I know sorry won't cut it.

[madSano]

I was given a chance to step down by hotmoltenlava and refused- One of my biggest mistakes...

As some of you already know, I have an illness. Things started to fall apart as my knee was acting up after surgery. I lost momentum and broke down.
But most of all I lost all sense of responsibility and completely gave up on many things, including hosting this contest.
Long story short, I was institutionalized for a couple of weeks. I'm not going to say exactly what happened or what I did for that to occur but let it be known that i do not consider myself crazy and I definitely do not belong there.

As for the contest, I consider myself officially disqualified from both host and contestant status. I let all of you guys down and most of all I let myself down.

I'm sure forgiveness is beyond you guys at this point considering the amount of damage I've done. What's important is that you guys know that I'm not dead and I'm still alive. It's very hard for me to come back and explain all this considering the amount of shame I feel. But, I had to come back cause you guys deserve an explaination and most importantly you guys deserve to achieve your goals.

I see that TheNormalMan has taken control, which is great and I know that he will lead with the right attitude and will bring this contest on it's correct path.

As for my personal health both physical and mental, I'm in limbo and trying my best to move on. And the top thing on my list was to come back and personally apologize for what i've done.

I'm truly sorry guys.

[TheNormalMan]

I was given a chance to step down by hotmoltenlava and refused- One of my biggest mistakes...

As some of you already know, I have an illness. Things started to fall apart as my knee was acting up after surgery. I lost momentum and broke down.
But most of all I lost all sense of responsibility and completely gave up on many things, including hosting this contest.
Long story short, I was institutionalized for a couple of weeks. I'm not going to say exactly what happened or what I did for that to occur but let it be known that i do not consider myself crazy and I definitely do not belong there.

As for the contest, I consider myself officially disqualified from both host and contestant status. I let all of you guys down and most of all I let myself down.

I'm sure forgiveness is beyond you guys at this point considering the amount of damage I've done. What's important is that you guys know that I'm not dead and I'm still alive. It's very hard for me to come back and explain all this considering the amount of shame I feel. But, I had to come back cause you guys deserve an explaination and most importantly you guys deserve to achieve your goals.

I see that TheNormalMan has taken control, which is great and I know that he will lead with the right attitude and will bring this contest on it's correct path.

As for my personal health both physical and mental, I'm in limbo and trying my best to move on. And the top thing on my list was to come back and personally apologize for what i've done.

I'm truly sorry guys.

Hey buddy, we missed you. Glad to know you're still alive. You had some of us worried there for awhile.

Sometimes **** happens in your life that just spins you out of control. I've had similar experiences in my past and I know the pain you're talking about.

I applaud you manning up and apologizing. That can't be easy to do. I'm not going to get on you. There's no point now and it sounds like you have enough on your plate now.

We're still here for you whenever you choose to return and continue to finish pursuing your fitness goals. Don't ever forget that. You once were and still are a valuable member of this community and with time people will remember that more than anything.

That being said, glad to you have back in whatever condition you're in and all I can do is wish you a speedy recovery down whatever road you've chosen for yourself.

Keep it real man,
Jason

[Hotmoltenlava]

I'm glad that you came back and I accept your apology. I was extremely pissed at the time, but I am now over it. I just wish you had posted one sentence saying that you were out. I regret that I was harsh to you in some posts, but I very much wanted the contest to be a success. I hope you can understand that and I hope you get better. Stick around.

[-Aaron-]

bb.com drama?

What I miss?

[Hotmoltenlava]

bb.com drama?

What I miss?

PM'd. LOL. As much time as you spend on here, you'd think you'd have caught this one......:D

[madSano]

Hey buddy, we missed you. Glad to know you're still alive. You had some of us worried there for awhile.

Sometimes **** happens in your life that just spins you out of control. I've had similar experiences in my past and I know the pain you're talking about.

I applaud you manning up and apologizing. That can't be easy to do. I'm not going to get on you. There's no point now and it sounds like you have enough on your plate now.

We're still here for you whenever you choose to return and continue to finish pursuing your fitness goals. Don't ever forget that. You once were and still are a valuable member of this community and with time people will remember that more than anything.

That being said, glad to you have back in whatever condition you're in and all I can do is wish you a speedy recovery down whatever road you've chosen for yourself.

Keep it real man,
Jason




I'm glad that you came back and I accept your apology. I was extremely pissed at the time, but I am now over it. I just wish you had posted one sentence saying that you were out. I regret that I was harsh to you in some posts, but I very much wanted the contest to be a success. I hope you can understand that and I hope you get better. Stick around.


Yea, it's been killing me, knowing how much I was messing up. The smallest life problems became crisis and the bigger problems meant suicide.
I can't express the amount of relief I feel and how grateful I feel that you guys understand.
I was preparing for an assault of some sort and was ready to not defend myself at all. In the end, I'd agree with you guys and would leave in defeat.

to my surprise you guys have proven to me that it's not too late in life to start anew.
I'm not sure where to go from here, but what I do know is that I'll keep waking up in the morning and keep living, if not for myself but for the sake of those who love me and who truly want me to succeed.
thanks

[TheNormalMan]

Yea, it's been killing me, knowing how much I was messing up. The smallest life problems became crisis and the bigger problems meant suicide.
I can't express the amount of relief I feel and how grateful I feel that you guys understand.
I was preparing for an assault of some sort and was ready to not defend myself at all. In the end, I'd agree with you guys and would leave in defeat.

to my surprise you guys have proven to me that it's not too late in life to start anew.
I'm not sure where to go from here, but what I do know is that I'll keep waking up in the morning and keep living, if not for myself but for the sake of those who love me and who truly want me to succeed.
thanks

If you want to talk man, let me know. I'll be more than happy to listen.

