriety plain and simple. She should have politely excused herself rather than worry what they might think of her for having done so.

[Do_Somethin]

Don't bitch to her about her. Bitch about her friend not showing up. That way you'll make your displeasure known without putting her on the defensive or making her think you don't trust her.

[slave2beingFit]

Don't bitch about it at all. It is over, leave that dead horse lie.
You love her, She loves you, there are no questions of infidelity on either side. Let it go.

Do you never have nights out with the boys? And maybe a waitress gives the group a bit too much attention? Harmlessly for a tip?

Let it go - it really isn't important.

just sayin - from a lady in business who has been there times when I didn't even want to be - part of the job - being one of the boys sometimes

[jawter]

Don't bitch to her about her. Bitch about her friend not showing up. That way you'll make your displeasure known without putting her on the defensive or making her think you don't trust her.

Ya, right as if she won't see right through that smoke screen and when see does she will be even more pissed because he tried to play her for stupid. Woman have this uncanny knack for sensing this kind of BS.

[Dad_in_KC]

Ya, right as if she won't see right through that smoke screen and when see does she will be even more pissed because he tried to play her for stupid. Woman have this uncanny knack for sensing this kind of BS.

Oh yeah - so right. I of course planned to play it cool and not say a thing about it. I screwed that up and made an off hand comment about how it was nice that her friend left her with a bunch of guys. Yeah - she saw right through that and from there IT WAS ON. I went totally Gnomus Maximus on her.

We ended up kissing and making up but I don't think she understands where I am coming from - It is not that I do not trust her, though I admit I do have issues with that at times - (stems from my insecurity - not anything she really does, this episode notwithstanding) it is what the earlier post said about appearances. What if one of my buddies and his wife were there at the same time? I do not - ever - hang out with exclusively gals. Maybe there is a double-standard here that should be accepted. I dunno. Thanks for all the advise and stuff though.

Mike

EDIT: Reps to Jawter and Tuff Girl for nailing it exactly how it went down! I owe you.

[crupiea]

If she had done anything she would have lied to you about it. She told tghe truth about her freind so i dont think anything happened.

She did try to trick you at first it sounds by not telling you the whole truth but I dont see any harm in this.

Keep an eye on this type of behavior to see if a pattern develops. Such as her wanting to hang around a bunch of guys all the time or do this type of stuff more often. If she does, you have a probvlem that you wont be able to solve.

I have seen it with both my ex wives. Starts out mild and builds up until they finally blame you for everything wrong in their life right before leaving. This of course takes a couple brutal long years of blame laying for them to leave.

Life would be so much easier if they were just gone when i got home from work.