I've gone through bouts of depression in my life. Maybe not at the clinical level but I just masked my problem with drugs and other addictions.

It's all about finding that strength or something to latch on to and slowly making your way out of the hole.

Just find that special thing in your life that drove you before and let that guide you. I know that I struggle with my resolve some days in all aspects of my life.

There's always a light at the end no matter how dark the day may seem now. All you can do is push forward and work to find your way back. Keep pushing.

[Going4Lean]

Welcome back, Mad. I think more people were worried about you, than they were angered over your disappearance. Sorry to hear about your health issues, though. You have to be commended for coming back and explaining yourself. That took a lot of courage. :)

[madSano]

If you want to talk man, let me know. I'll be more than happy to listen.

I've gone through bouts of depression in my life. Maybe not at the clinical level but I just masked my problem with drugs and other addictions.

It's all about finding that strength or something to latch on to and slowly making your way out of the hole.

Just find that special thing in your life that drove you before and let that guide you. I know that I struggle with my resolve some days in all aspects of my life.

There's always a light at the end no matter how dark the day may seem now. All you can do is push forward and work to find your way back. Keep pushing.

You're absolutely right, I appreciate the support bro


Welcome back, Mad. I think more people were worried about you, than they were angered over your disappearance. Sorry to hear about your health issues, though. You have to be commended for coming back and explaining yourself. That took a lot of courage. :)

thanks,
In the end, it would have been much harder to stay away from the site and avoid my problems then to face reality and admit when I'm wrong.
I took the first step, just gotta move from there now.

[kmt01]

You coming back and offering an explanation for your disappearance shows great integrity. So many folks lack that quality. Just remember. . . you may have left the site for a while, but if it wasn't for you, we never would've had this contest and never would have hooked up with all these great folks who continue to give helpful advice, motivate and inspire each other. You brought folks together for the good, and that's always a great thing.

Glad to hear that you're alive, healing, and moving onward!! We all have our ups and downs, so you're not alone. Focus on the future. You're destined for great things. We all are, if we allow ourselves to be.

I was worried the way you disappeared and you were in my prayers, so Welcome Back!

[SFreppinitbig]

So were you in an asylum? I swear, when you said you're not actually crazy I just pictured you as Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest". Glad to her you're in stable condition. BTW, our great friend Tanizaki has been banned for an indefinite amount of time.

[ShaneT]

Not a problem. Be well. :)

[BigThinker]

Check your PMs!

[luvtohang]

MadSano, I accept your apology. Although I did not know you for long, I do have to thank you for starting the contest and enrolling many including myself. I have made a lot of progress and met a bunch of great people and I have to thank you for that.

I also think you are a good man for coming back and apologizing. Regardless whether people accept it or not, you did the better thing. Most people would just never come back. I think by coming here with apologies, you are on your way to forgiving yourself.

Life throws things at us for a reason. I know you had a hard time but I hope you can find solice inside yourself. Please feel free to come back and join us here on bb.com when you are ready. You still can achieve all the goals you wanted to achieve. I know that working out and eating healthy helped me find solice in the darkness I once faced within myself. Do not give up, you need to do this for yourself.

Good luck on your journey and please do not leave us again. Although some of us were angry at you at the time, we do care for your well being and want to see you make great progress.

I am looking forward to seeing you on here again,
Helen

[Lift247]

Hey Mad, Life is a bunch of road blocks. Sometimes you can hurdle through running, others you gotta take the one foot after the other aproach. Just don't let 'em stop ya man. I ain't mad at ya. Stop by and let us know how you're doing.

[matoatoa]

welcome back madsano...good to read your voice.

[rusrious]

Whats going on Mad? Very positive to see you back bro.. I fell of the wagon too bro, no sweat.. Just remember health is the main key to everyones life, and its an up and down road.. Glad to hear things are better for you now..

NOW< GET SOME DAM DUMBELLS IN YOUR HANDS AND LETS GET ROLLIN, !!!

J/K, glad your back bro..

[Dallas68]

to me the true hallmark of a fighter and a real man, is to face death,madness and castration in many binding ways, feel the pain of all that and come back stronger, more resilient and even more knowledgeable on his weaknesses and the ways to move forward in an aggressive motivating way that benefits not only himself but those around him.

now make sure you do that!, i have stuck behind you from the start and i will stay beside you making sure you are never left too far behind. you have many people here you will never meet that care for you. Bro, randomly do you know i use you as an example of someone who always comes back for some more after giving up even from facing debilitating emotional,mental,physical situations and i tell these people, they need to be more like you and that others have no excuse because you are a fighter MDS.

that fo' real and know that we all fight something, i fight my own inner demons, but everyday something makes me smile...

[Cluber]

Wait, Madsano hasn't been around? Then who the hell has been sending me love letters? LOL jk bro, good to see you are still around. It's hard but if you get thru this it will make you stronger. read my intro post I did a few months ago and you will see what I have been thru. And I am definately a stronger person for it now.

Take care of yourself and hope keep posting.

[Rsquared]

MADDDD Im happy that your ok man hadnt seen you around in a while was worried bout u.I accept your apologie but in all honesty its all ok.The contest was just a stepping stone for some ppl who like to compete but didnt wanna workout.I know how you feel tho but you didnt let us down u jump started us on the right path for a life change and that my brother is what is important.Ill keep you in my prayers that whatever your going thru will pass and your health will improve for the better.